《赤足的庭院》（2）123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3JZC8I6Mp
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我對故鄉的印象僅僅是印象。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0CsdDr9Jr
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasc5wDMGOr
因為那裡的事物並不是被人實務性的記憶下來，而是作為更不完全的東西，留在心底的某些角落。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7niwB52eS
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我記得潮水的味道和海浪等聲音，沙子的觸感，樹梢下刮起的微風，夜晚時絕對黑暗的地面，和成為那個時間裡唯一存在事物的星和月。魚腥味、油輪的廢氣、風雨來的時候，所感到的恐懼。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMb9dzAewbt
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfBTA0id30G
我的故鄉作為一個印象，我記錄在腦中，知道自己總有一天會以某個型式的遠離它。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjaXDZSLC6
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但那不是指現在。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrufiGvKpKQ
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就算獨自一人逃到台北，看過了城市鮮豔的夜色，耳裡塞滿城市的吐和吸，我還是知道，自己並沒有真正的遠離故鄉。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2VkZv4eXpH
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「嗯⋯⋯可以問你的名字嗎？」小舫姐說她昨晚沒能睡著。在平常的那張餐桌上，她癱軟的用雙手撐著臉。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi4MamYsQ2b
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88CiYowm5k
我一邊解釋著自己的事，一邊看著她疲累的試著聽進我所說的。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4deJp92MRg
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgkX02OyW56
看她渴望睡眠的樣子，我感到有些內疚。她睡不好大概就是因為我。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfON3iLFUw
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPBNALQUde
昨晚，小舫姐讓我暫時待在她家借住一晚。公寓的房間很小，只有一張床鋪。我原本堅持要睡地板，不過被她拒絕了：「落到這副德性的人少跟我客氣。」。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcQQPpko4xn
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNRZVX1rEA
多了一個人在床上，一定很不習慣。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRmc17pXCw
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8Y0I6CSsZ
但是昨晚，還好我實在是筋疲力盡，不然大概會整夜無法入睡。年紀的問題。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzu4fcTK4pF
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「李靜。」123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLEqpfqezTS
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhVGX42Rhu
「噢，好娘。李靖或是李欽不是更適合男孩子嗎？」123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFeEqST86P
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「⋯⋯」123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡziezB95WYh
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「不過還好。要是是李靖或是李欽的話，昨天晚上我大概就危險嘍。」我說。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55iFeA8ccc
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「哈⋯⋯」123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2FMqiAdNI8
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當然，昨晚的我本來就沒有對他抱著任何期待。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNf76GNjOUr
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6mIAc92PY9
只是回想起來，那確實是很荒謬的決定。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFAWLRnVMum
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「一個23歲的女人，讓16的陌生少年上了自己的床鋪。」123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx90IXykOYk
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTrn88MKit
寫成文字或是作為台詞被唸出來，大概都不會影響它的離譜。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NSnO1FmR1
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「那麼，李靜。你打算就這麼住下來嗎？」她問，十分嚴肅的。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQGcD06xpg
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我搖搖頭。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0TfHUGKX3
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「靠著你偷出來的錢，青年旅館還能住多久呢？要是在那之前，你依然不想回到自己的故鄉，你打算怎麼辦？」還不想，的話。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJgIDkhnNK
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJTSMiD8PU
面前的少年低著頭，一語不發。我大概知道他在思考著什麼。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1SDjRAcTi
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「我遲早會遠離我的故鄉⋯⋯」123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwkYjfMydGu
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「但不是由這個方式。對吧？」123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUCkrohbmp
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「是的，所以⋯⋯」123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwajVkFsHSQ
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「怎麼辦呢？」這次不是為了捉弄人，她露出溫柔的微笑。「在錢花完之前，你得思考噢。來到這個混亂的場所，你能得到什麼？或是追求什麼。」她說。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOWTTFALE9D
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「小舫姐，妳常常離家嗎？」他突然一臉佩服的看著我。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF4EqDKeJla
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoQmVYTtJH
「這是什麼蠢問題？」啊，說錯話了。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqcpRIn4Old
