我青梅竹馬同咗個死MK仔一齊//《不懂愛的青梅竹馬們》 - 【第四章女朋友不是你】

12月23日，中四嘅學校聖誕派對結束後，同班嘅小璇叫咗我去天台。

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小璇係一個身高比較嬌小嘅女仔，佢係班入邊嘅開心果，亦都係足球隊嘅經理人。

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佢有啲天然呆，但又唔會令人討厭，結果大家都好鐘意佢，佢亦到係好多男同學嘅女神，因為佢好可愛。

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我都小璇中一起就同一班，所以關係都唔差。幾乎所有group project或者分組活動，我都係同佢一組，所以我哋都叫傾到下計。

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有時放學佢都會主動約我去掃下街，每次阿敏話烹飪學會嘅活動會搞到遲啲先放學嘅話，我都會同小璇行街。

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小璇係繼阿敏外同我最親密嘅女仔。如果阿敏係好獨立嘅女性，小璇就係好想令人保護佢嘅存在。

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我幾享受同呢個可愛嘅女仔行街，我對佢都有啲異性嘅好感。

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靚女喎，邊個唔鍾意。

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我推開走入天台嘅門，發現小璇已經企咗喺度等我。

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佢背對着我，望向操場。佢呼咗口氣，佢口中飄出一縷白煙。

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睇嚟天氣真係好凍，竟然要個女仔等我咁耐。

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「小璇……」

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我叫佢一聲，等佢知道我嚟咗。

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我對小璇係有好感，但又未到鐘意。

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小璇聽到我把聲之後就即刻擰轉身，佢皮膚真係好白，但佢塊面係紅卜卜。

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呢個女仔算係可愛型，見到咁樣都想抱一抱佢。

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「唔好意思呀，咁凍仲要你上嚟搵我。」

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小璇磨擦住雙手同我講，睇嚟佢好怕凍。

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「唔緊要，我驚你凍親。」

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小璇呆一呆再講，再揼低頭細聲小小講：「…多謝你。」

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講完佢塊面好似又再紅咗。

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依家嘅氣氛有啲曖昧，我擰歪臉唔出聲，不時擰頭望向小璇。

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過咗一陣，我忍唔住問：「係呢，你想講咩啊？」

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「其實每一次同你出街我都好開心。」

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小璇一邊扭住上身一邊講。

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我都覺得好開心，同小璇一齊我是都好多以前冇想像過嘅事情。

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小璇續道：「我以前以為迪士尼好幼稚，但其實好開心。」

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我第一次同埋唯一一次去迪士尼就係同小璇一齊去。

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「原來去葵廣食啲平價小食原來都可以咁開心。」

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原來除咗將軍澳，香港仲有啲咁特別嘅平民地方。

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「去旺中迫下都可以咁高興。」

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旺中每一條行都好迫，又多人，每次行都好辛苦。

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但係有小璇陪著，人多嘅焦躁感就好似不翼而飛。

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係小璇但係我離開將軍澳，佢帶我見識到呢個世界。

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原來除咗屋企嗰幾百尺同埋樓下將軍澳個商場以外，呢個世界仲有咁多奇特有趣嘅嘢。

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新奇有趣新鮮嘅事物一浪接一浪。

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同阿敏一齊嘅時候，我哋大多嘅時間都係喺狹窄嘅空間、固定嘅路線，慢慢我哋就冇咗探索世界嘅能力。

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去到迪士尼，我先知道機動遊戲原來咁刺激、有趣。

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去到葵涌廣場，我先發現將軍澳啲商場賣嘅小食原來賣得好貴。

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去到旺中，我先發現原來香港有小店賣衫，而唔係得U記。

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呢一切一切都係由小璇約我出街開始。

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如果唔係小璇帶我出去，我應該唔會知道世界原來係有咁多色彩。

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佢將我嘅世界有少少嘅幾百尺，擴展到無盡嘅天空。

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我唔知點解會將呢兩個女仔放埋一齊比較，或者佢哋兩個都係我有好感嘅女仔。

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小璇抬起頭望住我，用率直嘅眼神望住我講：「你令到我啲人生精彩咗好多。」

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你都令我嘅人生精彩咗好多，你幫我嘅人生填滿左色彩。

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「你可唔可以做我男朋友？」

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聽到之後我立刻心跳加速，塊面開始發燙。

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其實我都有諗過佢係咪想同我表白，但估唔到親耳聽到呢句說話係咁衝擊。

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冇錯，我係對小璇有好感，但又好似未到好鍾意。

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就咁同佢一齊好似唔係太好，因為我唔知自己準備好同佢成為情侶未，我又未知我想唔想拍拖。

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無論我嘅答覆係點，我同小璇嘅關係都唔會去返以前。

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我唔答應佢，我哋就會尷尬到相處唔到。

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我答應佢，我哋就會成為情侶，可以繼續走落去。

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要唔失去小璇，只有一個答案，但我可唔可以俾到呢個答案佢？

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呢一刻我無答案，所以我選擇咗一個拖時間嘅做法。

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「可唔可以俾啲時間我諗吓？」

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小璇馬上由堅定並帶期盼嘅眼神變成失落無神嘅臉容，佢強忍抽泣講：「⋯⋯可以⋯⋯」

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小璇忍住眼角嘅淚水，企咗係原地到無郁到。

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見到佢個人都震晒，我走上前攬一攬佢，佢當刻成個人硬直咗，無再震落去。

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下一秒我就意識到唔應該攬佢，本來攬佢係怕佢凍同想俾啲安慰佢，但諗諗下呢個動作可能俾錯signal。

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「凍呀，我哋一齊走啦。」然後我就拖住佢行返入校舍，我唔想留低佢一個係天台。

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入返室內後，我就話：「咁我返屋企先啦。我會盡快俾個答覆你。」

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我轉身走之後，小璇講咗句：「可唔可以快啲答我⋯⋯」

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我完全唔敢回頭望小璇嘅表情，只能夠一邊落樓梯一邊答：「好。」

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返到屋企之後，阿敏已經煮緊飯。

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「返嚟啦！今日煮聖誕節大餐！你估下我哋食乜？」

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「唔會係白汁雞皇飯掛？」我當堂嚇一跳，細個到依家我已經食過好多餐阿敏煮嘅白汁雞皇飯，如果連聖誕大餐都係白汁雞皇飯，我應該會喊出嚟。

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不過我都衰仔嘅，點解當年我要話白汁雞皇飯好食。

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「你估啱咗一半啦！」

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仆街，聖誕節都逃避唔到白汁雞皇飯。

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阿敏開估：「係白汁雞皇意粉！」

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「屌！」我忍唔住大叫咗出聲。

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「你咩態度呀！有咩唔滿意呀！」阿敏谷起臉頰盯實我。

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「無唔滿意！我係想講：『屌，咁撚正！』」

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「哼！當你兜到！快啲執枱！」

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「知道敏大人！」我快快手手執乾淨張枱攤好枱墊等食飯。

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「你知唔知邊個係小璇？」我坐喺沙化度問阿敏。

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「知道呀！成日同你一組做功課嗰個女仔呀嘛！同埋佢係足球隊經理呀嘛！有時睇波都見到佢。」

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阿敏都幾了解我身邊嘅人同事。

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「佢今日同我表白。」

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bulubulu……

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白汁滾起嘅聲音好響。

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我擰轉頭望住睇住廚房嘅阿敏，發現阿敏停咗手。佢啲劉海遮住咗佢對眼，搞到我睇唔到佢嘅表情。

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「咁你有冇應承佢？」阿敏有啲冰冷咁講。

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「我話要啲時間諗吓。」

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阿敏聽到之後好似鬆一口氣。

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「你覺佢點？」

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「唔知呀，所以想問下你覺得佢點。」

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「佢⋯⋯幾好，又可愛⋯⋯又善解人意。」

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「係呀，佢好隨和下，又好就得人。」

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「你好了解佢咁。」

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「你頭先咪講咗一次。好多功課同佢一組㗎嘛，我哋又係足球隊，都算熟㗎。」

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「咁你鐘唔鐘意佢？」

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「有啲啦。同佢一齊嘅時候都好開心嘅，同埋佢都靚女喎，性格又好。」

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「⋯⋯」

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阿敏無應我，我又再講：「你覺得我應唔應該同佢試下呀？」

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「……唔好。」阿敏好細聲咁講，我見到佢個嘴郁但係聽唔到佢講乜。

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「咩話？」

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「你話有啲鐘意佢，但係點解當時你唔即刻答應同佢一齊？」

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阿敏一語中的，我想爭取時間去諗乜？

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「我對佢係有好感，又未去到想成為情侶。或者咁講，我想繼續係佢身邊，但係未必係以情侶身份。」

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同埋如果我同佢斷絕來往嘅話，我同其他有啲同學都可能唔能夠就一齊玩。我諗大家只會揀我哋其中一個繼續玩落去，因為表白失敗嘅尷尬其實會將一個圈子分裂。

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情侶呢個身份對我來講其實有啲壓力。

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喺呢個世代，好多嘢感情快來快去，亦都因為係咁所以好多人唔識珍惜。

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更多嘅人係傷害咗曾經嘅另一半，但完全唔會覺得自己做錯。

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另一個原因可能係因為我怕愛，又或者係我唔理解愛。

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單親家庭，同老媽子相處嘅時間極少，我好似冇乜感受過愛，導致我唔知點樣去掌握愛。

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我唔係話怪責我老媽子，佢都係感情上嘅受害者。我老竇一知道我媽媽大咗肚就即刻走佬，但老媽子堅持要生我落嚟，結果佢依家每日都要奔波勞碌。

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一個唔覺意就會成為傷害人嘅人，呢份罪惡感其實好似好沉重。

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又或者小璇唔係值得令我承擔呢份壓力嘅人。

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「表咗白，一係做情侶一係做陌生人，唔會有第三條路揀。」

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阿敏講完之後我就好似俾人打咗一拳，殘酷嘅事實血淋淋咁擺咗喺我眼前。

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「另外，小璇都唔係一個咁好嘅女仔。」

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阿敏講完就熄火，坐咗係我隔離。

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「一個女仔好地地點會加入成班男仔嘅足球隊做經理人。」

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「你頭先先話佢係好女仔。」

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「咁……頭先嗰啲只不過係門面說話，依家先係講我想講嘅嘢。總之佢唔係好女仔啦。」

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「你點可以因為呢個原因就話佢唔係好女仔，講唔過去囉。」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbM18vfQBAG

「佢身邊有同性朋友嘅話，點解要走去得成班男人嘅地方？」

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「咁佢又唔係冇女性朋友，我哋班入邊佢都有好多朋友成日一齊出街。睇吓佢ig都見到啦。乜你好憎佢咩？」

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「我唔理呀，總之佢唔係好女仔。」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDGOOQ2ZBr5

「你搞乜啊，你係咪好唔鍾意佢？」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Dpbagf0Oa

「唔係呀！我覺得你唔好同佢拍拖會好啲囉！佢真係唔係好女仔！呢個係我嘅直覺！」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOSZZQRa3We

阿敏燥燥地，我都唔明點解佢咁唔鍾意小璇。

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小璇係班入邊都算中心人物，做人又隨和，又容易相處，又冇乜嘢缺點。

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「你咁樣講我朋友我有啲唔舒服，小璇唔係你講到咁壞㗎。」

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「哦。你依家因為佢鬧我啦。」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XmOCOXKcP

「唔係鬧你，我只係唔明點解你要咁樣講佢。」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNbSUN8epmb

「唔好意思囉。我咁樣話你『女朋友』。」

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「等陣先。我冇話同佢拍拖。」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2DplsIY4tL

「你話要諗吓，其實你心入面都係想同佢拍拖㗎啦！」

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阿敏越講越激動，都唔知佢嬲乜。

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「我就係唔知想唔想，我先同佢講話要諗吓！」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5II9awGkPy

「咁你都話咗想喺佢身邊，你唔同佢拍拖嘅話又點繼續喺佢身邊呀！」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc0ZteHp0aN

阿敏用力咁睥實我，佢好少會咁嬲，我都無謂同佢死拗。

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「唔好講住啦我哋快啲去食飯先啦。」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3u0oBMlG4n

我嘗試拉開話題，講完就即刻走去飯枱，但係阿敏就坐係梳發唔郁。

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「快啲過嚟啦，再唔食就凍啦。」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEcL2u2aAVq

阿敏無應我，佢個身開始有啲震。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvsMTHLxmNi

「你做咩呀唔舒服？」我又再問佢。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU4EBtUuGkt

阿敏都係無應我，佢低着頭咁行去飯枱，然後突然攬住我。

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「……」我唔知點樣反應好，所以我冇出聲。

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「我再問你一次，你係咪鍾意小璇。」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmyU9A8Kodx

阿敏個頭啱啱好喺我心口，佢講嘢時呼出嘅空氣都噴咗喺我心口。

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我好似感受到佢嘅氣息，好近。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIa3YA2HcP

同埋我感受到佢個胸，雖然唔應該係呢個時候諗呢啲嘢，但真係唔係太細。

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「都話有少少。」

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我都係照直答佢，佢個人震咗一下。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxmu5Mg8TN

「咁你想唔想拍拖。」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ppQq7GVcz

阿敏伏係我心口繼續問。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ckf8Z960T

「想嘅……」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRr5AF8QjmL

我隻手都唔知擺係邊度好，我依家雙手舉高，成個動作好奇怪。

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「咁其實你應該有答案。」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ROgBXp4wL

阿敏講完就推開我，再話：「我冇事啦，我哋食飯先啦！」

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佢笑住咁叫我食飯，但係佢眼角好似有粒水珠。

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阿敏就返入廚房，𢳂起啲意粉。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzLWNvbiuBa

之後阿敏又正常返，同我講佢啲八婆friends點點點，料理學會啲嘢又點點點。

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雖然好正常咁講嘢，但又有種講唔出嘅突兀。

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不過我估唔到佢原來唔鍾意小璇，啲女人嘅關係真係好麻煩。

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佢攬住我嘅時候我都嚇咗一跳，好地地傾傾吓嘢點解要攬住講？

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GUUyv0JYC

但老實講，俾佢攬住幾時候其實幾開心，有種安心感。

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話說，我未買聖誕禮物俾阿敏。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekiCP6Cbo6

「阿敏，你有冇聖誕禮物想要？」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUbPA6eVIHd

我冇專心聽佢講八婆嘢，唔知道佢講到邊，又唔知佢要講幾耐，索性直接打斷佢。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3RmVGdg4Z

「咁好死！係咪有蠱惑！」阿敏用手指公鑽住我太陽穴。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqGZwpF4Qq

「好痛⋯⋯咁我頭先激嬲你咋嘛，當買俾你賠罪啦！」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK61hvQ0B8Z

「我邊有嬲呀！」佢再用多啲力鑽我個頭。

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啲女人真係好麻煩⋯⋯

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxNch1Dmgot

「無嬲無嬲，係我想送嘢俾你啦，得未呀呀呀呀呀呀！」

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阿敏嘴角向上翹，偷偷地笑，再講：「係你要送嘢俾我嫁咋！」

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洗完碗之後阿敏就話今日累，要返屋企先。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGAyIsPED0

臨走前，佢威脅我咁講：「一定要揀份好禮物呀！」

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時間啱啱好過咗12點，平安夜。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsaOPP0zZOU

電話收到whatsapp，震咗一下，係小璇。我仲以為佢會尷尬到唔敢搵我。

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小璇：平安夜快樂！

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIN0GQvKMhL

我：你都係！平安夜快樂！

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSaCIeKdaJ

小璇：多謝！XD

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小璇：唔係喎，你聽日有咩做呀？

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzWoLxb5bR

我：聽日要出街買啲嘢呀。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs59Ap3AJ5B

小璇：買咩呀？聖誕禮物？

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSHLTCkDtQ

小璇：自己一個行？

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我：自己去買聖誕禮物俾朋友呀。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvDpP9RLDsk

之後小璇typing咗成5分鐘都未send到句嘢俾我。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGrnj5YDyDL

小璇：不如我一齊去？我可以幫下眼喎！

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBbgDmiSDq

一個啱啱同我表完白，我又無應承佢嘅女仔約我出街。

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我輾轉反側，望住天花板講：「去唔去好呢……」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPeTBx081Ho

我諗起阿敏頭先話我已經有答案，我又望住小璇嘅whatsapp係keep住上線中。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI9vjPcTGc9

阿敏點解要攬住我？唔通佢都鐘意我。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDn2jHOP2kd

「無可能。」

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我諗到講埋出口。阿敏無理由鐘意我，我哋只係由細玩到大嘅關係。

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有時我係會用咸濕仔嘅眼光望佢，靚女加有啲身材，邊個唔鐘意？

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7d9M1WxW3H

但我對佢嘅應該唔係愛情，咁佢對我嘅應該唔會係。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZS9AsB9Yc

但阿敏話我有答案呀……

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其實邊到有？

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我用枕頭蓋住塊面再大叫。

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整理一下，我對小璇有好感，係唔知拍唔拍拖好。

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我想繼續同小璇有聯繫，但我哋唔拍拖嘅話就乜都冇。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOr0TMlbzE

有答案嘅話其實我就唔使咁煩。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ89ICJaXwSQ

小璇仲係上線中，佢而家係咪mon住我？

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小璇typing……

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJp1YGy32S

小璇：你係咪唔想同我出去呀？👉🏻👈🏻

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnrRUZ5Hyg2

我都唔知。

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小璇：定係你唔想見到我？

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絕對唔係。

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我：兩樣唔係呀。聽日1點旺中等，好唔好？

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小璇：好！食唔食埋中午飯？

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我：係旺中掃街？

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小璇：好！！

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小璇：聽日見！

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我：我瞓啦，你都早啲瞓啦。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87XoQDh4m6

send完呢個message之後，我就將部電話扔埋一邊，繼續諗嘢。

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俗語有話攝高枕頭諗清楚，其實呢樣嘢係唔啱㗎。攝高完枕頭我就好快瞓着咗，所以我乜都無諗到。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFV5zm0cQ4T
833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLQdwpziHX

第二朝我瞓到十一點左右就醒，set好個頭換好衫我正打算12點出門嘅時候，我電話響起了。

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係小璇打嚟。

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「喂，我哋唔係約1點咩？」

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佢突然打嚟，我以為我遲到俾佢催。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWwLSZrhiu

「係1點呀，我係想問你會唔會想同我一齊坐車出去呀？我驚你已經出咗門口。」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMoREDCGRP

「可以呀？我哋係邊到等？」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnA46BJhXL

「我已經係你樓下啦。」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkh01Nc5h9g

「你又知我住邊嘅？」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfOccxOrrIY

「呀……之前幫教練整理球員資料時見到……你準備好就落嚟啦，陣間見啦！」

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小璇用超快嘅語速講完就cut咗線。

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我出門嘅時候，閂門同鎖門都特別細力，好似好驚俾阿敏聽到。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHW1rFW67x

落到樓下，推開大堂大門之後，我就見到小璇企咗係到等我。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1sUge6ju4N

小璇佢今日着住一件白色連身百褶裙，長度去到膝頭左右，再對落有黑絲，上身仲有一件薄薄地紅色冷衫外套。

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佢見到我就好細幅度咁搖佢手板同我say hi。

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呢個女仔其實幾可愛。

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「等咗好耐呀？」

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「唔係呀，我啱啱到咋！」

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deadair咗幾秒，我就話：「不如行囉？」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhHnh2ov8J

「等陣……」小璇講完就係書包拎咗個飯盒出嚟：「我整咗啲三文治俾你食，你可唔可以試下？」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9lTPUiZ6HB

「好好食咁。」我拎起一舊食，係蛋治，加咗沙律醬。

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「好唔好食呀？」小璇緊張咁問。

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「好好味呀！好似出面餐廳整咁。」

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「你好誇張呀，不過多謝你。」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vcs7gPueQ

小璇拎張紙巾幫我抹手，佢塊面紅著咁抹。佢應該唔習慣咁樣同男仔接觸，據我所知佢之前未拍過拖。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjaoTZQozCs

怕怕羞羞都要做，因為呢個女仔鐘意我，但我就仲未有答覆俾佢。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWcf14EKvH1

佢抬起頭幫住我講：「係你俾答覆我之前我會更加主動。」

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佢堅定而純粹嘅眼神令我有啲心動，隔住紙巾，我仲感受到佢手心嘅溫度。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3IEPrnqCm3

佢應該好痛苦，唔知眼前呢個人俾唔俾到佢想要嘅答案佢，但佢都向前邁進，即使要做佢平時唔會做嘅事。

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小璇下定咗決心要前進，我都唔能夠猶豫咁耐。

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「我會盡快答你。」我講。

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「多謝……」小璇都仲係怕怕羞羞。

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「去坐狗鐵囉？」

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「不如坐巴士？」

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「但係巴士會兜好遠路喎。」

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「唔緊要，我想同你坐巴士。」

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就係咁，我同小璇就去咗坐巴士。

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我哋係上層尾二個行坐低，佢坐窗口位。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0YioH7Lv9

坐低之後，佢就拎咗個藍芽耳機出嚟，俾咗其中一邊叫我戴住。

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「我哋一齊睇片呀。」

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佢開咗條Youtube小薯茄嘅冰戲富嚟睇，嗰集係玩辣手同接住。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnskRMxyL7O

簡單啲來講，個遊戲就係其中一方講「接住」另一方就要接着對方泡出嚟嘅嘢。如果講「辣手」對方就要立刻放低手上嘅嘢。

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睇咗三分一，小璇問：「我哋都玩呢個遊戲好唔好呀？」

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「但唔好玩食物得唔得？」

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「當然啦。」小璇吸一口氣再講：「接住。」

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小璇打側將個頭挨落我膊頭。

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卟通。

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小璇再講：「我話咗會主動。」

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佢挨住我，我兩靜靜咁睇住冰戲富。

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心動嘅同時我又有罪疚感，我尚未回應呢個女孩嘅心意。

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我感受到佢對我嘅愛，但我能唔能夠將佢轉化做另一種關係？

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「你對我有冇丁點感覺？」

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「有……唔止丁點。」

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「已經好足夠。」

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小璇伸手去拖住我，唔係十字緊扣，握手式咁拖。

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我無縮手，俾佢慢慢咁拖，但我冇握緊返佢。

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佢隻手好滑好細。

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同對我有明確心意嘅女仔拖手，第一次。

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我哋保持咗呢個狀態成個車程。

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心跳加速，我手汗會唔會好多？

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呢個為我世界填上色彩嘅女仔又帶俾我新嘅嘢。

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呢種心動、呢種甜蜜、呢種刺激。

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將軍澳坐巴士出旺角比狗鐵耐好多，架車又要去寶林，又要上秀茂坪再出彩虹經九龍城先到旺角。

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我唔肯定係咪鐘意佢，但係呢刻我想拖返佢，呢個時刻，只要我拖返佢，感受嘅嘢就會完全唔同。

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當我隻手打算動起來嘅時候，小璇講：「辣手呀。」

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我呆咗咁無反應，小璇又再講：「要擺低我隻手呀。定係你唔捨得放？」

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我慢慢咁抽起隻手，慢慢咁劃過小璇嘅掌心同手指公，佢嘅體溫透過掌手傳過嚟。

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呢種溫暖，我好想留住。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWMxii2QH7C

理性啲睇，呢段關係我佔上風。小璇向我表白等緊我回覆。

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我哋關係嘅未來完全取決於我手上。

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我有嘅係時間，我想嘅明明可以拖好耐。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡND8DrFxOyL

「接住。」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNDznBUuZ6v

我俾曖昧嘅氣氛牽動，動下嘅心動再加上一點衝動，我做咗好矛盾嘅決定。

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我明明抽緊隻手走，但就想小璇捉返住我。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWLKEaUObTZ

小璇用力咁捉實我隻手：「唔俾走。」

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平時乖巧嘅小璇變到好調皮，佢為咗一個段愛情改變咗自己。

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一個可愛嘅女仔對我追求，我享受被人追求嘅感覺。

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我未確定自己心意，但我享受小璇帶俾我嘅刺激，曖昧嘅氛圍令人衝動。

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唔知係咪鐘意對方，我嘅行動可能會俾假希望佢，但我就係俾衝動拉住走。

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我拖實小璇。

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雙手牽著，兩心卻並未相通。

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男人俾靚女追求，又有邊個可以好似我忍咁耐？

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合理化自己低賤行為嘅藉口。

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小璇係好純、未拍過拖，或者我咁做會傷害到佢，但係我無咗考慮咁多。

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我哋一直保持拖手嘅狀態直至落車我地先鬆開手，係我先鬆手。

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我哋係旺角東鐵站附近落車，再慢慢行去旺角中心，其間我哋不發一語，肩並肩咁行，手背不停碰撞，但就無再拖手。

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去到旺中，小璇問：「你要買咩呀？」

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「我想買份聖誕禮物俾朋友。」我強調朋友一詞。

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「男定女先？」小璇講完就不停篤我腰間。

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「兄弟嚟㗎。」我唔算呃佢，我同阿敏本身就情同兄弟。

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「em……咁你想買咩？」

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「無咩目標呀，諗住嚟睇下再決定。」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwSmwvcQIpK

「咁我哋行一個圈先啦。」

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我哋由頂樓開始向下走，我哋係三樓一人買咗一杯台式飲品。

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小璇拎到嘢飲之後我哋企埋一邊，突然小璇拎部電話出嚟，仲開咗自拍摸式。

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「影住相得嗎？」

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小璇望實電話裡嘅我哋問。

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「好呀。」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZdzy4WF3D

我哋拎起各自嘅飲品放係臉側邊，擺出笑容自拍咗幾張。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgLktn64as5
833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphyeLvXbxc

「係我哋第一張單獨合照。」小璇笑得好開心。

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假日嘅旺中人山人海，人同人就好似魚群咁擠嚟擠去咁前進。

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「哎喲！」小璇係狹窄嘅人群中俾人迫開，我本能地伸手捉住佢，佢都伸手捉返住我。

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跟著，手又牽起來了，還是握手式的拖。

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其實，跟這個女孩拍拖，一定會係好事。

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一齊咗之後我應該可以慢慢咁更喜歡佢。

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愛情、感情都係培育出嚟，大概。

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我哋行咗幾間格仔鋪後我睇啱咗兩樣嘢，第一樣係皮革銀包製作包，另一個係月亮球。

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手工禮物好似幾好，個皮革銀包睇落都好易整咁。

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阿敏個銀包都用咗4年幾，由中一用到依家，都用到有啲殘舊，呢個時候換咗佢都係好事。

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個皮革銀包又有阿敏鐘意嘅棕色，呢份禮物真係好適合佢。

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「小璇你覺得銀包定月亮球好呀？」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0kz6IoDox

「兩個都好女仔喎。」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgzgq5VIyw6

我都係好鐘意呢兩份嘢，我再問：「咁你自己鐘意邊個？」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMgymuVyH90

「我鐘意月亮球多啲。」

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「咁我買月亮球啦。」

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間鋪好細，又愈嚟愈多人入嚟，所以我分開拖住小璇嘅手，叫佢係出面等我買嘢。

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然後我兩件嘢都買曬，我將皮革銀包放入書包，放喺紙盒入面嘅月亮球就用手拎住。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhIXEJVVKeV

我行出鋪頭，將個月亮球遞俾小璇：「月亮球，送俾你，聖誕快樂。」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeN0ZUTbvDJ

小璇嘅表情比上次夾比卡超更開心，佢雙手捧住紙盒：「多謝你……」

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笑到見牙唔見眼就係形容呢個樣。

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「我真係好開心，好多謝你呀！」

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「唔洗客氣。」

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小璇主動拖起我隻手：「接住。」

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佢再講：「我送返回禮俾你，跟我行。」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTE6mfdMLo

