「你是誰?」你問我,口腔滲出一陣濃烈酒氣。753Please respect copyright.PENANAQfLDobB22b
753Please respect copyright.PENANAjlcTfz8EEV
「我是『我』。」酒過三巡,我迷糊地交出自以為最好的答案,不想在高深的你面前出洋相。753Please respect copyright.PENANAJUBrtgpb64
753Please respect copyright.PENANA1tOzrSqfKO
你竊笑,讚我很可愛,但也給我一個小建議:「你該答『我是花姑娘』。」753Please respect copyright.PENANAWQwSSJBMFJ
753Please respect copyright.PENANA5Wf9VJzBFY
「我的答案有錯麼?」望著你象牙白的西裝,我鼓起兩腮,深深不忿。753Please respect copyright.PENANAaU7YMgOXYZ
753Please respect copyright.PENANAYLO6wuqpu6
「沒有錯。不過沒意義。」你輕托我的下巴,就像要小貓咪抬頭那樣肆意。753Please respect copyright.PENANAig0LmrR1Xw
753Please respect copyright.PENANA1c4ED32Pbf
「若果,『我是我』是一件沒意義的事,難道『我是花姑娘』會更有意義?」我不解,頭痛欲裂,不得不放下酒杯。後仰在黑皮椅背,瞇眼捕捉閃爍迷人的水晶燈光,細思何謂意義。753Please respect copyright.PENANAgf1QY8HUt5
753Please respect copyright.PENANAxTx4G0H8LV
「當然!做『花姑娘』能賺取收入。有收入,才能養活自己。養活自己,才能繼續思考做『我』是否真的沒意義。當『我』沒收入、活不了,那做『我』的意義,不也不存在了嗎?」說得興起,你竟變成小孩子,嬉皮笑臉,失儀地跪在地上,一頭埋在我的大腿間,在黑底碎花的絲質祺袍上磨蹭,嘟嚷著:「先讓我稍息一會。今晚才告訴你,做『花姑娘』的意義!」753Please respect copyright.PENANATynUSakeq4
753Please respect copyright.PENANArUeB3OLKJH
「好。我等你。」我低頭微笑,笑你伶牙俐齒。你的牙齒白得發亮,很好看。753Please respect copyright.PENANA79NfIJDFMl
753Please respect copyright.PENANAb6O8PGa2Wd
我和你赤條條地在床上水乳交融。二元,一體,互化。753Please respect copyright.PENANAOrJlkxsQK3
753Please respect copyright.PENANAHeu2H3kILa
將我壓在胯下,你在我耳邊輕輕吹氣:「領略到意義沒?」753Please respect copyright.PENANAc7ibje2Vmd
753Please respect copyright.PENANAmDwbP33lY9
分不清你是有心或無意,發問的同時,你竟對我施力,讓我嬌喘得吐不出話來。753Please respect copyright.PENANAfbuvImzcu8
753Please respect copyright.PENANAB6tUkw01Xx
「那就繼續想想吧!」你是塗滿毒藥裡的蜜餞,給我歡愉,給我傷害。753Please respect copyright.PENANASR7VLoIhWw
753Please respect copyright.PENANAN4dOOCfru5
我不明白自己何以會對你如此著迷,正如我不明白自己何以會對「我」產生執迷。753Please respect copyright.PENANAZ23SLXIbdf
753Please respect copyright.PENANAbs92VGGdaY
這種執迷,萌芽於青澀的年華。曾經,救國救民是生存的唯一意義,也是我和你之間的唯一話題。753Please respect copyright.PENANAhXAKubbdUV
753Please respect copyright.PENANALNERqlR896
那一天,報章上的戰爭消息刺激了你。你氣得咬牙切齒,喊打喊殺,發誓要打倒入侵者的國,殺他們片甲不留。我欣賞你的志氣,但我不識趣地補充一句:「當然要把他們打走、要他們道歉和賠償,卻絕不能對他們生起趕盡殺絕之意!」753Please respect copyright.PENANAzHoIUcMy1I
753Please respect copyright.PENANArVvgG5WbLL
