（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHauOl8ddG
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「啊，我不小心撞到了。」778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBy3KR3byEX
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqlW5UQ3hIk
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXqFYwCc4j
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我滿意點頭。778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6gFnMqBU0g
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaelGjTAKhb
很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCXkzUspSG
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡME6BD5xjTm
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmX4zz7hwh
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgxpgv8KHe
「不知貴不貴？」778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQdRSXdZ7W
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXQ5ARbsPV
「應該還好。」778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWM79l2INE
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wOOX9Ut3Q
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvHQsu9TJF
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDnvI1oDbw
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7rz8By7mR
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuiDfgkWnYZ
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4dDpZmlHG
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZoPWsOki3L
我震驚了。778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgOi32lAnLX
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSb0DgXnPG
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNyz8MUnOnK
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJpvmb1hlZ
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXcLTaBsxW
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVdoKhgun0
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBNt68R9r4
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4zdHhiITx
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbdwqAkkA8
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWeFy9iVzR0
What the hell?778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ077t6N611e
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpn39xzrXx
那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmhm01WLAO
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLAOxRZsar4
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgd9G7gpUzP
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMi5PVhyHSY
嘶——778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUzmq5GKDw6
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HIDvTdDuG
我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhQZYzORjV
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnd5qrHLkZf
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy30hGXlEMu
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewYfmyRm0v
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbKtLvcoYAt
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBSTElOjiwJ
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7QbqK7meOK
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFhcTXyp34p
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5AZ6u1MQJ
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLcLnxFaD2
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX3Urwd6Hcr
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURPxer7uwS
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwfdsdKO4SX
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡds5lTWdWcY
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyWWnGtxTXa
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJA2PEQqMyB
然而高個子不為所動！778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0Eo9r5Qks
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Hc6pOB8Wc
我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO18zTPmeKo
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9DbRlnP6CZ
高個子依然面不改色！778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeE5LXttKuZ
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9hZl9hdtTd
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTU3mKykiRE
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSgVoy0FRON
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlTnJmfUPBD
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7S2LmeZizg
這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtPKsWdnL0
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXTxPYBN1Qt
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOd19mDvope
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXLt7WF7bx
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRP2ORzEvz
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiKiNmEVz8u
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMkQHX1qI9
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8MqdJO2v5R
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsiL2ptBnUJ
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkydW667wxh
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgOuHpgtnXT
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx3cx7QUj85
這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcYASolnzPo
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡucJ7ILBeLB
「為什麼要擺那包零食？」778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5rlv8AcHl
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Fvr0i3vNf
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9YqWiVRHlK
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0C8GaxcMQ
「所以不能吃嗎？」778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGWijcZMNv
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMn5ERemvy
「不能，吃了就沒用了。」778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZZ1RWBsX0
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8bPq7wZaT
「但我餓了。」778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYn1CowQQRi
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZE65nlWMT4
「……」778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNDSt17sOk
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nqzJq8Khh
此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXkrAGLAl0
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtILPkH4Kw1
哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kiKZVKmzm
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAffQ69AGWl
「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLpjJ2zyY5
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92JPG0qqsm
「小語……小語……」778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8YOgCHqh5K
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOks02gWHiA
Gya——778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnEEA5URV4
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZXT3nAIsk
我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmsceFXbj1
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They are fucking gay!778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJRt7drxbn
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJdIn57FxZ7
這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1sykgN4EzG
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3goZLswPk
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwnL7bbE7YD
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKlYMMok14u
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLPWxkcSPZ
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkApbLWFZO
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkrXcnbfbJq
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡajJTvU16l3
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX85XcQvt3n
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAQD6xdIRC
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Zn5th1Ne8
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKFxjJCDou
Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxjK5EGhVf
778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGO9VjnDaAv
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）778Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3W832vKtgs
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
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