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「嗯⋯⋯不是，總感覺妳很熟練的樣子。」123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUh2z4an5Cn
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「怎麼可能。」她說。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6WP9Gn55vG
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOyuzm5TBf
然而這是事實。16歲之前，我離家過無數次，每次都是無功而返，只帶回挫折跟疲勞的身體。然後，到了他的這個年紀，我幾乎像是投降了一樣。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Ve3ookqeJ
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN48gn3YJlF
好好的準備了考試，盡了全力去考大學。畢業之後也找到了穩定的工作。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBcNZ6Oudo
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDduxetayQ
這7年來的生活十分穩定。而且那是不容置疑的正確。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJB90QXuLBi
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直到他出現的那天。我再次質疑起自己作的決定。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5BZtt4WJNI
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長時間離開過我的這份自我懷疑又找上門來，然而我絲毫不比之前的自己成熟或是冷靜。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG9yH07cJP8
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但是看著他，我總有一種感覺。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOEm4dB74BI
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「大概沒問題的。我想⋯⋯。」123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84G3BH8heg
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沒有理由的，我這麼相信著。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjeCBclEuu
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡozJHHNAPJr
因為，注視著她時，海嘯和風的呼嘯聲就會從腦袋中消失。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsWQ3zzkBHt
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「阿靜，你是獨生子嗎？」最近每到中午，她都會走到我身邊，把我從樓下的那個陰暗的角落，帶到樓上的用餐區。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBwokuy6RF
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「是啊。」我吃著員工餐，回應的問題。到台北之後，這是我第一次吃到泡麵以外的熱食。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAFoLTCMy3
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「好吃嗎？」她用頭指了指我的盤子。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6iCcsrBjC
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「嗯，非常美味。」123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGy2WalQ1i3
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「那就好。」她又塞了一口飯到口中。「你看這個。」她拿出手機。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxpig4KHWj
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSbNSQf0qI
滑開桌面，她打開某個定期回報全球衛星雲圖的程式。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRakVNTLLg
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYE1hUYMqjs
不知道為什麽，程式剛打開所指定的地方是新幾內亞，但是她好像不太在意。說實在話，我也不太在意，我滿腦子在想桌面照片是哪個作家的書。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9YnncQ3wk
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然後她讓我看了台灣附近。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmH33azix4g
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「一次來兩個颱風噢，很要命對吧？」123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJt176e181
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「嗯⋯⋯。」123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgIQXnkHWP
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「可是啊，你看這個。預測路線說，它們會剛剛好⋯⋯像這樣，一個往上、一個往下，躲開台灣噢。」她用手指畫出線條，語氣雀躍的說。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtMwQC96L4J
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「真的是這樣就太好了。」他皺著眉頭說。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1QMvoeH4L
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肯定沒事的。看到她笑著這麼說，我的心不知為什麼就這麼安心下來了。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZETw3MNVP
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9IDTqhiUi
我從二樓的圍欄往一樓看，看到不少人離開座位，或是把書本丟在一旁，往樓上來。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPVwn7QDkkQ
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIRYpVymM5
離席的人一個個往同一個方向去，每個人離開前的習慣和走路的姿勢、服裝的外型，從腳的移動到眼神，每個人都有所不同，卻做著一樣的事。我很喜歡這幅光景。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡex7WLRGPfQ
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MVmz0FwCX
「阿靜，獨生子是什麼樣的感覺啊？」我的注意回到她身上。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6ioiT4eAc
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「什麼？」123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIEOkwjYroH
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她又問了一次。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWFKwbHC8P
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「啊⋯⋯獨生子啊，不知道，小舫姐不是獨生女嗎？感覺很像啊。」123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdjXzZtCdZ8
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「什麼意思？」123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS1zVhqmUE8
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「對那種需要一個人鑽研的事物比較感興趣。」孤僻的怪人。我從來沒看見她和其他圖書館員熱絡的交談過，說不定，她在這唯一的朋友就是我了。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQpPP6DUfx
