8. "Backtracking and the Role of her Entire Life"
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmwEye3xbe
All that follows is true 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAgeeaWA8Ao
But even so, 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfBYOisuMJc
For every truth is a corresponding falsity 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUbKa8RHzm
And every image an equal mirror 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl1mx18DInG
So on further inspection, not equal in the slightest 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡet4PsoGRre
You've moved up my doe dear, 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfFOUE1mrpO
From 8 to 80 scenes. 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvJeWLfbgM
All that follows is true.99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA26DDvAG7T
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrj7mqLGyAN
[missing]
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7S6jsQ9U0
81. Found
Safe. 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgTrio2t8A0
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx4goEQlaT5
9. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World IV"
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0UIY86TTqY
a - Outside
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD8Rr0B09rd
Unable to sleep unable to drink trying not to relapse again old tracts of life and tacts forgot new positive flow now all different now 5 weeks clean and still dirty sex eyes working late like it would help, but still haven’t lapsed back that’s something but anything is something old thinking old thoughts this is my poem I am in the loosest sense a human being being what? in the absolute loosest sense of the world word and world back round the globe again staying late at the job everyone else hates reminise of harder times, common lapses then wish to rekindle delusion rekindle the illusions the memories which have warped in on themselves truly the loosest sense of all things life is at its loosest the further back you go my birth has warped itself out of my memory all those months of substance abuse have rolled around to seem bright and sunny I associate Villainous Thing the smell of sunscreen walks at night leather clothing glamourous life on the road being truly against the grain worshipping self-destruction searching for a life beneath my own where in which in which things would mean and feel more akin to that warped sense of those things so many years ago my body hurts but I must keep moving the fisting of life to the music Outside, to the music Outside it’s happening99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUWM03oa9sT
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rxetOYUPI
Now99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUIyg88QCnQ
Not tomorrow99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKdsfxYpUH
Yesterday99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO6hjPAwGLq
It's happening now99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqooxalWUPm
The damage today99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEBw3b5RWUy
The crazed and the misloved99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi7OgpWojde
It's happening now 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJMFwWQ058
Not tomorrow.99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2pqjKdBn2b
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qHbbsLBlz
b - Give me a Reason to Live this Life
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2Egm4z5ik
Give me a reason to live this life, the front doors open, the braying clothes line, the wind picks up and shatters to leaves 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEoDk52UiwV
All falling down around and the scepters are steep in the sky across the street and with frosty tops 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7izwEixfBo
They proclaim a love of height from chilly crosses and no birds try to mate them, leave well alone and the pigeons fly off 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfLNceiT4A
To find a hooting home in the trees and the rooftops and the city fare, or any other possible place than here 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMtwWU5gYLx
You’ve never seen them go and never seen them live, only ever saw them as scavengers99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXuCAEje5g5
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSnhCKt99nx
Scavengers in the street, they’re 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVNf0U9CcWn
Picking at feet with 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgwoRBIgHJx
Bloody combs looking for bread, I’m 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡILzCRZnx6t
Crazy. See them come out now99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYgM1BV1IMI
Treading around town, 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEm4WbvhiuY
Don't try to stop them, they’re 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmwAXtb5ex
Starving, crazy. 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPtJOWDPBM
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0yeULH9kR1
Split up into cities devoid of community 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3YMIkOZ07
Left all dry and lost and the hunger so gnawing 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDAis1YiQoq
Before you step and hide your spare breadcrumbs 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJ02n334xq
I know 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz2QClHXeUb
I know 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt9eGuhC7SW
I know that you hate them. 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwxPS0q69M
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6M20VUvK8
And the universe warps 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXe823w5zg
And my blood flow slows 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5WnRMamI7
And the loosest sense of the world just gets looser 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXTVhL9G9iK
As we move further flow.99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf06iQlifN6
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrrGAP50tA2
c - All is declining immediately
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUV7AKFluU
Vampire bite. We are all declining most quickly locked away underneath the bed I am decaying very quickly now and no new ideas form, but the old just warp and shrink until I’m left without anything growing more distant seperation from the waves and rhythms of the past desperate to be optimistic 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZiDdD94fM
I hear static when I cum99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUsYKNUp9l
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1UrqVL4NM3
10. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World V: Found"
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡel2Sf4Bz92
a - What could have been the end...
