58Please respect copyright.PENANAPlDArRyui8
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抱持怎樣的決心、說出怎樣的話語,對許晰文而言都是自己一個人的事情。58Please respect copyright.PENANAtddvdCdpId
58Please respect copyright.PENANAplV2dzer4M
性別、血緣、身分……許晰文幾乎是從出生前,就注定不能喜歡許衍黎,如果可以,他真的不想坦承自己是誰。58Please respect copyright.PENANA26vJQ1FXLM
58Please respect copyright.PENANAdudWwkOiE7
許晰文從來沒有因為姓許,就得到任何好處或特權,也許跟著亡母的姓還能讓他至少心情上比較好過。這個世界確實沒有道理與公平,明明養大他的是卓氏、最親近他的人是卓氏、對他最好的也是卓氏,他卻只能跟把娘親趕出家門的男人同姓。58Please respect copyright.PENANA90yLNeXylM
58Please respect copyright.PENANABL3Uq7ooJ4
他看著娘親,經常會感到罪咎。58Please respect copyright.PENANAyZiwnKc9Ne
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他根本沒有讓娘親對他那麼好的理由。58Please respect copyright.PENANAd0UJRHrWOF
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許晰文甚至有時候會想,倘若不是懷上自己,娘親是否就不會被扔出許家?58Please respect copyright.PENANApQQFDNzTLP
58Please respect copyright.PENANApVuywPIjsj
許家未必是什麼好歸宿,可起碼有屋瓦遮風避雨、死後能入祠堂受供奉。58Please respect copyright.PENANAaSsl1cm4EH
58Please respect copyright.PENANAuZNoY1c74J
可活在這世上,唯一一件慶幸的是,藉著這份薄弱的親緣,他因此認識了許衍黎。58Please respect copyright.PENANASCpI8xSZJW
58Please respect copyright.PENANAXSHYPa6j8c
許衍黎的個性使然,倘若不是親人,根本不可能了解他更多事。58Please respect copyright.PENANAcJ54aattbv
58Please respect copyright.PENANA6LQd2Q9X54
可能,自己還是太貪心了,除了遇到他,還想認識他,甚至想要有愛他的資格。58Please respect copyright.PENANAEHhxffj1ju
58Please respect copyright.PENANAdJ8kEbkPxo
亡母在世時,不怎麼提及許家的事情,只有許衍黎不同,亡母在說到許衍黎的時候,會有溫柔而無奈的笑容,會抱著他說:「是許二公子搭救,你才能出世的。以後要努力報答他啊。」58Please respect copyright.PENANAtoC2XtCIu0
58Please respect copyright.PENANAZyvanU9BRM
他不曉得怎麼、何時,他就是喜歡上了許衍黎。58Please respect copyright.PENANAhPr5DP4dI2
58Please respect copyright.PENANA1sAVuQcfG1
想待在他身邊、不想看他娶妻生子、希望只有自己對他是特別的──即是因為期盼太過深切,許晰文才會不敢輕易見他,卻也忍不住、即便說謊也要留住他。58Please respect copyright.PENANAoz1aMUtnaV
58Please respect copyright.PENANAnFxEBTOMvN
許晰文忍不住衝動、告白而出的心意,在許衍黎眼中會有多狼狽、會有什麼後果,其實他想不到除了被厭棄以外的答案。58Please respect copyright.PENANA7A023zwl13
58Please respect copyright.PENANAPofcZer6EB
要是有資格享受著許衍黎的溫柔,是因為謊言,那真實的許晰文該如何是好呢?58Please respect copyright.PENANAG6tWiZBPwL
58Please respect copyright.PENANAwOIw0oeAax
無法和許衍黎坦誠相對的自己,是無法帶給許衍黎任何好處的。58Please respect copyright.PENANALABxtMIik6
58Please respect copyright.PENANASgLK53qXLh
更何況還要看他為自己張羅終身大事,許晰文做不到。58Please respect copyright.PENANAU3SnhHrf98
58Please respect copyright.PENANAB73umq099P
在許衍黎第無數次將眨眼的頻率拖慢時,許晰文不禁伸手,用還未卸下蔻丹的指尖觸碰許衍黎睡熱了的臉龐,他最後一次將許衍黎的面容牢記於心,閉上眼的同時也將距離拉開,盈盈一拜:「讓叔父煩擾了,此後,晰文不會再叨擾,願叔父年年歲歲安康喜樂。」語畢即旋身,沉甸甸的雨勢壓著他身上繁複的女裝,洗去精緻紅妝底下的,分明是一張堪比擲果盈車的少年臉孔。58Please respect copyright.PENANA5Br5SpM4Dj
58Please respect copyright.PENANAmifKwUThLq
