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#3

討厭清醒

玖玥 玖玥
Aug 1, 2022 215 2 Mins Read
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No Plagiarism!hcYvHPDwOwDDinn8byIzposted on PＥNAＮＡ

我討厭清醒。 

219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwApxOJ75i

清醒就會想起一些不想記起的，例如那個晚上。

219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0Z1Ndx7Sx

//

219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7bc0RQkJxp

平常只要喝醉了就能感到愉悅，起碼不必經歷那些狗屎事情。

沉悶、孤獨、無聊、寂寞，通通都快要把我逼瘋。

219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPpjagoJOBl

我快速地大口喝著手中的free drink，希望至少會有一點微醺，可惜並沒有。這杯酒摻和了太多的水份，和我遭透的心情一樣。

219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqkkYFJOW6

突然有人從背後把我擁著，一般我會一個批踭將他打開，但他的肥皂香在當刻可算格外清新，加上刺耳澎湃的音樂重重圍繞着我使我鬼迷心竅。

219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2yQPPeSwK3

我扭頭一看，正好是我喜歡的類型。當下就理所當然地認為是恰好的緣份，後來才知道那地方只有人為的巧合。他周圍的朋友圍成一圈起哄着，他捉過我的頭用力狂吻著，未試過如此瘋狂的我只是配合。

219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7TxpNnfmYm

我見他的眼皮垂得要緊:「仲有冇貨？」

219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAvSUMtb8m

「冇啦食曬啦。」

219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf9hiPRVOk4

不知他話中真假，只知我今晚應該要清醒一晚，他則留在他的迷幻世界裏繼續享樂，也還合理。本就摻和不到一起，大家都是各玩各的，我應該知道的。

219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0VUAbl9uf

我和他談了好多，知道他玩音樂，他也慷慨地freestyle了一段給我，內容也還記得一二。

219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIv1DN8Zbkr

我小心積極地百般試探著，他亦沒有拒絕，便天真的以為事情成了一半。

219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmQBjT6PTt

有次臨走時他告訴我: 「我就嚟有女朋友啦，你⋯」，言下之意我該退場了。那時他笑得像小孩，我想如果我也醉得像他那樣，是不是也能快樂一點。

219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwf0WeyhLeP

或許我能扮醉，但最後我連留住他的身份也沒有，我們只是醉後吻過的朋友。

219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhZsMAe3gS

所以說我討厭清醒。

219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHkTmHwZ1Kn

//

219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqp6LLoDoV

那次以後我學精了，那裏不是可以真情流露的地方。

每認識一人，我就越抽離。

我開始物化每一個人，不論在日常或是糜亂之中。

219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQBxnJuWO9g

我知道我不該這樣，但我不知道如何改變，始終這世界上沒有一個undo掣，一按就行。

219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwv8vSwmfj

我明白我變了，被一些毫不相干的人改寫了我的腦袋。

從一個純真乖女變成壞左嘅人。

不熟我的人不會了解我有多fucked up。

219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMHb0ELBHR

我開始麻醉自己，用煙酒，用草，用性愛。

這些甚至不是我所愛，我愛的只是朦朧的感覺。

219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6rqUCso3H

219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbY7Nqu6vTX

219Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡca6jVDu2bZ

從前我討厭清醒，是因為厭世，現在則是為了忘記我是個怎樣的人。

13.58.196.90

ns13.58.196.90da2
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清川 清川
凌清 凌清
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Table of Contents
#0 Intro
#1 命運
#2 尼古丁
#3 討厭清醒
#4 斯德哥爾摩症候群
#5 七月節
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