[Darkness.]
Pause. 441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡweTheG0GfY
[Brightness. White hospital light. A generic student accommodation. ROXIE sits at the generic table in the corner of a generic kitchen. She is listless.]441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZattX6kQD
Pause. 441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbQFx1Eoki
ROXIE:441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYLKYoSYaM
I am new here. Hallo. My name is Roxie. I only came out a few months ago so maybe I should also say that my name before was Rian. My dad is a counsellor and he says that I should tell people what my old name was so that they can know me better.
Pause. 441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7x3HllscN
But I bet that's bullshit. Anyway. Here I am. Here is me. There are three stools in this kitchen for the three of us who will live in this apartment here. 441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYSwlRSouo
Pause. 441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGG5cZipalu
But none others have yet arrived so, yeah, just, me. But that's okay. I can be my own best entertainer. The girlie I met in the train told me that if my family don't support me, then I must leave them and the friends I make here will become my new family. 441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Zl0e8tYVL
Pause. 441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMz9OdquU60
That's true enough I suppose. 441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwB5pEv9LL
[ROXIE stands up from the table and walks over to the kitchen window and stares out of it to the other blank, generic accommodations across the road. She is, again, listless to the most extreme.]
ROXIE:
This isn't who I thought I would turn out to be...
Pause. 441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKvuQch7n36
But who do I talk to? Why speak aloud?441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SohXuhvvo
Pause.441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb1KKQh1QIR
But of course I know why. I do. I do. I do. The longer that the echo between speech lasts the more I am forced to sit and listen. So I must get it all out. Every bit of it, however ugly. 441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrLNnWidML
Pause. 441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjt6LHaBck
But it's still hard, you know? Just because my dad's a psychotherapist and I understand what I am to do, it doesn't make it any easier. 441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbcXsebw9T
Pause. 441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ83HgV3kUUx
But I will try. Because, frankly, what else is there to do?441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkI4OFHWSnd
Pause.441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM6drrXNNcy
I started watching porn videos when I was twelve years old. Was it then or when I don't know that I became an addict. When did it switch from a once to a constant. It was an echo-chamber of madness and dark intentions. 441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBWkTFSHuWN
Pause. 441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Jdid4uZlM
Sometimes I wonder if my own mental state now is a result of that. I wonder if I'm all wrong. I wonder if this is normal, to be doubting your own existence. I wonder if this is all just an after effect of my own upbringing. I wonder a lot of things.
Pause. 441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxpeJAZg01
Because, perhaps, yeah, perhaps I am real. And I am me. And perhaps I can trust my head and perhaps I can safely say, Yes. I am me. 441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpB0fwR9qy7
Pause. 441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxwor620aHh
But I can't just make all of those other thoughts go away at once. How could I? I'm not a superhero...441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdboIbyJc8
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Or would it be a super-heroine? 441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyG6vr171Jj
Pause. 441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHHzVBL2WM7
I'm kind of comfortable with all the really awful feminine stereotypes. Dumb blondes, bimbos, damsels and dames. It doesn't really bother me. If anything, it makes me feel better that I might not over act. 441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkieEugLmo4
Pause.441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzNLCQnO8M
"Act" It isn't acting as a woman. I am a woman and I am me and I know I must be. What I meant was when I am in public and trying to pass as cis. 441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvgJV7w9zy
Pause. 441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCb6R7hnmQ
[During this pause, ROXIE turns away from the window and makes her way over to the fridge. It is dull and generic. She goes to open it, stops herself, and then opens it.]441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUtwls2rQvd
ROXIE:
But the night will soon be over, thank God. And I will soon lose consciousness. I will soon lose all ability to think and overthink about all my shortcomings and long stretches alone. I look forward to sleep. I look forward to when everything is set in stone, when it's all black and white, when I'm no longer an addict, when I don't get hungover and have a license and can stay within my waist goals and everything is perfect. But until then. I must sleep.
Pause. 441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrBomH7ICP4
[During the pause, ROXIE gradually sinks down onto floor and curls into a ball.]441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1WFTxOCEf
Pause. 441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKgGXxb1FGx
[Darkness.]441Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehUwHEMefa
