8. "Backtracking and the Role of her Entire Life"
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All that follows is true 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3jRSKS4sD
But even so, 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv5ORyMh6jU
For every truth is a corresponding falsity 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx527EsTQOI
And every image an equal mirror 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIVnJMLfbP6
So on further inspection, not equal in the slightest 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkiGZdndq5M
You've moved up my doe dear, 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34yZ0dVEVK
From 8 to 80 scenes. 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡufQdLL9DEe
All that follows is true.72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBX9dvleVQO
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[missing]
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81. Found
Safe. 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGmWec3pgC
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9. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World IV"
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a - Outside
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Unable to sleep unable to drink trying not to relapse again old tracts of life and tacts forgot new positive flow now all different now 5 weeks clean and still dirty sex eyes working late like it would help, but still haven’t lapsed back that’s something but anything is something old thinking old thoughts this is my poem I am in the loosest sense a human being being what? in the absolute loosest sense of the world word and world back round the globe again staying late at the job everyone else hates reminise of harder times, common lapses then wish to rekindle delusion rekindle the illusions the memories which have warped in on themselves truly the loosest sense of all things life is at its loosest the further back you go my birth has warped itself out of my memory all those months of substance abuse have rolled around to seem bright and sunny I associate Villainous Thing the smell of sunscreen walks at night leather clothing glamourous life on the road being truly against the grain worshipping self-destruction searching for a life beneath my own where in which in which things would mean and feel more akin to that warped sense of those things so many years ago my body hurts but I must keep moving the fisting of life to the music Outside, to the music Outside it’s happening72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB2aru6rLfP
72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpt9kUoUTGs
Now72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSqFxyrkuTv
Not tomorrow72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI70ojT5kQM
Yesterday72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPDY723Dno
It's happening now72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfEHzBW00Fm
The damage today72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvjAyWAfFrA
The crazed and the misloved72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjS95Pbnji
It's happening now 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqvGrTgyVpu
Not tomorrow.72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhNkEGu5C3
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b - Give me a Reason to Live this Life
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Give me a reason to live this life, the front doors open, the braying clothes line, the wind picks up and shatters to leaves 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ18XibIT0Q
All falling down around and the scepters are steep in the sky across the street and with frosty tops 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGsDTGPQLhU
They proclaim a love of height from chilly crosses and no birds try to mate them, leave well alone and the pigeons fly off 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGuViXAbE3x
To find a hooting home in the trees and the rooftops and the city fare, or any other possible place than here 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHZ19E6wGG
You’ve never seen them go and never seen them live, only ever saw them as scavengers72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9p5VqS68b5
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Scavengers in the street, they’re 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7J9SFpmF0
Picking at feet with 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLrANLWLIZ
Bloody combs looking for bread, I’m 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAKDyzAajO
Crazy. See them come out now72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2xWvXL1rx
Treading around town, 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKaioUprhv
Don't try to stop them, they’re 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuq9JXRLI9l
Starving, crazy. 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWDhxm7qxR
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Split up into cities devoid of community 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngbFbeef8y
Left all dry and lost and the hunger so gnawing 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSumz0yJKUn
Before you step and hide your spare breadcrumbs 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ31kKqqB6h3
I know 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfJRjtHxpgP
I know 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx7WZ1dZzjb
I know that you hate them. 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJFRopedAl
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And the universe warps 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUchfrkxZF
And my blood flow slows 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHi0RGZCwVv
And the loosest sense of the world just gets looser 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYTXqP2oIJ
As we move further flow.72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFku75bwQE
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c - All is declining immediately
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Vampire bite. We are all declining most quickly locked away underneath the bed I am decaying very quickly now and no new ideas form, but the old just warp and shrink until I’m left without anything growing more distant seperation from the waves and rhythms of the past desperate to be optimistic 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmtW1rbRBk4
I hear static when I cum72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rTSlQI9e2
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10. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World V: Found"
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a - What could have been the end...