火燒心,懷著剎那的衝動,你摑了我一記耳光,咆哮大叫:「難道你要等他們再殺回來?」話語間,恐懼多於仇恨,情感多於理智。753Please respect copyright.PENANAAgCitO1dya
753Please respect copyright.PENANABGvqu3IZD3
「哪會殺得盡?你看!他們不也是想將我國滅掉,我倆不也是好好的站在這裡,商討如何反擊!同樣,我國亦沒能將他們根除。結果就是他們會好好的站在那邊,商討如何反擊我國!」我掩著滾燙的臉蛋,強抑眼淚:「我們想到的,他們也會想到。」753Please respect copyright.PENANAMWjvP8qFzo
753Please respect copyright.PENANAE5VD0c3sxi
「不要將我們和他們混為一談!」你的語氣略為收斂,眼神沒有剛才的兇狠,負面情緒盡洩在報紙之上:「也不要將我和你混為一談。」753Please respect copyright.PENANAnpjniN6SeN
753Please respect copyright.PENANADZkmVYR9bZ
報紙碎成漫天飛花,就像旗袍上的碎花那樣淒楚。753Please respect copyright.PENANAP6WNWA3FfB
753Please respect copyright.PENANAsMXFLkInSU
完事後,你躺在床上,閉目養神。我也沒有睡,側著身子,背對著你,面對著旗袍上的碎花圖案。753Please respect copyright.PENANA2hPx6sT2vC
753Please respect copyright.PENANAUfmfRe1FdY
我的旗袍是溫柔謐靜的黑,上邊有細細碎碎、白裡透紅的桃花圖案。那點微弱的紅,像憤怒的眼,又像無力的血。753Please respect copyright.PENANAW2bYDyNTu0
753Please respect copyright.PENANAvVHoQba3IV
那一朝早,天還沒有亮得透,泛著教人倒胃口的魚肚白色。我被急促的敲門聲吵醒了,匆匆忙忙整理衣衫,應門去。門後是焦急如焚的你。你說大馬路那邊出亂子,需要大家聲援。753Please respect copyright.PENANAUavwDPxDYy
753Please respect copyright.PENANA3XJpJYyg8h
我擦著惺忪睡眼,迷迷糊糊跟你去。路上,遇到不同院校的學生,大家同樣神色凝重,快步急步疾步,步向遊行大隊,加入其中。差不多的髮型,近乎一式一樣的衣著,同樣的年輕熱血,再也分不出我你他。753Please respect copyright.PENANAaA4Q4xF3ex
753Please respect copyright.PENANAbMGLrjdGmT
同喊口號,同舉旗幟,來到大馬路。753Please respect copyright.PENANAXAPIoPOljw
753Please respect copyright.PENANAshHc8JhuDI
我隊當中,不知是誰,用激昂的聲調,喊出沙啞不清的一句說話。我聽不到那人在喊甚麼,相信附近的人也聽不見。但在氛圍的感染下,我隊中人紛紛叫好。氣氛越炒越烈,在場眾人相繼紅了眼。753Please respect copyright.PENANACPxx0Jw0Y2
753Please respect copyright.PENANAEMmvgIuRn1
你額角青筋暴現,眼睛滿佈血絲,仇視著我隊以外的所有人。你只看到張張醜惡的臉,卻對多支火槍視而不見。753Please respect copyright.PENANAJFxoP7Pi2e
753Please respect copyright.PENANA4gPBk4gfnf
槍聲四起,我隊陣營被打散,你我齊齊奔向小巷。百多步的距離,成了一輩子的夢魘。混亂間,我被硬物擊傷頭部,血流成河。753Please respect copyright.PENANA5xaWwCMoQL
753Please respect copyright.PENANAKCj32MMKX7
你死抱著我,拼命將我拖離混世。隨著血水流失,我的身體變得不聽喚。想跑,卻跑不動。753Please respect copyright.PENANAIdB752F23r
753Please respect copyright.PENANAfM2LPJufbf
我首次體驗到意識和身體的分離。753Please respect copyright.PENANArtxOjlBttE
753Please respect copyright.PENANAEOoJt02fiQ
