It's been a week since I told Tanner if I followed my heart I would marry him. We went on several dates from when I said yes to now, and I think I've finally gotten somewhere close to loving him. Not that I even knew how to love.
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One of my maids from before, I think her name is Clara, is fitting me for my coronation dress, and is really heavy. They had me for it in the air level since that is where the ceremony is going to be. But tonight, we are going to have my father's funeral, and I have mixed feelings about it.
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They finished pinning the fabric in place and the end result was a long full length dress. With thousands of elegant ruffles. Pearls lined every inch of the dress and the train of it made me feel like I was going to get married, in one week, my mind reminded me. The fabric was a elegant silver, serving as my wedding dress also. They began to sew it in place, careful not to stab me with the needle. I don't know how I will be able to stand for another two hours, but beauty is pain, as someone once said. I can't remember who though.
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The two hours it took to finish the dress was long and they were finally done with my coronation/wedding dress. I retreated to my room and pulled on the black dress. It should make me sad, going to a funeral over my dead father, but to be honest, I never knew him, even during my time here as a child. But at least Tanner will be there, Maybe to comfort me, and to help me figure everything out, everything I'm going to go through.
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Thirty minutes later and I was walking with Tanner by my side, the old preacher looking man said a few words in a language I didn't understand and then everyone stood, kissed the back of their hand and said goodbye to their fallen king. I couldn't hold it in any longer, a tear managed to fall down my cheek and Tanner squeezed my hand, trying to comfort me. I am the last of my line. And if I marry Tanner, I'm risking that Adrian will kill him. Can I choose what my heart feels, or what I think is right?
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*
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Isabelle, Thea, and I are having a girls night, in order for us to get to know each other. I mean, I think it's a great idea, I need a night off for some fun, but what can you do when you're stuck in a castle underwater?
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"So I thought we could watch a movie, have some popcorn and just relax." Isabelle says as we walk into her room.
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"How do you get electricity down here?" Isabelle and Thea both turn to me.
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"We get it from natural resources, and then turn it into electricity to use." Thea replies and I nod, understanding.
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"So, this is a learning experience for me. To be honest, I don't know if I can do this." I say as we enter Isabelle's room, I close the door behind us.
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"Tell me about it," Thea comments with a long sigh, "How can I be queen, everyone expects me to be this perfect little Barbie doll, but I don't know if I can do this. And no offense, but why do I have to marry someone who all he wants to do is read books all day."
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I nod, understanding, "I wish there wasn't any arranged marriages." They both nod.
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"Now, enough of this serious talk." Isabelle says, trying to lighten the mood, "We're here to have fun and relax." She walks over and opens up a movie case, she pops the CD into the DVD player and pushes play.
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I walk over and sit down on the bed and wait for the movie to start. I wonder if they have movies from their world or mine.
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We talked and talked and I was glad I took the night off. At least I know Thea and Isabelle have my back. At least I know someone knows what I am going through, even if it's a little bit.
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*
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Someone sounds alarms. Footsteps echo off the walls, the sound vibrating through the sea water. Something is wrong. And there is nothing I can do to stop it.
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My dreams were getting more and more intense. I couldn't handle them all at once. And I didn't know how to tell Tanner about my messed up dreams. And I didn't want him worrying over me, he shouldn't be worrying, we are in the middle of a war. Maybe my mother was right when she took me to land. Maybe I should hide. Who am I kidding? This is my kingdom, I can't just let him win. I need to stop Adrian, find out who is behind all this and why they are after my crown. And I needed to do it soon.
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Tanner?
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Yeah?
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Have you ever thought to look at my parents relations, maybe the someone who is after my crown was someone my parents knew.
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We already did, anyone who could have been a threat is dead.
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Maybe they faked their death, I say, The villains always do that sort of thing, deceive others.
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You may be onto something.
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I smiled, maybe I can do the whole queen thing. If I can solve this problem, I can do anything. Then a thought came to me, maybe I could solve this with my friends back home. Safe would know what to do, maybe Maya.
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I was wondering, could I go back home, maybe being around my old friends, they could help us solve this.
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I don't know. I could hear him hesitating.
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Please, I plead, I haven't asked you for anything. Think of it as an early wedding gift.
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Do you love me?
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I was caught of guard. Do I love Tanner? I can't get over his touch, or the way he is always a gentleman, or the fact that he is patient with me even though I am still trying to figure everything out. But putting away everything, and just focusing on my feelings...I think I do. I think I love Tanner.
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Yes.
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Then yes, you can go, but I am going with you.
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Who will watch over Waverly? I ask.
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My dad, he and your dad were best friends.
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Oh. So we can go?
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Yeah. He replies.
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Now.
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Now?
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Yes, now. Let's go.
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Within a few seconds Tanner is standing in front of me and then in a blink of an eye, we are standing on the hot sand of Oregon. By now, Sage is probably home. I take Tanner's hand and I walk up the hill and towards the city, but along every building, every sign, is a picture of me, and my name and age in bold print. That's when I realize, I just up and left Sage in Nevada. She must think I was kidnapped.
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I can't believe I did this to her. She probably thinks I'm dead. I let go of Tanner's hand and move to a picture of me. I look at another and another. What have I done. I start to run, past cars and buildings and I hear Tanner call behind me, but I don't care, all I can think about is talking to Sage and telling her I'm okay. And that I'm alive and that I didn't get kidnapped and that I'm right here. And I will explain everything that has happened to me, granted she'd probably not believe me, but it's the truth. And that I didn't mean to hurt her or make her worried.
