《赤足的庭院》(2)123Please respect copyright.PENANAJ3JZC8I6Mp
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我對故鄉的印象僅僅是印象。123Please respect copyright.PENANAj0CsdDr9Jr
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因為那裡的事物並不是被人實務性的記憶下來,而是作為更不完全的東西,留在心底的某些角落。123Please respect copyright.PENANAv7niwB52eS
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我記得潮水的味道和海浪等聲音,沙子的觸感,樹梢下刮起的微風,夜晚時絕對黑暗的地面,和成為那個時間裡唯一存在事物的星和月。魚腥味、油輪的廢氣、風雨來的時候,所感到的恐懼。123Please respect copyright.PENANAMb9dzAewbt
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我的故鄉作為一個印象,我記錄在腦中,知道自己總有一天會以某個型式的遠離它。123Please respect copyright.PENANATjaXDZSLC6
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但那不是指現在。123Please respect copyright.PENANArufiGvKpKQ
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就算獨自一人逃到台北,看過了城市鮮豔的夜色,耳裡塞滿城市的吐和吸,我還是知道,自己並沒有真正的遠離故鄉。123Please respect copyright.PENANA2VkZv4eXpH
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「嗯⋯⋯可以問你的名字嗎?」小舫姐說她昨晚沒能睡著。在平常的那張餐桌上,她癱軟的用雙手撐著臉。123Please respect copyright.PENANAi4MamYsQ2b
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我一邊解釋著自己的事,一邊看著她疲累的試著聽進我所說的。123Please respect copyright.PENANA4deJp92MRg
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看她渴望睡眠的樣子,我感到有些內疚。她睡不好大概就是因為我。123Please respect copyright.PENANAnfON3iLFUw
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昨晚,小舫姐讓我暫時待在她家借住一晚。公寓的房間很小,只有一張床鋪。我原本堅持要睡地板,不過被她拒絕了:「落到這副德性的人少跟我客氣。」。123Please respect copyright.PENANAcQQPpko4xn
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多了一個人在床上,一定很不習慣。123Please respect copyright.PENANAYRmc17pXCw
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但是昨晚,還好我實在是筋疲力盡,不然大概會整夜無法入睡。年紀的問題。123Please respect copyright.PENANAzu4fcTK4pF
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「李靜。」123Please respect copyright.PENANALEqpfqezTS
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「噢,好娘。李靖或是李欽不是更適合男孩子嗎?」123Please respect copyright.PENANAWFeEqST86P
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「⋯⋯」123Please respect copyright.PENANAziezB95WYh
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「不過還好。要是是李靖或是李欽的話,昨天晚上我大概就危險嘍。」我說。123Please respect copyright.PENANA55iFeA8ccc
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「哈⋯⋯」123Please respect copyright.PENANA2FMqiAdNI8
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當然,昨晚的我本來就沒有對他抱著任何期待。123Please respect copyright.PENANANf76GNjOUr
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只是回想起來,那確實是很荒謬的決定。123Please respect copyright.PENANAFAWLRnVMum
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「一個23歲的女人,讓16的陌生少年上了自己的床鋪。」123Please respect copyright.PENANAx90IXykOYk
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寫成文字或是作為台詞被唸出來,大概都不會影響它的離譜。123Please respect copyright.PENANA4NSnO1FmR1
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「那麼,李靜。你打算就這麼住下來嗎?」她問,十分嚴肅的。123Please respect copyright.PENANAUQGcD06xpg
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我搖搖頭。123Please respect copyright.PENANAa0TfHUGKX3
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「靠著你偷出來的錢,青年旅館還能住多久呢?要是在那之前,你依然不想回到自己的故鄉,你打算怎麼辦?」還不想,的話。123Please respect copyright.PENANAsJgIDkhnNK
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面前的少年低著頭,一語不發。我大概知道他在思考著什麼。123Please respect copyright.PENANAK1SDjRAcTi
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「我遲早會遠離我的故鄉⋯⋯」123Please respect copyright.PENANAwkYjfMydGu
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「但不是由這個方式。對吧?」123Please respect copyright.PENANACUCkrohbmp
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「是的,所以⋯⋯」123Please respect copyright.PENANAwajVkFsHSQ
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「怎麼辦呢?」這次不是為了捉弄人,她露出溫柔的微笑。「在錢花完之前,你得思考噢。來到這個混亂的場所,你能得到什麼?或是追求什麼。」她說。123Please respect copyright.PENANAOWTTFALE9D
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「小舫姐,妳常常離家嗎?」他突然一臉佩服的看著我。123Please respect copyright.PENANAF4EqDKeJla
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「這是什麼蠢問題?」啊,說錯話了。123Please respect copyright.PENANAqcpRIn4Old