分離以後,我的意識是「我」嗎?我的身體是「我」嗎?只有完整的我,才是「我」?如果我缺了手或缺了腳,我是「我」嗎?如果我的心意改變了,我是「我」嗎?變了調的我,是「我」嗎?若然,曾經的我是「我」嗎?現在的我也是「我」嗎?753Please respect copyright.PENANA3qW05KggD2
753Please respect copyright.PENANA2B8DrIovrK
意識中的連串問題,隨著身體的無力而陷入一片帶紅的黑。753Please respect copyright.PENANAZJ3GOdChCT
753Please respect copyright.PENANAU7CY5Tel1z
「在想甚麼?」你的臉湊近我的裸背,鼻息噴得我背癢癢的:「還沒找到意義嗎?」753Please respect copyright.PENANA9aKGvKLHxp
753Please respect copyright.PENANAy9jAX7sh2A
我轉身,沒回話,隨你把臉埋在我的胸脯間。你的潔白牙齒愛調戲我的黑色乳頭。753Please respect copyright.PENANATX4MlvX78b
753Please respect copyright.PENANAAvyGZfDBsz
「為何偏要這麼辛苦?」你的臉向上游移,移到我的眼角,吻走我的苦淚。「何不乾脆接受我告訴你的答案?」753Please respect copyright.PENANATclQ1q8tTh
753Please respect copyright.PENANAEd6M8we9vr
「因為那是你的答案,不是我的。」我愛你,因而拒絕將自己變成你。753Please respect copyright.PENANApXdG05xxfs
753Please respect copyright.PENANA2pv4W5Hgg2
你眼珠子一轉,神色又再變得鬼馬:「其實,答案一早存在於你心間。若不知道自己的答案,你何以會知道我的答案和你的答案不同?」你反問,想把我擊倒。753Please respect copyright.PENANAB2qwvaCbMl
753Please respect copyright.PENANAvSFKHi42Dn
「這是取巧。藉著否定你的答案來肯定我的答案。」我莞爾一笑,用指尖挑一挑他的耳珠:「若果你不在我的身邊,我豈不是沒能找到答案?」753Please respect copyright.PENANA5UMLdBkZXw
753Please respect copyright.PENANAqpqtjaTcub
「我怎會不在你身邊?」你吻著我,讓我感受到自己的存在。「這些年,我一直在你身邊。」753Please respect copyright.PENANA0JvK16rI3H
753Please respect copyright.PENANAukbfl8ypWv
十年。當身邊眾人以不同形式離棄我時,只有你仍在我身邊。我們攜手由熱血的學生,蛻變成繁華盛世的犧牲品。753Please respect copyright.PENANArzjZagCHuZ
753Please respect copyright.PENANAyQjg0BgtWb
你唸誦《雙城記》的名句:「那是最好的時代,那是最壞的時代;那是智慧的時代,那是愚蠢的時代;那是信任的時代,那是懷疑的時代;那是光明的季節,那是黑暗的季節;那是希望之春,那是絕望之冬;我們應有盡有,我們一無所有;我們直奔天堂,我們直奔地獄…」753Please respect copyright.PENANAVftQhFQAOR
753Please respect copyright.PENANATjnEVv8oTd
沒有我們的卑賤,就沒有他們的高貴。我們的卑賤成就他們的高貴。卑賤的我們比高貴的他們更高貴,高貴的他們比卑賤的我們更卑賤。753Please respect copyright.PENANAuw3fk7mk52
753Please respect copyright.PENANAAvWISJ4lge
你突然翻起被鋪,扶起我。牽我手,輕托我的背,和我踏起「慢三步」。漆黑的房間,反射白月光的人體。烏亮的煩惱絲,白晳的皮膚。深不見底的黑瞳,水潤亮麗的眼白。753Please respect copyright.PENANAAK2y60Zn2u
753Please respect copyright.PENANACC5RzPbycU
「藉著『你』,能體驗『我』的存在?」我依偎在你結實的胸膛。753Please respect copyright.PENANAfnQAogS0BI
753Please respect copyright.PENANALGzPm1rq2m
你沒開腔,默默地用心跳聲作答。753Please respect copyright.PENANAm20bn2MTlZ
753Please respect copyright.PENANAnL0TS8bAJj
