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I had a pleasant surprise when I went to church the Sunday after Chevalier hired Lydia. She was there. Even better, she didn’t seem to feel the unspoken, insurmountable barrier that kept the other congregants at a distance from me. I wasn’t the queen to her. I was Ivetta.
Maybe her disregard for social station came from delivering so many babies to so many families. Whatever a woman’s status, when it came time to deliver, she was the same as any other woman.
She sat in the pew with me. We whispered back and forth, like I used to do with Mother and the Stotts. And when the services ended, we trudged through the snow back to the palace together.
“That was a good service. Do you come every Sunday?”
I nodded. “Yes, I do. Maybe we can go together next week?”
“Sure. Does King Chevalier ever come?”
I looked down at the snow instead of meeting her bright blue eyes, feeling guilty for even letting that question bother me. He was so good to me in so many ways. Why did it hurt so much to not be able to share this part of my life with him?
“No, but I’m sure he’ll feel better about me going, now that my guards and my midwife are accompanying me,” I quipped, focusing on trying to walk in old footprints in the snow instead of making new ones.
She studied me for a moment before she spoke again. I could feel her eyes burning through my façade.
“Yeah, I’m sure that will set his mind at ease. I’ve only met him once, but it was pretty clear how much he loves you.”
That gave the butterflies in my stomach a little boost. They had less and less room to fly, but that didn’t stop them from dancing around their cramped quarters when the mood struck them.
I smiled. “He really does. He’s been overbearing with the pregnancy, but I keep reminding myself he’s just doing what he thinks is best for me.”
“Well, he’s a first-time father. I see it all the time. Let me guess. He seems like he’s more concerned about you and your health than the baby. Am I right?”
I looked up at her and saw the understanding in her eyes. “You’re exactly right. You should have seen his face the first time he felt the baby kick. I don’t think he fully realized there was a baby inside me until then.”
She laughed. “They’re all like that. Either that, or they’re totally consumed with the baby, and they practically forget the mother exists. You got the better of the two.”
Julius held the door open for us, and the warmth of the palace wrapped around me like a comfortable blanket as the chill of winter gave my rear a final slap with the closing of the door.
“Ooh, it’s cold out there.” I rubbed my hands together. “Have you two ever had your armor freeze?”
“We’re not outside long enough for that,” Julius replied for himself and Mark.
“Well, not today, no, but you’ve both been soldiers for a long time. Any brutal winter campaigns you’d care to share about?”
Julius’ gray eyes softened. “I’d rather listen to you talking about the baby, your highness.”
I gave him a wry smile. “You and everybody else. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed this, Lydia, but Chevalier has put everyone in the palace up to keeping me quiet, rested, and full.”
“As he should,” she said, surprising me with her stern tone. “I had a talk with your doctor, and King Chevalier has a very good reason for all his precautions.”
I sighed. “Not you, too.”
“Afraid so. You suffered extensive injuries, and nobody knows how or if those will affect you and the baby. So,” she said, her voice lightening again, “on that note, care to join me for lunch?”
I looked ahead and saw Nokto rounding the corner. His crimson eyes landed on Lydia, and his sly grin emerged. It was a struggle not to smile too wide.
“No, thanks. I’d better get back to my room before Chevalier sends out a search party. Besides, I think somebody else wants to see you.”
She looked at Nokto and groaned, but I saw her blue eyes light up.
“Two little birds flying in from the cold,” he mused as he neared us.
She frowned. “Little birds?”
“It isn’t an insult,” I intervened. “They’ve been calling me a little dove since I got here, and my friend Belle is a little rabbit. Oh, and Arianna is a sunny honeybee, but only Luke calls her that.”
“So, we’re all edible? Except Arianna?”
Nokto laughed. “A little barn swallow like you would hardly be enough to whet my appetite.”
He reached out and caught a lock of her chestnut brown hair, and she swatted his hand away, her lips twitching as she fought a smile.
“Keep your appetites to yourself.”
Forget whetting his appetite. It was a wonder he wasn’t drooling, I thought, watching their playful interactions.
“If I may make a suggestion, the dining room is that way,” I said, pointing in one direction. “And I’ll be going this way.” I pointed in the other. “So enjoy lunch and have fun.”
