After graduation, I mainly worked in administrative roles. I previously worked as a waiter for a few days, but I found that I completely couldn’t handle the job. Even when trying to pick up three cups of lemon tea, my hands shook so badly that I couldn’t steady the tray. My colleagues quickly helped me, and I resigned within a week. I often felt frustrated, believing I couldn’t do jobs that seemed easy for others. Inside, I constantly battled uncomfortable thoughts, feeling like I wasn’t doing well or couldn’t handle even small tasks.15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz3xTy6R7A1
15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPGmuRVTNg
I think this relates to my upbringing, where I never received encouragement, leading to a lack of confidence and significant distress. At work, I worried about making mistakes and not performing well. These thoughts accumulated to the point where I frequently had emotional breakdowns. I completely lost the meaning of existence and felt unable to survive in this society. For a long time, I stayed at home, not looking for work during summer breaks while studying, avoiding people, and even fearing social interactions. This situation only began to improve in college.
15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhqsB2tAk9
At that time, I didn’t mention my illness to my employer; I only said I was feeling unwell and sometimes needed to go to the hospital for check-ups. Fortunately, my colleagues were caring and would sometimes ask if I needed to go to the hospital when I seemed nervous.
15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuleeK0x5nt
After one episode, the doctor prescribed me a double dosage of medication, and I felt dizzy for three days afterward.
15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqeXaWPe2ik
After switching medications, my situation improved. I coexisted with this condition until I started working. Apart from taking medication, I couldn’t think of any other ways to treat it and hoped for new treatment methods in the future.
15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2fGP3MQUb
Later, for health reasons, I resigned from jobs in banking, real estate, and accounting and began working part-time as an administrative assistant. After half a day of work, I devoted the rest of my time to writing at home.
15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdc0wl5SsQ
In the past, I contemplated a few questions regarding my future. I considered administrative work, as it seemed more suitable for me. My family suggested I work abroad, thinking that since I am a slow person, a slower-paced life would be better for me. However, I disagreed; there must be a job I can handle in this vast world. I also thought about starting my own business, selling various small accessories, and I imagined I would be very happy if I could make that a reality.
15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvpwg2pBo7
I felt like a struggling worm in society, forced to follow the flow to survive. Life is short, and reality does not allow me to pursue the goals I truly want to achieve.
15Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJGUc684z7
I still face a lonely life stretching over a thousand miles, walking …
ns216.73.216.247da2
