The night was bitterly cold. Not even the hot shower, filling meal, and tightened nightgown I buried my hands into the pockets of could help me.
Tenley had wrapped her own nightgown around herself. He had the added protection of a beanie and thick, long pants. My exposed legs from under my borrowed woman's nightie were frozen.
She held her phone to beam the torch down on a circle of rocks ringing the tree behind the shed. I was confused as to why this couldn't wait until the morning sun had heated up the land first.
"Mama Jude doesn't know, but I had children once" Tenley spoke to me, staring at the rocks "a long time ago."
It hit me when I turned back to them. Uncomfortable, I grimaced and kept my mouth shut.
"Brinley was our first" Tenley bent to the rock at the left side of the tree "Byron and me had a little girl. We combined our names for it."
"Ah, Brinley" I smiled "that's cute."
I knew there was something more between them. To this extent was not what I expected.
"Jacobi was the second. He went after anything that moved. Horrible morals, but he gave me Jackie."
"I see a pattern here" I swayed a finger between the two rocks "did you mash up all the names?"
"It's easier to remember" she smiled "and Jackie suited her."
I just agreed as she moved to shine on the third.
"Jacobi again" she sighed "I had another girl I called Bonny."
The two hearts made sense on his sheet now. They represented children.
"Asher was amazing, for a girl. Really funny and caring" Tenley moved to the next stone "she really had me fooled at first. She helped me have Ashlyn."
"How?" I asked "if you don't mind saying? Was it a donor thing?"
"A little more primeval" Tenley said "Asher was pretending to be a male. She got one of the others to have sex with her, and then, uh, simulated with me when it was...."
"I think I get it" I interrupted, closing my eyes to try and avoid the mental image "and that worked?"
"Well, Ashlyn was here."
It must have been really quick if it moved from one to the other so efficiently.
"I tried with Byron again. We had a little boy called Tyrone."
They tried again, after so many other attempts? Did they believe that the second time together would be the one that gave them a child, despite the genetic difference?
"I went away and found Jax" Tenley shone on the second last stone "he was very hard to convince, but eventually gave me little Alexi. Turns out he was also pretending; a brown howler. I thought he was the one. He had fur just like mine."
Deceived over and over. I really did feel sorry for Tenley and all these painful reminders of when things looked like they were finally better for her.
"The last was Byron again" Tenley sounded almost ashamed "another baby girl we called Noni."
"You had three kids with him?"
"Tried to" she peered down at the rock "we were so excited each time it went one day further."
I heard the heartbreak. Each time, Tenley had to come out to this tree to bury and mourn her heartbreak. She had never had anyone else to share it with, since it never happened in eyes other than hers and Byron's.
No-one knew about the seven babies these rocks represented. The surfaces weren't even marked with names or dates. To someone else, it just looked like a strange ornamental addition to the base of a tree.
"How long ago was the last one?" I pondered it.
"Two years" Tenley breathed as her phone moved from the stones "I've got to prepare and go back out there. I'm running out of time."
"You aren't going to stay a while?" I frowned to her dismay "you only just got back."
"I don't have time. If the brother's don't work, I've got to travel for the next ones after them. I need to be prepared for things not to go as planned. I'm running out of options."
She started to walk back towards the house. Thankfully, I joined her side, shivering and burning from the cold.
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"Thank you for coming with me" Tenley smiled across, her phone light shining over every dark dip and hump we avoided "I just wanted to show someone. The wall looks bad; I wanted you to see that it's not. I've been lucky, but not enough to tear it all down just yet."
"I honestly didn't know what you wanted to show me" I admitted "but I'm glad you took me to the tree. It was quite nice to see the lovely place you have them all."
She smiled, wiping her eyes quickly.
"How long do you think it'll be until you go back?" I asked "your Mama Jude looked so happy to see you. I know Byron certainly was."
Tenley giggled a little, smearing the beginnings of new tears on the collar of her nightgown.
"I want to get back out there while I still look human. It'll be too hard otherwise."
That soon? Did that leave me with days? What was I supposed to do here?
"So, I'll be kicked out after all?"
Tenley shook her head, although that didn't fill me with confidence.
"Mama Jude would be glad to have you here. She's quite nice under it all."
"Way, deep down?" I joked, making her snicker "was she always that stuck up?"
"Oh, you know..." she trailed off with a smile "Mama Jude had to make sure people followed their instructions and did as they planned. Everyone listened to her."
"I bet...."
"She'll be nicer when she sees what you can do" Tenley brightened "you can watch Milk Biscuits together!"
Immediately my gut gurgled and I grimaced.
"Hard no" I declined with a small smile "I'd rather not re-live those days."
"Right" Tenley remembered "I'm sorry. I thought it was all good before that?"
"There were some moments where it was" I added quickly "in the beginning. But, things changed when I grew up. Kids move onto the next best thing so quickly and don't realise that their pet can't just be shoved away like a toy."
She nodded, agreeing.
"I get you. That's rough."
Did she get it though? I doubt she ever had that same issue out here on this nice farm.
"I want to know more about you" she prompted "about Milk Biscuits and where you came from. How did you end up in a Caberet, of all things?"
I lifted a brow, keeping my mouth shut.
"This is genuine" Tenley insisted "no board, just me."
"Hmm...."
"Honestly!" she laughed in disbelief "look, I don't get to find out things about people. It's just get in and get out. There's no connection."
I smirked, trying to pull down my smile.
"'Get in and get out?'" I struggled, snorting "that's a really poor choice of words."
Tenley realized and blushed, groaning.
"You know what I mean!"
"Do I?" I played dumb "I don't know..."
"You arse" Tenley giggled, shoving me.
I shoved back, almost making her fall into a dip. Instantly, I hurried over to make sure she was ok after the stumble.
"How did you find out all that info about me anyway?" I breathed after we finished laughing "wouldn't you know everything there is to know?"
"Oh, that" she rolled her eyes, smirking "after i find out where everyone is, I usually ring the venue and get someone in there to give me info. For yours, I had the bartender tell me about you."
"Vinnie?"
"No, it was a girl called Viva."
Viva? And she was just leaking all of my personal moments over the phone to a stranger for nothing?
Did she tell Tenley about me being strangled? About the rumour going around that I assaulted Elgress? How I flirted with Lumi, and fell from the chandelier? She told her my favourite colour. I had only told Lumi that when she wanted to know. Hers was light purple.
"I pay them. They usually talk when money is involved."
Of course. How could I have overlooked that?
"It's only what they know then. It gives me nothing on any other part of your life."
"And why do you want to know it?" I turned on Tenley in irritation now "so you can just feel better about having all the pieces?"
"What? No! I..."
She stopped as we reached the side of the house. I glared, pushing through the gate of the fence and stomping my way back inside.
I should have known! Everything wasn't just innocent with her! She didn't want to know about me 'just because'! As if she would!
"Nisha....."
"I'm going to bed" I huffed, sliding back onto the freezing couch and pulling over the thin blanket I had been given, facing the back.
"Nisha" Tenley whispered, hovering beside the couch at my head "I'm sorry. I really did want to know. You are very interesting."
"Almost like I'm an back at Paragon; put on show" I muttered back, scowling up at her "I'm a person. I'm not here to pick at because I'm 'fascinating' or 'interesting'. You know things you weren't supposed to. I told those to someone I love, not you. You have no right going behind my back like that."
"I'm sorry" Tenley whimpered. She sniffled.
"No right" I repeated firmly and drew the blanket up so I didn't have to see her anymore "how dare you."
"I..." she swallowed loudly, grimacing "I really do want to know you for you."
I grumbled, letting her know I wasn't interested.
"Um, goodnight?"
Her hand touched the couch just next to my head.
"Just go" I recoiled, shuffling down and curling the blanket tightly below my nose. All I could smell were the starchy fibres that hadn't quite had the animal washed out of them yet. It was musty from being packed away for so long, and bordering powdery mildew.
I forced my eyes closed and heard her little steps wander away to her door that gently closed behind her. I was too irritated to go to sleep. I felt tears prickle my eyes that I kept closed to try and trick myself into dozing off.
Instead, I silently sobbed to myself until I didn't have the energy to continue anymore.
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I was nudged awake when I didn't even remember how long I had been out of it.
Scowling back at the hand, I saw it belonged to Byron, not Tenley.
His tail wagged as I lightened up at the surprise of seeing him here, clutching a bowl in one hand.
He didn't have the multitude of evil eyes on today. Instead, he had coloured beads bunched around one wrist, tangling with black beads that had eroded into a spotted pattern.
Propping myself up and turning to face him, I saw Tenley in the kitchen with Jude.
"Move over, will you?" he waved me aside "I want to sit down."
My eyes dropped to the prosthetic and I dragged across the blankets into the furthest side with me.
Byron settled beside me, scooping around the oats with darkened maple syrup and banana on top.
I thought this place didn't have nice things like that?
Tenley walked across with two bowls, holding one out for me. Reluctantly I took it from her and mashed in the fruit arranged carefully on top.
Jude stayed in the kitchen to eat hers while leaning at the bench. There wasn't enough room for everyone.
"You're going to need a table, Mama!" Byron called out with a giggle "it's a bit cramped on the couch!"
He bounced up, making it creak. I gripped my bowl to make sure it wasn't about to splatter on the floor.
"I guess I will have to look into the woodworker" she commented with a slight smile.
There was no use. Tenley would be gone soon and I would be right behind her when I was kicked out.
"Nisha" Jude began, focusing on her bowl more than me when I leant across to look at her "you'll be with Byron today."
Already? Trying to hold my disappointment, I forced a small smile to Byron who beamed excitedly.
"Tenley, you'll tend the sheep with me" Jude grunted.
Tenley glanced to me and her shoulders fell in disappointment.
"But, Mama...."
"No buts" her sharp eyes stared her down "I need someone capable to help drench the sheep and separate the lambs to be docked."
Tenley groaned, stirring her porridge.
"Chop chop young lady" Mama Jude warned her "it's not a big task I'm asking of you. After that, you'll get them used to you again. Can't have them going skittish now."
She did look a little happier at that option. I had to remember that Tenley mentioned on the train that those sheep were like her children.
After the tree last night, I could see the reasonable cause for the over-attachment to the animals.
"I'll take Nisha to the station today" Byron perked up for Mama Jude's approval "he'll help me bring the deliveries back. We can source wood for a table too."
"Nothing too flash" Jude left her bowl so she could slide around the kitchen and head over to a door in the far left corner of the room against the wall behind us "will fifty do?"
"Fifty is fine!" Byron called.
He grinned, nudging me. He was too excited by this.
"She usually let us keep the change" he whispered "we can get drinks!"
To be so amused by something so simple...
"Keep the change" Jude said as she approached us and held out the note to Byron over his shoulder, making him smirk at me "try to find something that will fit through the door."
He chuckled, pocketing the money.
Tenley looked across, upset that she was being held back while we were being rewarded for something we hadn't of even done yet.
I was ready to place distance between us. Shoveling down the oats, I slid mine up onto the counter with Byron's.
"See you later, Mama Jude!" he called, scuffing his pawed foot back into the shoe left at the front door "bye Moo Cow!"
"Have a good day!" she replied, locking eyes on me and smiling too "bye Nisha!"
I ignored her as I pulled on my own shoes and grabbed my bag. Everyone noticed, Byron glancing across as he opened the door for me and joined my side on the trek away from the home.
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"Did something happen between you two?"
Byron shared a muffin I split between us. We took a steady pace alongside the fence so Byron's false leg could swing around comfortably. It was too easy to slip on the loose gravel here even with two working legs.
"I just don't get it" I sighed "you two are together. Why do all of this" I swirled my hands around in frustration "just to get me involved in it all?"
"Together?" he snorted, like it was some sort of joke.
"Come on" I stared across blankly "Tenley showed me the tree last night. I know about the rocks and the thing you two had going."
His smile was gone in an instant. Byron dropped his eyes, along with his happy demeanour. Was it the same shame Tenley expressed under the cover of the night? He looked disheartened by my revelation.
"Ah, you saw that."
"Yeah. It's...." I tried to find the words "like, it's really sad; don't get me wrong, but it's kind of fucked up."
His head lifted again. He looked confused.
"Fucked up?"
"To map it all out and go to all this trouble" I blew out my breath "to say all the right things and get me out here, thinking I was going to be fine. I feel like I'm being pressured into something I really don't want to do."
There was silence between us. The rocks crunched under our shoes. Byron's leg squeaked rhythmically as he lifted, swung, then applied weight again. The beads clanked and rattled with the movement.
I looked at the leg, wondering how something so simple could possibly be comfortable on this type of uneven terrain.
"If you knew something was wrong, why did you get off the train then?" he spoke up when I faced forward again.
Why did I? Because I felt like Tenley and I just had so much in common and she was the first nice thing to happen since leaving the city? Because I missed Lumi and in that moment she reminded me of her? Maybe I was just sad I had to leave everything familiar behind and Tenley reminded me of what was comfortable?
"I just wanted somewhere to stay before I went my own way" I mumbled.
"So..." Byron began, flipping a paw towards me "in a way, you are both using each other."
I shrugged, feeling it all sink into place.
"I guess so."
"Hmm."
There was a sideways smirk. I sighed, grumbling. There was more disturbed silence.
"Can't you just..... throw some magic rocks at it and be done with it?" I groaned "surely there is another option out there besides me? Why have kids at all? Life is pretty great without them."
"Magic rocks?" Byron scoffed, laughing "you really are funny! See, our views are obviously different on things. We want those sleepless nights and noisy days; time to reach a little person how to grow and live in this world. More than anything, Tenley wants to curl herself up around a baby rather than a lamb. And we can both be there, raising it like our own. We'd mash our names again like we used to; just us."
He smiled, staring ahead longingly. With a sigh, he swept away his dreams.
"But, it's not what the universe wants. Not just yet."
"The universe?" I wrinkled my nose "you think the sky is telling you that all of this is your fault?"
I paused, glancing sideways at Byron.
"You aren't hearing voices or seeing things, are you?"
"It's not like that" he smiled back, shaking his head "things work as they do for a reason. It'll all work out eventually when it is supposed to."
That was a pretty messed up way of thinking about all those years of struggling. I guess he really had no other hope around it all other than to chalk it up to some unseen higher power deciding that they should both keep adding rocks beneath that tree.
"Do you ever think about stuff like that?" Byron asked me now "like, kids and that life?"
I chuckled at how absurd it was. I was barely into holding hands with Lumi, let alone comfortable enough to get into her bed. Even though my heart desperately loved her, it was all still a little weird.
"We aren't that far yet."
"Ah, so there is someone" Byron grinned "who is she? Where did you two meet?"
"She's Lumi" I answered, bashful "and we met at work. She was assigned to me."
"Like the way I was assigned to sections?" Byron grew confused "I was section A; that side over there."
He panned across a spread paw, as if he were showing me it right here.
"It's not like that" I smirked back "she sang, I danced. We were a good team before Bruce fucked it up."
"Ah" Byron nodded, as if he knew "her new boyfriend?"
"Fuck no" I wrinkled my nose in utter disgust "our boss. Absolute pig."
He nodded again.
"So, how long have you two been together?"
My heart strangled my throat before it dropped back down uncomfortably.
"Well, we've known each other for five years now" I shrugged it off.
"But, technically, you aren't ...?"
Byron laced his fingers together and he saw my pitiful face.
"It just seemed weird to ask her" I admitted when he realised "at first, she was there for work, not me. We didn't become friends until almost a good year into our routine. She's really nice, and we have some good laughs, but I think I kind of left it too late to ask her to be my girlfriend. I'm here; she's there. We can't see each other as long as Bruce keeps sending people to bring me back to Paragon."
"That's a rough situation" Byron sympathized "really. Do you think you'll ever go back?"
I shrugged, trying not to let it get to me.
"I don't think I can."
Byron made a noise as he understood.
"You shouldn't stay here then."
Bewildered, I turned to Byron who just forced a forlorn smile back at me.
"Isn't your whole reason for bringing me out here with you is to convince me to give Tenley a kid? Aren't I just the guy on the side here?"
"Well" he chuckled at my wording "yes, but this life isn't for you. Look around" he swept his arm again to the vast nothingness of grass, trees, and dirt "you're a city kid. You aren't made for a wild life tending sheep and joining weird dogs on their hunt for a table..."
We shared a short laugh.
"Who is this guy to stop you?" Byron scoffed "you came all this way to avoid him, for what? Do you really want to leave everything behind to live in some trees and eat shit off the ground for a living? Be another spectacle when people find you out there? Because they will, no matter how well you think you can hide. You stand out, Nish, hair and all."
"I just wanted to go home" I mumbled down at my feet "but, I don't even know where that is out there. I only know trees and a sunrise and screaming. I don't even know if my mother; the one who actually wanted me, is even thinking about me after all this time."
"Were you shipped over here?"
I nodded.
"Why not just catch a plane?" Byron suggested "just head back to wherever it is and go from there?"
I dismissed his idea with a smile. Byron was serious and unwavering.
"I just spent all my money on trains to get here. I was supposed to be at Mistigo by now."
His brow lifted. Instantly I could tell he was amused or impressed. Maybe both?
"Mistigo?" Byron's voice lifted too "oh, wonderful place. I've been there a few times a couple of years ago for the river cruise. Ok, so scratch my idea; it was a shit one anyway. You should do that" he wagged a finger at me excitedly, like I had only just formulated this plan of mine "if I could, I'd live there too. It's so beautiful and peaceful. It's just a shame it's so far away."
I agreed, really regretting not just doing as I was told. I wasted so much money getting off here, even if it was for my own good.
"Hey" he grinned across at me "I'm glad you stopped here. We don't get new people through here. Honestly, it's a bit shit."
We both smirked, giggling.
"Thanks, Byron."
"So....." he dragged out "are we friends now?"
I raised a brow back at him.
"So it's easier to kidnap me and keep me locked up in this town?"
"Oh, absolutely" his ears flopped with his enthusiastic shaking "and we'll cut you into itty bitty pieces and mix you in with the butcher meat. Monkey is a delicacy around here. The old ladies go crazy for it."
