I loved Damari's humble little love bug. I loved resting in the soft old leather and hear the old hydrogen engine shutter oh so softly, listen to Arnaxis snarky jokes that we were all about to explode in a bubble gum colored deathtrap. I loved listening to Damari's art rock playlist, decades behind the current music from yesterday and the soft blue morning light shining through the dust covered windows.
There was little I could have found more comfort in, yet I found myself twitching every time there was a noise outside and repeating my small sentences of reassurance over and over again, trying to convince Damari that I was indeed alright.
I had forced him to take me along, adding Arnaxis to the mix and so creating a strange type of field trip we would have to explain once we reached our destination. A small little house in the outskirts, far out where you could see the red dust and old oxygen pumps, no one bothered to hide how little we were meant for our way of living.
It were tight settlements out here, small huts of polymer. Some belonging to those who weren't so lucky in life, found themselves with little money to live off. People like Jemna, a former maid in my parents house. A back then middle-aged woman who threatened to contact the authorities but backed away when my mother threatened her.
"Her daughter takes care of her, she's quite old by now" I nodded, barely remembering her in youth. A picture too blurry to figure out anything more specific. But it made me wonder how much she knew. About the abuse, about my father. I found myself asking such questions even when I didn't want to know. She didn't bother to help after all. She left, leaving us in the same misery we had been in before.
Us.
I shook my head, finally following Arnaxis, stepping up close to him. He didn't say another word, just looking around aimlessly, searching for something in this neighborhood I couldn't identify. "Strange to see those poor provinces now" he mumbled under his breath, suddenly brushing over my knuckles, startling me. I hadn't noticed he was holding my hand, that our fingers entangled.
In fact I was getting used to the constant little shocks that I felt whenever we touched. They were still there. But ever since I realized that no one else seemed to notice, my fear vanished in its stead.
And once again I doubted my drugs' effect, waiting until Damari touched the dirt-red display in front of the door, looking right into the camera. And as soon as he flashed a smile, I heard the soft sound that indicated we were free to go, following Damari like obedient puppies, stepping into a small blue hallway, littered in decoration and smelling like age. 1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvsjQiC2f2
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There was a small woman standing in the hallway. Braided purple locks on one half, a buzzcut on the other. She had eerie green eyes and a bright smile, couldn't be far over thirty. Not Jemna, I was sure. Her daughter, I guessed.1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡztPHpd1cls
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"Dr. Siesama" Damari tapped his boots against the floor mat, shaking the collar of his luxurious blue coat to get rid of the dust. Not for his own sake, but that of the floor "Damari, please." he gave back, friendly but humble, his voice not raising the tiniest bit. Sometimes, I would love to call him Doctor Professor. But I valued my life in his favour.1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlq1XFepKuS
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She blushed and for a moment I felt my chest clench, squeezed Arnaxis hand tighter. Making him raise an eyebrow at me, the edges of his mouth raising a bit before he spoke, to a smile so fluttering, that I let go of his hand, looking at Damari. Who didn't seem to bother, instead watching me, slightly confused "Arnaxis and Kyris, we're sorry for joining so suddenly" 1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw9P64nGecL
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He shook her hand, making me step next to Damari against "Are you alright?" I just nodded, not paying attention to the gamma, whose name happened to be Milaia, ensuring Arnaxis that her mother didn't mind people while eying him ever so often, especially his abs that happen to show through his turtleneck, the jacket open ever so casual "You realize Arnaxis is not into woman, don't you?" 1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2a9piToK1
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"He's still your husband" Damari just rolled his eyes, nudging me softly "So? You know he's utterly loyal and dedicated to those he loves. Play nice" I huffed, not bothering to shake the womans hand. Neither did she. 1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEd6M429IRQ
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But I watched her, closely. And after a time, I couldn't help but notice the small rounding of her stomach, that just didn't really fit her. She was pregnant. 1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfwVQdGlBMe
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It explained why she was here, in the middle of nowhere. Going into more proper areas with people seeing her wasn't the smartest idea, not when people could sense her class. Sometimes even I found myself in believing that Gammas like her, those who willingly accepted her child being born dead or sick, were selfish. But they were never offered an alternative. But who was I to talk?1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkUjn2Ixy2R
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Already affected by her pheromones, my mind clouding a little. Yet I suppressed my heat, taking away any chance of a pregnancy, knowing full well I couldn't bear what she wanted1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzTNXZO2pl
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I sighed, looking around the small little house, full of small figures or photos, nothing younger than a decade. Jemna was a poor woman, one that seemed to keep the few belongings she acquired carefully. But between all these photos, only one caught my attention, made me tug Damari's hand unintentionally. Stop, stare at the photo. 1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1vPrc03ZQt
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"Nemsis" he mumbled, making me nod shortly. He was sitting down with his tablet and two bundles in his arms, smiling at the photographer in a heartwarming fashion. There were dark bruises on his neck, the arms he wrapped around the children in so protective fashion were littered with even more, a deep cut showing on his collarbone. 1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Ep8bUdS4T
