我嘅職業係專溝人地個女朋友 - 11.18

11.18

Nov 29, 2022

192

4 Mins Read

原來善柔之所以會知道，係因為有日我同Kelly一齊上酒店果陣比人見到，而見到衣幕果個仲要偏偏係視我為眼中釘嘅李立仁。

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之後，佢親自帶住善柔去捉姦，令善柔親眼睇住我同Kelly走左入酒店。

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當時其實善柔都仲抱有一絲嘅希望，未完全相信我係出軌。但衣絲嘅希望隨住佢打電話比佢問我係邊果陣，我呃佢話同同學傾緊project而幻滅…

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結果，佢無得再唔相信李立仁講嘅野，知道左衣個殘忍嘅事實。而當時仲係酒店同Kelly happy緊嘅我，都仲未意識到自己已經東窗事發…

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直至傍晚，善柔突然黎左搵我。

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「點解咁突然黎搵我嘅? 掛住我呀?」當時仍不知大禍臨頭嘅我見到善柔仲笑笑口咁問佢。

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「我知你岩岩同第二個女人上左酒店。」

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笑容瞬間從我臉上凝結。

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「我... 我... 對唔住...」下意識我想解釋同狡辯，但我發覺我根本諗唔到任何嘅說法去解釋我嘅行為。

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「點解?」善柔問。

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「對唔住呀柔柔...我知係我唔岩，係我抵受唔住引誘...」我無理善柔嘅問題而只係識不停咁道歉。

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「引誘? 你知唔知點解我當初會接受你同你一齊? 係因為我覺得同你一齊我好安心，你好比到安全感我，但點知倒頭黎原來感覺都係會呃人... 到底我有咩唔好，我有咩做得唔夠你仲要搵第二個?」善柔好希望知道自己係咪有咩唔好嘅地方令我要咁做。

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「你無，你一直都做得好好...係我自己唔好，唔關你事...」但善柔係一個完美嘅女人亦係完美嘅女朋友，所以我真係諗唔到任何一個佢有做得唔好或者唔夠嘅地方。

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「真係咁好咁點解你仲要搵第二個? 我係咪有咩滿足唔到你?」但善柔似乎並唔相信。

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「其實我都唔知點解，因為你一直都好完美... 或者出軌本身其實就唔需要任何原因同理由，如果真係一定要比個原因，咁或者係... 你，始終都只可以係你...」

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如果真係要格硬講一樣原因，咁就係新鮮感，或者係男人對唯一以外嘅貪婪。

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我講完後，善柔好似受左下重擊咁，終於再忍唔住喊起上黎，仲要係崩潰式放題果隻。

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人真係好奇妙，有d野真係唔到發生果刻你都唔會知道自己感受。

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由我認識善柔開始，佢就已經係完美嘅存在。佢自信活潑，充滿住智慧，就算同佢一齊左咁耐，我都未見過佢喊或者係表露出任何嘅失意。

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但衣刻嘅佢，係一個我從未見過嘅善柔

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係一個脆弱無助，完全崩潰左嘅善柔...

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見到佢嘅眼淚好似失左開關制咁係咁流落黎，喊到聲嘶力竭，我個心都出現左一下劇烈嘅刺痛…

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我終於意識到自己到底做左一件咩嘅錯事，到佢造成左幾大嘅傷害同打擊…

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一路以黎善柔對我毫無保留咁信任，將自己所有野交晒比我，但我點對佢?

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我辜負左佢嘅信任同愛惜，破壞左佢嘅期盼…

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如果時間可以重來，我一定唔會再咁做去傷害佢....

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但衣家我可以做嘅，竟然就只有望住佢喊同係咁講對唔住...

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而當望住佢轉身離開果刻，我先再意識到，衣個由我初中就迷戀到現在嘅女神，將會永遠咁離開我，唔再屬於我…

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到底我要有幾傻幾白痴先會犯個咁嘅錯?

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明明本身”幸福”兩個字已經緊緊咁貼近左自己

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但衣家，我知我衣世都再同二兩個字無緣。

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後悔，內疚，對自己嘅憎恨同厭惡，全都充斥住我嘅心靈。

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之但係錯已經鑄成，衣家就算自己喊到脫水，又仲有咩用?

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雖然痛心同後悔，但我並無去追善柔，因為我知就算佢肯原諒我，都無可能會願意再次接受我...

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不過當時嘅我，都仍然係太天真低估左自己對善柔嘅傷害。

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