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But I didn't expect when I got to Sage's house that she wasn't there, only her mother and father were there and that they were crying.
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"Alana!" They both screamed.
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I was crying now, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you or make you think I was kidnapped. It is a long story, and I just want to talk to Sage. Is she here?"
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"Alana," Sage's mom started, but I dressed the answer.
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"I-is she dead?" My voice cracked and I struggled getting the words out.
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She nodded and began to cry again. I felt like I had been punched in the gut. I lost all feeling and I couldn't breathe. Why is everything happening to me?
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"She asked me to give you this." She reached over and handed me something. I didn't know what it was. I was too much in shock to figure it out. First my leg, then the war, and now Sage's death. Is this really God's plan for me? To have everyone I've ever known die. Slip in between my fingertips until I'm left alone. Until I'm left so broken down that I am unable to function. If so then what was there for me? Why would a loving God do this? Hurt everyone I've ever brought close to my heart. He's a loving God. Monique once said, then why is he doing this? Letting this happen.
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When I could control my breathing and wipe my salt-filled tears, I turn my attention to what Sage wanted me to have. It was a price of paper, folded neatly. I calmly walk over to the coach and open it.
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Dear Alana,
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You may not get this, or you may not. I don't know, but let's just say you do. I know you're probably shocked and crying your eyes out. So I need you to promise me something before you continue reading: You live your life, not by what you think is right, but by what you feel in your heart.
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I noticed that you were talking to that boy in the cafeteria, also when you were talking to him in the park. I was scared for you. I mean, I wasn't trying to be a stalker, I was just trying to make sure you were okay. Then I looked back and you were gone.
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I don't think you wanted to scare me, but you did. And I don't think you wanted to hurt me. But honestly, I see how you look at this boy, and I didn't believe in love at first sight, but now, I think I do. You've found your Prince Charming Alana! You need to go for him.
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If you think God did this to me, I think he did, but he didn't do it to hurt you or anyone else. He killed me, to save you so that you can have a chance to get closer to him, so that if you choose, you can live with him in heaven. You aren't alone Alana, you can do anything, because you are strong, you are brave, and you are loved. You are loved by me, my your mom, by God, and maybe, even, that boy.
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So I need you to promise me, I need you to be sure of yourself. Follow your heart and live your life. And trust in God, because he is your Lord and Savior.
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Love,
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Sage
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I didn't realize when I started crying again, but I read and re-read Sage's letter. She wants me to live. And she thinks God did this to her but not to hurt her or me, but to save me.
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"Tanner." I whisper, "I need to stay here. I just need a few days, I need a few days to get over everything, and then I can go back home."
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Mark and Linda began to ask several questions that I couldn't answer or it would give away my secret. I told Sage's letter and walk away, towards my old room. Everything was the same as when I left, except, it wasn't. On the table, there was a decent sized book, with different colored tabs sticking out of the pages. I walk over to it and pick it up, reading over the title. Holy Bible, NIV.
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I don't know what I was doing when I flipped the book open to the first tab. In the same color as the tab, a line was highlighted: Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
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I was intrigued, this was what Sage said. But I needed to trust in God. Maybe I should. I mean, what was there to lose? I say down on my bed, intrigued by every word I read, every encouraging verse. How could I not have heard about God before. He loves me. He is for me.
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I stand, I need to ask some questions, maybe I could go to church it's Sunday right? I leave my room and Tanner isn't there, I walk down to the garage, and Adrian's can is sitting there. I move over to the driver's seat, and flip down the mirror. His keys fly to my lap. You may have killed my father Adrian, but you are so predictable about your hiding places. I start the engine, slam the driver's door shut, and strap the safety belt on. I push the button on the mirror and the garage door opens. I back out and drive away, leaving Tanner behind.
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I wasn't going to go far if course, just driving around and finding a church to go to. I want to know everything. Why this is happening to me and now. How a God could live me even though I'm a sinner.
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*
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I parked the van in the empty parking lot. It was nearly four, and I was beginning to doubt coming here. What if I couldn't get an answer, or that what I'm thinking isn't right. Put your trust in God, he will set your paths straight. Okay God, I'm here.
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I wasn't sure if this was considered praying or not, but I was out of options, I didn't know what to do. And believing in God felt like a better option than waiting for my death and being a queen even though I had no idea what I was doing.
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Someone knocked on my window and I turned. It was a middle aged man, his hair was cut short and spiked at odd places. He motioned for me to roll down my window and ai did. When it was fully open he said something.
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"Can I help you?"
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"I um-" I didn't know what to say, "I have some questions. Can I come inside."
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"Sure."
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I open the door and the man backs away. I slam the door behind me and we enter the white building.
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I sit across from him in the foyer. It was a small room, painted a light tan color, with different chairs. And he introduced himself as Pastor Dave.
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"I'm Alana."
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He didn't ask me if I was the girl who was missing, but there was recognition in his face.
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"So what brings you here Alana?" He asks, easing into his chair.
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"I um," I hesitate, should I tell him everything, would he believe me? Maybe not. But where do I start? Do I start with me being queen or do I start with the abuse? I'll start from the beginning. "My dad. He's abusive. He drinks." I cringe remembering it all, "I went on a surfing safari with my friends three months ago." For some reason, I let it all out. Every late night drinking, every clear blue wave. Every single day up until now.
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