義髻和髮釵逐漸被雨水扯鬆了,許晰文一邊艱難地抬起沉重的膝蓋,一邊取下那些髮飾,讓傾落的雨水打亂他的髮絲,散下來的髮絲披在肩頭,楚楚可憐的模樣,無論是哪個看不清雨幕中容顏的男子,都會因為憐惜而不住遞上傘柄才是。58Please respect copyright.PENANAUxHmYnVZUd
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然而天時地利人和,全都不在適切的位置。58Please respect copyright.PENANALpMEbZL9Md
58Please respect copyright.PENANA1kZAxJOozg
降雨的荒山,連樵夫都不見得會出現,提什麼其他可能帶傘的閒散人士,那更是荒謬。58Please respect copyright.PENANACAnhjLYxUS
58Please respect copyright.PENANAULGDYmhY57
貪婪妄求像是他一生的註腳,即便現在他的年紀恐怕還要再活上三倍以上的時光,才會自然而死,只是如今找不到理由活下去的自己,真的還能這樣強行撐下去嗎?58Please respect copyright.PENANAuu1DKfEPw1
58Please respect copyright.PENANAriLqXcfjFW
娘親離世後,將近一年的時間裡,除了將積累的債務還清,許晰文想不起自己可還曾做過些什麼,他在這世界上本就只餘下許衍黎是唯一的羈絆,許衍黎也不要他的話,世間也已沒有他想要的了。58Please respect copyright.PENANA7lwpKodAUI
58Please respect copyright.PENANAl0yaOrjzdO
泥濘濺上腿腳,許晰文已無力管顧,任由一步比一步沉重深陷,踩上外露的濕滑石頭混著青苔,小腿無法撐住失重的身軀時,他瞬間一陣輕鬆。58Please respect copyright.PENANAyiq2SfEUd1
58Please respect copyright.PENANAeqGdQ8ofaS
──總算可以結束了。58Please respect copyright.PENANAB01ot7Ttae
58Please respect copyright.PENANAQa0uEiqUi6
許晰文閉上雙眼,準備好迎接疼痛以及疼痛以降的傷害,腦海裡閃過的是泛著如絨毛般光暈的春日風景,那是他在過往年歲都無暇欣賞的美麗,如今也已可放下。58Please respect copyright.PENANA4CYKn7wO5X
58Please respect copyright.PENANA4geuSYjGhM
即便確實撞上了什麼,說是疼痛卻是太過。58Please respect copyright.PENANAwWhFT9qdz2
58Please respect copyright.PENANAE3RzN8NtJg
許晰文茫然地張開雙眼,在冰涼失溫的肌膚表面,應該已不會輕易產生觸覺的麻木中,將他按得更緊的力道,擠壓著他,呼吸間除了雨水濃重的氣味外,也混著少許令人安心的什麼。58Please respect copyright.PENANAQ4qepDfhh3
58Please respect copyright.PENANAhCAxOwn56Y
他再次閉上眼,如潮湧上的黑暗十分溫柔,似乎能為他阻擋一切噩夢般。58Please respect copyright.PENANAxigvZtt6Bt
58Please respect copyright.PENANAMXLawVQsIE
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58Please respect copyright.PENANAi3SS2yz9dV
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朦朧中的溫暖,是第一重襲上來的。58Please respect copyright.PENANAEh47MmzgQG
58Please respect copyright.PENANAU1W8qSPUio
第二重是昏暗的光。58Please respect copyright.PENANAGdSQw93Rqm
58Please respect copyright.PENANAvzikSDIPiU
許晰文揉著眼,讓疼痛的眼睛能漸漸接納門縫漏進來的光。58Please respect copyright.PENANAEfJDcYX6vG
58Please respect copyright.PENANAi8NJT5qwb0
光……?58Please respect copyright.PENANAUiHa11kYVT
58Please respect copyright.PENANAuaz6calLXO
許晰文愣了下,趕忙下床往外跑,推開門後,被燭光攏住的,並不是熟悉的擺設。58Please respect copyright.PENANAAg3A3ri0y1
58Please respect copyright.PENANA3rusA7oiWc
他焦急張望,幾枝蠟燭能照亮的範圍並不廣,其中並不包括其他人,許晰文朝著並未閉攏的大門跑,撞上正巧推門進來的人。58Please respect copyright.PENANAge205nGPJY
58Please respect copyright.PENANARgikwjK6G3
畢竟不怎麼有鍛鍊體能的機會,文弱的身軀被這樣一撞,向後踉蹌了幾步,方能伸手按住許晰文的雙肩,制止還要往外奔的人。58Please respect copyright.PENANARjpeN0krXG
58Please respect copyright.PENANALYoEDs6WOP
