你好，我是莊坌但。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmbRLhnSZr
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmHFAaiOmoJ
等等，你現在一定「噗嗤」的笑了出來，然後想著這是什麼白痴名字啊？503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8zyWY0QYEP
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlKL9ehzoz
對，我也覺得這名字很白痴，尤其這還是我爸整整一年叫我兒子，終於在我一歲整時，去找個算命師特別算出來的名字，據說是九五之尊的好名字。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxYUyMepwg
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVc0DYIIBz9
我覺得這應該是九五加滿的屁名字，九五個屁。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4SiokDtPXB
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3pMnZc6IU
再說說當我爸第二天再帶我去找那個算命師時，那個算命師竟然被警察抄掉了。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovebApFgNi
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡungwQB1Ej1
媽的，在我面前被抄掉耶。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6tYJ3io1V
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKpVCASDLpq
我想這件事絕對對我造成很大的創傷，不然我也不會把一歲發生的事記到現在了。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtiCQr7FjWN
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwUfsLdWTl
更別說每次的自我介紹了，那簡直是地獄。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK2MHOwq4Vo
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuf4IfQNZ1
「大家好，我叫……黑板上的就是我的名字。」我總是低著頭，不想看到班上同學討論我名字的嘴臉，那會讓我不小心上社會新聞頭版。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vHlRhPFcG
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWLzKpL2wJN
小學一年級，同學看不懂我的名字，還有種「你好屌喔」的感覺。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqw3E357tdE
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGgCML6qrWV
到了小學六年級，那真的很恐怖。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtibKhH8s23
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jZ5DQiAvq
「喂，那叫莊什麼但？」一個看起來長大會拿刀跟別人問好的同學，轉頭問一個年紀輕輕就戴了看起來和戴起來度數都超深的眼鏡的同學。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftldohh2RC
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQZhobLyrs
「坌，念起來就跟笨蛋的笨一樣。」戴眼鏡的同學想都沒想就講出來。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmT1PMuPqvy
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFF4Me2iKrG
全班開始爆笑，我只能站在台上傻笑，一直笑，不然我會想掐死那個戴眼鏡的同學。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6YT4GFd3V7
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKYYYuXqoS
請把這個畫面重播，這也是我國高中自我介紹時，所發生的慘劇。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIDKMwJGL6l
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgUXlkmLpl9
而我的綽號，也一路走來，始終如一的「笨蛋」加上一個會心一笑。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzDHcl5srL
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9tYIyvvXh
大學聯誼時，我想我就像是在地獄被天使笑吧。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7bUg5TfiR
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGVpQcn9BGB
「你好，我是……」503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZi4sTjo12
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5420LMYEJ
「他的名字叫莊坌但喔！超厲害的對不對？坌就是大坌坑文化那個坌，但就是但是的那個但，所以我們都叫他笨蛋喔，超屌的對不對？」503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKHoUYm0Kc
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiX8RfCToaW
室友真是幫我介紹的相當好……個屁！503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZOiWrvh3o
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFg2NXPBTax
我就只能傻愣愣的笑，然後對面女生就摀著嘴笑。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZy41jBCi1
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmzQorsqks
偏偏，我的長相比普通還普通，也沒有有錢的老爸，更沒有找男人屁眼的癖好，所以我一直沒有女朋友。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfalnk01wXl
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGyg5ONjcJ
畢竟，誰也不想叫「笨蛋的女朋友」吧？503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Te2LUBt2u
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLzyUYUheM
再說說我的人生吧，這名字絕對是個詛咒！503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1lzTCdnz0
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Ekf7po0qy
從小體適能1600跑走就是我的惡夢，更別說在那段期間我身體的抵抗力還會自動升級一個level！503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkWBZc3CPC
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2D7NgIRyA
此時你一定會想，抵抗力提升有啥不好？503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvkl6PSsv4G
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJj9udnRpuz
不好啊非常的不好啊！503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxDNCy1LqhC
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjvhCDWIyu
感冒簡直跟我是好碰友，我家擺的藥也簡直可以開一間藥局了。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVttpTRd3Wx
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxrJ9q3MEN
而體育老師的規定，只要身體不舒服就可以不用參加，前提是，他會陪著你去保健室。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR7hsjmN0rn
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fMCLFKqLj
但是，就算測體適能前一天，我的鼻子還在被鼻涕強姦，只要一覺醒來，我就能夠用鼻子呼吸，然後痰也會自動消失，肚子痛什麼的也一併痊癒！503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4GBWYMx1L9
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmiMQwq2U2a
然後我當然只能哀怨的等著老師點到我的名字，接著緩緩的跑完1600……或是走完。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0NFDQq8Scz
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdsIlGD5Er
出了社會，總是得找份工作。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN364m7DQpd
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBFet4qvvy
我自己買了台50CC通勤。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbO0Ui0UUu
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqUylyoNNo
但我想它跟我一樣，體弱多病。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3R0yG6pec
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcrQPIb1Amc
常常停個紅燈後，它就不想動了，所以我得一個月去車行一次，不然我就只能走路去上班。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrgXNQzP3i
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXt0V2IulE
而且我想，它是台只要載別人就會很威猛的50CC。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LulBhVQQw
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQY8ITeeRgV
「坌但我今天坐公車來，等等載我回家喔。」503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQ43cOLlyA
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6McwOMpGWd
「喔，不過我的50CC很爛，有可能一半就掛了喔。」503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69EkVMjibn
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9azYHhHmOJ
「哎呀，沒差啦，真的掛了再說。」503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKLfxmOPih
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlQd0mlPQ2
然後，我很順利的將同事載回去，而我家的50CC在路上連熄火都沒有。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNXAANqdrpv
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHb1KzmgSW
「沒很爛啊，聽它引擎的聲音感覺很猛咧。」同事在他家門前這樣說。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwR95r7MJ1z
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrOmUFvdEl
我發動50CC，然後同事關門。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzEuEuGFvEO
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWLLyVWZCq
它熄火，我傻眼。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNR8DWfMvVL
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGl0j8UVbjo
好險我跟我同事回家的路是同一條，所以我一邊緩緩的牽著它回家，一邊罵著它這台竟然給主人熄火的50CC。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDpi78tOBl
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLDWSdcz5ml
當然，出了社會還是沒有女朋友。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4wmkxGzpZ
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBXFY2lYYP
畢竟誰也不想當「笨蛋的女朋友」乃至於「笨蛋的老婆」吧。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKTHpClZqg
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtgHeq64Nw
但叫坌但又不是我的錯！503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO6QapQ5Dc8
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJUYwQjFEL
我無聊環顧著新租來的房子──前一棟因為地震垮了，隔壁的房子頂多家具壞掉，偏偏就我的整棟垮掉──看到了我目前用不到，以後可能也用不到的雙人沙發。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt1ziP3LGX0
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKGIE39h5A
我打開筆電，百無聊賴的看著日本的動畫，也許我還是希望能夠像裡面的主角一樣，開個後宮吧？503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy5eNZilE8w
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rt3Hcu7NS
不過那就叫「笨蛋的後宮」了，想到這裡，我竟然不自禁的笑了出來，笑到眼淚都飆了出來。503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQ0glAVtrj
503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcZZUjJIg1
混帳，一個人的人生哪是名字能夠決定的啊！503Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwvQeUYj58
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