第二章|燈火何尋59Please respect copyright.PENANAdwEcfzffVQ
來到愛丁堡的第一個冬天,冷得像心情一樣。59Please respect copyright.PENANAjDS3pyINYu
風沿著石板街吹過,鑽進大衣縫隙,不留情。Lothian Road的路標被濕氣模糊,我裹緊圍巾,一邊看著地圖,一邊尋找一間教會。說到底,人到了第二個地方,總得找些歸屬,不然日子像一張翻不完的白紙。59Please respect copyright.PENANArhE64vtzkN
我試過幾間老華僑教會。建築像從上世紀帶過來的古董,牆壁滲著舊時代的潮氣,會眾多是銀髮老者,彼此熟絡,講話像糖水煲得過火,溫吞無味。59Please respect copyright.PENANAUisfffNOXh
也去過幾間外國人的教會。投影片換得比誰都快,講道卻又長又慢,我每次都在自由祈禱時間悄悄離開,像誤入了別人的夢。明明是公開聚會,卻像沒人留位給我。59Please respect copyright.PENANAiQktERttln
直到有天,一位朋友在群組裡轉發一張截圖:「香港人在愛丁堡的新聚會,由楊牧師帶領。」59Please respect copyright.PENANA6T0o2usJJK
名字普通得很,我也沒抱期待,卻不知為什麼我去了。59Please respect copyright.PENANAz0t7oCJyQX
教會是一間小教堂。地板擦得很乾淨,牆上貼著幾句手寫的聖經金句:「疲乏的,他賜能力……」「耶和華是我的牧者……」59Please respect copyright.PENANA3Fl1vbOHN9
楊牧師站在講台前,一身深灰色針織外套,聲線溫和,像在和你聊天,而非傳道。59Please respect copyright.PENANAI0Lh63BHdc
他講完信息後,走下來親自和新朋友寒暄。我在後排收拾東西,沒想到他直接走到我面前。59Please respect copyright.PENANArqQrEH8fpA
「你好,我是楊牧師,你是新來的朋友嗎?」59Please respect copyright.PENANAfQhqOQPdVe
「是啊,我叫Cecilia,剛搬來不久。」我客氣地笑笑。59Please respect copyright.PENANAGbWKb0PH0j
「歡迎你,我們這裡小小的,但希望能像一個家。」59Please respect copyright.PENANAtGNkIOqB5Y
我點頭:「感覺真的挺溫暖的。」59Please respect copyright.PENANAUrGwdjl0oF
他沒有多說,只輕聲回應:「我要在愛丁堡建立一間屬於香港人的教會。」59Please respect copyright.PENANAO9BazPyATc
說那話時,他眼中沒有野心,只有光。59Please respect copyright.PENANAhxflp2mKxI
不是一場宣言,更像他對自己默默許下的承諾。59Please respect copyright.PENANAt1EzGBW8EW
我給他堅信感動,我沒有鼓掌,心裡卻靜靜地說:「好,我留下。」59Please respect copyright.PENANA8xQmQYfInL
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日子平靜流過。59Please respect copyright.PENANAYFu4nZY8fo
我開始參與教會的茶聚、查經、敬拜,甚至偶爾準備膳食。這些年在香港,我早把「參與教會」這事丟到工作堆後,如今卻主動為聚會煲湯,連我自己都驚訝。59Please respect copyright.PENANA50YckYsttF
某個週五晚的團契,有人提議分組吃晚飯,我分到一組坐在角落,低頭扒飯,一個男聲忽然出現在我耳邊。59Please respect copyright.PENANA9VxTw1kIwW
「你好,我叫阿John。」59Please respect copyright.PENANACJYM7J4NDU
我抬頭,眼前一位三十來歲的男士,穿羽絨外套,手裡捧著紙碗。59Please respect copyright.PENANAnxvFwuFCO5
「阿John?」我忍不住輕笑,「這名字好有……懷舊感。」59Please respect copyright.PENANArkdhYQwyuq
他一愣,接著也笑了:「我媽幫我改的,小時候她喜歡《上海灘》那套老劇。」59Please respect copyright.PENANA1LA0tOMkk6
「那你應該叫文强是嗎。」59Please respect copyright.PENANAtfZvgC389S
「太遲了,已經出世。」他聳聳肩。59Please respect copyright.PENANAls1QtLwK6n
我忍不住笑出聲。愛丁堡的冬夜忽然不那麼冷了。59Please respect copyright.PENANAwMSGQ3VHyC
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那段日子,簡單得很。大家聚在一起,唱詩歌、煮飯、聊工作,幫新來的港人找房子,交換哪間超市米價便宜。59Please respect copyright.PENANAMZnDXCq2fL
我從沒想過,自己會喜歡這樣的生活,沒商品琳瑯滿目,也沒購物中心。但它真實、安靜、乾淨。像一杯白開水,沒味,卻解渴。59Please respect copyright.PENANA00X3AXJ3bs
有次我在聚會後幫忙收拾,扔完垃圾時,楊牧師對我說:59Please respect copyright.PENANABA0rdhwEoc
「Cecilia,你做事真讓人放心。」59Please respect copyright.PENANACIk5eNtOCz
語氣真誠,不多不少,剛剛好。59Please respect copyright.PENANAlAQE0sllz8
「服侍,不是做大事,是用愛陪人走一段路。」他輕輕一笑:「我們能夠來到新地方,就把鄉下做事的方式放下。」59Please respect copyright.PENANACgvLJGPcs7
這話,我一直記住了。59Please respect copyright.PENANAtlo1KrLyCn
