第二章|燈火何尋71Please respect copyright.PENANAu9sAy2mT2x
來到愛丁堡的第一個冬天,冷得像心情一樣。71Please respect copyright.PENANAF3qF18rI4C
風沿著石板街吹過,鑽進大衣縫隙,不留情。Lothian Road的路標被濕氣模糊,我裹緊圍巾,一邊看著地圖,一邊尋找一間教會。說到底,人到了第二個地方,總得找些歸屬,不然日子像一張翻不完的白紙。71Please respect copyright.PENANAMOnBovTbTR
我試過幾間老華僑教會。建築像從上世紀帶過來的古董,牆壁滲著舊時代的潮氣,會眾多是銀髮老者,彼此熟絡,講話像糖水煲得過火,溫吞無味。71Please respect copyright.PENANA2TYdqn7MKt
也去過幾間外國人的教會。投影片換得比誰都快,講道卻又長又慢,我每次都在自由祈禱時間悄悄離開,像誤入了別人的夢。明明是公開聚會,卻像沒人留位給我。71Please respect copyright.PENANAEdj8o8t8qH
直到有天,一位朋友在群組裡轉發一張截圖:「香港人在愛丁堡的新聚會,由楊牧師帶領。」71Please respect copyright.PENANAMvbCgwAVnI
名字普通得很,我也沒抱期待,卻不知為什麼我去了。71Please respect copyright.PENANAVUeZoK1lyO
教會是一間小教堂。地板擦得很乾淨,牆上貼著幾句手寫的聖經金句:「疲乏的,他賜能力……」「耶和華是我的牧者……」71Please respect copyright.PENANALZXsdVRASt
楊牧師站在講台前,一身深灰色針織外套,聲線溫和,像在和你聊天,而非傳道。71Please respect copyright.PENANAh5qdSuby8K
他講完信息後,走下來親自和新朋友寒暄。我在後排收拾東西,沒想到他直接走到我面前。71Please respect copyright.PENANAJmJmMey4Mb
「你好,我是楊牧師,你是新來的朋友嗎?」71Please respect copyright.PENANA9TNhUEA9iu
「是啊,我叫Cecilia,剛搬來不久。」我客氣地笑笑。71Please respect copyright.PENANAXP7sreCNB6
「歡迎你,我們這裡小小的,但希望能像一個家。」71Please respect copyright.PENANAeL3m3wvSSI
我點頭:「感覺真的挺溫暖的。」71Please respect copyright.PENANAHOvF2XpNCv
他沒有多說,只輕聲回應:「我要在愛丁堡建立一間屬於香港人的教會。」71Please respect copyright.PENANATuJpey28pc
說那話時,他眼中沒有野心,只有光。71Please respect copyright.PENANAXPnwx9VXl9
不是一場宣言,更像他對自己默默許下的承諾。71Please respect copyright.PENANAiUUZoqNmY2
我給他堅信感動,我沒有鼓掌,心裡卻靜靜地說:「好,我留下。」71Please respect copyright.PENANAsvVOw8Qd3s
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日子平靜流過。71Please respect copyright.PENANA9kfEMjQW59
我開始參與教會的茶聚、查經、敬拜,甚至偶爾準備膳食。這些年在香港,我早把「參與教會」這事丟到工作堆後,如今卻主動為聚會煲湯,連我自己都驚訝。71Please respect copyright.PENANAWBDPZXqzwF
某個週五晚的團契,有人提議分組吃晚飯,我分到一組坐在角落,低頭扒飯,一個男聲忽然出現在我耳邊。71Please respect copyright.PENANANjknbDXkvu
「你好,我叫阿John。」71Please respect copyright.PENANAUv7GVodqTc
我抬頭,眼前一位三十來歲的男士,穿羽絨外套,手裡捧著紙碗。71Please respect copyright.PENANAMKUVFsnPCu
「阿John?」我忍不住輕笑,「這名字好有……懷舊感。」71Please respect copyright.PENANAFoRV0mhgR8
他一愣,接著也笑了:「我媽幫我改的,小時候她喜歡《上海灘》那套老劇。」71Please respect copyright.PENANAlaL8S7STR6
「那你應該叫文强是嗎。」71Please respect copyright.PENANAtGfxj6xOWz
「太遲了,已經出世。」他聳聳肩。71Please respect copyright.PENANACB2RL9eC38
我忍不住笑出聲。愛丁堡的冬夜忽然不那麼冷了。71Please respect copyright.PENANAmB6hAcyT5P
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那段日子,簡單得很。大家聚在一起,唱詩歌、煮飯、聊工作,幫新來的港人找房子,交換哪間超市米價便宜。71Please respect copyright.PENANAdc25L20C3y
我從沒想過,自己會喜歡這樣的生活,沒商品琳瑯滿目,也沒購物中心。但它真實、安靜、乾淨。像一杯白開水,沒味,卻解渴。71Please respect copyright.PENANAWRsRKluo6s
有次我在聚會後幫忙收拾,扔完垃圾時,楊牧師對我說:71Please respect copyright.PENANA3x9t8FKeMZ
「Cecilia,你做事真讓人放心。」71Please respect copyright.PENANAoZHsFaXdFe
語氣真誠,不多不少,剛剛好。71Please respect copyright.PENANAeB26TEWnJj
「服侍,不是做大事,是用愛陪人走一段路。」他輕輕一笑:「我們能夠來到新地方,就把鄉下做事的方式放下。」71Please respect copyright.PENANAUfP6coWdeb
這話,我一直記住了。71Please respect copyright.PENANAsnI2Dbk5xI