Lydia sighed, feigning irritation. “Who says I want to eat lunch with him?”
“The queen’s orders are absolute,” he said, his voice dripping with smug assurance. “And I happen to know the cook just made a fresh batch of hot apple cider.”
He offered her his arm, but she brushed past him.
“Bring me a mug of that with a cinnamon stick in it, and I’ll consider letting you eat with me.”
He dropped his arm to his side and followed her, undaunted. “A cinnamon stick? Hm, you like a little spice, don’t you?”
“You’re definitely the bad one,” she tossed over her shoulder with a coy smile. “Maybe I should have lunch with Licht instead.”
I giggled as their voices faded away behind me. “Julius, ask Melanie to bring two mugs of apple cider with lunch. And I don’t see the harm in you and Mark enjoying a mug each while you’re on duty.”
“Yes, your highness. Would you like cinnamon sticks in yours?”
“I would, but not for Chevalier, please.”
Lydia was just what Nokto needed, I thought with a smile.
I couldn't wait to tell Chevalier about them, but he was still asleep when I returned to our room. I hung my winter cloak on the coat rack, wondering why. Even on his days off, he rarely slept past noon anymore, unless he had a late night of work the day before or he had something on his mind that kept him from falling asleep. And I knew he hadn’t worked yesterday.
But if he was this tired, I might have a chance of startling him.
I pulled my shoes off and crept to the bed, taking great care not to disturb him as I lifted the blankets and climbed into bed beside him.
Then I lunged at him and slipped my cold hands under his shirt.
It all happened at once. His eyes shot wide open; he sucked in a sharp breath; and he grabbed my wrists and flipped me onto my back beneath him. Before I knew it, he'd pinned my wrists above my head, and I was looking up at him, a thrill of nervous excitement running through me.
“Hello, Chevalier.”
His blue eyes were still sleepy, but he was trying not to smile. “Didn’t you wear your gloves?”
“Oh, are my hands cold?”
He kissed me hard. The butterflies did a series of somersaults in their limited space, overwhelming the anxiety I always felt when he put me in this position. Memories of hanging from my wrists, chained in the dark, gave way to the immediate sensations of his soft lips on mine, his tongue teasing a moan from my throat, his body hovering above mine, careful not to put his full weight on me. When he finally broke the kiss, the shared heat of our breaths and gazes allowed no room for bad memories.
He’d been working on desensitizing me to this with great success.
“You know, you shouldn’t reward me for bad behavior, Chevalier. Why would I ever wear gloves after you do something like that?”
The smile he’d tried to hide broke free. “This is the reason I have to monitor your health so closely. You won’t take care of yourself otherwise.”
I bit my lip. “So… may I warm my hands on you?”
One corner of his lips tipped up into a smirk. “What do you have in mind?”
“Just cuddling. Until the apple cider comes, anyway. Please?”
He chuckled and released my wrists, lying back down beside me with his arms open and inviting. I snuggled up to him, keeping my cold hands on the outside of his shirt this time. His arms settled around me, and I nuzzled into his chest and closed my eyes, relishing the warmth and security I always felt in his arms.
“I love you, Chevalier.”
“I love you, too, Ivetta.”
I sighed. “This is nice.”
“It is.”
He was stroking my hair, as if to soothe me, and I sighed again. I still wondered what kept him up the night before, but I didn’t want to ruin the moment.
And I probably knew already.
The silence lingered. His heart was beating faster than normal.
“Chevalier?”
“Yes?”
“I know you’re worried about me, and I know you have good reason to worry, but I’m fine right now.”
His entire body tensed. I was right.
“I don’t want anything happening to you, little dove.”
“You can’t control it, Chevalier.” I pulled back enough to look up at him, brushing his blonde bangs back from his face to better see his eyes. Emotion clouded the clear crystal blue. “I know you want to, but you just can’t. This is something every mother has to go through, and there’s always a chance something could go wrong, even with someone who is perfectly healthy. That doesn’t mean I want you to keep yourself up late at night worrying about me. I’d rather we focus on the good that’s happening right now and the good that will come if everything goes well than worry about the bad that may never happen.”
