（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9JA5ZFtLM
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjViuNUOMd
「啊，我不小心撞到了。」741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwh05SGFyVp
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lcRI0ucTE
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkohPJxvYrs
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe7KQXqkBYi
我滿意點頭。741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJXFw8D5zm
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDNd6if3WP8
很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9Ptm5d1lZ
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQRLw1kQxMU
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGVxnrq7DN6
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZ4MoMlWyN
「不知貴不貴？」741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ViKobyhgz
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAvGaQ6KUk
「應該還好。」741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbb1oTKsZP
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEP1ag68AIv
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeHcDn8m4b3
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0Pq48VtZ9
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNaqSZRx7bP
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD3Dmt3zf89
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7SbknoFed
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzs7JJ9PS7
我震驚了。741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZETjudUgp
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMbvcOImBm
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDyeMEPUvb
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kSwds0zjD
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWZmoRNeWE
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo931KOK7Yf
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMKV8dcZnz
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡspxwKDnv7I
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLG96BNk3W
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OjYcdJG4Q
What the hell?741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYiTaSXkay
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5foFrc32m
那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuoQKndg0Xr
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfu5gbGdeU
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tGxmu0dpK
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnygspg6O75
嘶——741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYoauQMYo4R
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ZW1lPxxd3
我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpAbnXT0mwN
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNYaLQeAeQ
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtWUwydauaE
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDD1570Tmh
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRyJpA0h2Jt
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsMdqcbBTOz
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlNcedBmPh
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWhouePaGo
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdT4FAcpxqU
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UU4aDdlaJ
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmn4AKO60e3
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFe4ddmCND
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJ0LSsQ5Ok
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2hSzoiQF5v
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz18BVxDryD
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTR528fcKw
然而高個子不為所動！741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUMItFom3B
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYDip46v2o
我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1VcsNIIBdt
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIiTmSEWr20
高個子依然面不改色！741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHuUXhZysnJ
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWcIdDvfI0j
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7u9q9PsVKh
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcrByyovZGf
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHKo64cltAn
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgctPFUviwV
這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59VV0ZHidU
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2sexhCoDV
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6mldg945BD
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9HFo6y2uH
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCqW3l1H5P
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPfuHV875z
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5q2UBV4Mm
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRycYxsAwv
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIEtf2Yjvv
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJJdgs8vpw
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibv3ztmFU5
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8W1Egws6tu
這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5InqxfNZzi
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjldAEaRtsM
「為什麼要擺那包零食？」741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPiHuMMXaj
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2AK90auiPQ
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nTHUeWvNn
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13ZjkhMTBP
「所以不能吃嗎？」741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1FlBhw0M6
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ12PIPxfT5P
「不能，吃了就沒用了。」741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdilVNEOESq
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhd5vAEmopr
「但我餓了。」741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jwxZqFM6x
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3iO3TQyhW
「……」741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLqBi2SL4i
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwcqxHiskB
此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQlm70V9clS
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCXC3tF6uN
哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAykGqQcpHs
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOCeQr0G5h8
「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LGgY9qI6O
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPcaa28g9Cg
「小語……小語……」741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdHtWJrEKI
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5tQR5QKoL8
Gya——741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSO8aR6jPB2
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcrtOUhToq
我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMYZXLkfF28
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXw49J7GxR
They are fucking gay!741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdGdh6q9e6
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7FCW555CP2
這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0apWWwnVr
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ93xs7QDcBw
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUh5AjoGPAb
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9VeMuB89r
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKW9wqjLcnf
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv3HWsromsy
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhUhH7vrfD
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsp1Jvj4rNk
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmzwDyaFEm
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWpatzmLFN3
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡajug7j6BgG
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrOScPqpxV
Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOSVVEqqGdl
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLcKYINiKGP
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JzeF5DMIA
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
741Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAqREX6ZtHi
