（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQ7uZU3kD3
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「啊，我不小心撞到了。」810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmX3gHOfNYO
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戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zrIFBbiIy
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我滿意點頭。810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtl5K6gC2js
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很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3rju4OP2Y
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJYqjzqu3g
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjfeMdwDtU
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「不知貴不貴？」810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡneaKQfFxOs
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「應該還好。」810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdZRNjffY0
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCfX1pWeLw
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAFejIGwZq
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXM6tOh3QaO
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFC535mUx71
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WEhOr4cu6
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFANqi4Xoqn
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我震驚了。810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlTGewfrNPc
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSkhnJXAjt4
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUBqqGFjqN
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHuErsROHs
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgNJJ1kbEBd
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxDjgSorp6f
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5booVn5ckx
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLGsgwxHw6
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAfmve2b5Fa
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What the hell?810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXcWKSxbkv
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那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSDp7q66QLp
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BkWZgztEr
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZT1yvnejy
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嘶——810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0fCRizry5
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我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW9mGmOG7Nk
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39YX4pmN9d
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MP40WHXLg
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlTNtpLD3c
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshMPXf8L2P
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbmsNlNsoD
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMm4PHrqjF
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡicoPBDHCj2
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTVOfhPv8Vg
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJAClRsbW11
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgVlhBS2Pqa
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoa0Ya0ZbWP
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmhaKsGTFO
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2JtgOqk4P
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOKbPQ4qt3S
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然而高個子不為所動！810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbS4SS7xSCc
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我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLdUXil1OO
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvn6lCCDek0
高個子依然面不改色！810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhDOerJ7Rv
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我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTDAulN3kk
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKqYJy4hQJ
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxFHcW721y
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTNWbDpWaab
這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWuWJksOk3C
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsoEG8AP80S
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRrLlQgqhoN
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH0RXFrYwmM
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdtP2Z7ui1b
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馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡne0E9lSI2Q
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM60Tsz3rZb
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIsaL17m747
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45tvu1er4Q
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWet8HHBVZ
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這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbuRPvpXaGQ
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「為什麼要擺那包零食？」810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdl0vNfOAdV
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpKgexnK4o
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPu8WICubI
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「所以不能吃嗎？」810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtui3SI8Ju6
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「不能，吃了就沒用了。」810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmyEmh0xmZ
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「但我餓了。」810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZc66ek8Ah1
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「……」810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnLDciY0b2
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此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDzEmFHMEzU
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哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohhS0S7aaI
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「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFujMNHlEdC
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「小語……小語……」810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFPoDovSAg
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Gya——810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJ4fwQYtFT
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我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp41giT4gEN
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They are fucking gay!810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI4gKo6jlQl
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這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3w1ugOmdww
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOG3mHe5k7x
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFiiwoFBZGr
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9uNGesWlTx
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtDyGnPyVpB
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQi6koyc5XE
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtIq3VYUgPH
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAfvSJKzZ3z
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjMYFf3oCAb
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRU8Z1D1ysG
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeDEjGJgvK0
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Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7uzzO4E3gu
810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1pJS8j3cl6
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）810Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF4rQ7uUziS
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
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