Doctors' offices have always made me immensely uncomfortable. You never get through immediately; there's always a fifteen minute and up waiting period.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZPVQvM0s16
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In that amount of time, someone as imaginative as myself can think a vast number of ways in which something could be severely wrong with me, because you're never at the doctor if you're alright.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASZTdLdJSJ
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Today, however, I'm at the doctor's office and I'm almost sure that there's nothing physically wrong with me.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRx2pV4Som
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It's what's inside of me that's the problem.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVou4svUmca
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You see, I made the brilliant decision to have unprotected sex, which has landed me here, in a doctor's office, wanting to "make sure" that I'm actually pregnant, as if three positive pregnancy tests aren't proof enough. 978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hzqMv4Sfe
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Despite the knowledge that it is highly unlikely that I am not pregnant, I still hope; and with that hope comes nervousness.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjJ170GRFd
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My palms are clammy and I'm constantly alternating between bouncing my knees and tapping my feet against the tiled floor. The receptionist is looking at me with a concerned expression, as if expecting me to have a full blown panic attack, and to be honest, I'm somewhere pretty near to that.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSsZSChbxf
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In an attempt to calm myself, I pull out my phone and play Candy Crush. It doesn't help. 978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzUNp2eisj6
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I plug in my earphones and try to listen to some music, but after two minutes, I realise that I don't even know what the hell I'm listening to; it could be classical music, or rap music. I wouldn't know.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXRb7w353V
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I rip out the earbuds in frustration, and lean back in my chair, closing my eyes.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMoySMK7wyf
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"Miss, would you like some water?" the receptionist asks, startling me.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhntg3B8bL
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In my fit of irritation, I forgot that she was there.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKii2MjHpLI
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"Yes, thank you," I reply in what I hope is a calm voice, but even to my own ears, it sounds harsh.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7iY9vjNATW
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She dips below the desk and comes back up with a small unopened bottle of water.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlHQdjEfNI
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"Thank you," I say to her, as she passes me the bottle.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXLrAinql8g
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"You're welcome," is her reply. She looks as if she wants to say more, but she's cut off by the ringing of her phone.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxyrq0Y9ux
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She picks it up, and has the briefest of conversations, before saying, "Dr.Davidson is ready to see you now.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxF3lvK61c
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*•*•*•*978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDcI8U8A5C
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I'm shaking like a colt trying to walk for the first time.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6N7wWwoTCr
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"Sit," the doctor insists, pretending not to notice my nervousness.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7cHJnJhcle
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"So, tell me exactly what's going on," he says, looking me in the face.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWY3rdoMzUo
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"I fucked without a condom, and now I think I'm pregnant."978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHURawN8o3a
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"Okay," he replies, completely unfazed by my bluntness. "Lets find out," he says, sounding like Dora the Explorer.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsLSDxxiKU
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And for some reason, on some level, I don't want to explore this, because it feels as if not investing it will make the problem sublime and diffuse, but I know it won't.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp9S9xWNo2j
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"Put this on, and change," the doctor tells me, handing me the gown that patients use to cover themselves.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9cxjWFQ5oE
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He does an overall examination before the test, but to be honest, I'm not there; I tell him "no" when he asks if I'm experiencing pain during the breast and pelvic examinations, but apart from that, I'm gone.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsS8lzVkt3K
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"Okay. It's too early to see the baby doing an external ultrasound, so I'm going to have to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound."978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwKSUJ19jx
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All I hear is the word "ultrasound"; my heart beat skyrockets.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6khj4LC0b
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He must be misreading my expression, because he suddenly try's to reassure me.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAIRXO2vhsz
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"It won't be painful—"978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsqK7rcmeVj
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"That's not it. I don't want a baby,"978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkRJpZHvUcO
I reply, and god does it feel good to finally say those words out loud to someone.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgymX4c6cso
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I've thought them many times, but there's this sense of release that comes with saying it out loud, like taking a shit after holding it in for an entire day (if you're one of those people who finds shitting in public to be absolutely terrifying, such as yours truly).978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhXDE8ohW6w
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He gives me a sympathetic look, but says nothing, and for that I'm grateful.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1P81HlZ0LK
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What would he say? 'It's okay'? 'You'll be a great mother'? 978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfirmVUMhO
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I hate it when people know absolutely nothing about you, but suddenly become your personal counsellor once they hear a sentence of your life. If I were the kind of person to divulge my personal information and feelings, then maybe, I'd take their advice, but since you they nothing about me, it's just annoying.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOZYTOxj4U
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He's talking to me now, preparing for the ultrasound and telling me what will happen, but I can't concentrate on what he's saying.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEKMrPBLZR1
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However, as I feel the cold probe enter me, it feels so... final. Like the final nail to my coffin.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjv1FDGUsO8
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This is it.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hqPL8ytgC
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He turns off the light so that he can see the image on the ultrasound screen, and that screen is now the only major source of light in the room, begging to be looked at, but I can't do it.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOWwKEYo3u
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"Well..." Dr. Davidson says, sounding surprised, but not in a good way.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3WC5yNqVW
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I start to shake, trembling so hard that the paper covering the cot on which I am laying begins to rattle loudly.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLcdTV0ulWN
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"Miss Quinn, the good news is, you're not pregnant", he says.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRLeg2QTUPP
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I freeze.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8WziFPm4J
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Then I breathe.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBh92Oo30F
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I let out a loud breath of relief, as relief is my automatic response to hearing something like that in a situation like this.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbVKgSt7I7V
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However, as soon as that breath is released, I 978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ATimIYSET
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1) remember that Dr. Davidson seems unpleasantly surprised, 978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7wTi5sqFF
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2) realise that he said "the good news is"; that means that there's bad news, too, and978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUICQ7YdjgR
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3)realise that he is still inspecting my insides with the probe, frowning at the screen.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ccgikaCBB
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Something isn't right.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwYingXtt3
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"Dr. Davidson, what's wrong?" I ask, sounding like a nervous wreck all over again.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJduaBM2sw5
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He continues to look at the screen, and I can see that he knows exactly what is wrong with me; it's just one of those moments in which you try to figure out how to phrase something in the best way possible so as to lessen the blow.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHD22JKIEZ
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He sighs, and pulls the probe out, then switches off the machine.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4odlw8QLfL
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"Your condition is in no way life-threatening, Miss Quinn," he states, it might just cause complications in the future."978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLcwowcyN95
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"Do you mind telling me what my condition is, before I shit myself?" I snarl as he turns on the light and hands me a wad of tissue paper.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7T2nuqlEL
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His lips twitch. 978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUl1RxzQQp
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"You've been nothing but nervous since you stepped into my office. I said that so that you wouldn't shit yourself."978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2dR3ChJck
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Through my nervousness I have to smile at him.978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpg91yHxxN
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"Okay so what do I have?"978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1s4SxC4hh
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"Miss Quinn, you have fibroids."978Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyMpJjgxqGy
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