Avaz - You are the knife I turn inside myself

18.03.2023. 18:33

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFzf8OpVPF

𝒶 𝓁𝑒𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓎𝑜𝓊

I mourned all my loves between the pages of this book. In it, all of them will live forever with my wounded soul between the pages of a softcover book. Here, my soul is exposed as it used to be in front of them. And let lines, commas and periods judge them, don't hate them because without them I would never exude poetry. You who dare to read these poems, I beg you, do not willingly accept my wounds and take them upon you. The pain they bequeathed to me keeps my head up every day. 𝐻𝑒𝓁𝑒𝓃𝒶361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKp6fnjOiyj

Here you will be able to read quotes and poems from my book of poetry and prose , which finally saw the light of day last year and is currently on the shelves of bookstores as well as in the home libraries of my readers in the Balkans.. I am currently translating the book into English, which means that it will be available in English soon. I hope you enjoy it. I am looking forward to your comments and impressions.361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJICrGrkPT

Franz Kafka — 'You are the knife I turn inside myself; that is love. That, my dear, is love.'361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqfgEwTdcME

/absence/

you were not aware of how much your presence hurt me even though you were never there.

how the corrosive rain of my pupils ravaged my skin at your every silence in response to all my desperate calls to you.

how much all my waiting for you hurt me, even though I knew you would never come. 361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfvNpPZBsw

wherever my foot stepped, there was a trace of yours.

and you made sure that it remained there forever as a witness that you were alive,361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmzvwBeePLH

to vouch as the only valid proof that you live through me.

you followed me consecutively,

and you tirelessly left pieces of yourself behind my bare feet that were looking for you.

which you cut into wholes and wholes into halves.

you were my most present absence.

still, with sworn silence, like a bullet you kill my voice while calling you.

when my silences take away your voice,

you will respond when you no longer have whose voice to hear in return.

my sobs fell silent, swallowed by your loud silence. 361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCMqSbQwLW

and again for the umpteenth time, I took you along as a stowaway.

and now I certainly know,

wherever I go,

at my final destination you will be waiting for me.

/salve/

Cerebral ventricles capitulate to fatigue.

At night I am judged by executioners from the shadows who stalk me.

At dawn demons hold my head upright.

Our symbiosis is deadly,

and I can't kill them in myself,

That would truly be suicide.

n i g h t t i m e 361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnLRTClXK0g

The night surrendered to me,

corrosive eyelid rains destroy the skin,

the names of the victims are written on my body

the victims of my internal wars,

I am a woman of principle,

but you should be afraid of them,

Because you only served me pain

and salve with it,

so that your conscience doesn't burn you tomorrow,

but every diagnosis which you bequeathed to me,

burns every spot on my body,

Do you have a salve for that too?

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTvOGfWwlL

/south/

The voices of the underworld are calling my name,361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQo2of0WgZZ

The letters echo in the order in which they were born,

Words of prayer infused with your name slide down my lips,

They crawled into me and created an internal disasters,

I can't contain my storms,

I'm begging the winds to carry you south.

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjrujdEZTA

/emptiness/

You told me empty stories,361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlg4cnpPPhN

Tamed me with a few words and I submited to them,

I kept blank pages for you,

Empty stories and an empty soul,

You filled the pages of my life with words full of pain,

The paper is soaked with tears,

My tears,

It's not worth five bucks,

Let alone one life,

My life,

And you are empty and fleeting,

Taming me and making me the victim of your existence,

my stationed self in your fleeting arms,

I'm just nothingness in the stacked lies of your emptiness,

Short-term absence and long-term presence among the emptiness of tamed words,

Empty stories of sad emotions,

You buried me with your declarations of love.

/coincidence/

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjlEDZN448Y

if by coincidence

you happen to meet me somewhere

only just if you believe in coincidences

meet my eyes, stealthily

like the first time

when our eyes kissed

and turned world into dark blue

look at mine, for just a second longer than the last time

extend my memory of them

and how brown and blue colored the world

be a painter just one more time

let my pupils see the world in dark blue again

your blue and my brown eyes, the world is our canvas.

