"So...dito lang tayo?" Tanong sa akin ni Trace nang kumalma siya habang nagpupunas ng sipon.
"You tell me."
"Look, sorry, okay? Sasabihin ko naman sayo, eh---"
"No---hindi ako galit sayo, Trace. Naiintindihan ko naman kung hindi mo sinasabi sa akin. And..." Huminga ako nang malalim. "Sorry kung nakiusyoso ako. But my anger isn't directed in you. I'm mad at that...that fucking guy."
"I'm thankful you did that."
"Yung pakikichismis o yung pagsuntok?"
"Err, parehas?"
"Good choice."
"Thanks,"
Natahimik kami ng ilang segundo. Yumuko si Trace.
"Just to be sure before I tell you, open minded ka naman diba?"
"Ngayon ka pa talaga nagtanong?" Sarkastiko kong sabi.
Bahagya siyang ngumiti. "So...uhm, that's the guy I've been telling you."
I tilted my head. "I heard. Tell me something I don't know."
"...Right."
Nagsimulang magkwento si Trace tungkol kay Dean. I can't help but to twitch everytime he mentions his name. And I can't believe that all happened. Parang gusto kong sakalin ang sarili ko sa mga narinig ko.
To summarize, Dean and Trace was in the same circle of friends. Lima silang magkakaibigan, and when Trace confessed that he's gay and he likes Dean, he's the one who started to drift away from them, not the other way around. His friends did nothing after that. Walang contact o kahit ano.
But why? I thought to myself, thinking that his friends might be despising him for being gay.
It's just...happened to drift away because there was no communication, he told me, and it was ridiculous.
But suddenly, weeks before the first day of school starts, Dean started contacting him out of the blue, saying that he's going to try liking him after he confessed to him.
Trace, being the person he is, agreed.
"You're so stupid," I accidently expressed my thought out loud. Napailing si Trace na nakangiti.
"Wait till you hear what happened next,"
I didn't really like what I heard next.
Sabi niya, mayaman si Dean at may sariling apartment. In that apartment, they started hanging out, relieving the past, without informing any of their other friends, like they've been seeing each other in secret. One thing led to another, they started making out.
But when this Dean requested if they could do it, Trace asked first about his feelings and Dean can't answer.
"It's like something struck to him na hindi ko rin maipaliwanag," Malungkot na ngumiti si Trace. "He's not so clear about his feelings."
Dean ignored his question but proceed to hold him down and Trace push him away and ran from his apartment.
What a bastard.
The second time happened at the comfort room here at school last week ago. Dean gripped him down and he escaped. After that, Dean told him if they could go back to being friends as if all of that didn't happen.
"You're the first one to know."
Parang sumakit ang ulo ko sa narinig ko. How that phrase would make me feel any better?
"He's a coward and a bastard." Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya. "I think he's afraid people would found out he's like you. He can't risk his self for you."
"Ayan din ang iniisip ko. Hindi niya ako masagot nang maayos, kahit alam kong may nararamdaman siya sa akin. He can't be brave because there's consequences."
Pareho ulit kaming natahimik si Trace. Nilapit ko ang ulo niya sa balikat ko dahil napansin kong naluluha na naman siya.
"You know, kapag nagkaroon ka na ng first boyfriend, 'wag kang pipili dito sa Pilipinas. They'll be like that guy Dean. Coward."
Narinig ko siyang suminghot bago tumawa. "So anong lahi ang suggestion mo?"
"Kahit anong lahi."
"Basta hindi dito sa Pilipinas?"
I nodded.
"That's discrimination." Singit niya.
Hindi ako sumagot sa kanya at mahinang tinampal ang pisngi niya. "Okay ka na ba? Balik na tayo sa room."
Umiling siya. "Ayaw ko pa,"
"Absent na tayo,"
"Hindi. Narinig ko wala si Ma'am Tori sa faculty dahil sinugod yung Lolo niya sa ER."
"Bakit ngayon mo lang sinabi?"
"Sasabihin ko sana pagbalik sa room."
"Hindi valid ang rason mo."
Muli siyang tumawa, ngunit kaagad din siyang tumigil. "Alice,"
"Bakit?"
"Nagkaboyfriend ka na ba?"
"Hindi pa."
"Crush?"
"Mga artista lang."
"So wala ka pang experience with liking somebody your age?"
"It's not that I'm avoiding having feelings. It just don't occurs to me." I answered honestly.
"But you seem so experienced. Mas naiinis ka pa sa akin dahil sa nalaman mo."
"You really think so?"
"Hmm."
"Coaches don't play,"
"Yabang..."
Tumawa ako. "Kahit naman kasi wala akong experience, naiintindihan ko ang tama sa mali. It's not that I'm so dumb to not even notice that."
"...You're really great. Salamat, Alice. Huwag kang mamamatay, okay?"
"Okay,"
Napabalikwas ako nang may makita akong tao sa gilid ng mata ko. A familiar figure were looking at us from afar beside the corridor sink. Nang magtama ang mata namin ay saglit kaming nagkatitigan.
He avoided my gaze and walk away, with his brown sling bag swaying on his side. And all of a sudden, a hint of nostalgia hits me, because I know this happens before, and I don't know where and when.
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My heart drops as I look at his figure leaving.
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