Wait, was he still joking? He sounded so serious. Had I run from one person contracted to kill me for exactly that to another?
"Look at your face!" Byron laughed and pointed "you honestly believe that? Jeez, Nishie, you are gullible! Monkey's meat; honestly...."
"Oh" I forced laughter, trying to play it off "pfft, yeah, who would do that?"
Byron side-eyed me, still giggling away.
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"Look" Byron pointed ahead to the slab that was the station someone had parked a white white beside and was offloading bundles of newspapers and blue plastic crates from "that's Merve. HEY, LEMO!"
"Lemo?"
"Always drinks hard lemonade" Byron muttered to me, reaching up an arm to wave to the man bent over a crate "I called him Lemon, but he said that gave bad vibes, so it's 'Lemo' now."
"Such a difference" I mumbled mainly to myself.
"Sticks!" Merve coughed out a smile back towards us "hey, you're late, ya bastard!"
So, Stick, or Sticks, was a common nickname for Byron. Either variation really did suit him.
The man was weathered by years of manual labour and burning in the sun. His skin was brown and leathery, covered in wrinkles. He had dark spots on his arms, his hands bleeding into a few larger patches.
Merve wore a pair of overalls so faded that they barely had any of the vibrant blue colour left that tried to peek through. The leg was torn and exposed seams threading across a brown leg.
His shoes were called with dirt so thick in the grooves that they almost resembled bubbled gumboots. He had green cuffs around the tops that were stained with white streaks, torn at the elastic edge.
"This is Nisha" Byron introduced me "he's from Burrside."
"What the fuck are you doing out in the sticks for?" Merve laughed as he grabbed my hand in a shake that crushed my fingers together painfully "yer hair is a choice there."
"Nish has Leucism."
Merve squinted up from another crate he was hoisting off with a grunt.
"Loose-what?"
"Kind of like albino" I finished.
"Ah, so, you're one of those blokes who can't make their own colours? Is that what ya saying?"
"Ah, yes?"
Merve snorted, sniffling when he banged the crate down beside the others.
"So, you didn't bring the wagon" he spoke when he glanced back at us "how are you supposed to get these up there?"
"Well..." Byron started "I was thinking we could grab a lift to town with you? Mama Jude wants some wood for a table, and...."
"Jude? A table? With legs?" Merve scoffed, smiling "the same Jude who was going off her absolute chop about the couch that wouldn't fit through her front door without busting up the walls? Same one, right?"
"Yes, same one."
"Yeah, nah, I don't know" Merve dragged out unsurely, dropping another crate and going for the last one "how big are we talkin'?"
"Fifty bucks worth" Byron showed him the money he let a long whistle out at "just the wood. We can head to Birches and grab it from the offcuts there."
"Ah" he instantly grumbled out, growing concerned "see, I'd take ya, but Kurtis is there. You know how he is when he gets a few in him."
I saw Byron's smile drop for a fraction before he hardened up.
"And I'm not bothered by him" he held his head up confidently "he can say what he wants, he's just sad his wife found someone with an actual heart."
Merve coughed out again, deeply amused.
"Ya know what? Gimme the fifty and I'll cover the wood. Call it a 'ute tax' for fuel and a lift. Ya ain't getting shit for that amount anyway."
"Are you sure?"
"Would I be offering it if I wasn't?" Merve retorted "though I can't get you back home. Make sure it's something ya can haul."
Byron grew excited again, gasping.
"We can carry it on our heads!" he breathed "like they do overseas!"
I laughed at how absurd that was. Surely the wood wouldn't be that big or heavy to resort to that?
"You'll have tree trunks for necks in no time" Merve muttered, laughing as he finished up the delivery "up ya hop."
"Thanks, Lemo" Byron grinned as he dug out the fifty to hand over "you're the best."
"Don't get all gooshy on me" he flipped out his leather wallet to slide the money inside the already hefty pocket "just doing ma job."
Byron steaded his leg on the arm of the tow ball so he could have himself upwards, using the railings of the ute itself. Crawling across the metal that was scraped and scratched from the crates, Byron settled against the back of the ute and a small window to the cab.
"Is this safe?" I questioned when I stood at the end to look up at the tray nervously.
"Just hang on and you'll be fine!" Byron encouraged me "there's so seatbelts back here, City Kid!"
Oh no. He was already forming a nickname for me. I did not want to be known as the 'city kid' who was too far out of his depth here. I'd be a laughing stock again.
"Need a lift?" Merve offered with a smug smile.
"I'm good" I narrowed my eyes back at him before tapping my foot along the tow ball to try and get footing like Byron did. The ball jutted painfully into the sole of my foot, voiding that idea instantly.
Swinging a leg up and struggling to lift as I clutched the side, Byron was forced to crawl down and drag me up by my shirt while I tried to give myself momentum with the other foot still on the ground.
"Lily white" Merve commented at my exposed skin "you'll burn out 'ere if ya don't cover that shit up."
Shamefully crawling across the digging metal that rolled uncomfortably under my knees, I sat on the other side of the small window, humiliated.
"Hey" Byron leant across to nudge me "you made it. We're here."
I just turned my eyes from him and stared out at the dirt road instead.
Merve climbed up into the ute, tilting it as weight was reapplied. I heard the seat squeak and the door slam shut. He didn't buckle himself in.
Merve opened the tiny window to toss out a small bag of black stoppers. Byron snatched it up and turned to the window with a smile.
"Yanked those off some chairs for ya" Merve spoke before he started the car, the engine struggling for a moment before rumbling the whole body "figured they'd fit!"
"How many do you want for them?" Byron stuffed the stoppers away "I've got lava stones, rose quartz, clear quartz, and tourmaline."
"The pink ones" he grunted back "Jessa loves the pink rocks. Can't get enough of them."
Byron threaded off three bracelets to push through the window and drop. He added one of the black bumpy ones too.
"Thanks for that" Byron breathed.
Merve just shut the window and crunched the gear stick to begin reversing us out, making me snatch onto the side as I felt myself start to slide.