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教會慢慢有了模樣。59Please respect copyright.PENANAaHUTtRk69J
每週的查經越來越多新人出現,有人在分享時哭起來:「我從沒想過,在這裡連租個地方都不是有錢就能解決的事……現在還住在朋友家,行李都還沒打開,像個過客。」59Please respect copyright.PENANAZZzT7Xr7mj
大家圍著她,有人遞紙巾,有人握住她的手。這種場合在香港是罕見的,這裡卻成了習慣。59Please respect copyright.PENANAboXoYOdzhj
聖誕節前夕,大家開始互送聖誕卡。59Please respect copyright.PENANAqwFlu1ahef
「這是給你的。」阿John把一張卡遞給我。59Please respect copyright.PENANA4nTnti8jWa
「你還手寫的?挺有誠意嘛。」我拆開一看,是一段經文和一句:「願你在這地找到真正的家。」59Please respect copyright.PENANAWv7YmvUSpJ
我沒有表情太多,只輕聲說了句:「謝謝你。」59Please respect copyright.PENANA4mmB2d1x0h
心裡,其實有些微微的暖。59Please respect copyright.PENANAiiy74WKlae
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某個星期五我發燒了。訊息群裡隨口說了一句:「今天不來了,感冒中。」59Please respect copyright.PENANAm15TFThQEC
不到一小時,阿John和一位教會姊妹便開車來我家樓下。姊妹帶來粥和藥,阿John送我去診所,還說:「以後不要一個人撐著,有事開聲。」59Please respect copyright.PENANAgedNb9Of2B
我靠在車窗,望著倫敦式的灰天,突然有種從未有過的感動。原來被照顧,是這樣的感覺。59Please respect copyright.PENANAKqohAdoT4v
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但命運總在最安穩的時候出手。59Please respect copyright.PENANArb5mXqEZZ2
那月,楊牧師從格拉斯哥開完一個聚會回來,說有點發燒。大家安慰他:「休息幾天就好了啦。」59Please respect copyright.PENANA9dTNmH9SrF
一週後,他進了ICU。59Please respect copyright.PENANA5uZHG2JWsb
確診了疫病59Please respect copyright.PENANAxhdlkrGNi0
三週後,他離開了。59Please respect copyright.PENANAqW5OrwfVEM
追思會那天,我哭得像個淚人,平日總是安靜的阿John站在我身邊,默默遞給我紙巾。他沒有說安慰話,只輕聲說:「他會為你感到驕傲。」59Please respect copyright.PENANAXknkUnn0V9
幾天後,我打開手機,看見一條舊短訊:「楊牧師於今晨安息主懷。」59Please respect copyright.PENANAuXwMf4DHvE
我對著那幾個字發呆很久。59Please respect copyright.PENANAkZ2cGFjdRN
有種巨大的靜默撲過來,像海潮沒聲沒息地把人捲走。59Please respect copyright.PENANAinCdsQGXHv
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之後的聚會冷清了不少,有人不再出現,有人說要不解散,有人提議合併去英國人的教會。59Please respect copyright.PENANAWlnoKS47sw
我沒說什麼,只是如常準備場地、音響、禱告,像是一個不在鏡頭裡的配角,默默走完每一場戲。59Please respect copyright.PENANAHA0mq3RT0f
有天,阿John忽然提起:「不如我們聯絡楊牧師的母會,看看他們能否接手?」59Please respect copyright.PENANAW2i2AHzkoF
我抬頭看他。他的眼裡沒有把握,卻有一種笨拙的堅持。59Please respect copyright.PENANAfwXvbIdMlU
「可以試試看。」我說。59Please respect copyright.PENANAP7as3xTCpx
約一個月後,他笑著在查經班中宣布:「母會回覆了,他們會派人來幫我們繼續這間教會。」59Please respect copyright.PENANAeGDcyP2N1M
後來來了一位新牧者,叫Andy。59Please respect copyright.PENANArYRqMZvxND
他是個目標明確、少話多做的人,不像楊牧師那樣溫柔,但他踏實像一架火車頭,也努力把散亂的群體重新聚攏。59Please respect copyright.PENANAi0zSHVqhm0
有人低聲說:「他不像楊牧師。」59Please respect copyright.PENANAVrVJOQZWRe
我沒說話,只在心裡默默回應:「沒人需要像誰,只要有人願意走下去。」59Please respect copyright.PENANAQS93OdlLmX
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這城市天黑得早,四點鐘,街燈亮起時天已沉沉如墨。59Please respect copyright.PENANA5NYG8CKSH1
我走在回家的路上,看見遠處教堂的尖頂剪進天空。59Please respect copyright.PENANAtWBNBlQBAI
我想起楊牧師說的話59Please respect copyright.PENANAabGBL5Tkz7
「若你願意,這裡可以是你的新開始。」59Please respect copyright.PENANAaNtmbTYnF0
如今,我信了。
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