[Darkness.]
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[Brightness. White hospital light. A generic student accommodation. ROXIE sits at the generic table in the corner of a generic kitchen. She is listless.]490Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJscARIZ90
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ROXIE:490Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16of7Emnbp
I am new here. Hallo. My name is Roxie. I only came out a few months ago so maybe I should also say that my name before was Rian. My dad is a counsellor and he says that I should tell people what my old name was so that they can know me better.
Pause. 490Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9DoD6nOGtl
But I bet that's bullshit. Anyway. Here I am. Here is me. There are three stools in this kitchen for the three of us who will live in this apartment here. 490Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHAqR419QFy
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But none others have yet arrived so, yeah, just, me. But that's okay. I can be my own best entertainer. The girlie I met in the train told me that if my family don't support me, then I must leave them and the friends I make here will become my new family. 490Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkLrxLVLXm
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That's true enough I suppose. 490Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxJthXh8hH
[ROXIE stands up from the table and walks over to the kitchen window and stares out of it to the other blank, generic accommodations across the road. She is, again, listless to the most extreme.]
ROXIE:
This isn't who I thought I would turn out to be...
Pause. 490Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2pzupOdIu
But who do I talk to? Why speak aloud?490Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKAiX890BK
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But of course I know why. I do. I do. I do. The longer that the echo between speech lasts the more I am forced to sit and listen. So I must get it all out. Every bit of it, however ugly. 490Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dxHoMD6ZY
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But it's still hard, you know? Just because my dad's a psychotherapist and I understand what I am to do, it doesn't make it any easier. 490Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpWRLK7TDGT
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But I will try. Because, frankly, what else is there to do?490Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhbueeWUFIC
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I started watching porn videos when I was twelve years old. Was it then or when I don't know that I became an addict. When did it switch from a once to a constant. It was an echo-chamber of madness and dark intentions. 490Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1CmEHz5k5
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Sometimes I wonder if my own mental state now is a result of that. I wonder if I'm all wrong. I wonder if this is normal, to be doubting your own existence. I wonder if this is all just an after effect of my own upbringing. I wonder a lot of things.
Pause. 490Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHJGSCbjYd
Because, perhaps, yeah, perhaps I am real. And I am me. And perhaps I can trust my head and perhaps I can safely say, Yes. I am me. 490Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtYGmoI86u
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But I can't just make all of those other thoughts go away at once. How could I? I'm not a superhero...490Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMVeH6eVwX
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Or would it be a super-heroine? 490Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ALnPV0uAR
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I'm kind of comfortable with all the really awful feminine stereotypes. Dumb blondes, bimbos, damsels and dames. It doesn't really bother me. If anything, it makes me feel better that I might not over act. 490Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnRlSgcJCP
Pause.490Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9lwu8pkmt
"Act" It isn't acting as a woman. I am a woman and I am me and I know I must be. What I meant was when I am in public and trying to pass as cis. 490Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ1pj09N4NT
Pause. 490Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8U8mV44Bi
[During this pause, ROXIE turns away from the window and makes her way over to the fridge. It is dull and generic. She goes to open it, stops herself, and then opens it.]490Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡop5PFRlHJ1
ROXIE:
But the night will soon be over, thank God. And I will soon lose consciousness. I will soon lose all ability to think and overthink about all my shortcomings and long stretches alone. I look forward to sleep. I look forward to when everything is set in stone, when it's all black and white, when I'm no longer an addict, when I don't get hungover and have a license and can stay within my waist goals and everything is perfect. But until then. I must sleep.
Pause. 490Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4GyU3GF7g5
[During the pause, ROXIE gradually sinks down onto floor and curls into a ball.]490Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTcnY6bkCpn
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[Darkness.]490Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgYL5lEgOgm
