兌現唔到嘅承諾 - 完

「喂，做咩啫？」

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我同阿軒喺間茶餐廳度食飯，我食牛肉麵，佢食豆腐火腩飯。

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佢應該見我望住麵上面塊牛肉勁耐，忍唔住問我。

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「乜你唔食牛㗎咩？」佢又問。

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我夾起塊牛肉放入口，「冇，啱啱諗緊嘢啫。」塊牛肉好韌，我咬咗幾耐先吞得落肚。

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「仲諗緊人啊？」他飲咗啖凍奶茶，「冇咩喎，唔係你做得唔好，又唔係佢肯，係個天唔幫你哋啫。其實我覺得你哋幾夾，如果結婚嘅話我想做你伴郎。」

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「你都諗得幾前。」我忍唔住笑咗下。

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阿軒真心祝福我，我搞完場大頭佛仲要瞞住佢，佢真係好慘。

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「FF下啫，人係要啲想像力先生存到落去。」他食咗嚿豆腐。

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係嚟，我都諗唔到有咩可以再講。

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可能完得有啲快，不過件事基本上係咁。

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入大學嗰個十二月，我同我新識嘅朋友喺Canteen吹水。

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「哇，你真係人渣。」

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佢係個女仔，同阿欣完全唔同type。四眼，有啲瘦，識好多嘢，簡單形容就係宅女。

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佢聽晒成個故事，第一反應就係咁。

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「妳係咪諗住叫晒識嘅人小心我？」我篤住杯凍檸茶問。

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「你同我講，係想減低罪疚感定係想摧殘我？」佢應該講緊笑，如無意外。

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佢主修心理學，有日問我有冇啲特別嘅經歷可以畀佢用嚟交report，所以我先同佢講。

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「你會hide我個名㗎呵？」我左望右望，我哋附近冇人坐。

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「本身都冇諗住出名，你唔同意更加唔會出。」

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佢話將來想去牛津讀碩士，我係咪識咗個好把炮嘅人？

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「妳可唔可以分析下我每個行動背後嘅動機同埋依啲行動對我造成嘅影響？」我好有興趣咁問佢。

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「我分析係你唔應該再識女仔。」

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「唔係咁講嘢啊嘛？」

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咁我的確唔想再識女仔，識到佢只係因為我哋成日坐埋一齊。唔係我或者佢特登坐埋去，係我成日都好遲先嚟到，又得返佢隔離有位。

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「正常人都會咁認為。你最好絕埋育，切埋條嘢最好，你係女人公敵。」

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「醫生，我係咪冇得救？」

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佢飲咗啖black coffee，對我露出一個好似叫我期待啲咩嘅眼神。

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佢放低個杯，講：「係。」

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阿軒同我去咗唔同嘅大學，呢幾個月佢都冇乜點聯絡我，或者依啲就係我嘅報應。

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有好多嘢我都唔知，如果阿欣冇落到個仔，個仔依家應該個幾歲。

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我喺阿欣心入面留咗幾大心理創傷？

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「真係冇得救？」我問多次。

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「最好拎去人道毀滅。」

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「醫生唔係應該幫病人㗎咩？」

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佢又飲多啖，「我冇牌，幫唔到你。」

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我飲咗啖凍檸茶，「係咪我衰晒？」

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「坦白講，係。你唔係鍾意佢，而係想得到佢。」

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「我有咩可以補償到佢？」我知咁問好遲，不過只係諗緊「如果」。

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「你斬完人幫佢醫返好都補償唔到，一開始就唔好斬。」

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「多謝醫生。」

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佢依兩年喊咗幾多次？鬧咗我幾多次？我唔知。我呢兩年每日都瞓得唔安樂，諗當初有冇方法做得更好。

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呢個四眼妹係第五個知道依件事，佢聽完會唔會同人講？

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等緊我嘅，係再深一層嘅地獄，定係永遠嘅痛楚？

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