Byron leant back in the corner to stabilise himself. The bag of stoppers was retrieved so he could twist off the ground down one and slap on a new one forcefully.
"So, it is from a chair leg" I commented.
"Easiest thing to find" Byron stretched it out and pointed to a crease in the metal near the top "got it bent too so it's not stumpy."
He swiveled the leg to show it off. I was just amazed that out of all the materials available to him, he had gone with a chair.
"How come you never left?" I asked now as the car revved away along the dirt road spilling plumes up before us, jerking as the gears were clunked into position "you could go with Tenley to wherever she goes."
"And be the third wheel?" he shook his head with a smile "it's easier if she does it alone. She won't be able to talk to anyone when I'm hanging around, scaring them away."
So, she appeared single. The deception wove deeper with each new thing I discovered.
"We'd be gone a long time too" Byron sighed "and I don't know if I can hang around a loud city for years like she does."
"Years?"
His ears flapped as he nodded.
Hang on....
"When was the last time she left?"
Byron was silent for a little. The car rolled and shifted gear to jerk us again.
He saw I was piecing it all together.
"Two years."
"So, right after sh...."
"She had Noni" he tried to smile, but it came out as a sad grimace "after she.... well, Tenley didn't want to waste time getting back out there. Every time she comes back without a baby in her arms, I know that she'll be gone again soon."
His head dropped. Byron was obviously stewing in turmoil about the whole thing.
"Why did you two not stay together?"
"Oh" he breathed out a laugh "it was easier to just be friends. With her gone all the time, we decided that remaining a couple just wasn't an option. We tried to make it work, but it was just more rocks each time. It was too much pain."
"If she's gone for years..." I started, thinking "technically, there are no children under that tree."
"Just ours" Byron stated "the others are reminders of those memories."
He tried to smile again. I grimaced across.
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault" he pushed it aside as he tried to brighten up "look, maybe this time it'll work? She'll come home pregnant and we can finally raise a baby together, the way it should be. She won't have to be gone for so long."
"Wild?"
"She wants to make it as natural as possible" Byron nodded "and I'll support her from the sidelines. She's more of a single mum than a 'me and her' thing. It's what she wants, so I'll support that."
He was in the same situation as I was then. Unable to give her a baby, Byron was being pushed to the side and replaced with some other stranger on the wall. Even though they used to be partners, and the feelings were still there with Byron at least, Tenley was going to take her family and leave Byron out here in the middle of nowhere. It was bittersweet.
"How long do you think you'll have?"
"Well..." he breathed, rolling the bag of stoppers in his paws "once she knows you definitely aren't going to change your mind, she'll catch the next train out. Best to remain looking human when you are trying to talk to one. It's a bit tricker if she starts to revert while here."
I didn't have long then. Her probing questions and moments catching me alone were proving I wanted nothing to do with her sexually.
"Is it really that quick to change back?" I frowned now "all the time I've been at Paragon, I haven't reverted at all."
"It depends" he replied as he placed the stoppers between his legs now so he could hold up both paws "On one side, Tenley wants to be a mother. With her back home and around the sheep she considers her surrogate children, she'll start reverting to best protect them as their mother she sees herself as. With you, I'm guessing you aren't on the same page as Tenley. Children are not on your mind."
"Far from it."
"Exactly, so your trigger will be something else. Usually it's something close to you. Say someone started threatening your girlfriend, you are going to start reverting to best protect her, right? It's a deep-rooted instinct that goes way back. You can't help it. You just have to be in that mindset or situation to speed things along. I doubt she was being threatened at your work, so there was no need to change."
Something threatening Lumi? Barley always shadowed her to keep her safe. I knew that family was his substitute drug; projected from the times we were encouraged to be savage. If anyone threatened Lumi before me, I guess I would lose myself and bite back like he did.
I wonder what she was doing now? Was she staying safe and playfully picking on the protector who didn't run away? Torturing his hard efforts with more of her music?
"What about you?" I smirked and looked across "Tenley hardly seems like the woman who would be getting into trouble."
"You got that right" Byron giggled "she can hold her own for sure. I just try not to think about it. With her out there around all sorts of creeps, I guess I can get a little jealous."
Byron clenched his paws and smiled. No wonder he was so happy all the time. It was a distraction so he didn't think of all the ways Tenley was getting what he couldn't give her, even from an one night stand or whispers of false encouragement to stir up emotions.
She could say she loved the other men to fire them up. She could just lure them away for a quick fuck anywhere convenient. Somewhere in there, how was Byron meant to know what he has with Tenley wasn't another manipulation, especially with the way she was so eager to leave once she got back? They barely got to see each other to even have a chance at rekindling what they once may of had.
He was constantly being let down and left to stew in agony.
"Why don't you come with me?" I suggested "when I go to Mistigo, you can revert and we can live it up out there."
Byron blinked back in surprise. I had to admit, the idea surprised me as well, but it seemed like the right thing to do.
"I'm not a wild hybrid" he giggled "I'm not going past this."
He gestured to himself. I snorted back.
"I can work with that if you can. You said you loved the place and you've got nothing here. Tenley will be gone again in no time, and you've already said you aren't going to be in the picture if she comes back with a baby."
"Look" he breathed, obviously trying not to think about her leaving again "it's a really nice gesture, but Curly needs me to bring the crates to the shop, and Lemo can't do it all himself. I can't just leave this place. It's my home."
Merve already proved he was fully capable of offloading the orders by himself. With his stubbornness, he wouldn't allow anyone else to help anyway. And apart from delivering those things to the store, what else was Byron going to do? Curly probably has never seen a full store in her lifetime. She spent her time dusting and marking down stock to try and best the best before dates. Those things spanned years. The few people that came through couldn't keep the business from expiring itself.
"Home is a feeling. It's like a warm bubble in your gut, or a sense of safety. Do you feel any of that with Tennembee?"
I felt nothing. I had no doubts Byron wasn't far from my dislike for the dead-end town; if you could even call it that. He felt obligated to stay because of those few people he knew. He was trapping himself here on the chance things would change when Tenley returned once more; a desperate dream.
"You're torturing yourself."
"It's fine" he bit back, before lightening up "it's ok. I've got to support her. I can't just leave her."
Like she left him alone for years at a time?
He reminded me of myself. I had been doing the same thing at Paragon. I was comfortable where I was, even if I didn't like it. Unlike Byron, I had no choice but to stay. If I was given the opportunity to escape earlier, I probably wouldn't have taken it because of Lumi. She'd be devastated if she didn't know where I was. I'd feel guilty for abandoning her when she tolerated that shithole for years just to support me. Without Bruce interfering, I'd be happily with her right now probably listening to her songs while my biggest stress was finding a silly platypus toy for Lydia.
"The offer is there" I mumbled.
A small smile. He turned his head from me to take in the scents that passed us. I saw his wet nose twitching as it did. All I could smell was the harsh red dirt, dried bark, and pungent rustic bushlands rolling by. He probably could pick up much more that he could associate with all kinds of painful memories.
I saw how his eyes glistened with tears and the way he played it off as the wind. There was something along this road that was reminding him of better times he no longer had.
"Hey" I tried to ease the discomfort "I never told you what happened, back at the shop?"
"Oh?" Byron wiped his eyes and perked up a little "with the show?"
I nodded.
"We've got time" I shrugged "and you seemed interested."
"I am" he nodded, sniffling as he partially turned towards me.
"I've got something even better" I pulled out my phone to hold out to him "I can show you."
"Show me? You recorded it?"
"Not me. Everyone else."
Sliding over towards Byron's corner, I navigated the phone to the Internet where I could search for our show.
There were plenty here. Heaps of Luke and Levi on the instruments too. I never realized how popular they were. I thought it was just the Stars that got that sort of attention.
Picking one of the longer videos, we huddled together to watch it and try and hear the vocals over the whipping wind and creaking car. Together, we became lost in something better than our current painful situations.
7Please respect copyright.PENANA3PYS4vyMw7
Grinning and babbling about Paragon and my acrobatics from the copious videos and photos we had scrolled through together, our spirits were lifted when Merve swung around into a patchy tarred carpark outside the gaping entrance of a massive hardware store.
Around the side was where people lingered. I saw towering shelving of multicoloured wood offcuts and raw slabs poking from the side others inspected.
The scents of each type caught on the breeze. Cedar dominated the rest, mixed with chipboard and the fresh dust of a pine I could hear being sawed down.
"Just pick one out that looks good" Merve spoke as he came around to unbolt the back so we could slide towards it "but nothin' too pricey, ok? A hundred is ya cap."
We nodded, grinning.
"And don't get into trouble."
This was mostly aimed at Byron. His smile slipped into seriousness when he peered around Merve at the people. I couldn't tell which one he was looking at from back here. Was it the group smoking off to the side, the others talking beside them, or the little gathering bunched together off to the side of the entrance? Humans and hybrids seemed to work hand in hand here. Which was Kurtis?
"I won't start shit if he doesn't."
"Ah, ah" Merve tutted to Byron "I mean it. There's a lotta lads aroun' here who could belt ya into next year. Stay quiet."
Byron sighed and agreed. I stayed close to him, pulling on my bag and following behind Merve. Byron left his bag of stoppers in the back of the ute.
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Byron tried to straighten himself as he limped up to the entrance. There was no hiding the makeshift leg he swung around to power on confidentially, even under the long pants that were betrayed by the sunlight streaming through them. He held his head high, making sure not to linger on the group of smokers we passed.
I glanced back to see a few grinning at us in amusement at his affliction. So, Kurtis must have belonged in that group.
"There's some big slabs along here" Merve looked up at the shelf stacked with them "it runs all tha way down. Go give it a squiz."
Byron took the lead now. I trudged along behind while Merve hung back to chatter to some of the men who approached him, accepting a rolled smoke from one.
"It's got to be something we can carry" Byron told me when we paused again to peer up at the overwhelming selection touching the roof "nothing too solid."
"So, Rose Gum is out?"
"Oh, Rose Gum would break our backs" he laughed "and Mountain Ash is too pricey. I wouldn't even bother with Bunya Pine."
We kept walking, our heads tilted upwards at the little signs designating the different sections.
A man was walking up from the depths of the aisles. On seeing us, Byron glanced over, swore under his breath, and kept his head tilted up at the expensive Mango Wood.
It was pretty and very pale in comparison to the others stacked around it. This one had lines cut on an angle through it that the others did not.
"What about this one?" he tried to pull my focus from the man with the cigarette hanging out of the corner of his upturned mouth.
"Is that him?" I whispered.
Byron was doing everything to not even look at the man. Even his tail was curling inwards.
"Let's go over here" he suddenly turned to try and move away to the wood opposite us, but the man sped up and blocked the way, chuckling.
He was taller than both of us by a whole head and shoulders. The first thing I could smell was the burnt ash of his cigarette he plucked from his mouth to blow the pungent smoke towards us. I coughed at the smoke cutting into my lungs while Byron did not. This was probably something he was expecting.
The man had grey stubble shadowing where a beard should have been. Brown hair clumped around his ears from neglect. There was so much grease in it that it was squashed to his head from the weight.
The man had little holes around the curved collar of his white shirt. The emblem was faded into a blue and green smudge behind the multiple white creases cut through it.
Blue denims had brown stains up the thighs. The hems were also torn and eaten through with more holes. Even his dry mud-stained yellowed boots had circles of black oil stained on top.
Was this the guy?
He smiled a yellow-toothed smile. They didn't look rotten. It must have been from all the smoking over the years. It stained the top of his thumb and pointer-finger from where he chose to pull the cigarette in a curved style, compared to the usual scissor.
"Fancy seeing you here" he breathed, chuckling again as he took a drag that billowed out of his mouth as he talked "you get lost? Where's your owner?"
Byron refused to answer. He just stared at the man with a crushed browline that made him look more fearsome.
So, this was Kurtis then. The others smoking out the front were just strangers. The real problem had been lurking the aisles all along.
I checked for Merve, who was no longer in sight. Others looked our way but didn't intervene.
Everyone for themselves then. It was that kind of place.
"We're just getting wood" Byron grumbled, going to move around Kurtis, before he slammed a hand against the shelving beside him.