世界歸於寧靜。不消一會,你已然入睡。我則呆望窗外銀月,思考你的說話。753Please respect copyright.PENANAuju1f9kmLa
753Please respect copyright.PENANA5yf7YepHFr
難道,如你所言,我一直找不到「我」,是因為我沒試過藉由「你」去體驗「我」?如果「我」是確實存在的,那又何需要藉「你」的存在去體驗?除非你我本為一體,沒有你,就沒有我。753Please respect copyright.PENANAMwioHIADDU
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對。如果當日沒有你,我已然不存在。753Please respect copyright.PENANApVTVUo7Cwj
753Please respect copyright.PENANA1H1GOYfRCq
想不懂,為何當日你不放棄我,就此逃去?在那種情況下,沒有人會怪責你。問誰都想和愛人共度每個月落日出,想和家人閒話家常,想和朋友嬉笑耍樂…人生的每個片段、每個感覺,全都構建在關係之上。這就是「藉由『你』去體驗『我』」的意思嗎?753Please respect copyright.PENANAB0cQOpiCKs
753Please respect copyright.PENANAXO1NOzoWLM
月落日出。你要起床上班去。我為你備好梳洗用的毛巾和溫水、暖胃的白粥與飽肚的糕點。用餐後,你頂著燙貼的短髮,穿戴整齊,準備出門去。753Please respect copyright.PENANAzyhZ5XfZ0E
753Please respect copyright.PENANAmbWD6WLSHC
「你今天笑得很美。」臨行前,你突然回首笑問:「想通了甚麼?」753Please respect copyright.PENANACh6VAtOoR7
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我頷首微笑。753Please respect copyright.PENANAoluIDda6fh
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「要和我到街上走一轉嗎?」你豁然舒心。753Please respect copyright.PENANAwpDJVNo3XX
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「不怕嗎?」我擔心自己會為你招來話柄。753Please respect copyright.PENANADxGrx8c4Or
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「誰會怕和自己上街?」你捕捉到我的思路。753Please respect copyright.PENANARZe65h3jp5
753Please respect copyright.PENANAOiOcAQodpG
我倆漫步大街上。晨光初耀,朝雪微溶。落在寒衣上的小雪花,有如新娘的嫁衣,純潔而動人。你嘴角微揚,懶理旁人的異樣目光,主動挽起我的手臂。輕輕一個舉動,完美填補我多年遺憾…753Please respect copyright.PENANACwoicz9mZE
753Please respect copyright.PENANAezPS50BJcY
我是個不能活在陽光底下的人。我是屬於暗黑的世界,只能在昏黃黯淡的舞池展現出最美豔的一面。絕美的花姑娘,永遠比不上你的新娘那樣美。753Please respect copyright.PENANAT3QIMP9DJw
753Please respect copyright.PENANAgZpwsbUvMQ
我渴望身披白色嫁衣,頭戴白色曳地長紗,戴著白手套,手捧紅玫花束。你架著黑色大禮服,配上白襯衫、黑領結、白手套,手捧黑色高帽。我倆挽著手,在兩位儐相和親朋好友的祝福下,完成莊嚴神聖的婚禮。753Please respect copyright.PENANAra7uEFy9mT
753Please respect copyright.PENANAPSgfXJAoWN
你的家人討厭我,說我永遠沒資格成為你的妻子。你二話不說,離開家人,和我私奔,共住租來的狹小房間。你成為某外資貿易行的文員,我在大舞廳找到工作。753Please respect copyright.PENANA2u48LPOBig
753Please respect copyright.PENANAU7SU269xuz
「找別的工作,不要在舞廳工作。」你介懷自己的女人和他人調情。753Please respect copyright.PENANA5YQQtuKjyS
