（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCII7ehZ12w
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「啊，我不小心撞到了。」740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYVzRhZU1dT
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfYB6Fcslf
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01s5pBkC4x
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOWqegyqC8z
我滿意點頭。740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbhU6qM0H7j
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhGHzG6clkg
很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8EEi9JTI8
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbX46X9xOnL
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCWwIJw0yS
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmRdv57n4ZR
「不知貴不貴？」740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGH0CKp8Fkj
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsOfvmABTu
「應該還好。」740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnAvjvCt2Xj
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNg9Y5Qhsdt
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UTVdrMfyT
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOBv3ZyerPc
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFEb9c4su6L
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe5z16vOqte
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSsYWX4Hab
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9V8zHn9PRe
我震驚了。740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXG8HPkJ1F
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQPSc6ZN5W
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNBaCUNcI7P
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLVwQPqzHEY
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKEejY449HQ
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TCIpuyDem
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyi6pasGIg
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpOGMBICFmP
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2YqZlRDX0K
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakl7WQraPN
What the hell?740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHTxRdAfyD
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3MKF8fduQj
那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjY6hYhNKMz
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlS1JTbD3Le
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhJaFfiUvA
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnFl3atvEA9
嘶——740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBss124G5eQ
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdgAiVjjgvE
我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60WBaNEkzb
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxoYrP5Uvk1
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGfcArgWz2
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rJGPhjtF6
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpEChNrhlVK
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDO7GdeICvD
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdGRBxnWVnQ
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1VCkVL9Juf
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmN0OtIOV32
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTESAClF2T
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzRHQVpfItw
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMoLTgMK5aL
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjs0vVBptI
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGhHOGgKvg
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVcn9IWsyC8
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQm0dCkSpp
然而高個子不為所動！740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9S4OMkThi
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1PjNFoWnLt
我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMLwz6tobq
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ByPKnaeTT
高個子依然面不改色！740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQIcjkPEvy
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmhjXP6z5T
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJsTurOA4Uc
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUKVNSdXKN
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdF9BfvctgH
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMk3MAPELzQ
這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6Eizz4mHk
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZo7LAQHYs
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORfDTCI2xR
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBOv6dO6VT
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXeHaycE4pX
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMN6HMWoEPR
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtwz3truHvH
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBM05RySGpm
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRfYyRCK3S
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4J4tNcNrp
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX0PvYSXyX2
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOIouj1AsZv
這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbsogybug9x
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSXhEMf0sI
「為什麼要擺那包零食？」740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOLFkMcBm0y
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zIMuUeG3Z
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYJsp1x8Fr
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5xDiYNvRCO
「所以不能吃嗎？」740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFEDjUlvztf
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIj0mVMYdH
「不能，吃了就沒用了。」740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0QJubsdRiz
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1s4ttZFwTF
「但我餓了。」740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpaDuwvY3vL
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT81dysXaoQ
「……」740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaUDd9QGiNH
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此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9rvve5IpG
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMGPD5EL2u
哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2pFr52a3Ek
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPLiLzvNjY
「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HEMJYVA1t
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzH4gtQOAIt
「小語……小語……」740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAn9KQNxORH
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDm9GvrKo2
Gya——740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQqIglQ7WLW
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvwbrjKw3f
我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqS7O1mIEGJ
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0RnY5yn4E3
They are fucking gay!740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbxqSCeSv6w
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeZgm2uFPkp
這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3apnQoct6l
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqa7sHbnKdJ
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFvolnC6Ppt
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDLhqXM4oQ
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhk8SQyUvX
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJSj8g1kCX
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTgOSQWQ9tW
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfiVFYWKXCM
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTembUwuiU9
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡciBRph9cYX
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQiz4OzeJH
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZt4Sz6VNyd
Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKEp4KyU7Ro
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGrDANjPww
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2glJSUrKh
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
740Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXp4SfXFAe