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「嗯⋯⋯不是,總感覺妳很熟練的樣子。」123Please respect copyright.PENANAUh2z4an5Cn
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「怎麼可能。」她說。123Please respect copyright.PENANA6WP9Gn55vG
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然而這是事實。16歲之前,我離家過無數次,每次都是無功而返,只帶回挫折跟疲勞的身體。然後,到了他的這個年紀,我幾乎像是投降了一樣。123Please respect copyright.PENANA5Ve3ookqeJ
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好好的準備了考試,盡了全力去考大學。畢業之後也找到了穩定的工作。123Please respect copyright.PENANAPBcNZ6Oudo
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這7年來的生活十分穩定。而且那是不容置疑的正確。123Please respect copyright.PENANAJB90QXuLBi
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直到他出現的那天。我再次質疑起自己作的決定。123Please respect copyright.PENANA5BZtt4WJNI
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長時間離開過我的這份自我懷疑又找上門來,然而我絲毫不比之前的自己成熟或是冷靜。123Please respect copyright.PENANAG9yH07cJP8
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但是看著他,我總有一種感覺。123Please respect copyright.PENANAOEm4dB74BI
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「大概沒問題的。我想⋯⋯。」123Please respect copyright.PENANA84G3BH8heg
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沒有理由的,我這麼相信著。123Please respect copyright.PENANAGjeCBclEuu
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因為,注視著她時,海嘯和風的呼嘯聲就會從腦袋中消失。123Please respect copyright.PENANAsWQ3zzkBHt
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「阿靜,你是獨生子嗎?」最近每到中午,她都會走到我身邊,把我從樓下的那個陰暗的角落,帶到樓上的用餐區。123Please respect copyright.PENANAmBwokuy6RF
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「是啊。」我吃著員工餐,回應的問題。到台北之後,這是我第一次吃到泡麵以外的熱食。123Please respect copyright.PENANAPAFoLTCMy3
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「好吃嗎?」她用頭指了指我的盤子。123Please respect copyright.PENANAp6iCcsrBjC
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「嗯,非常美味。」123Please respect copyright.PENANAGy2WalQ1i3
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「那就好。」她又塞了一口飯到口中。「你看這個。」她拿出手機。123Please respect copyright.PENANAAxpig4KHWj
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滑開桌面,她打開某個定期回報全球衛星雲圖的程式。123Please respect copyright.PENANApRakVNTLLg
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不知道為什麽,程式剛打開所指定的地方是新幾內亞,但是她好像不太在意。說實在話,我也不太在意,我滿腦子在想桌面照片是哪個作家的書。123Please respect copyright.PENANAu9YnncQ3wk
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然後她讓我看了台灣附近。123Please respect copyright.PENANAmH33azix4g
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「一次來兩個颱風噢,很要命對吧?」123Please respect copyright.PENANAMJt176e181
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「嗯⋯⋯。」123Please respect copyright.PENANANgIQXnkHWP
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「可是啊,你看這個。預測路線說,它們會剛剛好⋯⋯像這樣,一個往上、一個往下,躲開台灣噢。」她用手指畫出線條,語氣雀躍的說。123Please respect copyright.PENANAtMwQC96L4J
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「真的是這樣就太好了。」他皺著眉頭說。123Please respect copyright.PENANAZ1QMvoeH4L
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肯定沒事的。看到她笑著這麼說,我的心不知為什麼就這麼安心下來了。123Please respect copyright.PENANAoZETw3MNVP
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我從二樓的圍欄往一樓看,看到不少人離開座位,或是把書本丟在一旁,往樓上來。123Please respect copyright.PENANAPVwn7QDkkQ
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離席的人一個個往同一個方向去,每個人離開前的習慣和走路的姿勢、服裝的外型,從腳的移動到眼神,每個人都有所不同,卻做著一樣的事。我很喜歡這幅光景。123Please respect copyright.PENANAex7WLRGPfQ
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「阿靜,獨生子是什麼樣的感覺啊?」我的注意回到她身上。123Please respect copyright.PENANAe6ioiT4eAc
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「什麼?」123Please respect copyright.PENANAIEOkwjYroH
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她又問了一次。123Please respect copyright.PENANATWFKwbHC8P
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「啊⋯⋯獨生子啊,不知道,小舫姐不是獨生女嗎?感覺很像啊。」123Please respect copyright.PENANAdjXzZtCdZ8
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「什麼意思?」123Please respect copyright.PENANAS1zVhqmUE8
