[這次的歌詞比較長,我放在文末]
這首歌所提及的東西較為陰暗,涉及自殺和負面的情感關係,請各位小心服用。
有時我也疑惑,為甚麼彷彿聽每一首歌都有所感觸呢?後來我得出一個結論,不是我聽甚麼歌都有感觸,而是遇上了甚麼事之後,便會傾向去找相應的歌曲去聽,所以便會有這個現象發生。好,言歸正傳,這首歌的第一段只有四句,很簡短,卻表達了在自殺邊緣不斷掙扎的情境。在前一段時間,我的情緒也是在崩潰的邊緣,最嚴重的時候也是不斷有自殺的念頭浮現。我是幸運的,幸得一位很好的醫生,即使相隔兩地,即使沒有診費,仍然很熱心輔導我,逐點逐點幫我解開心結,情緒逐漸回到可控的狀態。雖然偶爾也會失控,只是也能用時間重拾起來。所以看見這篇電臺的朋友們,若是有情緒困擾,請務必找人幫忙,不要像我一樣快要救不回來才找人。
接下來的主歌便是講述一段不良好的感情關係。說起來,亡魂其實很愧疚,他曾經令一個女孩子傷透了心,也因此,其實他愧疚得不敢再找她了。雖然這段關係並不如歌曲中那麼壞,但卻也說不上是好的。回想起來,可能我是屬於容易焦慮的人呢,這段關係的崩潰始於我一次的焦慮發作,那時的我並沒有好好處理,而是讓陰影繼續佔據我的內心,漸漸開始變得冷淡,最後讓這段感情無疾而終。其實我恨,我恨自己,這種恨更是無法描述的,也不會有人能理解到。聽著這首歌,其實就像是一刀一刀剮在我的心裏。即使歌曲的內容與經歷不符,但那種愧疚感卻是不斷湧上心頭。
第二段副歌則是講述從一開始分手後的絕望情感充滿著腦海,絕望的想要自殺;到最後能夠與這些情感共存,不再想死。亡魂並沒有為情所困而想要自殺,他絕望的源頭是「失控」。當他本來可以掌握的東西脫離掌控了之後,他便會焦躁,很想把那件事的掌控權拿回來。但越是希望這樣,他的失控情況便也越嚴重。這個惡性循環不斷的運行下去,有一天,他崩潰了。長久以來壓抑的種種情緒也一併爆發。而崩潰加爆發的結果就是他進入完全失控的狀態,甚麼也做不了、甚麼也想不了。絕望的情感充斥著他的腦海,耳朵裏充滿了心跳的轟鳴,心裏開始有聲音告訴著他:放棄吧,繼續也是沒用的,死了一了百了等等等等的話。那天的崩潰,到現在他仍然心有餘悸,要不是那時候剛有人和他聊天,發現不妥,真還差點救不了他。
今天的電臺比較負面,也由於最近考試的壓力比較大,想法偏向負面,寫寫東西能夠把這些負面的東西都用文字發洩出來,壓力會沒那麼大。其實看見這篇文章的讀者,如果你真的有耐心能夠看到這裏的話。首先要謝謝你,然後就是如果有需要記得要去找別人傾訴,不要壓在心底,沒好處的,會好像我一樣,一發不可收拾。如果在香港的朋友想找個可以傾訴的地方,深水埗有一個地方可以去一下,那就是港爐萬事屋,那邊的人很好,會肯和你聊天的。好了今天的電臺就到這裏了,請明天繼續收看《亡魂電臺》。
亡魂
15/12/2020
[歌詞]
I see dead eyes on the verge of suicide2268Please respect copyright.PENANA7h1Pr1bSFF
I realize it's not alright2268Please respect copyright.PENANAM7JrbfeAoz
I'll find my way to idolize it2268Please respect copyright.PENANAK6j6vqpisq
In my eyes I'll reach the sky
Running out of breath I've been running out of energy2268Please respect copyright.PENANAu2mydeDw6p
Telling all your friends you don't want to be a friend to me2268Please respect copyright.PENANANTjUGYnvNO
You making up lies, why am I getting all the penalties?2268Please respect copyright.PENANAsp721197Fw
I wanna talk about us without talking to an enemy
I have been broken down like my food in my stomach2268Please respect copyright.PENANAHsxkesuNvq
Hating these feelings, but act like I love it2268Please respect copyright.PENANAlJ7IwfNJ7K
I don't wanna cheat nah, I want fair play2268Please respect copyright.PENANAtowXIXVdef
I don't wanna crash land, like an airplane
I want you back but when you act like that2268Please respect copyright.PENANAsJ1ELuQUjK
Like a one sided talk you dont call me back2268Please respect copyright.PENANAXfOu0IwHjw
Yeah at times were hard and when you left they got harder2268Please respect copyright.PENANAvrrv4SLXLN
My bed got colder and my room got darker
I'm still in love I know so are you2268Please respect copyright.PENANAi2xi2c6WYb
Why pray for the rain when our skies were blue?2268Please respect copyright.PENANAwdfZKgWW9d
I'm still in love I know so are you2268Please respect copyright.PENANAWhfU39NMTq
Let's talk tonight and we can talk it through
I see dead eyes on the verge of suicide2268Please respect copyright.PENANATmoTU4XtxS
I realize it's not alright2268Please respect copyright.PENANACCiJyARC59
I'll find my way to idolize it2268Please respect copyright.PENANA3tYtHujGXP
In my eyes I'll reach the sky
Tell me if I'm lost and all the days it took2268Please respect copyright.PENANAba2nwWKedl
I gave it all I had without a second look2268Please respect copyright.PENANArMgRhpqAvV
And I need breathing room if I don't see you soon2268Please respect copyright.PENANA3DZMWX3Uvn
I think I'll die inside, I'll blame it all on you
I think I'm done for good2268Please respect copyright.PENANAeS6BSgisUA
It happened faster than it should2268Please respect copyright.PENANA7XHVxgO9UC
And now it's upside down2268Please respect copyright.PENANAsJf45DVIfu
I must have misunderstood
But I still wish you were here2268Please respect copyright.PENANAFJGexPfjdg
And maybe one day you will2268Please respect copyright.PENANAkvGfeGQGQT
And while I wait for you I'll pop another pill
Black long sleeve2268Please respect copyright.PENANARdmsgrfSB5
I can see you're freezing2268Please respect copyright.PENANAKWzEmha5eU
You know I'll stop your bleeding2268Please respect copyright.PENANA9b5mwFbtB3
Let's not make this hard2268Please respect copyright.PENANAJnWdB3YkiP
Let's just hit restart2268Please respect copyright.PENANAzzNFSAAt0w
Messed up badly2268Please respect copyright.PENANAw2PcCWaCYa
How'd this all happen?2268Please respect copyright.PENANAQeCmHQcMXg
This world's a mess2268Please respect copyright.PENANAVwfo9rvcT9
So please don't leave us stranded
I'm swimming in the ocean of fear2268Please respect copyright.PENANAV6wocJST7A
Back where I started no closer each year2268Please respect copyright.PENANA15C7JCrCcS
I think maybe you'll start to disappear2268Please respect copyright.PENANAGb8mCE3Zlb
As I cope with these emotions I don't wanna get closer, I see
Dead eyes on the verge of suicide2268Please respect copyright.PENANAbQwCGDjbVs
I realize it is not alright2268Please respect copyright.PENANAhAOvVHsIX6
I'll find my way to idolize it2268Please respect copyright.PENANAvZEVlwz1Ap
In my eyes I'll reach the sky
Dead eyes on the verge of suicide2268Please respect copyright.PENANAcAKjVlGhEN
I realize it's not alright2268Please respect copyright.PENANAIKySNwl1wz
I'll find my way to idolize it2268Please respect copyright.PENANAPZkcL7urTH
In my eyes I'll reach the sky