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Still, there was this eery beauty surrounding him. The graceful way he crossed his long legs, the light that fell against his face, sculpting the soft jaw and high cheekbones, make him seem even more pale. He wasn't as thin back then. The pregnancy had left him looking something close to healthy and oh so happy, the lush lips forming a smile, green eyes relaxed and nearly closed. And Damari's blues couldn't move away from the picture, face dangerously stoic. He had faced the picture of Appollox and me in the same fashion. This wasn't his gay of pain, no. This was his way of anger "How old was he?" 1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmzQkV82Rx
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His finger closed around by hands softly. Making me shake my head a bit, him nod. I couldn't answer so quickly. I didn't feel like speaking. I didn't even think I understood. "End of his thirties" I mumbled in the end, trying not to think about the day I got the message, the one I said my goodbyes. It made my throat burn, lid twitch "He died at 38, few days before his birthday" We never celebrated. In fact I hadn't known his birthday until there was nothing left to celebrate.1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6tpdYOeWw
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"How old was he when he gave birth?" That's what he meant. I looked at him, watching the icy blue eyes darken. I had started to doubt the idea of him doing this for a while. For Damari, this abuse, it didn't fit in his beliefs. It wasn't meant for him to see. And I hated the idea of his mind crumbling like those around him, those basic ones, slowly rotting.1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55Z0qypufd
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There were steps behind us "Nineteen. The she-devil was already through her mid twenties" her voice was old and rusty, making me jump back a bit, right against Arnaxis who catched me with ease, just to have me step forward again and fix my clothing. 1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXAXNEZZmLm
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"You look so much alike" she mumbled, coming forward to watch me closer, touch my hair. Me. No, I might have held his features, but missed their beauty. But I would not blame her. She was old. Seventies, maybe eighties, with shaky thin hands and a sunken in face. The photos had captured her dark caramel skin and the once black, thick locks. Looking nothing like her daughter. Jemna was taller than me, still very slender.1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM81ihtb6YL
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"I told him to run" I moved away. What choice did she think he had? I was there. I was there when he tried to go into the garden or came to close to the door one too many times for my mothers liking. How she struck him down with what ever she found. Physical, psychological.1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVsRzR5AQc6
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I had seen how he trembled when he was walking at her side, the rare times she took him to galas and events. And the memory made me straighten my back a bit more, avert my eyes. 1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8yuYTlwud
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The information however, made me swallow bile. Tell the handless to stretch her fingers, tell my father to run away. "I'm sorry Kyris" You better be. 1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiadR7GkQ4K
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I forced myself to smile, looking back at the photos, eyeing them to the moment I followed her into the spare livingroom, clean but with the smell of age and use. No one talked a lot. And there was no doubt it was my fault, certified as Arnaxis careful looks. I just shrugged, trying to show him that I was fine. Something he accepted with a nod, his eyes falling back to our host.1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHMRkUCH2d5
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"Ms Charlington, I need you to understand that everything said here needs to stay between us. Entirely" he started, making her nod while she leaned back in her loveseat and look at Milaia, who had sat down next to her, rubbing her belly. "I can guarantee you that as long as we are not endangered" she answered slowly, making Arnaxis nod. "There won't be any connections leading to you" 1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1OIwWol4xL
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Just a bubble gum blue autonomic car, right in front of the house, by now probably the only of its kind. I bit back a comment. Arnaxis most likely thought about that, in a way I just didn't quite catch. Maybe the time we chose to drive, maybe he manipulated the cars data. I barely managed to keep up with their questioning, slipping further into my thoughts.1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX49pTP3SMY
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"We have reason to believe Appollox Amstrong might still be alive" he stated, making her bob her head in extremely calm fashion, one that must have confused me just as much as it did with everybody else in this room. Making Damari lean closer to her, his back tensing in anticipation, dress shirt showing the curves of his muscles. Making the pregnant Gamma peek as obvious as one could. 1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqFVlwOiSqc
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"I never believed that he just died. In order to escape, he must have had help. It wasn't very obvious, but she made sure the kids wouldn't manage to flee on their own" She explained while taking on of the cookies on the table, offering the round to have Arnaxis thank her and deny while Damari took three at once. 1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVyDLv8XqBj
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It took me a few moments to remember, strive through the whole house in my mind, searching for indications "The hedge. The rivulet." Never before I had thought about it. But, even the location of our bedroom, on the third floor with dozens of doors before we would reach the foyer. But Jemna Charlington just sighed and nodded "Held both like prisoners. Nemsis one if his mind. I'm sure that's why many gave up immediately. And even if there were an escape route, Nemsis would have never..." 1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡus4s2PrXjF
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"...doesn't matter" I mumbled, not managing to look at her anymore. Would, wished, wanted. At the end, they watched my father suffer. Watched Appollox suffer. Until both of them faced their demise "A dead man is a dead man" I told her more steadily, facing her again, looking into a face that dared to show me, me of all people, pity. I didn't need that. I was adult now. And for her, I was a gamma.1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqRMnPkhgB
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"We wanted to help" she tried to explain. And I could hear the guilt. Guilt was something I had learned to name so accurate, I could do it without trying "We're aware. You are a massive help now" Arnaxis threw in, with Damari cupping my knee. I just nodded at him. Making him raise an eyebrow. Another shrug and both of us could listen to Arnaxis once again, who had continued the questions without us.1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDonROmBwWj
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"Do you have names?" He asked her. She sighed. Her hands were trembling a bit. Ever so slightly, she kept me in her field of view, now more wary, as if she feared me to make another accuse "I have guesses. I know who wanted to help. But I left the estate early and it happened so long ago. I'm not sure about their full names" - "Would it help you if we send you a list of the employees of that time?" Damari proposed to her in between munching his biscuits. Those he had gotten all over his dress shirt, making Arnaxis smile and roll his eyes.1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytIj4cjmKV
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"I barely use the new technology these days. Just E-Mails and messenger" Damari nodded, flashing a soft smile at her and wiping his hands clean of chocolate "It might be very useful finding Appollox" she looked at him, at me in the next moment. I could see her reach out and pull back once I tensed, bit my tongue. 1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrfTggp2Zx
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"These children went through enough. I failed. The employees failed. But you make sure they get a better chance in life" I didn't need anybody to get a new chance. I had made myself a better life. I was no longer a child. So I ignored her, ignoring the tide of anger that slowly rose in my chest. I didn't need anybody. "We will find Appollox" Damari reassured, looking at me "If you wants us to, we will be here" I rolled my eyes, glaring back in friendly manners. Making his cheek dimple "I can fight for myself now, Ms Charlington" I told her "I'm not my father and not my twin. And in fact, I am an adult"1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMaDa1WkKA3
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I grew up. I became what I always wanted. Strong and independent "I see" she mumbled in a way I didn't understand, taking a look at Arnaxis, who held Damari's hand and watched us in peace. Her daughter smirked at us, making me frown in confusion and her let out a gush.1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwwKzEX3lx
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"Stop starring, get my tablet Milaia" Jemna sighed, making the pregnant woman stand up and take an old, cheap screen from a shelf, put it on the simplistic wooden table. "Open" Jemna said, made it light up it to reveal its background. The Kyre 3. The arc that brought mankind to mars, centuries ago. The picture captured me for the time she needed to open her notes, a new document. 1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6J4rCbULnV
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But the moment she gave a pen to Damari, I realized there was something odd in his movements. 1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8PY8j7A6Kp
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While no one else seemed concerned, the moment he wrote a gracious S onto the lines, the curves so energetic it nearly became a 8, my mind found something to panic about. There was the I with the small tail to the right, to low to be connected to the following e whose end went to the left, making his lettering seem like a form of very practical art, of something a man would write after having written too much.1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29bWX7y0of
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But this craft wasn't related to beautiful paintings and playful statues. No. My brain sorted it to the blood and gore of brutal relevations, to works dealing with pain and anger. Those meanings that coexisted in my bloodstream, slowly poisoning my brain. But there was more. A venom intense enough to make blood rush to my ears and let me hear my heart pump.1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMHYXkc4Xe
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I stared down at the address feeling pure panic, working my way up from his fingers to his face, making sure it was indeed the same man I had entered the room with. And it were Damari's blue eyes that reflected mine, filled with confusion, small and wrinkled. 1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMr5lqlNe3B
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He raised his eyebrow for a moment, just when I looked down to the address again, ignoring his question. The beautiful loops and wavy lines, the small tilt to the right. The way the small s were dragged down and p's up. The way I had seen this before, on pieces written with way less care, but so identical that no doubt was left.1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLNykIFE1s
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I moved back again, just when Damari's eyes flew up in shock, mouth opening for a gasp.1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx3OoKydgr7
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So it was true. The certification hit me like a tsunami, made me stumble back again, hold my arm. The arm he didn't care for because he was the one to pierce it.1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDiXquNPQn
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This handwriting had been on the bottles, on the new medications I took to hide from them my true class. Something he knew already. 1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt1BPCnvZbG
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He knew. He knew the whole time.1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0byuBy5toi
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I choked down a single sob, head high and back straight while going for the door. Arnaxis jumped up, making me push myself through "Kyris!" I shook my head, leaving through the door, into the neighborhood, aiming for the next hyperloop.1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoc3jSw46Ei
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Leaving the stranger I had never thought of.1125Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxZ8rJe6x1
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