
INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - AFTERNOON
Stable shopkeeper DR GREGORY BUTTERSCOTCH is arguing with sweet housekeeper MASTER HARRY CHAN. GREGORY tries to hug HARRY but he shakes him off.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANA7uGKq3I2RK
Please Harry, don't leave me.
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267Please respect copyright.PENANAZtRNJv7VzZ
HARRY267Please respect copyright.PENANAPXSaxAi6Y9
I'm sorry Gregory, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
267Please respect copyright.PENANAh7tKY9xrK9
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANA0gynkdkeKu
I am such a person!
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HARRY frowns.
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HARRY267Please respect copyright.PENANA5Hv8ck0mkp
I'm sorry, Gregory. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
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HARRY leaves.
GREGORY sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, hopeful doctor MRS CHANTAL MALKOVICH barges in looking flustered.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANA3zttNEdqet
Goodness, Chantal! Is everything okay?
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.PENANAFkMm3vcNbG
I'm afraid not.
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267Please respect copyright.PENANA2kY2Gh5Kjy
GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAy8digMeNcl
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
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267Please respect copyright.PENANAXmUt21OMO0
CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.PENANA1f6rPDoVYX
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAmx8b72IhMA
Defenseless swimmers?
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.PENANAErfclE7XDG
Yes, defenseless swimmers!
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267Please respect copyright.PENANAPQaS0iLSFm
GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAnfYcIqbvCd
Bloomin' heck, Chantal! We've got to do something.
267Please respect copyright.PENANALmmu4aDSVf
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.PENANAtsglYF749g
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAxRcA1qG6jM
You can start by telling me where this happened.
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.PENANAsriX2g9gXS
I was...
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CHANTAL fans herself and begins to wheeze.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAD9B67gpX6F
Focus Chantal, focus! Where did it happen?
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.PENANAyB9lgTW037
National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London!
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GREGORY springs up and begins to run.
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EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
GREGORY rushes along the street, followed by CHANTAL. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
SHARON PIGEON a spiteful alien terrorises two swimmers.
GREGORY, closely followed by CHANTAL, rushes towards SHARON, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.PENANAfvIFyKpVRQ
What is is? What's the matter?
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267Please respect copyright.PENANAQ6cPtSuNii
GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAUOcg9yIMjp
That's not just any old alien, that's Sharon Pigeon!
267Please respect copyright.PENANATCTpK8BKJ2
267Please respect copyright.PENANAXrT4b49O5a
CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.PENANAtTpv8M2L5w
Who's Sharon Pigeon?
267Please respect copyright.PENANAHxYNUmCTb9
267Please respect copyright.PENANA9wjZApQPHy
GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAcFxqHddylh
Who's Sharon Pigeon? Who's Sharon Pigeon? Only the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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267Please respect copyright.PENANAewA15LcJKv
CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.PENANArlsygVlTCy
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
267Please respect copyright.PENANAd2jxqppX0W
267Please respect copyright.PENANAwyMJ9opXVG
GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAZb2C8TZGV8
You can say that again.
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267Please respect copyright.PENANA7SYTQ6SjnS
CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.PENANA9SDJ1XRA1A
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
267Please respect copyright.PENANAYJFYI0N3zi
267Please respect copyright.PENANAgNmFpu3Nj3
GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAhio4FZc5Ya
I'm going to need ropes, lots of ropes.
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Sharon turns and sees Gregory and Chantal. She grins an evil grin.
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SHARON267Please respect copyright.PENANApKuIgz6eBX
Gregory Butterscotch, we meet again.
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267Please respect copyright.PENANAGekgGkKlJY
CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.PENANALyD0jRccQk
You've met?
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAAAEXmYtR6b
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
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EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young GREGORY is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees SHARON. He takes off his headphones.
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SHARON267Please respect copyright.PENANANEiVVz81N3
Would you like some chocolate?
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GREGORY's eyes light up, but then he studies SHARON more closely, and looks uneasy.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAbuVGHvkbRJ
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
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267Please respect copyright.PENANAM8XGvWnL6t
SHARON267Please respect copyright.PENANA5oQzx2ZjI9
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful alien in the world.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAnwwWQTsIAL
Wait, you're a alien?
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GREGORY runs away, screaming.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
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SHARON267Please respect copyright.PENANAACdn2hsOl1
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.PENANAWtiJItRNZY
(To GREGORY) You ran away?
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAzJssgWkfdF
(To CHANTAL) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
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GREGORY turns to SHARON.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAnouFFNaaVO
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
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GREGORY runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAZOUuzmbdDd
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with ropes.
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267Please respect copyright.PENANAjGsGmvr3FU
SHARON267Please respect copyright.PENANAuswvPOnqZG
I'm not scared of you.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAfH5MTqzJYs
You should be.
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EXT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY
GREGORY and CHANTAL walk around searching for something.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAD8eMprFSOx
I feel sure I left my ropes somewhere around here.
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267Please respect copyright.PENANAyQ2S1eGxkX
CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.PENANAvDuYvruFhE
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly ropes.