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Mountains of leverage. Windows of sin. Life’s broken ruble on a bird’s shattered wing.72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB39fVekDkM
Pieced put with paper. Held on by string. Left not to die so not just anything. 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCwsIRdRjmX
Holder of night. Bringer of day. Hold on to the flow or we all pass away. Curse now the dusk. 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmF9Ks0OB5c
Curse the ending. Forsake the glass away from its bending.72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6YtogKMK2X
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I long to end my endless night. Long to find an answer to thus. Longing to reach now a message or reason, a reason why72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6w5KmvJUkq
I’ve made such a fuss. 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQwz9NQV74
This page has gone long and winged by some wisdom. And I have grown older, abandoned the dead. But now I do 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3QrMD6PT8
wonder if even in this asylum, am I truly free from the horrors I’ve bled? 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHKGqGtxuu
There is not a soul who is totally guiltless. There are no such souls who don’t live pure for life. And now as I sit here, in 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF9gCzXnBfT
my endless habit, I long to be then, an impossible life.72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTJdYvmo7O
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This song it has reason. This song it has death. 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQpzPD34ZD
The singing voices, they all have unrest. 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoBLD9F5cxE
The singing continues. The prayer left unsaid. And no meaning is very found in the head. 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWpRp50bq8k
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End. Safe. Found.72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRh0jzgN3oO
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b - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Light
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You awaken to find yourself in a dark voided space. There are no doors here and no means with which to escape, all is just an eternity window reflecting back yourself. And you walk inside, bound by red string and witness a tiny window of light which does not reflect your life or its trappings. This is the poem, revealed in your inmost night, a tiny nightlight which is only seen for faint glimpses at a time. You begin to backtrack and you can repeat this new process all that you like but eventually you will find once again yourself back in this wretched place, which all in all is just your head.72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMtxqV2y2O
The poem is not nearly full enough. It is scraps unhealed by time and each scrap ends with tiredness and fades into dark ashes. Words become disjointed and are only scraps in the wind. The endless wind in this endless night. 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCaSH2hB4sl
We have backtracked back to the front of my finest self. I sat there on the bed, somewhat disappointed that I would stay another day in a voided space without an evil. But I came to decide that an Evil should be introduced to give me a purpose again, some new form of Horror to kick off from. I went 8 weeks clean and now I am dirty once more. I am filthy once again. Filthy and free and my endless song can now be read by me. You are in a voided black space where there is no grass and there are no trees with which to take the breeze and thus, all that weight is pressed upon you. But now see a brilliant bright array of colour fill the whole everything, all emanating from that tiny screen before you, one which just before had only faint glimpses into a grander picture: of something, (for instance). Now all is clear and open, and though thought when I return to that nightmare space of void static night, guided only by some faint symbol titled ‘time’, and may well not see how this way is true, I will now tell the truth and the total meaning of this winding page of fragmented words. The meaning is thus. All meanings are true. Contradictions can exist in perfect equilibrium. I live in decline, but this is also an incline. The world is in its loosest sense when you see it the clearest. This is a nightmare mind, trapped in itself, in a nightmare space and all inside it must be brought to see. All is true. It does not matter how you live once you exist. And once you exist, then you very much are real. My feelings and loves are controversial to many but I do not fight back them now and am in love with the ways which they glide and their sweet violent cadences, like a butterfly jammed inside a car exhaust, a women barely hanging on to life through the strength of a zip-tie or the hulking body of a man in freefall. 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6YTevU6H2
I am inside this World. And this World is inside me. I am the most alive and living of all. I am OnlyLife. This is my meaning. This is the message revealed of the Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World.72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHwmmHbqr7
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c - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Night
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Houses align on this new dawn 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzBxIYw2plw
Once death lurked away, hidded beneath curtains of shame 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfv4DwICyw
When I was once to be awful ashamed of the life I had left to rubble 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYLKOG99RY
But now picking up the pieces of rubble I notice it is stained glass. 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7wgqi9LSo
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How ignorant to these houses aligned on this hill 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVamZppGWHl
Which are in fact not at all houses but great cathedrals which have fallen with time into lonely pillars 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNiT48vq99
Without arches, their groin vaults having only lived for so long 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vTXuFhHlj
No mason to uphold their fragility any longer 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshExcN6gF7
This world is huge and carnivorous. 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYY6x4vxtLb
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You see now that this new light illuminates the ghosts of these buildings. And 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdwWJzI7Lq
The ghosts are not figures, in the classic sense, but projections 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuS6qxElWH
Of the buildings which once were was.72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeWgzIJajxW
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And ingravings are seen on walls: 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssJX2cEhLB
Part one: I am dead and wake 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡseM79WXpxj
Part two: I feel a new awakening 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuU5MQXQqMH
Part three: which is long old by now and comes out shorter72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRgopzY51m
Part four: I return to say my speech by train 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlIgFRjIa6
Part V: this was meant to become the end 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36IAzSbU2c
Part 6: But then this 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡio2c9Cj4aW
Part 7: the beginning then, now, of the fina; end 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3Ne51QzgV
Part eight: Backtracking begins 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqerFWMfac
Part 9: I begin what will become the end while still in rejecting sober 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZgpbz3EeZd
10: drunk now, I become the ending.72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnvJUwHFn0
And that was Begbie’s story... 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLeMXNWZN2W
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They’re putting me away but I’ll be back someday... 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIXbC5LWRh8
Coming home, back to families, my mind is on edge due to an end in sight. 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZOg2kcyO8u
And I do not want this. 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5oaqvZeD0
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Always take in more, for security, 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvV48d08pdZ
Now I fly. (…)72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYnkWJ6hw57
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d - Sadness Song
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[Enter the mind, stage right, weary] 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIc0NMtSbQP
The mind: 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvca9YgL6UX
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We touch the world 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdNsfLrczL
And it all falls away 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZQqr5iG9Y
We hear the word 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw99YSP44Da
But it all burns with the day 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeu4T1rkrOQ
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Now our mother lies in blood 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GcDk5mbqc
Father swims away 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsK16PX2fa
And we find us all alone 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmwwpspDMw
Sadness song plays. 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy50QuxIWhf
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Was it found? 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rrLvmtx0h
What was spent? 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqIOXzkYrci
Now that everything is lost72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJd0CRrNKBE
What was found? What was spent? 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr41Uuiuvmi
But a sadness song. 72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QEVhpNfS1
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Drink another drink self-reflect some more everything disintegrating guidless nihilism this is me. Safe.72Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3IHsZI57iI
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