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抱持怎樣的決心、說出怎樣的話語,對許晰文而言都是自己一個人的事情。30Please respect copyright.PENANA2UhwttfJNt
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性別、血緣、身分……許晰文幾乎是從出生前,就注定不能喜歡許衍黎,如果可以,他真的不想坦承自己是誰。30Please respect copyright.PENANAxMREi6zipN
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許晰文從來沒有因為姓許,就得到任何好處或特權,也許跟著亡母的姓還能讓他至少心情上比較好過。這個世界確實沒有道理與公平,明明養大他的是卓氏、最親近他的人是卓氏、對他最好的也是卓氏,他卻只能跟把娘親趕出家門的男人同姓。30Please respect copyright.PENANAZTukSrU7ou
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他看著娘親,經常會感到罪咎。30Please respect copyright.PENANAAF2QS7pPs6
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他根本沒有讓娘親對他那麼好的理由。30Please respect copyright.PENANAGqKqcBYs9Q
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許晰文甚至有時候會想,倘若不是懷上自己,娘親是否就不會被扔出許家?30Please respect copyright.PENANAOQ50YrI4kA
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許家未必是什麼好歸宿,可起碼有屋瓦遮風避雨、死後能入祠堂受供奉。30Please respect copyright.PENANASJUqwGGEYE
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可活在這世上,唯一一件慶幸的是,藉著這份薄弱的親緣,他因此認識了許衍黎。30Please respect copyright.PENANAOCjO7Qa2E8
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許衍黎的個性使然,倘若不是親人,根本不可能了解他更多事。30Please respect copyright.PENANApGnfZDs6Do
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可能,自己還是太貪心了,除了遇到他,還想認識他,甚至想要有愛他的資格。30Please respect copyright.PENANAFCU5xlcfxe
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亡母在世時,不怎麼提及許家的事情,只有許衍黎不同,亡母在說到許衍黎的時候,會有溫柔而無奈的笑容,會抱著他說:「是許二公子搭救,你才能出世的。以後要努力報答他啊。」30Please respect copyright.PENANAjrYhdTohZc
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他不曉得怎麼、何時,他就是喜歡上了許衍黎。30Please respect copyright.PENANAacLbzbsu4v
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想待在他身邊、不想看他娶妻生子、希望只有自己對他是特別的──即是因為期盼太過深切,許晰文才會不敢輕易見他,卻也忍不住、即便說謊也要留住他。30Please respect copyright.PENANA5i6K18f6a1
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許晰文忍不住衝動、告白而出的心意,在許衍黎眼中會有多狼狽、會有什麼後果,其實他想不到除了被厭棄以外的答案。30Please respect copyright.PENANARdZXmgg0ll
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要是有資格享受著許衍黎的溫柔,是因為謊言,那真實的許晰文該如何是好呢?30Please respect copyright.PENANAFzvzTvOmmh
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無法和許衍黎坦誠相對的自己,是無法帶給許衍黎任何好處的。30Please respect copyright.PENANAhiJhDPXvji
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更何況還要看他為自己張羅終身大事,許晰文做不到。30Please respect copyright.PENANAXNOBlU23bx
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在許衍黎第無數次將眨眼的頻率拖慢時,許晰文不禁伸手,用還未卸下蔻丹的指尖觸碰許衍黎睡熱了的臉龐,他最後一次將許衍黎的面容牢記於心,閉上眼的同時也將距離拉開,盈盈一拜:「讓叔父煩擾了,此後,晰文不會再叨擾,願叔父年年歲歲安康喜樂。」語畢即旋身,沉甸甸的雨勢壓著他身上繁複的女裝,洗去精緻紅妝底下的,分明是一張堪比擲果盈車的少年臉孔。30Please respect copyright.PENANAf3xjToIwX1
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義髻和髮釵逐漸被雨水扯鬆了,許晰文一邊艱難地抬起沉重的膝蓋,一邊取下那些髮飾,讓傾落的雨水打亂他的髮絲,散下來的髮絲披在肩頭,楚楚可憐的模樣,無論是哪個看不清雨幕中容顏的男子,都會因為憐惜而不住遞上傘柄才是。30Please respect copyright.PENANAiAUlyVjf6f
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然而天時地利人和,全都不在適切的位置。30Please respect copyright.PENANASDTRgt5r8h
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降雨的荒山,連樵夫都不見得會出現,提什麼其他可能帶傘的閒散人士,那更是荒謬。30Please respect copyright.PENANA3iNhgpaIJR
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貪婪妄求像是他一生的註腳,即便現在他的年紀恐怕還要再活上三倍以上的時光,才會自然而死,只是如今找不到理由活下去的自己,真的還能這樣強行撐下去嗎?30Please respect copyright.PENANAegZfqXMX8O
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娘親離世後,將近一年的時間裡,除了將積累的債務還清,許晰文想不起自己可還曾做過些什麼,他在這世界上本就只餘下許衍黎是唯一的羈絆,許衍黎也不要他的話,世間也已沒有他想要的了。30Please respect copyright.PENANAOuoim54Los
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泥濘濺上腿腳,許晰文已無力管顧,任由一步比一步沉重深陷,踩上外露的濕滑石頭混著青苔,小腿無法撐住失重的身軀時,他瞬間一陣輕鬆。30Please respect copyright.PENANARyVuYSPnZq
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──總算可以結束了。30Please respect copyright.PENANAM4SU3sZPtC
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許晰文閉上雙眼,準備好迎接疼痛以及疼痛以降的傷害,腦海裡閃過的是泛著如絨毛般光暈的春日風景,那是他在過往年歲都無暇欣賞的美麗,如今也已可放下。30Please respect copyright.PENANAntmTTSIX7v
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即便確實撞上了什麼,說是疼痛卻是太過。30Please respect copyright.PENANAcx24mkKX1z
