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INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - AFTERNOON
Stable shopkeeper DR GREGORY BUTTERSCOTCH is arguing with sweet housekeeper MASTER HARRY CHAN. GREGORY tries to hug HARRY but he shakes him off.
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNUePxQi2z
Please Harry, don't leave me.
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HARRY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp11z2mViEM
I'm sorry Gregory, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqfDOufTrTm
I am such a person!
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HARRY frowns.
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HARRY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PNPgOYCZ3
I'm sorry, Gregory. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
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HARRY leaves.
GREGORY sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, hopeful doctor MRS CHANTAL MALKOVICH barges in looking flustered.
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZOnGddZeLa
Goodness, Chantal! Is everything okay?
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CHANTAL245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9dkmKtQcdt
I'm afraid not.
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZIT6CmISH
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
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CHANTAL245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmkXpXTKd2N
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcI8sFt289A
Defenseless swimmers?
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CHANTAL245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8KYJ7LgWRh
Yes, defenseless swimmers!
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9mjJ7Utt8
Bloomin' heck, Chantal! We've got to do something.
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CHANTAL245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOl6X6oyWAo
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6Nxb6GlnB
You can start by telling me where this happened.
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CHANTAL245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1sFwKg3JBC
I was...
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CHANTAL fans herself and begins to wheeze.
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCUZSKDFF9
Focus Chantal, focus! Where did it happen?
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CHANTAL245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqlSWj7R58z
National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London!
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GREGORY springs up and begins to run.
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EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
GREGORY rushes along the street, followed by CHANTAL. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
SHARON PIGEON a spiteful alien terrorises two swimmers.
GREGORY, closely followed by CHANTAL, rushes towards SHARON, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
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CHANTAL245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOK2gUGobJp
What is is? What's the matter?
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmQuYVMHRA
That's not just any old alien, that's Sharon Pigeon!
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CHANTAL245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiRejFry3NR
Who's Sharon Pigeon?
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyM2r4xrkOW
Who's Sharon Pigeon? Who's Sharon Pigeon? Only the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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CHANTAL245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMnxIhMhf7x
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu50TB2Ba5r
You can say that again.
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CHANTAL245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jk3yg5dqA
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTt8CB7nW0A
I'm going to need ropes, lots of ropes.
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Sharon turns and sees Gregory and Chantal. She grins an evil grin.
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SHARON245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1tRPXlwxkW
Gregory Butterscotch, we meet again.
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CHANTAL245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfOx9hnWq7
You've met?
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuROsFWkRzK
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
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EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young GREGORY is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees SHARON. He takes off his headphones.
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SHARON245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG6Gn3Ko59X
Would you like some chocolate?
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GREGORY's eyes light up, but then he studies SHARON more closely, and looks uneasy.
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtmG8lEMzlj
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
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SHARON245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHFQUOeXZN
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful alien in the world.
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvoW3xyJE5V
Wait, you're a alien?
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GREGORY runs away, screaming.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
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SHARON245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLEP9nNwF8s
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
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CHANTAL245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡroFDSWIu8y
(To GREGORY) You ran away?
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNRiK1moM8I
(To CHANTAL) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
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GREGORY turns to SHARON.
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp4Q0nc3ffS
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
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GREGORY runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1vbmFN25L
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with ropes.
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SHARON245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYeJr7wkNWL
I'm not scared of you.
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQiCf7uGsoT
You should be.
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EXT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY
GREGORY and CHANTAL walk around searching for something.
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswZKuU8yjP
I feel sure I left my ropes somewhere around here.
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CHANTAL245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0o3LxNdSqW
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly ropes.
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62xXjk2war
You know nothing Chantal Malkovich.
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CHANTAL245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmV9bwE7oUH
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
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Suddenly, SHARON appears, holding a pair of ropes.
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SHARON245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymf15X8sUb
Looking for something?
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CHANTAL245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBwPOvjLT85
Crikey, Gregory, she's got your ropes.