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3SETeRQc3
Mountains of leverage. Windows of sin. Life’s broken ruble on a bird’s shattered wing.99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtwaiScICl4
Pieced put with paper. Held on by string. Left not to die so not just anything. 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YaI0aL023
Holder of night. Bringer of day. Hold on to the flow or we all pass away. Curse now the dusk. 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWpttQRazI
Curse the ending. Forsake the glass away from its bending.99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ70Z2g8UGTJ
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRcm6fKtch
I long to end my endless night. Long to find an answer to thus. Longing to reach now a message or reason, a reason why99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw18dszVybJ
I’ve made such a fuss. 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmh1A2RPTMN
This page has gone long and winged by some wisdom. And I have grown older, abandoned the dead. But now I do 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDT1iyXsuO
wonder if even in this asylum, am I truly free from the horrors I’ve bled? 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAOX6DiM6n
There is not a soul who is totally guiltless. There are no such souls who don’t live pure for life. And now as I sit here, in 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVkCSuFFsB1
my endless habit, I long to be then, an impossible life.99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOZN0UjVLJ
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtUMSW7xXN
This song it has reason. This song it has death. 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡihrllBJZQs
The singing voices, they all have unrest. 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJyKwN0mNgE
The singing continues. The prayer left unsaid. And no meaning is very found in the head. 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYagVaZkh2h
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOUgSjqJipL
End. Safe. Found.99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUw5d92Ag4
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIkKyvDFZG
b - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Light
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAS5puEsMuA
You awaken to find yourself in a dark voided space. There are no doors here and no means with which to escape, all is just an eternity window reflecting back yourself. And you walk inside, bound by red string and witness a tiny window of light which does not reflect your life or its trappings. This is the poem, revealed in your inmost night, a tiny nightlight which is only seen for faint glimpses at a time. You begin to backtrack and you can repeat this new process all that you like but eventually you will find once again yourself back in this wretched place, which all in all is just your head.99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtB858ZYoz6
The poem is not nearly full enough. It is scraps unhealed by time and each scrap ends with tiredness and fades into dark ashes. Words become disjointed and are only scraps in the wind. The endless wind in this endless night. 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIthCXsudtC
We have backtracked back to the front of my finest self. I sat there on the bed, somewhat disappointed that I would stay another day in a voided space without an evil. But I came to decide that an Evil should be introduced to give me a purpose again, some new form of Horror to kick off from. I went 8 weeks clean and now I am dirty once more. I am filthy once again. Filthy and free and my endless song can now be read by me. You are in a voided black space where there is no grass and there are no trees with which to take the breeze and thus, all that weight is pressed upon you. But now see a brilliant bright array of colour fill the whole everything, all emanating from that tiny screen before you, one which just before had only faint glimpses into a grander picture: of something, (for instance). Now all is clear and open, and though thought when I return to that nightmare space of void static night, guided only by some faint symbol titled ‘time’, and may well not see how this way is true, I will now tell the truth and the total meaning of this winding page of fragmented words. The meaning is thus. All meanings are true. Contradictions can exist in perfect equilibrium. I live in decline, but this is also an incline. The world is in its loosest sense when you see it the clearest. This is a nightmare mind, trapped in itself, in a nightmare space and all inside it must be brought to see. All is true. It does not matter how you live once you exist. And once you exist, then you very much are real. My feelings and loves are controversial to many but I do not fight back them now and am in love with the ways which they glide and their sweet violent cadences, like a butterfly jammed inside a car exhaust, a women barely hanging on to life through the strength of a zip-tie or the hulking body of a man in freefall. 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKyiv0yUtAQ
I am inside this World. And this World is inside me. I am the most alive and living of all. I am OnlyLife. This is my meaning. This is the message revealed of the Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World.99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0eG7AYv6C5
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZaBXlpmk5
c - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Night
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4gYO1FUHE
Houses align on this new dawn 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFO7rB8m3D
Once death lurked away, hidded beneath curtains of shame 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQGo6BpW3SP
When I was once to be awful ashamed of the life I had left to rubble 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6q6t4LzVUe
But now picking up the pieces of rubble I notice it is stained glass. 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfNZ0QsKMt
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ10wucCxzk
How ignorant to these houses aligned on this hill 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2OjqARXUe
Which are in fact not at all houses but great cathedrals which have fallen with time into lonely pillars 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF20mRbnlDv
Without arches, their groin vaults having only lived for so long 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DAj2Uk2ch
No mason to uphold their fragility any longer 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvPQqFPsV5
This world is huge and carnivorous. 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG1LEOl6KeZ
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfimfJi1KmF
You see now that this new light illuminates the ghosts of these buildings. And 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCYKhUxtCr
The ghosts are not figures, in the classic sense, but projections 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTB5wiur2vD
Of the buildings which once were was.99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr2g1voe9s8
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV5gld2QAJV
And ingravings are seen on walls: 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvYZsCS5xh
Part one: I am dead and wake 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmS7nZo8s9
Part two: I feel a new awakening 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡprZDB81Lds
Part three: which is long old by now and comes out shorter99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4XGU72gKN
Part four: I return to say my speech by train 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDoeDVjkwKk
Part V: this was meant to become the end 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNmSVPnPKzk
Part 6: But then this 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCo4rrfnKt
Part 7: the beginning then, now, of the fina; end 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6qqT4evzyi
Part eight: Backtracking begins 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNJLecpvSE
Part 9: I begin what will become the end while still in rejecting sober 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlBt744sGc
10: drunk now, I become the ending.99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCadaPMOzX4
And that was Begbie’s story... 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ9CiiggTGX
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PRHEjG5SA
They’re putting me away but I’ll be back someday... 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPPUNgD8Tl
Coming home, back to families, my mind is on edge due to an end in sight. 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCCCsFJ4a0
And I do not want this. 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ7x5RNN6SI
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqZm9oUTKW
Always take in more, for security, 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuqBBI9VJV4
Now I fly. (…)99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJw9PrE4W6
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKUnJVkows
d - Sadness Song
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRs7TbkG8Yl
[Enter the mind, stage right, weary] 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJgjSPs4wx
The mind: 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTR3X5SK9Rm
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxLtmqMgtv
We touch the world 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKFwQwaq9LI
And it all falls away 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2kb1nS51N
We hear the word 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8SHUw54G4
But it all burns with the day 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRGtwxGQNr
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41Zd47r6hj
Now our mother lies in blood 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxeHcdiXP8f
Father swims away 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcz6bgKlL8H
And we find us all alone 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLVN7yIMCSN
Sadness song plays. 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwU4TfQliLc
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwa0h71Q34O
Was it found? 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMoUmnixmjg
What was spent? 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISFT3hIho1
Now that everything is lost99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcg4Tke78t
What was found? What was spent? 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3CNn97mrt2
But a sadness song. 99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡreiBwl6xCy
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCigHudZPhD
Drink another drink self-reflect some more everything disintegrating guidless nihilism this is me. Safe.99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCMv7pwd28
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYI1TQL26Oo