He combed his fingers through my hair, again and again, and I realized he wasn’t trying to comfort me. He was trying to comfort himself. The uncharacteristic vulnerability trembling in his eyes made my heart twist.
It was a moment before he replied, and when he did, his voice was thick. “I can’t lose you, Ivetta.”
A lump rose in my throat. I swallowed it, struggling to keep my voice steady. “You’ve done everything you can, Chevalier. I know… I know you’re a person of logic and reason, and you won’t like this, but… sometimes, you just have to have faith.” I forced a smile to my face and cheer into my voice. “But I’m pretty hard to get rid of, so I think you’ll be stuck with me for a long time.”
He took a shaky breath. “I haven’t given you an order in a while.”
“No, but you’ve given me plenty of requests, instructions, and guidelines.”
“Which you disregard unless forced to comply.” He gave me a wry smile, and I shrugged it off.
“Another point in my favor. I’m too stubborn to follow the rules, so I’ll get through this with no problem, right?”
The smile fell from his face. “That isn’t enough. As your king, I’m ordering you to… survive this.”
The break in his voice almost undid me.
I swallowed hard and nodded. “I can’t disobey a direct order from the king, can I?”
“No, you can’t.”
He leaned in to give me a heart-wrenching, tender kiss, and that did it. The tears slipped free, trickling down my cheeks and across my lips, adding their distinct saltiness to the sweetness of his kisses. His lips followed their path up to the side of my eye, kissing away the tears that fell, and I reached up to cup his face in my now warm hand, feeling the moisture on his face. I kept my eyes closed, letting him shower me with kisses. Each felt as though he were putting his entire heart into it.
There was nothing left to say.
I understood fear. I knew he couldn’t stop it, and I knew my reassurances only gave him temporary relief, but that was all I could offer him. Unlike my fears, his were real. Neither of us knew what would happen. I could die in labor.
I didn’t want to die.
Even more than that, I didn’t want to leave him.
When the tears stopped, we still held each other. He nuzzled into the crook of my neck, and I stroked his hair, feeling the fine strands flow between my fingers. His heartbeat was slowing.
For once, the knock at the door came at the perfect time.
I pulled away to get it, but Chevalier beat me to it. The speed with which he could recover his composure was unreal. I could understand how he was so quick to arrange his expression, but the redness and puffiness from crying? That shouldn’t have gone away so soon. I was sure mine hadn’t.
He opened the door, and the wonderful aroma of apple, nutmeg, and cinnamon filled the room, along with an apology from Melanie for the delay. I climbed out of bed and opened the drapes.
“Look, it’s snowing!”
“It’s winter,” Chevalier observed.
I turned back to the room. He had taken the tray from Melanie at the door and was setting the table for our lunch, and I let my eyes drink him in for a moment. Tall; broad shoulders; smooth, almost languid motions; pale blonde hair falling in his face; eyes that could be as cold as a glacier, now like a pool of water on a lazy summer day. Inviting. Warm. Not a trace of sadness or fear left, although I knew both were still there, buried deep within a strong, steady frame that looked unbreakable from the outside.
I went to him as he straightened up, wrapping my arms around his neck and leaning into his firm chest. His arms surrounded me, one hand on my waist, one rubbing my back. A tender smile played across his lips.
“Could we just stay here today?” I asked him. “In our room?”
“Doing what?”
“Do you remember that day it rained at the chateau? When we cuddled on the sofa in front of the fire and just listened to the rain?”
He nodded.
“I’d like to do that again.”
His smiles used to be rare. I saw them every day now, and I still cherished every one of them.
“I have no objections.”
Snow fell outside the window, big, fluffy snowflakes, with no wind to upset their silent, gentle descent. We watched them fall, sometimes talking, sometimes not. When the apple cider was gone, we curled up in bed together, facing the window with me in front of him and his arm draped over me. A cup of hot cocoa each after dinner, and then we shared the intimacy we’d been pushing off all afternoon for just the right moment.
The right moment was when the snow stopped and the sky cleared, revealing a full moon and an infinite number of stars.19Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWS4n9h6YU
