the Was. of Jimmy McVonson - act one; division nine: Killing Myself

suicide, extreme shame

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzaY9yqLlW

my neck was sore when i woke up

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11opZNhaSt

and i thought

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8LWzo2wyE

i felt brave enough to do it

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRBaM4T6Oe

to get rid of myself

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5tuYlvJErm

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6CrXOgXZK6

you want a reason?

this is my reason:

there is no adult version of me

there is nothing after this

i don't know it

i don't care to know it

i take too much and i give too little

i'm a parasite

and the fact that nobody else is brave enough to say it

only makes it worse

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPFAFPVbpiv

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5fXrgyxFO3

i didn’t want pops to see me kill myself

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQdjlO221ac

gail wouldn’t have noticed if she did

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7elkvbEcpF

i decided to go far away

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8JddVyv9s

i kept walking

until the area stopped feeling like my hometown

it felt like desert

but it wasn’t desert

it was just slightly more rural than i was used to

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwl4Rvhanq

there was a small cramped dairy

the bright colours made me feel like going inside

i’d like to look at all the pretty snacks

but i didn’t go

because it’s not a library

shops expect you to buy stuff

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdALsBCPq7

it was cold

i was just in a t-shirt and jeans

not a plain t-shirt

never a plain t-shirt

but it wasn’t very warm

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbwp3h6aIb

it started spitting

not too wet

but very cold

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9EqzuoLi2

i said aloud to myself

“let’s get this over with”

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07I7Q3LI03

i pretended to myself

that it was a smaller deal

'nothing to worry too much about.'

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEOwTZt3BTB

there was a brown-orange train track running through the grassy hills

not many people were around

because it was a sunday morning

and it wasn’t a stereotypically beautiful day

but there were still trains

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2Aln3fPqI

i could see one coming

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUcZUxuKur

i went to stand on the train track

as the train was coming along

i was nervous

or excited

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ydiSkfIz0

to feel the force

i’d never felt before

that was strong enough to kill me

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCpvAxU71uM

or maybe it’s the train

cutting against the tracks that would do it

would that be possible?

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ESp3MgJ6b

either way i was ready

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fe7WMJfYV

i wanted to be dead

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyW4ju0mTwL

now

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡliYLNHBB1q

but the train stopped

with a loud screech

and someone got out

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NDr4rQ12w

i wasn’t prepared to get yelled at

or to explain myself

or to say sorry

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIkmAiFpQ4

i hadn’t considered that the people in the train might be affected too

and that made me feel worse than before

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2xXSM43jVK

so i ran

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6J0wvCgAl

i just fled the scene

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6rnGPP5gW

because there was nothing else i had energy for

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2L1OYIg73

fuck.

i tried choking myself with a piece of flax

behind the flax bush where no one could see me

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLYlrBeBzx

it didn’t work

it was never going to work

it was a stupid idea

285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8hq2KnnQ8

and i was stupid

and crouched in a damp bush

with no heart to do anything else

end.285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0E14DgkRy

ns216.73.216.51da2

act one; division nine: Killing Myself

REGISTER

LOGIN

Interface Language:

Story Language: