Doctors' offices have always made me immensely uncomfortable. You never get through immediately; there's always a fifteen minute and up waiting period.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvslCmVD8o
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In that amount of time, someone as imaginative as myself can think a vast number of ways in which something could be severely wrong with me, because you're never at the doctor if you're alright.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUZN6AIotY
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Today, however, I'm at the doctor's office and I'm almost sure that there's nothing physically wrong with me.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡweo3SP2dlf
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It's what's inside of me that's the problem.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO89l1S6AbT
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You see, I made the brilliant decision to have unprotected sex, which has landed me here, in a doctor's office, wanting to "make sure" that I'm actually pregnant, as if three positive pregnancy tests aren't proof enough. 888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOHgbtSI1e
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Despite the knowledge that it is highly unlikely that I am not pregnant, I still hope; and with that hope comes nervousness.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9kzkTUNlz
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My palms are clammy and I'm constantly alternating between bouncing my knees and tapping my feet against the tiled floor. The receptionist is looking at me with a concerned expression, as if expecting me to have a full blown panic attack, and to be honest, I'm somewhere pretty near to that.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPvOxIB31e
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In an attempt to calm myself, I pull out my phone and play Candy Crush. It doesn't help. 888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2uZXCo19f
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I plug in my earphones and try to listen to some music, but after two minutes, I realise that I don't even know what the hell I'm listening to; it could be classical music, or rap music. I wouldn't know.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2butUG9gsc
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I rip out the earbuds in frustration, and lean back in my chair, closing my eyes.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeh54YDnD66
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"Miss, would you like some water?" the receptionist asks, startling me.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfniTuXAg7v
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In my fit of irritation, I forgot that she was there.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWL9YKp5pGG
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"Yes, thank you," I reply in what I hope is a calm voice, but even to my own ears, it sounds harsh.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzcQ3bwnAqJ
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She dips below the desk and comes back up with a small unopened bottle of water.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlBYC27UPvj
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"Thank you," I say to her, as she passes me the bottle.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCCucu2uyjV
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"You're welcome," is her reply. She looks as if she wants to say more, but she's cut off by the ringing of her phone.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFg8N8Av8Zg
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She picks it up, and has the briefest of conversations, before saying, "Dr.Davidson is ready to see you now.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMImhvf4uO
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*•*•*•*888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCAgJjiseA
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I'm shaking like a colt trying to walk for the first time.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhvzSeLeppa
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"Sit," the doctor insists, pretending not to notice my nervousness.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN9EV0FUKtf
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"So, tell me exactly what's going on," he says, looking me in the face.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTOJzkWeJor
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"I fucked without a condom, and now I think I'm pregnant."888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ars1ZwjW2
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"Okay," he replies, completely unfazed by my bluntness. "Lets find out," he says, sounding like Dora the Explorer.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAkAGubtOqB
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And for some reason, on some level, I don't want to explore this, because it feels as if not investing it will make the problem sublime and diffuse, but I know it won't.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5hYYQ1Yt7
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"Put this on, and change," the doctor tells me, handing me the gown that patients use to cover themselves.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFmFLoK83d
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He does an overall examination before the test, but to be honest, I'm not there; I tell him "no" when he asks if I'm experiencing pain during the breast and pelvic examinations, but apart from that, I'm gone.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtn9NIC4ZSs
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"Okay. It's too early to see the baby doing an external ultrasound, so I'm going to have to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound."888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZQqZx0ItP
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All I hear is the word "ultrasound"; my heart beat skyrockets.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgoyu3kiKzl
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He must be misreading my expression, because he suddenly try's to reassure me.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9sRqRugl9g
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"It won't be painful—"888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxUUs69yvS
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"That's not it. I don't want a baby,"888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA19k4PvKOL
I reply, and god does it feel good to finally say those words out loud to someone.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5qsyYpaRzC
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I've thought them many times, but there's this sense of release that comes with saying it out loud, like taking a shit after holding it in for an entire day (if you're one of those people who finds shitting in public to be absolutely terrifying, such as yours truly).888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOOkFbDyRi
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He gives me a sympathetic look, but says nothing, and for that I'm grateful.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19nhfUmifO
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What would he say? 'It's okay'? 'You'll be a great mother'? 888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyx526qs42l
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I hate it when people know absolutely nothing about you, but suddenly become your personal counsellor once they hear a sentence of your life. If I were the kind of person to divulge my personal information and feelings, then maybe, I'd take their advice, but since you they nothing about me, it's just annoying.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGcGZK3a9z
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He's talking to me now, preparing for the ultrasound and telling me what will happen, but I can't concentrate on what he's saying.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsJg0y749g
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However, as I feel the cold probe enter me, it feels so... final. Like the final nail to my coffin.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUyIz4dpQB
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This is it.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9Er1lShxw
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He turns off the light so that he can see the image on the ultrasound screen, and that screen is now the only major source of light in the room, begging to be looked at, but I can't do it.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnztUZ3YwB
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"Well..." Dr. Davidson says, sounding surprised, but not in a good way.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCU07hntRpX
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I start to shake, trembling so hard that the paper covering the cot on which I am laying begins to rattle loudly.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJ4ZZJtOyT
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"Miss Quinn, the good news is, you're not pregnant", he says.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkkTqhyvkIa
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I freeze.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB15FKPyvp3
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Then I breathe.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJtE9Pn5H6
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I let out a loud breath of relief, as relief is my automatic response to hearing something like that in a situation like this.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWDIvB00Mm7
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However, as soon as that breath is released, I 888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2jZN52SFs
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1) remember that Dr. Davidson seems unpleasantly surprised, 888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7XDDrj2nS
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2) realise that he said "the good news is"; that means that there's bad news, too, and888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsIGjBq2rd0
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3)realise that he is still inspecting my insides with the probe, frowning at the screen.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSeQ8xpJGRy
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Something isn't right.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYmRWCmcFZ
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"Dr. Davidson, what's wrong?" I ask, sounding like a nervous wreck all over again.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcmvPTcmAG
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He continues to look at the screen, and I can see that he knows exactly what is wrong with me; it's just one of those moments in which you try to figure out how to phrase something in the best way possible so as to lessen the blow.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB2I3pquQY5
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He sighs, and pulls the probe out, then switches off the machine.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1QOmzF8QJ
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"Your condition is in no way life-threatening, Miss Quinn," he states, it might just cause complications in the future."888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAvRe2l8q2j
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"Do you mind telling me what my condition is, before I shit myself?" I snarl as he turns on the light and hands me a wad of tissue paper.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgf4q5Nl40K
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His lips twitch. 888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0NUd6Tst4r
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"You've been nothing but nervous since you stepped into my office. I said that so that you wouldn't shit yourself."888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpU35BFUz9
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Through my nervousness I have to smile at him.888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVrv3Ggi0v
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"Okay so what do I have?"888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaWrGMSm0B
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"Miss Quinn, you have fibroids."888Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJ6KxVfK35
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