753Please respect copyright.PENANAU26S3LHR8Z
「頭傷以後,我的思緒極為紊亂,沒能勝任『正常』工作。我連倒夜香也幹不來呢!」我帶笑自揭瘡疤:「現在只懂說一些詩情畫意的話…」753Please respect copyright.PENANAQzWteR1gE1
753Please respect copyright.PENANAa5UEWj13ga
你眼泛淚光,不置可否。我的情況,你比誰都更清楚。753Please respect copyright.PENANAz6YlfyJ08w
753Please respect copyright.PENANAHGeKJzKFnc
「不要緊啊!」我沒能改變現實,只好改變自己對現實的看法:「我和你之間,不也是由詩情畫意的救國夢開始嗎?還有比救國更詩情畫意的事情嗎?」753Please respect copyright.PENANA2bVOIGUrrp
753Please respect copyright.PENANASxy1bdtV3y
「愛你才是最詩情畫意的事情!」你破涕為笑。753Please respect copyright.PENANAwRg6dQQI2J
753Please respect copyright.PENANAUM8bm0NHOb
「詩情畫意」是「不著邊際」的雅稱。救國夢是熱血的詩詞,情愛是羅曼蒂克的畫作。掛在嘴邊,看在眼內,叫人著迷。實則不著邊際,沒有明確的套路和方法去達到完美境界。753Please respect copyright.PENANAoHTKnmTfqS
753Please respect copyright.PENANAs4pX3kPnNr
讚頌家鄉河山的歌謠,照相館櫥窗裡的幸福婚照,一切都是那麼真實卻又遙遠。反而,你的面容才是世上最實在的。十年,你的娃娃臉稚氣不減。你仍是曾經的你,最愛我的你。753Please respect copyright.PENANAbid3q0Udga
753Please respect copyright.PENANAJBP9W7968f
「再過十年,當我年華老去,你仍會這樣愛我嗎?」我是最普通不過的小女人。害怕改變,害怕老去,害怕死去。753Please respect copyright.PENANA87tidBeDFj
753Please respect copyright.PENANA9ngaDEVqv7
「只要你需要我的愛,我就會一直愛你。」你肉麻得窩心。還是現在的你較可愛,會開玩笑,懂得呵哄我。在學時期的你是一頭蠻牛,脾氣暴躁,衝動魯莽。753Please respect copyright.PENANA4HsrXPkhlq
753Please respect copyright.PENANAwE6WBVJfUd
「你是何時開始變得如此口甜舌滑?」我打趣道。753Please respect copyright.PENANANmKuwBGMij
753Please respect copyright.PENANAmiNf5cPSGX
你低頭望我,目無表情,臉色慘白。你眨眼的瞬間,身後現出熊熊烈火。圍著你的乾柴枝冒出濃濃黑煙,你的皮肉被薰黑、燒溶,你的脂肪滲出誘人香氣,你的森森白骨純潔無瑕。753Please respect copyright.PENANAvTpVpPNkLv
753Please respect copyright.PENANA9L98bpnsPW
你的家人撿起你的骨灰,裝入小瓶內,離開。在旁偷窺的我這才敢步近,收集餘燼。雪白的你和炭黑的柴灰混和一起,再也分不清彼此。我妒忌那柴灰。753Please respect copyright.PENANAkxOMYROWf2
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吞下。753Please respect copyright.PENANADqa4CSS3im
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我要消化它,我要留住你。白皚皚的你從此留在我漆黑的體內,天荒地老。753Please respect copyright.PENANAduze7QSpiS
753Please respect copyright.PENANAZo2LQPPEpt
強烈的焦味自喉頭湧上腦袋。頭痛欲裂。我使力按著頭上的舊傷口,擋著將要破繭而出的殷紅。傷口裂了,溢出無力的血。濃稠黏漿,是愁人的感覺。你死抱著我,拼命將我拖向小巷。我的身體不聽喚,想跑,卻跑不動。我的意識不聽喚,想清醒,卻又模糊起來。753Please respect copyright.PENANATRZvgHX483
753Please respect copyright.PENANA6HrcxSoMCx
