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INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - AFTERNOON
Stable shopkeeper DR GREGORY BUTTERSCOTCH is arguing with sweet housekeeper MASTER HARRY CHAN. GREGORY tries to hug HARRY but he shakes him off.
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSofkLGVXW
Please Harry, don't leave me.
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HARRY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OedVDI95I
I'm sorry Gregory, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJnHsnWVrmS
I am such a person!
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HARRY frowns.
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HARRY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9yTQ36VAQ0
I'm sorry, Gregory. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
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HARRY leaves.
GREGORY sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, hopeful doctor MRS CHANTAL MALKOVICH barges in looking flustered.
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfriTN2JIbv
Goodness, Chantal! Is everything okay?
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CHANTAL225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZzjCbymrs
I'm afraid not.
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrShaif5MK5
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
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CHANTAL225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQalc7mcG9N
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBGUBUgjea
Defenseless swimmers?
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CHANTAL225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9f6SacPMTz
Yes, defenseless swimmers!
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISvKl4rv2A
Bloomin' heck, Chantal! We've got to do something.
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CHANTAL225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bCSIADPBS
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzbMoLXi4Ch
You can start by telling me where this happened.
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CHANTAL225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyqDjG4nuAo
I was...
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CHANTAL fans herself and begins to wheeze.
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewNvvuM69A
Focus Chantal, focus! Where did it happen?
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CHANTAL225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEnIUWUolv8
National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London!
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GREGORY springs up and begins to run.
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EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
GREGORY rushes along the street, followed by CHANTAL. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
SHARON PIGEON a spiteful alien terrorises two swimmers.
GREGORY, closely followed by CHANTAL, rushes towards SHARON, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
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CHANTAL225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTKBXdugBSC
What is is? What's the matter?
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6SvCQUJ6XM
That's not just any old alien, that's Sharon Pigeon!
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CHANTAL225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoU54eLNeIY
Who's Sharon Pigeon?
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0e1tbS7mrM
Who's Sharon Pigeon? Who's Sharon Pigeon? Only the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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CHANTAL225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8fPL0UU3Tj
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxUkYEQ2by
You can say that again.
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CHANTAL225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBopy9DbLqL
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxcsaEvjKl7
I'm going to need ropes, lots of ropes.
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Sharon turns and sees Gregory and Chantal. She grins an evil grin.
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SHARON225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BgdwRRZMh
Gregory Butterscotch, we meet again.
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CHANTAL225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEE3ibvrNSo
You've met?
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpgmp9TO6lc
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
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EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young GREGORY is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees SHARON. He takes off his headphones.
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SHARON225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhXJTr9syEx
Would you like some chocolate?
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GREGORY's eyes light up, but then he studies SHARON more closely, and looks uneasy.
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrfTDSjUGX
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
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SHARON225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcqHO2ov8R
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful alien in the world.
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxk9A5mXS7
Wait, you're a alien?
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GREGORY runs away, screaming.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
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SHARON225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6Bcm1E3xY
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
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CHANTAL225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmW44A2pRdf
(To GREGORY) You ran away?
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2fM1RLxYU
(To CHANTAL) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
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GREGORY turns to SHARON.
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXBtISjLle
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
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GREGORY runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRXSO3ArJAW
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with ropes.
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SHARON225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoD9JmQc44m
I'm not scared of you.
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCbmhfPcgV
You should be.
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EXT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY
GREGORY and CHANTAL walk around searching for something.
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7fNn1Vpljk
I feel sure I left my ropes somewhere around here.
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CHANTAL225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9bbDjQ5EF
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly ropes.
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9iS9l7NxiK
You know nothing Chantal Malkovich.
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CHANTAL225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkj2B7uHSt
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
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Suddenly, SHARON appears, holding a pair of ropes.
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SHARON225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLWkepRrr68
Looking for something?
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CHANTAL225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIb83lGNj2
Crikey, Gregory, she's got your ropes.
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvedToqVNe
Tell me something I don't already know!
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CHANTAL225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA76iJQmNLb
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmPhRPM2tJ
I know that already!
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CHANTAL225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7zyQDVzxS
I pick my nose and eat it.
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SHARON225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHjUfqpg2w
(appalled) Dude!
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While SHARON is looking at CHANTAL with disgust, GREGORY lunges forward and grabs his deadly ropes. He wields them, triumphantly.
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡok4AT4ndWS
Prepare to die, you spiteful cauliflower!
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SHARON225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeyhUlQc57R
No please! All I did was exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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HARRY enters, unseen by any of the others.
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdaQEvUUTS
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Gregory Butterscotch defender of innocent swimmers.
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SHARON225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjapQIHimtY
Don't hurt me! Please!
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrx7jqZNmPz
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these ropes on you right away!
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SHARON225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91eEjJPgDW
Because Gregory, I am your mother.
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GREGORY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpENl20cJHJ
No you're not!
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SHARON225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDfnxeo6hJy
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
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SHARON tries to grab the ropes but GREGORY dodges out of the way.
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG3YdyQ1EIE
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
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Unexpectedly, SHARON slumps to the ground.
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CHANTAL225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwrwCdcJ2C
Did she just faint?
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEn7Ay6Mli
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly ropes.
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GREGORY crouches over SHARON's body.
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CHANTAL225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRG8PVW3ctu
Be careful, Gregory. It could be a trick.
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqALSQKlKNN
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Sharon Pigeon is dead!
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8o6JOPtrmL
What?
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUcKlXY6UB
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
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CHANTAL claps her hands.
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CHANTAL225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4eo2sObOf
So your ropes did save the day, after all.
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HARRY steps forward.
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HARRY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2i8d0SRxpz
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful alien?
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmz2cAXL0nQ
Harry how long have you been...?
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HARRY puts his arm around GREGORY.
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HARRY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzmpoqrMYal
Long enough.
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtv5RULzDqT
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Sharon Pigeon.
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HARRY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7xmtVkkh8
Then the swimmers are safe?
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5DsbinyYZX
It does seem that way!
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A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
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HARRY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrW2zmQVV1t
You are their hero.
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The swimmers bow to GREGORY.
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYWDXn5YXn
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Sharon Pigeon will never exterminate swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
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HARRY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jlaayYQbw
You are humble as well as brave!
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One of the swimmers passes GREGORY a magic ring
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HARRY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gNGkxbcJj
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdyttz8cRi
I couldn't possibly.
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Pause.
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc9xVF6wHr4
Well, if you insist.
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GREGORY takes the ring.
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3UCoeYpDR
Thank you.
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The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
GREGORY turns to HARRY.
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxd355T72Ro
Does this mean you want me back?
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HARRY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJAbSqonBzs
Oh, Gregory, of course I want you back!
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GREGORY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGxq5HmTYQ
Well you can't have me.
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HARRY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHnYsCdn29m
WHAT?
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsu6eL19o57
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
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HARRY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzycqOHbDdz
But...
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQk6oCraHBQ
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Chantal.
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CHANTAL grins.
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HARRY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbe44jbTiQo
But...
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225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0RVDBFARF3
CHANTAL225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBmBhWilky
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
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HARRY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFyE1thmuL
Gregory?
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1AMqK6btc
I'm sorry Harry, but I think you should skidaddle.
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HARRY leaves.
CHANTAL turns to GREGORY.
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CHANTAL225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡILyCnMPCtB
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
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GREGORY225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4pEDJM5Js1
Of course you are!
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The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly CHANTAL stops.
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CHANTAL225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡieWp0wF5gN
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?
225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Q9HwlVpxn
225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSntcPFw7p
THE END
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