（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4bdgcAYtpg
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「啊，我不小心撞到了。」891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dZp368uZi
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNLN1E1yQV
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0S8RjcIanX
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我滿意點頭。891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4x8Uq40u2U
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很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGxweJY3WhD
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLcjLojus4
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Ai8kQ7rYv
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4Nno9oqaf
「不知貴不貴？」891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYu5VMzBmD
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxiMJy7uOC
「應該還好。」891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIkMlhu67R
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL8ndut1toy
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrpHezwvFJ
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡek6g1Vcn49
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAepUhmt0k
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgHOPnMzg2
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiRIX6cEaUH
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmMGrFK7Xc
我震驚了。891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjBxU0DMEF
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYYqTVImOw
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpTkasMoJl
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHfT6yraJu6
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUdQubUBqv
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKuVMnTI0J
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsICKzMIVJ9
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRxgM8pqWs
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7x4EBPfVvb
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfLDTh5v3SH
What the hell?891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTQFULvfDe
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCoKxX4KttF
那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXXCeCLYBW
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIEcIrpVIw
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjS05SnVGi
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嘶——891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Jl54qkLrq
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvTdfvsHXIS
我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0CmAqI1hJ
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHKZCJSfZEr
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmFKUDboaL8
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1Q5SqiOJA
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmOLvqOK9C
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wSaCDyRpk
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgD9WuEQwu
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3KhNntiMk
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbv6EeVnSbm
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvesJydx2K
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEMJJuh0FW
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknWwxH2sC1
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRlo480hmhD
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEM7e2EN7Fm
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjpzDct1JS
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWduy7IfP8v
然而高個子不為所動！891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtla5GWRGk5
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我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TYMlt6vUi
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeZI9ytfZBK
高個子依然面不改色！891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqEGSDxBe82
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1opvkK48YE
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV27TTKF9lH
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaznk5md6iP
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbLh4yFaz7
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeeABLLJjmy
這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPlqrlTeEZi
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3VEOV1gRZ
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQSTC6W7Z6
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqyGRyMJ8bI
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1TUuU2IhvF
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmP8O12izrX
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSrFTPDy1D
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdKeGSvsZ5
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdLTPByina
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGbOfeoXdk
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Uo8kVSP0s
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJYsRLsyCt
這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW5TLAVFV4c
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrIFQws3xTm
「為什麼要擺那包零食？」891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLJaJx58Ds
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNiqJGFrrRM
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDbH26WD0Y0
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMbjPXSXDq
「所以不能吃嗎？」891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOZk99QW81
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLT0Jco7m59
「不能，吃了就沒用了。」891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCMtJeIO23
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「但我餓了。」891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEeEnh35HOU
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「……」891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgB1IRcIzpn
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此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy13KUf1k4O
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH39pNyREZU
哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpunDKlVvzw
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtqf92KMyab
「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxRjhwOkd4t
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaC7RUPIltQ
「小語……小語……」891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8slMOiQOrJ
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Gya——891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlqhyfNFVN
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我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZk7I6YGRNA
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They are fucking gay!891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0KdPwe8N2
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這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNNTi09rhu
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6eNz0vkJ9Q
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYY9GbMw46
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLROiaz9T1F
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQh3OQg9jn2
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwhuusRFT6
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkBNaJ3siIF
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡstTIxFpMA2
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoX71kcOMH
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYsYWv2EIk5
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSYNiUqkERt
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Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOV0weDfde
891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLAbfihsNW
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）891Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMPG0rnRzp
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
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