It echoed off the metal, freezing us in place. Still, no-one stepped in.
"Nah, you see, I tell you when you can leave" he dragged again, blowing and laughing "you should be good at following orders. That's what you are made for."
"Leave him alone" I scowled now "we aren't even going anything to you."
"Nish" Byron muttered, shooting me a stern stare "don't."
Kurtis looked between Byron and me, leaning down with another wide grin.
"You got yourself a little friend?" he laughed at Byron before turning to me "and what are you? Hell knows no human would want to hang out with this ugly mutt."
Kurtis swept a leg to knock Byron from his feet. He tried to grab at the shelving when he fell, cutting open his hand on the wood jutting out. Bracelets snagged, spilling a multitude of beads around us.
Heads turned to each other at the noise. I heard a shout.
"Hey! You leave those kids alone!"
It was Merve, emerging from around the side of the building.
"I didn't do nothin'" Kurtis stepped aside "kid fell on his own. He's got no balance with that little twig."
Byron's eyes were filled with tears when he pressed his cut paw to his body. Kurtis sneered down at him, wildly amused Byron didn't fight back.
Why? Why wasn't he doing anything?
This guy was no better than Tawn. He was only trying to be intimidating because he thought he had power over him. Byron did nothing because he was scared of the man, like I had been before threats turned to actual violence.
This wasn't some stranger. This was just another Tawn, trying to look good in front of everyone.
I shoved him. It did nothing; not even a stagger. Kurtis just stared down at where I touched him and shoved back.
Instantly, I felt my gut flip inside out as I was thrown to the ground. My head narrowly missed the jutting pieces behind me. My hands caught most of the fall, scraping against the sharp stones on the ground left from people's shoes. I felt the skin burn and pulse as it was scraped raw.
"Hey! Get outta it!" Merve rounded in on Kurtis, who just stepped back to keep smoking when Merve roughly pulled up Byron "ya a dog, you cunt."
"No need for such language" Kurtis acted surprised "your dog might actually find that offensive."
"Get fucked" I hissed back, making him laugh.
Merve came to pull me up, dusting me off and checking my hands he squeezed between his while muttering I was fine.
"Come on now. Let's go."
"No" Byron finally spoke "we came for a table, so we are getting one."
"Ya bleeding" Merve almost whined "ya aren't in the...."
"I'm getting that wood" he glared to him, then to Kurtis who just lifted his brows.
"Aren't you going to clean up your mess first?" Kurtis kicked the beads around his feet "someone else could have a fall."
Byron glared. Remaining rooted for a few seconds, he slowly knelt down so he could sweep his prosthetic behind him and start plucking up the beads on the ground.
Kurtis wanted him to be like this beneath him. Byron kneeling; submissive.
"Here" I stepped forward "I'll do th...."
"I can do it" Byron shot the warning stare again "I'm fine. Go get the wood."
And leave him with Kurtis just standing there?
"I can...."
Byron glared, silencing me.
I could get the wood and get us out of here quicker. Byron wasn't going to let me interfere.
"Merve" I mumbled to him "I need help. I don't know what I'm looking for."
Kurtis scoffed at hearing this. Merve just turned me so we could walk off.
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"Tha kid is too stubborn ta accept any hand" Merve spoke when we were in the depths of the aisles, looking up at the cheaper cuts hidden in the back.
Merve slid out a Peppercorn to study the top where the light wood was spotted with little knots. The edge was jagged and dark, bleeding into the wood.
"I just wanted to help."
"And this is something he wants t' do" Merve replied "he's not intimidated by that jack-off."
By the way his tail curled earlier, I knew differently. Byron was just trying to appear tough, even if his tail gave him away.
"Peppercorn is cheapest" Merve directed me to the stack "tha Sugar Gum is in ya range too."
He walked down to show me the plain wood with a dark silver trim that was straight and uniform. I was more focused on what Byron was being submitted to now.
"Which one?"
"Uh..." I frowned, not wanting to be the one pressured into getting something that might not be right "the Gum, I don't care."
Merve slid out the top one which had a hole curving into it from the top left corner. It was marked with measurements and arrows, like all the others. This particular piece slanted from the wide top down into a slender bottom. It wasn't the perfectly rectangle tabletop I had envisioned, but I didn't want to delay getting back to Byron.
"That's good" I shrugged "let's go."
Merve quickly slipped the piece back to swap it for the more equal one below. It still had a hole, more towards the middle, but at least it somewhat resembled a crooked rectangle.
"Let's get out of here" Merve agreed, walking past me with the little slab under an arm.
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The beads were cleaned from the smeared floor someone was bent over to scrub at with an old bucket and wet cloth that barely resembled material anymore.
Byron was leaning against the shelf closest to the exit. Kurtis was still there, muttering something to him as the other smokers laughed along.
He saw us marching from the depths, and stepped back, tossing down his cigarette at Byron's feet.
Byron scuffed out the still lit stub when Kurtis turned his back. He saw Merve heading to the little register and opened his mouth to speak.
What was he doing now?
Kurtis turned. He looked to the others who were laughing.
I had to get over there. He needed me.
"Stay here" Merve saw my line of sight "he can handle it."
"Dude is a prick anyway" the girl with a piece of fabric tied into a braid behind the register mumbled "he'll be gone soon anyway."
"Can't we call the cops?" I asked her "or do something?"
"The police?" she smirked "out here? That's funny."
The thought of proper help was comical to her. Just stay out of the way and you'll be fine. She was so much smaller than Kurtis too. I could see why she wasn't intervening.
"It's just one twenty today" she prompted Merve to open his wallet and hand over the cash, dropping in the extra before I could dispute it.
He grabbed the wood and moved for Byron. I stayed beside him, anxiously looking to Kurtis who was approaching Byron again.
"Hey!" Merve called again with a growl in his voice "get out of it!"
"Get out of it, mutt" Kurtis laughed "go on, Master's calling."
Byron glared to us. He didn't move.
"Before you go...." Kurtis started "I thought I saw your kids at the chop shop down the road earlier today. Got it in the car if you want to say some last goodbyes? Maybe you'll get the scraps if you are good?"