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「噢，這樣啊⋯⋯還有呢？」123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCraitlJbuh
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4HPg1HcSvw
「感覺很有自己的想法。」不顧別人的感受。從來不看場合的捉弄人，不管話題或是氣氛，只要她覺得好玩就好。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDh7mZgadX
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「這樣啊，可是我不是噢。」她笑著說。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtiYGZFnP39
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「是嗎？」123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrI7l5hPvF8
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「嗯，我有一個弟弟⋯⋯長得跟你很像噢。」123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQviLKEm9KF
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhGjqxHXRZR
她這麽的同時，皺起眉頭，仔細的觀察的我的五官。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORjBIIIvnZ
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果然很像。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtt4BMsp3hK
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午餐時間結束，他作為暫時的圖書館員，整理書架時的那副神情，和弟弟替我收拾行李時的表情一模一樣。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UWDLzN1Xo
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那是我第四次的離家出走。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsMnNwOQgWV
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準備離開家門前，剛升國中的弟弟，突然擅自打開我的行李箱。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUyXVzoQyCM
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGZu0yCSyN
我害怕會錯過父母不在家的時間，對他斥責了幾句。但是他很冷靜，說要替我檢查。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOrnh93Rk7
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDwCTDjUbn
「少了牙膏和食物⋯⋯啊，火車上要看的書呢？姊，妳沒有書活得下去啊？」這時的我，為了大學的志願在鬧家庭革命。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzE3tdeXqx
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我喜歡文學。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcX5SPgbHR
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4SmVljBzD
那個時候，驅動我一切不成熟和自私的動力，都來自這麼一個模糊而膚淺的理由。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEAx7GfQrRB
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡONHD7MfMnP
因為這個尚未成形的夢想⋯⋯那個時候，更適合的詞可能是妄想。因為它，我把自己的容身之處給否定了。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXKyozXkSDr
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEUTERqcWv
「 我無法待在那個否定我一切的地方。」我那個時候是這麼告訴弟弟的。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDa8UlV1XBS
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpnzFKaduW
我看著他替我收拾書本和盥洗用具後，他堅持要送我到車站。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡreoJEZOJDJ
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡur7JR3N1oU
於是我在車站冷冰冰的塑膠椅上，用極為平淡的語氣對還是國中生的他說。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTL2gQpRgs
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「嗯⋯⋯從妳的角度來看，待在家裡確實是很痛苦吧。」123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKgFD3gdSc
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我沒有說話，於是他繼續說。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvUsgjlcPY
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZoGVa5Lc18
「我希望妳能快樂。當然，我也希望爸爸媽媽快樂⋯⋯嗯⋯⋯怎麼辦呢？」他笑著對我說。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVttRsrAL1Q
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefx9VgQ7qJ
那時的我沒有意識到，他的笑之後有著多麼巨大的重量。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jIRtCyel8
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoelREaEYSz
也許因為我，他時時刻刻對自己的存在感到矛盾。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLWJSDauuFZ
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIy5W2cRRe
但我被自己的夢想遮住了耳，沒能聽出他的求救。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZG30B8gh6
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbwzAjKWLO2
「謝嘍。」搔搔他的頭，我抱住他瘦小的身軀。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhcNOJyVyV
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdHGyKrtPi9
「姊⋯⋯早點回來噢。不要餓到肚子。」123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBE5gXLSBUa
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRAqeeR8w2
「嗯，你也是。」123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6p845Nomy9
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmOEiEgLKXR
我記得，那個冬天，台北第一次下了雪。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzlbBJFatF
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKvCydkIZwN
雖然是很少、很細的冰線，但那確實，是貨真價實的雪。123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5Ccr9yLWV
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIq19YhgEW
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSTCZozWaj
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6vVqNER6e
「小舫姐⋯⋯這個算是小說學術類還是偉人自傳啊？」123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSbZcgHBG4
123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkHtzT8v0g
「嗯？我看看噢。」
Penana
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