小璇拖住我走去地下嘅機鋪影貼紙相，我唔太了解用下filter再畫下啲字、圖案上張相有乜好玩，但係小璇就影得好開心。

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佢整完啲貼紙相之後就遞俾我：「送俾你，樂仔。」

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小璇可能太怕羞唔敢望住我，所以低住頭講。

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「樂仔？」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1p8FXTettb

「我可唔可以咁樣叫你呀？」小璇又用隻佢水汪汪同帶點可憐嘅雙眼望住我講。

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「可以呀。」

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「樂仔！」小璇繞住我隻手好開心咁講。

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之後我哋行多咗陣旺角就一齊坐車返屋企。

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分別前，我同佢講我會好快俾到答案佢。

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「係你俾答案之前，我會繼續主動出擊！」

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小璇淘氣地講，然後好唔捨得咁鬆開拖住我嘅手。

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返到屋企就五點，我立刻開工整銀包，希望可以係阿敏煮飯前整好。

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阿敏7點到過咗嚟，但未整完銀包嘅我鎖咗自己係房。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7MXAhlNO3o

「樂文！你食唔食飯㗎！」

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「食呀！你煮先啦！食得我會出嚟㗎啦！」

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銀包整到八成到，其實呢個銀包好易，攝卡嘅位佢一早整好曬，我只係需要將兩塊樣縫埋一齊，但就係呢樣嘢都搞好耐。

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半個鐘之後我終於搞掂，我收好啲工具同呢份禮物就走出去。

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「今日有咩食乜呀？」

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我走去坐係梳化阿敏後面揉住佢膊頭講。

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「我叫咗外賣炸雞，今日想食好啲，頭先你又匿埋係房唔幫我落樓下拎！」

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「你早啲講呀！我仲以為你煮飯，對唔住呀！」

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「你奇奇怪咁匿埋係房都唔知搞乜！」

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「你等我一陣！」我入房拎個銀包俾阿敏：「拎去！我整嘅銀包，我哋琴日講好嘅禮物！」

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「自己整！？」阿敏有啲不置可否咁睇住個銀包，睇兩睇佢再講：「縫得咁差，係你整架啦！」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHw2wPnYASF

「俾小小面嚟！整得好辛苦㗎！為咗你我先整呢啲手工嘢咋！」

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「得啦叻啦！多謝你！」阿敏用銀包邊拍打我心口邊講。

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阿敏再講：「你等我一陣，我返屋企拎啲嘢。」

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阿敏返完屋企再過返我屋企，佢俾咗個盒仔我：「呢個盒仔銀包嚟，有插卡位，又可以向橫打開佢再用佢個夾仔夾現金，細細個好方便你！同埋佢係你鐘意嘅深藍色！雖然唔係手整，但係都送俾你！你個銀包用咗好多年啦！換咗佢啦！」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkt2pgRpe45

阿敏一輪咀咁講完就將個銀包卡盒塞俾我，我打開睇一睇：「多謝你！估唔到我哋都會送銀包俾大家。哈哈！」

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoPW2KSOTfk

然後我哋就一到炸雞一到睇電視，去到10點幾我老媽子返嚟，阿敏就走啦。

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小璇突然打個電話嚟，我無接到再text佢。

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我：做咩？

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小璇：你唔方便聽電話？

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小璇：我想去食糖水，你會唔會想一齊去呀？

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我：你突然打嚟我嚇親姐。你想去邊到食？我可以出去呀。

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小璇：去富康糖水鋪好唔好？老細個仔好慘，俾人拉咗。

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我：無問題呀，嗰到等？

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小璇：好啊！我坐uber出嚟，10分鐘後到！

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我：咁我依家行過去，陣間見。

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小璇真係有錢，uber明明都唔平，可以話坐就坐。

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我笠件風褸就出咗去，行到富康間糖水鋪我就坐底咗等小璇。

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小璇好快就到咗。

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「你等咗好耐呀？」

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小璇仲係著緊今朝套衫。

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「我啱啱到咋。」

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可能小璇見我打量佢，發現咗佢無換衫，佢解釋：「我同你邊完嘢我就去咗同屋企人食飯，依都完就直接嚟搵樂仔你啦。」

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「做乜……無嘢啦，坐低食糖水先啦。」

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本來我想問點解佢要咁辛苦走嚟走去，不過我知答案，就係佢鐘意我。

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愛，原來在我觸手可及嘅地方。

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間糖水舖生意好好，我哋好快食完就走咗。

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我陪小璇行返屋低，原來佢住天晉，唔怪得咁有錢。

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我哋沿住將軍澳海旁行，聖誕節嘅海旁有好多情侶係到kiss，小璇尷尷尬尬咁唔知望邊好，但佢又係咁用手指撩我掌心，過多陣佢就主動拖住我。

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行到一個無人嘅避雨亭，小璇話不如坐一陣，我又無乜所謂咪坐下。

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小璇坐低之後係個袋到拎咗舊嘢出嚟：「送俾你㗎，係聖誕禮物，不過唔知你鐘唔鐘意。」

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一個正方型嘅盒仔，有好靚嘅色紙包住。

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「咩嚟㗎？可唔可以依家拆開佢？」我搖下個盒聽下佢係咩嚟。

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「可以呀。但係我唔知你鐘意啲咩，所以⋯⋯」小璇好無自信咁講。

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我慢慢拆開包裝紙，係一隻手錶。牌子我唔講啦，但呢隻膠錶對中學生嚟講算係有啲貴。

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「呢隻錶幾貴㗎喎，你送啲咁貴嘅嘢俾我，我有啲唔好意思喎。」

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「我爸爸做手錶公司㗎，所以呢隻錶係因街價嘅一半買返嚟，同你個月亮球差唔多價錢咋。」

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小璇慌張地解釋，佢再講：「你試下戴呀。」

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我戴起呢隻黑色嘅手錶係我左手，好靚。

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「好靚呀，多謝你。」

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「好襯你呀！好彩你鐘意！見你平時無戴錶我仲好驚你會唔鐘意呢份禮物。」

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我本身無帶手錶嘅習慣，好大原因係唔想晒錢買。但係有人送嘅又何樂而不為，同埋一個女仔送俾我嘅禮物，我一定會珍惜。

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我心情有啲澎湃同感動，小璇呢個女仔真係好特別。

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「我會戴住佢返學㗎啦，多謝你。」

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一輪對話後，我哋又沉寂落嚟。

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海風吹過，浪水翻滾，我哋望住光紋係水上嘅郁動，不發一語。

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「樂仔⋯⋯」小璇牽起我戴住手錶嘅手，再講：「可唔可以俾一次機會我做你女朋友。」

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小璇隻手好細但好溫暖，佢堅定嘅眼神好似又帶點淚光。

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我唔知我係咪真係對眼前呢個女孩有足夠嘅愛，可唔可以一齊之後好好咁做好男朋友嘅角色。我對小璇半吊子嘅鐘意又係咪適合將我哋嘅關係推向下一步？

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小璇好可愛，性格又好好，絕對會係一個好好嘅女朋友。

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我同小璇嘅了解又係咪深入到適合做情侶？

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定係情侶係一齊慢慢了解對方？

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我搞唔清楚，諗咗幾日我都未有答案。

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「我⋯⋯」

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我唔知點樣回應。

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小璇突然雙手放到我雙頰，然後哄前佢個頭。

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吻下來。

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嘴唇嘅重合，咸咸的味道，原來親吻是這種感覺。

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小璇緊閉雙眼，但我卻雙眼瞪得大一大，然後我慢慢也閉上雙眼享受著這個感覺。

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初吻。

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心跳瘋狂加速，身體都開始熱起來。

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唔知保持咗呢個狀態幾耐，重疊嘅嘴唇分開，我哋都唔知係邊一個離開先。

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小璇塊臉紅曬，眼角有啲淚光，但佢都望實我。

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「對唔住⋯⋯」佢別過頭無咗望住我。

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「唔緊要⋯⋯」

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我哋兩個都開始怕羞起來，唔敢望住對方。

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心跳得好快，思考開始亂。

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「樂仔，你係咪完全唔鐘意我？如果有少少嘅你可唔可以俾我知？」

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小璇講完就用頭頂撞落我心口，佢頭頂貼實我心口唔郁。

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「我⋯⋯鐘意你。」

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小璇抬起頭，再錫我一啖：「做我男朋友好唔好？」

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腦內已經空白，我當刻只想抱實眼前嘅女孩。

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我主動錫咗小璇一啖：「女朋友，請多多指教。」

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「樂仔⋯⋯」小璇感動到流眼水，我將佢擁入懷中，之後佢都抱返住我。

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就係咁，小璇成為咗我嘅初戀。

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而我當初話要時間諗清楚、唔要半吊子咁一齊，一切都化成空話。

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係節日嘅夜空下，我同小璇相擁。

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佢嘅體暖係寒冷下嘅一點慰藉。

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然後，即使有啲缺陷，即使心意有啲亂，呢一刻我拖住咗小璇。

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不過，就係有啲唔妥，心入面覺得好唔妥，但依家只能夠見步行步。

833Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRc4uXaUnyc

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【第四章 女朋友不是你】

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【第四章女朋友不是你】