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgwYgFwXwmS
Tell me something I don't already know!
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CHANTAL245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIp1tYLW7j
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFcgTy1Ev1
I know that already!
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CHANTAL245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7GpiRv11d
I pick my nose and eat it.
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SHARON245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOKjWYbHnY
(appalled) Dude!
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While SHARON is looking at CHANTAL with disgust, GREGORY lunges forward and grabs his deadly ropes. He wields them, triumphantly.
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62g4U6ExsK
Prepare to die, you spiteful cauliflower!
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SHARON245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEY554T0we
No please! All I did was exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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HARRY enters, unseen by any of the others.
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Iq8H3PJcl
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Gregory Butterscotch defender of innocent swimmers.
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SHARON245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8uXBAfq0Q2
Don't hurt me! Please!
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdmtjqbd9p
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these ropes on you right away!
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SHARON245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rl6zzXzEw
Because Gregory, I am your mother.
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GREGORY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpDY8VkgvKY
No you're not!
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SHARON245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMtZArC9Ow
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
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SHARON tries to grab the ropes but GREGORY dodges out of the way.
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnsb3euUrPY
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
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Unexpectedly, SHARON slumps to the ground.
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CHANTAL245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWvv4qKxbd
Did she just faint?
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0WzneyYJeY
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly ropes.
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GREGORY crouches over SHARON's body.
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CHANTAL245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYoFJZasiU
Be careful, Gregory. It could be a trick.
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97fDrV7hEf
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Sharon Pigeon is dead!
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsIM2WuQlD
What?
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rLQOjwKX8
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
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CHANTAL claps her hands.
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CHANTAL245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvWeCT2bjx
So your ropes did save the day, after all.
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HARRY steps forward.
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HARRY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmApPuxWiP7
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful alien?
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCesYrfB3pK
Harry how long have you been...?
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HARRY puts his arm around GREGORY.
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HARRY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ME72wtkbt
Long enough.
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDgLABiiYO
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Sharon Pigeon.
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HARRY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJh2pTVwpZF
Then the swimmers are safe?
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcx5kyhp4pS
It does seem that way!
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A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
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HARRY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcChGHDPyFd
You are their hero.
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The swimmers bow to GREGORY.
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0VPYUhgCR
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Sharon Pigeon will never exterminate swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
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HARRY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYo91vg07zK
You are humble as well as brave!
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One of the swimmers passes GREGORY a magic ring
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HARRY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5Zla0hVOk
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1zorxIf9q
I couldn't possibly.
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Pause.
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2IoGs3YsE
Well, if you insist.
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyig77DJWpH
GREGORY takes the ring.
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsMwHH4r93Q
Thank you.
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The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
GREGORY turns to HARRY.
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHAepdhGQHx
Does this mean you want me back?
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjO51KHT2w
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiiqN4LfPFt
HARRY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntlS8qP9FE
Oh, Gregory, of course I want you back!
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GREGORY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3l9nS4Jv6
Well you can't have me.
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0lq8se0jva
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5oDZdn31zC
HARRY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHUDMqRjv1
WHAT?
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTaygnBVnRP
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIILkvv8ym
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrD0QNPNUuQ
HARRY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxcc3jxAKS
But...
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGBdYUNMHn
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Chantal.
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CHANTAL grins.
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HARRY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1WoP4Pth8C
But...
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6PG0D4TZa8
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQPFAR82HU
CHANTAL245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡniuOefbhyG
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH181xN81ij
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HARRY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPP5vVKnJdN
Gregory?
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiu5EuL8hxU
I'm sorry Harry, but I think you should skidaddle.
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HARRY leaves.
CHANTAL turns to GREGORY.
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡygclyXDRGL
CHANTAL245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsnOkMA1uv
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ80vEp23rj
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GREGORY245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKHAS0PZUmR
Of course you are!
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The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly CHANTAL stops.
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CHANTAL245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡduPnB65a22
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?
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245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKrvi72vX8j
THE END
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