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夜晚的運動場總是比較熱鬧：深紅色跑道上那相伴散步的老人家、起勁跑得汗流浹背的男男女女、聽著音樂輕鬆慢跑的中年人士、餐後打算慢步輕鬆聊天的三、四人行……被跑道包圍的淺綠大草地上，那些邊踢著足球，伴著高呼聲和青春氣息的熱血球隊……509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAHDmFMOu6
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場上打得光亮的燈光，讓每個人的臉龐身軀都清晰可見。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7tQHzXfvB5
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半個月前開始，每到晚上九時正，就會有一位穿著深藍色麻布長裙、披著淺灰色針織冷外套的女生步入運動場，默默一個人沿著跑道散步。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUC7ts8cGF
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藍色長裙，深紅色跑道，蒼白的臉容。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlsPpkRlCoB
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她的眼神總是迷離地注視著遠方，思緒總像飄往他方，落入沉思中。不知她的思想處於哪方，反正不會是此時此刻當中。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHLGhU0zvn
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其他運動場上的人總會納悶這個女生為什麼不換上運動服裝，而再穿上和運動場格格不入的長裙子。離奇的是，每當她走完一圈，她步伐經過的地方，總會遺留下一串細小的物件：第一天是卡通小本子、聖誕卡、鎖匙圈、毛公仔、便利店印花……第二天是某日本餐廳的卡片、台灣抒情女歌手的舊唱片、蠟筆繪畫……第三天是都市愛情小說、木梳子、羽毛球、筆袋……509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbjKd132LQ
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往後的日子也是如此，每天物件偶爾會重複著……只要旁人觸摸到物件，物件便會消失。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkMIYo6wJ3
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長裙女生叫柏甯。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIl9YxS79xJ
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柏甯會去運動場散步，只是她覺得有時候晚上待在家時，像被困在一個無處可逃的空間裡，會略感沉重無力，心口像有東西壓著，卻不知如何拎走。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6ceykEj2o
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她覺得，她需要走出外面的世界，她想走路，一步一步的向前走。伴著沒有星星的夜空，走著走著，帶動著思緒，她覺得心會開朗一點點。於是，她開始萌生去運動場散步的念頭。她沒有運動服，也不打算買。她本來也糾結穿著長裙去運動場會否很奇異，但她覺得別人最多只會瞄一眼就轉臉經過她罷了，別人也不會多花心思在她身上，每個人最著緊的都是自己。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgqmFoE5BR
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不過，散步時，心裡變得舒暢的同時，柏甯裝著一連串回憶的腦袋，和蘊釀著情緒的心，也開始一小步一小步解放起來，記憶與情緒會交錯浮現，如河川氾濫著……509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBZyZ5rWui
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今天是她決定持之以恆散步的第16天。每走一步，長裙都再次搖曳著她的記憶：被人嫌棄的卡通小本子、小時候總會計算收到的數量的聖誕卡片、青春時期曾沉迷閱讀的都市愛情小說、瘋狂買東西而儲下的便利店印花、中學時期與同學一起買下的同系列筆袋、在日本餐廳被以為是接納她的好朋友責罵起來、想要模仿朋友而跟隨買下的毛公仔……509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5oLCTdUmrg
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回憶的片段總是零碎而無法收攝心神去處理。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjg8YtQRqW8
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突然，柏甯身後出現一個瘦小的青年男子，男子輕輕拍了柏甯的肩膀一下。因為男子看到柏甯身後掉出一個手錶，他好心想提醒柏甯拾回手錶。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQUGkANjqX
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柏甯回過頭來。她回頭了。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34yKLNUS3u
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突然，好像有一道像玻璃反光的閃光在腦海中頻繁地閃爍著，每閃爍一下，就好像有一下疼痛在頭中敲撃起來。於是，模糊的記憶也漸漸清晰明亮起來……509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuP9YBz4VTT
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那一晚，柏甯與一位舊同學聚餐，她一直不自覺地很崇拜這位朋友。她好像每個成長時期，心裡都會藏著一位很崇拜、又很依賴的朋友。柏甯自己會模仿那個她的眼光及品味，將那個她完美化，同時依賴著那個她的一言一行。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4pyxfSVgDx
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她和她，都穿著深藍色的長裙子。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPKi5sq5lD
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柏甯以為這位朋友也是真心對待著她，直到那一頓晚餐，那個柏甯以為的好朋友冷冷地吐出真心話：「妳就是什麼都不知道。不直接告訴妳就什麼都不知道。妳有什麼是知道的？妳有什麼都可以給別人欣賞的？」509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAMJdISNFry
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那時，柏甯整個人都僵硬了，她到那刻才醒覺，自己的「不知道」原來是可笑的，原來做人並不可以「不知道」事情，否則就會被人取笑嫌棄。原來，她不是真正被朋友喜愛著。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUDbltqjDj
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柏甯忍受不了，可是她怕惹來朋友的反彈，她壓著生氣地回嘴：「妳可不可以不要一直嫌棄我？」她仍然冷靜又無情：「那妳說妳有什麼是可以給人欣賞的？妳什麼都不懂。」509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXm7vf7K2nF
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柏甯臉上依然維持平靜，但她不知如何是好，心裡只懂恐懼，眼神卻靜悄悄銳利起來。她提意結帳離開。509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTPmUgP6ZF
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因為回頭，她記起了……那個紅燈的刺眼光芒；那架黃色車子；那手掌推出去的力度；那道尖銳的叫喊；那手指被捉緊被拉出去的剎那間；那片紅色；那架白色車子……那指著九時正的手錶……509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxqJ4N8C5p
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柏甯記起來，她應該還躺在白色床單上沉睡著……而另一個她，柏甯不記得她最後怎麼了……柏甯記起自己，但她不知道如何可以回去，如何可以醒來……509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZO1pPSZdx
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最後，之後的日子，每一天她都只有晚上九時的一剎間，她能做的，只是繼續不斷地散落自己，一步一步再向前走，沿著跑道輪迴著……509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALHxd2oZgh
文: 譚嘉燕 FB PAGE: https://www.facebook.com/katetam1228/509Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCueaNxlmmR
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