Doctors' offices have always made me immensely uncomfortable. You never get through immediately; there's always a fifteen minute and up waiting period.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnCbzZREr41
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In that amount of time, someone as imaginative as myself can think a vast number of ways in which something could be severely wrong with me, because you're never at the doctor if you're alright.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXzlOs4k6ip
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Today, however, I'm at the doctor's office and I'm almost sure that there's nothing physically wrong with me.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5I3pyPak6
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It's what's inside of me that's the problem.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnH8JlezUrw
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You see, I made the brilliant decision to have unprotected sex, which has landed me here, in a doctor's office, wanting to "make sure" that I'm actually pregnant, as if three positive pregnancy tests aren't proof enough. 771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBAnqX5rmt1
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Despite the knowledge that it is highly unlikely that I am not pregnant, I still hope; and with that hope comes nervousness.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSL3PijFckS
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My palms are clammy and I'm constantly alternating between bouncing my knees and tapping my feet against the tiled floor. The receptionist is looking at me with a concerned expression, as if expecting me to have a full blown panic attack, and to be honest, I'm somewhere pretty near to that.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUeCtTTqXc
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In an attempt to calm myself, I pull out my phone and play Candy Crush. It doesn't help. 771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX69vw55PBo
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I plug in my earphones and try to listen to some music, but after two minutes, I realise that I don't even know what the hell I'm listening to; it could be classical music, or rap music. I wouldn't know.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmBGbKHowQ
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I rip out the earbuds in frustration, and lean back in my chair, closing my eyes.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZR6KC7B4a
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"Miss, would you like some water?" the receptionist asks, startling me.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo5YQF1hwXd
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In my fit of irritation, I forgot that she was there.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPsvfHCtG4
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"Yes, thank you," I reply in what I hope is a calm voice, but even to my own ears, it sounds harsh.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0VmeiZYwY
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She dips below the desk and comes back up with a small unopened bottle of water.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxryAgCgOtu
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"Thank you," I say to her, as she passes me the bottle.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIm54obT0Q9
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"You're welcome," is her reply. She looks as if she wants to say more, but she's cut off by the ringing of her phone.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNCEnRlZUM6
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She picks it up, and has the briefest of conversations, before saying, "Dr.Davidson is ready to see you now.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCW2BOxLnl
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*•*•*•*771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLYz6Sk4ca
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I'm shaking like a colt trying to walk for the first time.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ32DK6tbz4L
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"Sit," the doctor insists, pretending not to notice my nervousness.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWjksOxRwt
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"So, tell me exactly what's going on," he says, looking me in the face.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJN5clEnxWi
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"I fucked without a condom, and now I think I'm pregnant."771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5OJiok09Go
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"Okay," he replies, completely unfazed by my bluntness. "Lets find out," he says, sounding like Dora the Explorer.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTLKi0NPDw
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And for some reason, on some level, I don't want to explore this, because it feels as if not investing it will make the problem sublime and diffuse, but I know it won't.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ49sAoyJLZY
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"Put this on, and change," the doctor tells me, handing me the gown that patients use to cover themselves.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZJqpT3Fcf
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He does an overall examination before the test, but to be honest, I'm not there; I tell him "no" when he asks if I'm experiencing pain during the breast and pelvic examinations, but apart from that, I'm gone.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdFLE10ad0K
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"Okay. It's too early to see the baby doing an external ultrasound, so I'm going to have to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound."771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSNOqbDJNm
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All I hear is the word "ultrasound"; my heart beat skyrockets.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWiUUwaKS9G
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He must be misreading my expression, because he suddenly try's to reassure me.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhPLlydKFAa
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"It won't be painful—"771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNMu4f42xX
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"That's not it. I don't want a baby,"771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeY5uvH3KUQ
I reply, and god does it feel good to finally say those words out loud to someone.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ49i82Rn7fO
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I've thought them many times, but there's this sense of release that comes with saying it out loud, like taking a shit after holding it in for an entire day (if you're one of those people who finds shitting in public to be absolutely terrifying, such as yours truly).771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbjvnYjpDA
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He gives me a sympathetic look, but says nothing, and for that I'm grateful.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1cYoVb6jgp
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What would he say? 'It's okay'? 'You'll be a great mother'? 771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShNi9ZE9PT
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I hate it when people know absolutely nothing about you, but suddenly become your personal counsellor once they hear a sentence of your life. If I were the kind of person to divulge my personal information and feelings, then maybe, I'd take their advice, but since you they nothing about me, it's just annoying.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmgi8vENdh
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He's talking to me now, preparing for the ultrasound and telling me what will happen, but I can't concentrate on what he's saying.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuRJjEzv4S
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However, as I feel the cold probe enter me, it feels so... final. Like the final nail to my coffin.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8uXAeg7R79
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This is it.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jni5UuPX6
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He turns off the light so that he can see the image on the ultrasound screen, and that screen is now the only major source of light in the room, begging to be looked at, but I can't do it.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdUs4rhWCa
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"Well..." Dr. Davidson says, sounding surprised, but not in a good way.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3bTQNFRc5
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I start to shake, trembling so hard that the paper covering the cot on which I am laying begins to rattle loudly.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbP5E1MikL
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"Miss Quinn, the good news is, you're not pregnant", he says.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡalQOTtN4lA
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I freeze.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhUEHCi7EJ
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Then I breathe.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqrafXa97j
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I let out a loud breath of relief, as relief is my automatic response to hearing something like that in a situation like this.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rFlIxcJYy
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However, as soon as that breath is released, I 771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgYnanBsg5H
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1) remember that Dr. Davidson seems unpleasantly surprised, 771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCJmfkvnBI
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2) realise that he said "the good news is"; that means that there's bad news, too, and771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd79WvF8oW2
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3)realise that he is still inspecting my insides with the probe, frowning at the screen.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaxF0rRSYBX
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Something isn't right.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTpxGkPqPdL
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"Dr. Davidson, what's wrong?" I ask, sounding like a nervous wreck all over again.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi8H1Dcv7Um
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He continues to look at the screen, and I can see that he knows exactly what is wrong with me; it's just one of those moments in which you try to figure out how to phrase something in the best way possible so as to lessen the blow.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGC7o5nR6D
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He sighs, and pulls the probe out, then switches off the machine.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7R45d9Rkk
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"Your condition is in no way life-threatening, Miss Quinn," he states, it might just cause complications in the future."771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDY6sUzoj0d
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"Do you mind telling me what my condition is, before I shit myself?" I snarl as he turns on the light and hands me a wad of tissue paper.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDiHtseoUxo
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His lips twitch. 771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg1xLjdBafZ
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"You've been nothing but nervous since you stepped into my office. I said that so that you wouldn't shit yourself."771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcGA27oiHQM
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Through my nervousness I have to smile at him.771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgpVuB1Sd7
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"Okay so what do I have?"771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Ki9zyYMQK
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"Miss Quinn, you have fibroids."771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTwL1LQpUL
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