Doctors' offices have always made me immensely uncomfortable. You never get through immediately; there's always a fifteen minute and up waiting period.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUobqVFIRw
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In that amount of time, someone as imaginative as myself can think a vast number of ways in which something could be severely wrong with me, because you're never at the doctor if you're alright.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4d4wSqrw6I
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Today, however, I'm at the doctor's office and I'm almost sure that there's nothing physically wrong with me.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4EyDtdqXP
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It's what's inside of me that's the problem.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBCWcxb4rEr
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You see, I made the brilliant decision to have unprotected sex, which has landed me here, in a doctor's office, wanting to "make sure" that I'm actually pregnant, as if three positive pregnancy tests aren't proof enough. 808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Jm7652w29
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Despite the knowledge that it is highly unlikely that I am not pregnant, I still hope; and with that hope comes nervousness.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWLLAIEcDO5
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My palms are clammy and I'm constantly alternating between bouncing my knees and tapping my feet against the tiled floor. The receptionist is looking at me with a concerned expression, as if expecting me to have a full blown panic attack, and to be honest, I'm somewhere pretty near to that.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCzOqI3yTO
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In an attempt to calm myself, I pull out my phone and play Candy Crush. It doesn't help. 808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOA92eeY03J
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I plug in my earphones and try to listen to some music, but after two minutes, I realise that I don't even know what the hell I'm listening to; it could be classical music, or rap music. I wouldn't know.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSobwFZfLh
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I rip out the earbuds in frustration, and lean back in my chair, closing my eyes.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkQhN7g2UdY
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"Miss, would you like some water?" the receptionist asks, startling me.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rVTb6TLif
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In my fit of irritation, I forgot that she was there.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3WFsKPic0
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"Yes, thank you," I reply in what I hope is a calm voice, but even to my own ears, it sounds harsh.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHqe6OCeKk
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She dips below the desk and comes back up with a small unopened bottle of water.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcbxJt3sqI
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"Thank you," I say to her, as she passes me the bottle.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5YV3kRJwk
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"You're welcome," is her reply. She looks as if she wants to say more, but she's cut off by the ringing of her phone.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwnVdPsMw94
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She picks it up, and has the briefest of conversations, before saying, "Dr.Davidson is ready to see you now.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ftFYZ0LX2
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*•*•*•*808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dICIKacgJ
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I'm shaking like a colt trying to walk for the first time.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8V5Loul5gc
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"Sit," the doctor insists, pretending not to notice my nervousness.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLGI56fRpJC
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"So, tell me exactly what's going on," he says, looking me in the face.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWVF0dRAq9
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"I fucked without a condom, and now I think I'm pregnant."808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0gIIpwwYgC
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"Okay," he replies, completely unfazed by my bluntness. "Lets find out," he says, sounding like Dora the Explorer.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdUviYVzU2
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And for some reason, on some level, I don't want to explore this, because it feels as if not investing it will make the problem sublime and diffuse, but I know it won't.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLm5geVp9EY
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"Put this on, and change," the doctor tells me, handing me the gown that patients use to cover themselves.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFJBRnvhLD
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He does an overall examination before the test, but to be honest, I'm not there; I tell him "no" when he asks if I'm experiencing pain during the breast and pelvic examinations, but apart from that, I'm gone.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiSPrgSQiLn
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"Okay. It's too early to see the baby doing an external ultrasound, so I'm going to have to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound."808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Lhb3BLVjq
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All I hear is the word "ultrasound"; my heart beat skyrockets.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiWA741kNX
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He must be misreading my expression, because he suddenly try's to reassure me.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGDIE7FHGl
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"It won't be painful—"808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmx3RuX0MLu
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"That's not it. I don't want a baby,"808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbsRNKitk2
I reply, and god does it feel good to finally say those words out loud to someone.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡybjII4tzF1
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I've thought them many times, but there's this sense of release that comes with saying it out loud, like taking a shit after holding it in for an entire day (if you're one of those people who finds shitting in public to be absolutely terrifying, such as yours truly).808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipKqnwsT0P
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He gives me a sympathetic look, but says nothing, and for that I'm grateful.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgLd3HHyFG
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What would he say? 'It's okay'? 'You'll be a great mother'? 808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMtpGrEmoY
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I hate it when people know absolutely nothing about you, but suddenly become your personal counsellor once they hear a sentence of your life. If I were the kind of person to divulge my personal information and feelings, then maybe, I'd take their advice, but since you they nothing about me, it's just annoying.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdDIXgJhQd8
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He's talking to me now, preparing for the ultrasound and telling me what will happen, but I can't concentrate on what he's saying.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVFGxnbyvgU
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However, as I feel the cold probe enter me, it feels so... final. Like the final nail to my coffin.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMTNS1hcreU
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This is it.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqCOuzNWlv
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He turns off the light so that he can see the image on the ultrasound screen, and that screen is now the only major source of light in the room, begging to be looked at, but I can't do it.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMAHX0CgKQc
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"Well..." Dr. Davidson says, sounding surprised, but not in a good way.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzeO0kNmP8
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I start to shake, trembling so hard that the paper covering the cot on which I am laying begins to rattle loudly.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRLm61C5FyC
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"Miss Quinn, the good news is, you're not pregnant", he says.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKg5cITuC5l
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I freeze.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8Rk3hIcT9
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Then I breathe.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsvgHfosLxd
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I let out a loud breath of relief, as relief is my automatic response to hearing something like that in a situation like this.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc7gKgZ51Q7
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However, as soon as that breath is released, I 808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjjuy1IuAt
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1) remember that Dr. Davidson seems unpleasantly surprised, 808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTNYp5RXgUj
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2) realise that he said "the good news is"; that means that there's bad news, too, and808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEItbMQmnQs
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3)realise that he is still inspecting my insides with the probe, frowning at the screen.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMqDcDMsIiK
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Something isn't right.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nsZm4cJ5a
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"Dr. Davidson, what's wrong?" I ask, sounding like a nervous wreck all over again.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIcjFvDydYx
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He continues to look at the screen, and I can see that he knows exactly what is wrong with me; it's just one of those moments in which you try to figure out how to phrase something in the best way possible so as to lessen the blow.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrn0lzW6X2S
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He sighs, and pulls the probe out, then switches off the machine.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwp6UVZ17gI
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"Your condition is in no way life-threatening, Miss Quinn," he states, it might just cause complications in the future."808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3zFcacK8n
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"Do you mind telling me what my condition is, before I shit myself?" I snarl as he turns on the light and hands me a wad of tissue paper.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyoSG0tIruR
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His lips twitch. 808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlMKTCiuAbg
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"You've been nothing but nervous since you stepped into my office. I said that so that you wouldn't shit yourself."808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYf33p5SuOZ
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Through my nervousness I have to smile at him.808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr7EfZYMxyR
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"Okay so what do I have?"808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPSoc07Hn6p
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"Miss Quinn, you have fibroids."808Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAf6GG0lyOe
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