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRckkm1THui

/autunm/

in autunm i bloomed361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6cXG73z2D

by your side

when everything around me withered

i fell in love with you in October

when everything dies in autunm's arms

but i was resurrected by yours.

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYitrKQZGNg

/chapter/

we may not have had361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzrWajI58NW

a happy ending

but we had a story to tell

and i will always return

to the chapter you are in

you may have been the wrong chapter in the book of my life

but you will always be my favorite.

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡen5BcoxbVl

/game of scissors/

I lie naked in your arms361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMeXQ6z4yDK

How much does uncovered skin cost?

How much is what is hidden in it sold for

What is the price?

What consequences does this act cause?

You pay dearly for your actions

With a cheap soul

You live this life in debt

You made incisions in my bosom

My skin is bleeding from your cuts

You take a needle and thread

and you patch me up like a doll

Because that's all I really am

A patched doll

You open wounds as needed and patch them up

I lie helpless in your arms

You pull the strings and I play as you wish

A tangled knot tightens my neck,

game of scissors,

The threads stay behind me and I don't drag them with me

The cross section.

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8jc93J4nl

/soulmate/

And I just hope,361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltXSrLc0AP

when my soulmate comes across me,

that there is anything left of this soul of mine.

/forgiveness/

How many times have you killed me and revived me,361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTTCXkSync5

Immortality became my mortal sin,

This is my confession,

if there is anything left to forgive,

I believe in forgiveness.

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIwb4R44pQg

/glances/

I only get hidden glances from you361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCTqE1Q32Ef

but they are also a part of you

And how can I then convince myself that I don't have you at all.

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hX8ODxnhk

/van gogh/

In desperation, Van Gogh ate yellow paint to find happiness,361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtOOFZXpi9

he painted the walls of his internal organs yellow,

even though with that act

he poisoned himself ,

in desperation he risked,

desperately wanting to be happy,

same as me,

I digested your lies for a long time,

desperate for them to dissolve into truth,

until I got stomach poisoning

my organs turned black.

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpAREhm6lo

/adriatic/

Italy and the Adriatic Sea361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6eGTwLZJ4q

are grateful for my tears

on increasing salinity

when I was suffocating in the sea of my own tears.

in the seas you will see my reflection.

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3JJ286j0Nm

/new page/

and every time I turn a new page in the book of my life361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyrAIyiPw25

i would write your name on it first

you turned my every dot into a comma.,

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4X9V7wN82

/friends/

And all the demons I took with me after I crossed the threshold361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJpZ1lxUVY

kept my head straight

And they never let me look back.

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt0jZrTJSER

/sale/

I am shamelessly buying your lies361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlTuyUOV3C

Like they are on sale

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8U3XwFuVNZ

/hunger strike/

And as long as you feed your ego with those who are just passing by361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡulM4JJgy2N

Your soul will remain hungry for the stationed me.

You are on hunger strike but you are full.

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkW8Ppm9YIy

/Helen of Troy/

Your beauty is worth of all my inner wars,361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDd0AarhYkD

It justifies my every bloody battle,

Just as Helen's beauty long ago justified all the Trojan suffering.

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0RD0VKsOh

/wish/

You are my secret desire 361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNtfrt9N3O

that I fear will come true

the moment I no longer desire you.

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxfirTJ4DO

/failure/

There are too many tears in this cup,361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftkwKp3oCx

Sweet wine and salty sin,

You leave a bitter taste on my lips,

The taste of failure,

Wrong lips,

So like a seal on my body,

You leave the date of my judgment,

You accuse me of sin and crime,

You will be the death to me.

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91QItwfmFn

/sea of pain/

His eyes were blue like the wild waves of a rough sea that made me want to tame them. There is no doubt that they sensed trouble.

Maybe that was my warning, that a storm was coming, and that these waves would turn into something bigger.361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwEI6EqNWH

Tsunami.

Who will take me with him.

I am just a ship fighting against the current of the waves in his eyes, which kept pulling me back into the past.

You lifted the anchor and made me sail with you into the sea of pain.

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ww7FP0ZyU

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYzVHAx2zj

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqT2wKd2tvg

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjexG5MPfI

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9twCEZTTWo

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGmv4OrHrs

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwsRDkJhCZY

361Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcb9hc4HYNG