我抬頭望你,你的腦袋同樣開了洞。赤血染紅你的眼,沿著你的臉頰往下流,滴入我雙眸。你沒有放開我,死命的拖著我,跑向小巷。753Please respect copyright.PENANAqRN5YIKls3
753Please respect copyright.PENANAfWT49FBCAo
雙雙倒下。面對面,你眼望我眼。我不知道,你是否真的在望著我,抑或只是單純地瞪大了眼。753Please respect copyright.PENANANV2n0pwU8p
753Please respect copyright.PENANApXXid5s9hl
我沒力氣合上眼皮。我猜,你也是。753Please respect copyright.PENANAs8H4PHxpua
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最後,我陷入一片帶紅的黑。753Please respect copyright.PENANAesMZpc71YU
753Please respect copyright.PENANAtUq9GSKTWB
當我恢復意識時,整個世界已然一片皚白。白布掛樑,白衣披身。唇色蒼白,臉色慘白。溪錢是蒼涼的白,燭淚是委屈的白。自此,你成了白的代名詞。753Please respect copyright.PENANAqOcSwz9hcg
753Please respect copyright.PENANAU1dfoB0mCA
在白茫茫的雪地上想起你,是最自然不過的事。擦身而過的每個路人都穿著白衣裳,長有你的臉。是你!是你!是你!漫天遍地均是你!美妙的時刻!我哈哈大笑起來,興奮地上前細看每個你。753Please respect copyright.PENANAdYEfDsnWau
753Please respect copyright.PENANA4Qiq8yzHyb
有些驚慌尖叫,有些敏捷地跑開,有些厭惡地推開我,有些伸手在我的胸脯上打圈轉,有些直接拉我到小巷裡去。753Please respect copyright.PENANAVr951oWTV5
753Please respect copyright.PENANAImEoSmlBu4
這條小巷,算是我們定情的地方吧。山盟海誓,以血為盟。血水融合了我和你、黑和白、陰和陽。你們的陽具不停在我的陰道抽插。血流成河。你們哈哈大笑,我也跟著哈哈大笑。753Please respect copyright.PENANAq4qBEJyDjz
753Please respect copyright.PENANAhLkn1JVi3O
「喜歡雪?」753Please respect copyright.PENANALsehyZpP1M
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「喜歡白!」753Please respect copyright.PENANAdKcINf41eN
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你們往我口裡塞滿雪和白,說是給我的禮物。753Please respect copyright.PENANAhFHK4CXzvp
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我想向你們道謝,奈何開不了口。753Please respect copyright.PENANA4Bo4mzsFgI
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你們滿臉笑容地離開,剩下我躺在小巷裡。753Please respect copyright.PENANArr25ei2aGz
753Please respect copyright.PENANAU5MF127S6i
我緩緩轉頭,望去你們離開的方向。我看不見你們,但我看見了你。你也倒在地上、我的身旁。面對面,你眼望我眼。753Please respect copyright.PENANAM5VKxt0jvZ
753Please respect copyright.PENANAwH4uETpHwE
我今次知道,你真的在望著我。血流披面的你,在對我微笑。我亦報以一笑。753Please respect copyright.PENANAVI50ocz6hE
753Please respect copyright.PENANA0guZ5Eedb8
「合上眼,就會找到答案。」753Please respect copyright.PENANAa1p918rXT8
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我旋即陷入一片帶紅的黑。