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許晰文茫然地張開雙眼,在冰涼失溫的肌膚表面,應該已不會輕易產生觸覺的麻木中,將他按得更緊的力道,擠壓著他,呼吸間除了雨水濃重的氣味外,也混著少許令人安心的什麼。30Please respect copyright.PENANAtgdbf8PPAS
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他再次閉上眼,如潮湧上的黑暗十分溫柔,似乎能為他阻擋一切噩夢般。30Please respect copyright.PENANARrxJYX9iTZ
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朦朧中的溫暖,是第一重襲上來的。30Please respect copyright.PENANAhVkewGdJY7
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第二重是昏暗的光。30Please respect copyright.PENANAPhbmMovO3H
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許晰文揉著眼,讓疼痛的眼睛能漸漸接納門縫漏進來的光。30Please respect copyright.PENANAm2BSlETRZh
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光……?30Please respect copyright.PENANAa8x6NOkZiL
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許晰文愣了下,趕忙下床往外跑,推開門後,被燭光攏住的,並不是熟悉的擺設。30Please respect copyright.PENANA07WI01DF5z
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他焦急張望,幾枝蠟燭能照亮的範圍並不廣,其中並不包括其他人,許晰文朝著並未閉攏的大門跑,撞上正巧推門進來的人。30Please respect copyright.PENANABlByI3Ie3Q
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畢竟不怎麼有鍛鍊體能的機會,文弱的身軀被這樣一撞,向後踉蹌了幾步,方能伸手按住許晰文的雙肩,制止還要往外奔的人。30Please respect copyright.PENANAms30ZrMurD
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幾次掙扎不開,許晰文才焦慮地望向對方的臉,隨後在思緒短暫空白後,忽然失去了支撐全身的力氣,就要往下跪,在即將觸地前,被及時架停。30Please respect copyright.PENANAECxxniR40W
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許衍黎勉強撐起許晰文,步履蹣跚地將他扶進去屋裡休息。30Please respect copyright.PENANAf6FIVF3Qqp
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沒有妝容遮掩的面容在燭光下憔悴。許衍黎擦掉對方額上的汗水,過了許久,許晰文才開口說:「叔父,你的責任心與憐憫,姪兒受之有愧,還請叔父放棄。」30Please respect copyright.PENANAD49clXS4Rj
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許衍黎過了一下子,在燭火燒出輕微的裂響後,啟唇相詢:「你剛才想去哪裡?」30Please respect copyright.PENANAWFNeVuFE7B
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許衍黎失魂落魄的神情並沒有鬆動,許衍黎分辨不出來他是否有聽見,他在心底嘆息,指頭拂過許晰文被汗水黏在臉上的髮梢,許晰文緩緩抬頭,許晰文瞳中是許衍黎的身影,以及躍動的火光,眼神卻是癡傻的。30Please respect copyright.PENANA6LYu23w809
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許衍黎抿唇,到底還是把許晰文摟進懷裡。30Please respect copyright.PENANADHXdieRcBR
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即便是自己都能背起的身軀過於瘦弱,也難怪假扮女子多年,竟沒被尋芳客揭穿過。許衍黎想著,並輕輕拍拂著許晰文的背部。30Please respect copyright.PENANAgwBsuv531e
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許晰文囁嚅多時,殘破的語音連接成句:「我想找我娘。」30Please respect copyright.PENANAJaxsiGIA3O
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「晰文,你……要搬過來跟我一起住嗎?」30Please respect copyright.PENANADkZjg1MpS1
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許晰文閉上雙眼,在幾個呼吸的時間過去後說:「叔父,你不理解,晰文的喜歡,並非單純留在叔父身邊就可知足,我想要叔父只看著我,想要叔父只和我說話,想要只有我能碰叔父的身體,我……我想要的比你以為得要多。」30Please respect copyright.PENANA8SxgzUuU4M
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「你想和我成婚。」30Please respect copyright.PENANAvf0jJS2lTu
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「不是,不是形式上,或者不只是。」許晰文慢慢睜眼,喟嘆一般補充:「對外說我和叔父什麼關係,我不在意,但我想完全佔有叔父,做的事情,不會比恩客對妓女做的要少。遠遠不只一句逾越叔姪身分可以概括。」30Please respect copyright.PENANAt1cB1Qae1A
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「晰文,你現在還住在妓院中嗎?」30Please respect copyright.PENANA8XdfJqkmqo
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「叔父,請你放棄,好嗎?」30Please respect copyright.PENANAsmWeyYrWNR
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「剩下的債,我替你還,你留下吧。」30Please respect copyright.PENANAuH5GAQfyBm
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許晰文在許衍黎鬆手瞬間,將許衍黎扯下來,吻住他輕微乾裂的嘴唇,還沒完全分離的唇間,是逐漸消失的柔軟觸感。30Please respect copyright.PENANAAmmD6xnE2j
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自肌骨與臟器而發的疼痛,席捲他的意識,在暈眩中,敏感的唇瓣被壓住,許晰文本以為自己已經昏迷,頂弄自己唇縫的,卻不似湯匙,遑論苦澀的藥味。30Please respect copyright.PENANAKLWvAo9ZjJ
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相信自己只可能因為被餵藥而有這種觸覺的情況下,柔嫩的雙唇一啟,能放大一切知覺的敏感口腔卻被遲疑地又撞又抹,許晰文能辨認出許衍黎過近的臉孔時,許衍黎紅著臉,有些喘的樣子,讓許晰文不住眨了很多下眼,確認這不是自己過於渴望而產生的逼真幻覺。30Please respect copyright.PENANAJU2PtgJ2XW
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