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267Please respect copyright.PENANA0laVh3H8Zv
GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANA1nS6pmKv4l
You know nothing Chantal Malkovich.
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.PENANAh9Y57lVy9p
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
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Suddenly, SHARON appears, holding a pair of ropes.
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SHARON267Please respect copyright.PENANAR67IOyrznv
Looking for something?
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.PENANAMLuGn3GQMW
Crikey, Gregory, she's got your ropes.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANA5LS9YCwnQ2
Tell me something I don't already know!
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.PENANAfpRlNUlBG1
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANA76dv5Brf23
I know that already!
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.PENANAVMBeAvCA8f
I pick my nose and eat it.
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267Please respect copyright.PENANAZbLkplqlRk
SHARON267Please respect copyright.PENANAktThko5o2a
(appalled) Dude!
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While SHARON is looking at CHANTAL with disgust, GREGORY lunges forward and grabs his deadly ropes. He wields them, triumphantly.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAwkD14O8CiX
Prepare to die, you spiteful cauliflower!
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SHARON267Please respect copyright.PENANAYxBHrMz4Fp
No please! All I did was exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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HARRY enters, unseen by any of the others.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAzQmxg1WfAE
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Gregory Butterscotch defender of innocent swimmers.
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267Please respect copyright.PENANAuPS7F04FDK
SHARON267Please respect copyright.PENANAjJHkUgWlYN
Don't hurt me! Please!
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267Please respect copyright.PENANAJavk56hjzq
GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAHqSJbrzELj
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these ropes on you right away!
267Please respect copyright.PENANAn25fiHEtSv
267Please respect copyright.PENANAf9avOaaaA9
SHARON267Please respect copyright.PENANAEY7ZW2eTSY
Because Gregory, I am your mother.
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GREGORY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAekPZgCmfXX
No you're not!
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267Please respect copyright.PENANAhdzXaRaMsO
SHARON267Please respect copyright.PENANA8rducP1glS
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
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SHARON tries to grab the ropes but GREGORY dodges out of the way.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAuPa9y4XR2H
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
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Unexpectedly, SHARON slumps to the ground.
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.PENANAzHQ7jIYczU
Did she just faint?
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAeEiMEkon5N
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly ropes.
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GREGORY crouches over SHARON's body.
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.PENANAaRyNU2NiZq
Be careful, Gregory. It could be a trick.
267Please respect copyright.PENANAksflP4JlgR
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAEZVLQOIixR
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Sharon Pigeon is dead!
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAFweP3aTfLM
What?
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAlwIrIglIdY
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
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CHANTAL claps her hands.
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.PENANAmSngUtdAZX
So your ropes did save the day, after all.
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HARRY steps forward.
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HARRY267Please respect copyright.PENANAJLvfGeHeIN
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful alien?
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANA14LjAcf7RP
Harry how long have you been...?
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HARRY puts his arm around GREGORY.
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HARRY267Please respect copyright.PENANAKPY8XhD3dF
Long enough.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAoe2MmQMUn7
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Sharon Pigeon.
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HARRY267Please respect copyright.PENANAcpMMZoEQTg
Then the swimmers are safe?
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAcU65BWDquM
It does seem that way!
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A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
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HARRY267Please respect copyright.PENANAaFXVF6KsUp
You are their hero.
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The swimmers bow to GREGORY.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAzALaXZ9s1T
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Sharon Pigeon will never exterminate swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
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HARRY267Please respect copyright.PENANA2eq5BLPG8n
You are humble as well as brave!
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One of the swimmers passes GREGORY a magic ring
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HARRY267Please respect copyright.PENANAfn8IczCVCI
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAQOfZBdflig
I couldn't possibly.
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Pause.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAjusjXOu8C8
Well, if you insist.
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GREGORY takes the ring.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAjMHi18HkLX
Thank you.
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The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
GREGORY turns to HARRY.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAKZnuBGKXft
Does this mean you want me back?
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HARRY267Please respect copyright.PENANAJtwWFNlJIp
Oh, Gregory, of course I want you back!
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GREGORY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAJd2G9GVYRy
Well you can't have me.
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HARRY267Please respect copyright.PENANAt1hpm4o4gN
WHAT?
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAIWnFWLIt5w
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
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HARRY267Please respect copyright.PENANAaDJQoN04iX
But...
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAjZXKdxoFpc
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Chantal.
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CHANTAL grins.
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HARRY267Please respect copyright.PENANAjSR7MeD44v
But...
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.PENANAOQtInI3Ej7
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
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HARRY267Please respect copyright.PENANAcuiwL0Yqvx
Gregory?
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAo63wApwylv
I'm sorry Harry, but I think you should skidaddle.
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HARRY leaves.
CHANTAL turns to GREGORY.
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.PENANAFPSzgUBSXO
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
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GREGORY267Please respect copyright.PENANAOuipQnHGSD
Of course you are!
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The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly CHANTAL stops.
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CHANTAL267Please respect copyright.PENANADzuoBSHjKj
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?
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267Please respect copyright.PENANAIia5504og8
THE END
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