[Darkness.]
Pause. 470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkHJnKQVy4
[Brightness. White hospital light. A generic student accommodation. ROXIE sits at the generic table in the corner of a generic kitchen. She is listless.]470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57Y1zJYzYi
Pause. 470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWIfjnWkGhK
ROXIE:470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSey3QJz7Cx
I am new here. Hallo. My name is Roxie. I only came out a few months ago so maybe I should also say that my name before was Rian. My dad is a counsellor and he says that I should tell people what my old name was so that they can know me better.
Pause. 470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnafnR6dcnY
But I bet that's bullshit. Anyway. Here I am. Here is me. There are three stools in this kitchen for the three of us who will live in this apartment here. 470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡowYYBKh3wf
Pause. 470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFOvzaDq7D0
But none others have yet arrived so, yeah, just, me. But that's okay. I can be my own best entertainer. The girlie I met in the train told me that if my family don't support me, then I must leave them and the friends I make here will become my new family. 470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡygaobfPpnT
Pause. 470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvJ5XjwMJJ
That's true enough I suppose. 470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl7CYZAx0If
[ROXIE stands up from the table and walks over to the kitchen window and stares out of it to the other blank, generic accommodations across the road. She is, again, listless to the most extreme.]
ROXIE:
This isn't who I thought I would turn out to be...
Pause. 470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZG17QqU10
But who do I talk to? Why speak aloud?470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnHKUEEoVR
Pause.470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5pR3NRuqD
But of course I know why. I do. I do. I do. The longer that the echo between speech lasts the more I am forced to sit and listen. So I must get it all out. Every bit of it, however ugly. 470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZWltCBpCQ
Pause. 470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWs08JrDmjL
But it's still hard, you know? Just because my dad's a psychotherapist and I understand what I am to do, it doesn't make it any easier. 470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmioJvNjxk
Pause. 470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcBJ6KKET9
But I will try. Because, frankly, what else is there to do?470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtf2tvudt8l
Pause.470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TZhsG3hA1
I started watching porn videos when I was twelve years old. Was it then or when I don't know that I became an addict. When did it switch from a once to a constant. It was an echo-chamber of madness and dark intentions. 470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJd3OOfM0E
Pause. 470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJdx14ltksH
Sometimes I wonder if my own mental state now is a result of that. I wonder if I'm all wrong. I wonder if this is normal, to be doubting your own existence. I wonder if this is all just an after effect of my own upbringing. I wonder a lot of things.
Pause. 470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8s3wqxCaj
Because, perhaps, yeah, perhaps I am real. And I am me. And perhaps I can trust my head and perhaps I can safely say, Yes. I am me. 470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7SJNlQfsV
Pause. 470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTvk421Z3J
But I can't just make all of those other thoughts go away at once. How could I? I'm not a superhero...470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAvomfN42yB
Pause. 470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7iG0kPd86
Or would it be a super-heroine? 470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOj8lE5ojOp
Pause. 470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8PHRwB11f
I'm kind of comfortable with all the really awful feminine stereotypes. Dumb blondes, bimbos, damsels and dames. It doesn't really bother me. If anything, it makes me feel better that I might not over act. 470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuG57wkAw9z
Pause.470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8e3mNMyrde
"Act" It isn't acting as a woman. I am a woman and I am me and I know I must be. What I meant was when I am in public and trying to pass as cis. 470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRgg7UgyHpe
Pause. 470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikhYUlfYMy
[During this pause, ROXIE turns away from the window and makes her way over to the fridge. It is dull and generic. She goes to open it, stops herself, and then opens it.]470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9TOFGWlyZc
ROXIE:
But the night will soon be over, thank God. And I will soon lose consciousness. I will soon lose all ability to think and overthink about all my shortcomings and long stretches alone. I look forward to sleep. I look forward to when everything is set in stone, when it's all black and white, when I'm no longer an addict, when I don't get hungover and have a license and can stay within my waist goals and everything is perfect. But until then. I must sleep.
Pause. 470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtEefzOM7Bk
[During the pause, ROXIE gradually sinks down onto floor and curls into a ball.]470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHYYG7K6sC
Pause. 470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRS4gtKH6q
[Darkness.]470Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfu9zJDQELh