幾次掙扎不開,許晰文才焦慮地望向對方的臉,隨後在思緒短暫空白後,忽然失去了支撐全身的力氣,就要往下跪,在即將觸地前,被及時架停。58Please respect copyright.PENANAfIWMANl1r4
58Please respect copyright.PENANAejhmpEQ72u
許衍黎勉強撐起許晰文,步履蹣跚地將他扶進去屋裡休息。58Please respect copyright.PENANAPDD32emfu2
58Please respect copyright.PENANAGqB5x1IWtT
沒有妝容遮掩的面容在燭光下憔悴。許衍黎擦掉對方額上的汗水,過了許久,許晰文才開口說:「叔父,你的責任心與憐憫,姪兒受之有愧,還請叔父放棄。」58Please respect copyright.PENANA10W3lMOgkA
58Please respect copyright.PENANACxew8iXvIn
許衍黎過了一下子,在燭火燒出輕微的裂響後,啟唇相詢:「你剛才想去哪裡?」58Please respect copyright.PENANAw1YvlPCVPe
58Please respect copyright.PENANAJKsP023dxL
許衍黎失魂落魄的神情並沒有鬆動,許衍黎分辨不出來他是否有聽見,他在心底嘆息,指頭拂過許晰文被汗水黏在臉上的髮梢,許晰文緩緩抬頭,許晰文瞳中是許衍黎的身影,以及躍動的火光,眼神卻是癡傻的。58Please respect copyright.PENANACQgk91BZVk
58Please respect copyright.PENANAGXL242RWBT
許衍黎抿唇,到底還是把許晰文摟進懷裡。58Please respect copyright.PENANA2lns2CtomV
58Please respect copyright.PENANAwrWXGjYYGT
即便是自己都能背起的身軀過於瘦弱,也難怪假扮女子多年,竟沒被尋芳客揭穿過。許衍黎想著,並輕輕拍拂著許晰文的背部。58Please respect copyright.PENANA213R2rHGZc
58Please respect copyright.PENANAIWkvbwZiHe
許晰文囁嚅多時,殘破的語音連接成句:「我想找我娘。」58Please respect copyright.PENANAXZTKtTQyl6
58Please respect copyright.PENANAr8844rfcm3
「晰文,你……要搬過來跟我一起住嗎?」58Please respect copyright.PENANA1Rt6e1K65P
58Please respect copyright.PENANAvZhEUPFmU6
許晰文閉上雙眼,在幾個呼吸的時間過去後說:「叔父,你不理解,晰文的喜歡,並非單純留在叔父身邊就可知足,我想要叔父只看著我,想要叔父只和我說話,想要只有我能碰叔父的身體,我……我想要的比你以為得要多。」58Please respect copyright.PENANApJZClgmc1x
58Please respect copyright.PENANAk09tnuxQc2
「你想和我成婚。」58Please respect copyright.PENANAcgi5zWVHH8
58Please respect copyright.PENANAgpBeFbJXLP
「不是,不是形式上,或者不只是。」許晰文慢慢睜眼,喟嘆一般補充:「對外說我和叔父什麼關係,我不在意,但我想完全佔有叔父,做的事情,不會比恩客對妓女做的要少。遠遠不只一句逾越叔姪身分可以概括。」58Please respect copyright.PENANAtFVU5mpxD4
58Please respect copyright.PENANAVjPozuGyWy
「晰文,你現在還住在妓院中嗎?」58Please respect copyright.PENANAB2TjOedI2M
58Please respect copyright.PENANASaieK8zXK3
「叔父,請你放棄,好嗎?」58Please respect copyright.PENANAHi2J8IKbEy
58Please respect copyright.PENANA2ntUqJWp6U
「剩下的債,我替你還,你留下吧。」58Please respect copyright.PENANA9fc9D7Px4G
58Please respect copyright.PENANAkN7XkrLjcA
許晰文在許衍黎鬆手瞬間,將許衍黎扯下來,吻住他輕微乾裂的嘴唇,還沒完全分離的唇間,是逐漸消失的柔軟觸感。58Please respect copyright.PENANAyO3c0xotNL
58Please respect copyright.PENANAaOlKcPkGTF
自肌骨與臟器而發的疼痛,席捲他的意識,在暈眩中,敏感的唇瓣被壓住,許晰文本以為自己已經昏迷,頂弄自己唇縫的,卻不似湯匙,遑論苦澀的藥味。58Please respect copyright.PENANAnzlbGm8YIC
58Please respect copyright.PENANAZPwaUzCJnw
相信自己只可能因為被餵藥而有這種觸覺的情況下,柔嫩的雙唇一啟,能放大一切知覺的敏感口腔卻被遲疑地又撞又抹,許晰文能辨認出許衍黎過近的臉孔時,許衍黎紅著臉,有些喘的樣子,讓許晰文不住眨了很多下眼,確認這不是自己過於渴望而產生的逼真幻覺。58Please respect copyright.PENANAPcdafwuOZW
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58Please respect copyright.PENANArtbO22bN5T