Kurtis bleated and laughed again. The others also snickered at the cruel joke.
"I'm not hungry" Byron smiled back "thank you for the offer."
He wasn't taking the bait. We reached his side, Merve putting himself between the both of them with the piece of wood.
"Time t' go" he muttered down to Byron.
"Oh, Kurtis" Byron smirked over the wood as Merve tried to move him along.
He turned, waiting.
"You may have seen many things at the chop shop, but I'm surprised you didn't see your wife there."
"Byron" Merve warned him and grabbed his arm "don't do this."
"No, I'm good" he yanked it free and took a few steps from us towards Kurtis, not hiding his limp anymore "you may make fun of me for my shitty leg or the fact I am very obviously a dog, but at least my wife didn't leave me for a hybrid. Tell me, would a bird even have a dick? Or was the sex that bad that even a hole would do?"
Some of the smokers whooped at the savageness. One was a hybrid bird himself, choking on the smoke it laughed out.
It was mostly grey with an arch of brown coming from the black eyes. A black streak ran between both eyes and over the nose, pulling down the chin to curve out at the collarbones.
The bent winged arms had brown claws at the end that were only a few shades lighter than the feathers.
Instead of stubbing out the cigarette on the ground, it crushed it on the wall and stashed the butt away into the pocket of its stained green pants.
"Don't look at me" it told the others doing exactly that "shit's funny."
"You mother fucker!" Kurtis roared, lunging for Byron.
He snarled back, swatting his bleeding paw at Kurtis' face. The bird rushed forth to help hold Kurtis from Byron who tugged and fought to be free from my arms trying to lead him away.
"Fuck you and your dumb bitch!" Kurtis spat "filthy beast-fucking cunts!"
"Fuck you too!" Byron jerked, snarling "piece of shit! I'll rip your goddamn face off!"
"Try it!" Kurtis strained "go on! I'll have you put down so fucking quick!"
Byron growled and lunged. I felt his body tense up under mine and turn to stone. Merve had to step in to contain him when he began to shove past me.
"You're lucky!" Kurtis jabbed a finger over a restricting arm at Byron "if they weren't here, you'd be dead, just like your stupid sheep!"
"Come closer then!" Byron goaded and tried to shove past me "try and fucking touch me!"
Teeth snapped towards the man who bared his own. Between them, they were the same ferocious beast. For a moment, there was no difference.
Merve began to physically drag Byron away by wrapping an arm around his stomach and picking him up. I grabbed the wood, dragging it after him since I couldn't fully lift it.
Kurtis was settled by his friends. They all watched as we were loaded into the truck with the wood, Byron still snarling at Kurtis.
"Fuck you, arsehole!" Byron crawled to the edge of the ute to screech at him "you deserve to die alone!"
Kurtis snorted like a wild bull, storming over. Merve was already in the ute to pull it into gear and veer on the way out of the parking lot.
"Come near my home and I'll rip you apart! Byron snapped at Kurtis who sprinted after us to try and catch up.
"Watch your back!" Kurtis growled when he became too winded to continue "count your days, dog!"
"Arsehole" Byron muttered and flopped back. He dragged himself to the little window to knock on it.
"Got a drink in there for me too?"
A hand pulled through with a stubby bottle. The bright yellow label warned that this was alcoholic lemonade.
"Should you be drinking that?" I worried as he cracked open the lid and gulped down a large mouthful.
"Probably not" Byron answered roughly "but I'm not letting that dickhead near the farm, so I need the energy. I don't want anything happening to those sheep. He's the type of guy to spike their water with rat bait or mix tar with the molasses."
"He knows where you live?"
"Everyone knows" Byron sighed "Tenley isn't exactly the most forgettable person around here, and I'm always around there, so...." he trailer off and shrugged "Kurtis usually keeps to himself, but I'm not taking chances, not after what he said."
I nodded, just grateful we made it out alive. That guy really did look like he was going to kill Byron, or myself, for just being in the way.
Byron turned his attention to his paws to lick them. The noise was unsettling, and he saw how it made my nose wrinkle at how overly wet the sound was, smirking and deliberately going slower so it was dragged out.
Hanging my arms over my bent knees, I saw how my nails had thickened. Turning my hand over and picking at the thick things now lifting from the beds, I shuddered.
Eww. Why did they have to look like that?
Byron paused, mid-lick, to stare over at them. His smile grew wide and his tail started thumping on the metal.
"Aww, you changed for me?"
"It's not like that" I hid my hands "Kurtis was there and things happened."
"But you changed" Byron replied smugly, licking up his paw "for me."
"Shut up" I rolled my eyes, smiling at his stupidity.
I guess I did though. The dumb dog had a way of making me feel better about myself when we were together. He lifted everyone's spirits up, except his own.
Looking across, he still was smug about the change. I kicked a leg out to shove his own. He returned the gesture with his false one that nudged below my knee, giggling.
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We were in better spirits when we returned to the starion, despite the wounds.
The crates were still stacked to the side. Byron unthreaded his fabric belt to coil it around the top of his head. With extra padding, he said we could place the crates on top of the wood and we could carry them to the shop before returning home. The long piece would also protect us from the hot sun beating down over the dry land.
With my shirt stripped to also protect my head, I felt fat too exposed; even more so than my skimpy costumes at Paragon.
I noticed without the makeshift belt covering most of his hips and belly, Byron had been hiding deep scars that twisted his skin grotesquely. They were so deep, I could see them twisting when his body made the slightest adjustment. Claw marks raked from his hip, down beneath his pants and to the false leg.
Suddenly, being too pale wasn't the worst thing in the world.
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Merve helped stack the crates before leaving with a few blows of his cracking horn. Walking through the stirred dust, we began our lopsided trek for the store, Byron's tail wagging as he hummed the tune of my song.
Singing along, I had Lumi's voice cut through the silence from my phone to help lift our spirits.
The world out here was a lot different to the one I was used to, but at least I had someone like Byron to make it easier.
Even if he wasn't the Dane or his son, he still gave me the same bubbling feeling they did when I was younger.
He'd help me change, and I'd help him see that there was a world worth living beyond the train tracks.
We just had to take it one creaky step at a time.
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