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「對那種需要一個人鑽研的事物比較感興趣。」孤僻的怪人。我從來沒看見她和其他圖書館員熱絡的交談過,說不定,她在這唯一的朋友就是我了。123Please respect copyright.PENANAhQpPP6DUfx
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「噢,這樣啊⋯⋯還有呢?」123Please respect copyright.PENANACraitlJbuh
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「感覺很有自己的想法。」不顧別人的感受。從來不看場合的捉弄人,不管話題或是氣氛,只要她覺得好玩就好。123Please respect copyright.PENANAKDh7mZgadX
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「這樣啊,可是我不是噢。」她笑著說。123Please respect copyright.PENANAtiYGZFnP39
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「是嗎?」123Please respect copyright.PENANArI7l5hPvF8
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「嗯,我有一個弟弟⋯⋯長得跟你很像噢。」123Please respect copyright.PENANAQviLKEm9KF
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她這麽的同時,皺起眉頭,仔細的觀察的我的五官。123Please respect copyright.PENANAORjBIIIvnZ
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果然很像。123Please respect copyright.PENANAtt4BMsp3hK
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午餐時間結束,他作為暫時的圖書館員,整理書架時的那副神情,和弟弟替我收拾行李時的表情一模一樣。123Please respect copyright.PENANA4UWDLzN1Xo
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那是我第四次的離家出走。123Please respect copyright.PENANAsMnNwOQgWV
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準備離開家門前,剛升國中的弟弟,突然擅自打開我的行李箱。123Please respect copyright.PENANAUyXVzoQyCM
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我害怕會錯過父母不在家的時間,對他斥責了幾句。但是他很冷靜,說要替我檢查。123Please respect copyright.PENANAIOrnh93Rk7
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「少了牙膏和食物⋯⋯啊,火車上要看的書呢?姊,妳沒有書活得下去啊?」這時的我,為了大學的志願在鬧家庭革命。123Please respect copyright.PENANALzE3tdeXqx
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我喜歡文學。123Please respect copyright.PENANARcX5SPgbHR
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那個時候,驅動我一切不成熟和自私的動力,都來自這麼一個模糊而膚淺的理由。123Please respect copyright.PENANAEAx7GfQrRB
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因為這個尚未成形的夢想⋯⋯那個時候,更適合的詞可能是妄想。因為它,我把自己的容身之處給否定了。123Please respect copyright.PENANAXKyozXkSDr
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「 我無法待在那個否定我一切的地方。」我那個時候是這麼告訴弟弟的。123Please respect copyright.PENANADa8UlV1XBS
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我看著他替我收拾書本和盥洗用具後,他堅持要送我到車站。123Please respect copyright.PENANAreoJEZOJDJ
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於是我在車站冷冰冰的塑膠椅上,用極為平淡的語氣對還是國中生的他說。123Please respect copyright.PENANAfTL2gQpRgs
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「嗯⋯⋯從妳的角度來看,待在家裡確實是很痛苦吧。」123Please respect copyright.PENANArKgFD3gdSc
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我沒有說話,於是他繼續說。123Please respect copyright.PENANAnvUsgjlcPY
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「我希望妳能快樂。當然,我也希望爸爸媽媽快樂⋯⋯嗯⋯⋯怎麼辦呢?」他笑著對我說。123Please respect copyright.PENANAVttRsrAL1Q
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那時的我沒有意識到,他的笑之後有著多麼巨大的重量。123Please respect copyright.PENANA0jIRtCyel8
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也許因為我,他時時刻刻對自己的存在感到矛盾。123Please respect copyright.PENANALWJSDauuFZ
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但我被自己的夢想遮住了耳,沒能聽出他的求救。123Please respect copyright.PENANAIZG30B8gh6
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「謝嘍。」搔搔他的頭,我抱住他瘦小的身軀。123Please respect copyright.PENANAlhcNOJyVyV
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「姊⋯⋯早點回來噢。不要餓到肚子。」123Please respect copyright.PENANABE5gXLSBUa
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「嗯,你也是。」123Please respect copyright.PENANA6p845Nomy9
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我記得,那個冬天,台北第一次下了雪。123Please respect copyright.PENANAxzlbBJFatF
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雖然是很少、很細的冰線,但那確實,是貨真價實的雪。123Please respect copyright.PENANAI5Ccr9yLWV
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「小舫姐⋯⋯這個算是小說學術類還是偉人自傳啊?」123Please respect copyright.PENANAxSbZcgHBG4
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「嗯?我看看噢。」