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教會慢慢有了模樣。71Please respect copyright.PENANA181ZCkP2mL
每週的查經越來越多新人出現,有人在分享時哭起來:「我從沒想過,在這裡連租個地方都不是有錢就能解決的事……現在還住在朋友家,行李都還沒打開,像個過客。」71Please respect copyright.PENANAY7aFVJINVn
大家圍著她,有人遞紙巾,有人握住她的手。這種場合在香港是罕見的,這裡卻成了習慣。71Please respect copyright.PENANAJD7WPdqNlK
聖誕節前夕,大家開始互送聖誕卡。71Please respect copyright.PENANAuXF2ozKIya
「這是給你的。」阿John把一張卡遞給我。71Please respect copyright.PENANArBEeNDSEnv
「你還手寫的?挺有誠意嘛。」我拆開一看,是一段經文和一句:「願你在這地找到真正的家。」71Please respect copyright.PENANAQQtjGXzphb
我沒有表情太多,只輕聲說了句:「謝謝你。」71Please respect copyright.PENANAyLe7yBYHTM
心裡,其實有些微微的暖。71Please respect copyright.PENANAXtMaurTacG
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某個星期五我發燒了。訊息群裡隨口說了一句:「今天不來了,感冒中。」71Please respect copyright.PENANArA5nvW8gZG
不到一小時,阿John和一位教會姊妹便開車來我家樓下。姊妹帶來粥和藥,阿John送我去診所,還說:「以後不要一個人撐著,有事開聲。」71Please respect copyright.PENANAwu95jNZ2Fb
我靠在車窗,望著倫敦式的灰天,突然有種從未有過的感動。原來被照顧,是這樣的感覺。71Please respect copyright.PENANAZoOGTHSeJ9
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但命運總在最安穩的時候出手。71Please respect copyright.PENANAisVdQUTTtl
那月,楊牧師從格拉斯哥開完一個聚會回來,說有點發燒。大家安慰他:「休息幾天就好了啦。」71Please respect copyright.PENANAj7oAr9Ziwi
一週後,他進了ICU。71Please respect copyright.PENANAIn0OLkFUkN
確診了疫病71Please respect copyright.PENANA59HwAwPOxE
三週後,他離開了。71Please respect copyright.PENANANahmWVHXLA
追思會那天,我哭得像個淚人,平日總是安靜的阿John站在我身邊,默默遞給我紙巾。他沒有說安慰話,只輕聲說:「他會為你感到驕傲。」71Please respect copyright.PENANAAVwYNmDRTF
幾天後,我打開手機,看見一條舊短訊:「楊牧師於今晨安息主懷。」71Please respect copyright.PENANA9z4VHpQeWY
我對著那幾個字發呆很久。71Please respect copyright.PENANADPudqK5tgo
有種巨大的靜默撲過來,像海潮沒聲沒息地把人捲走。71Please respect copyright.PENANA1xMjPUsGS1
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之後的聚會冷清了不少,有人不再出現,有人說要不解散,有人提議合併去英國人的教會。71Please respect copyright.PENANAtP4Cl1S5PV
我沒說什麼,只是如常準備場地、音響、禱告,像是一個不在鏡頭裡的配角,默默走完每一場戲。71Please respect copyright.PENANAbz3XGoA9fQ
有天,阿John忽然提起:「不如我們聯絡楊牧師的母會,看看他們能否接手?」71Please respect copyright.PENANAMidZR9OhQn
我抬頭看他。他的眼裡沒有把握,卻有一種笨拙的堅持。71Please respect copyright.PENANAb6FTxs5xeO
「可以試試看。」我說。71Please respect copyright.PENANAu9Op1ySSMX
約一個月後,他笑著在查經班中宣布:「母會回覆了,他們會派人來幫我們繼續這間教會。」71Please respect copyright.PENANAaFTYcYGbMW
後來來了一位新牧者,叫Andy。71Please respect copyright.PENANA6tTh7jJbrM
他是個目標明確、少話多做的人,不像楊牧師那樣溫柔,但他踏實像一架火車頭,也努力把散亂的群體重新聚攏。71Please respect copyright.PENANAEgz8aOgg0l
有人低聲說:「他不像楊牧師。」71Please respect copyright.PENANAAq6JczJ3ad
我沒說話,只在心裡默默回應:「沒人需要像誰,只要有人願意走下去。」71Please respect copyright.PENANARNaOVAa1Nb
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這城市天黑得早,四點鐘,街燈亮起時天已沉沉如墨。71Please respect copyright.PENANArGQIuRDlRP
我走在回家的路上,看見遠處教堂的尖頂剪進天空。71Please respect copyright.PENANAlJEZEak79D
我想起楊牧師說的話71Please respect copyright.PENANAX3iXXRJGXG
「若你願意,這裡可以是你的新開始。」71Please respect copyright.PENANAJJcdBQfI7Z
如今,我信了。
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