8. "Backtracking and the Role of her Entire Life"
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All that follows is true 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqa5mTj2IpP
But even so, 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41e01LSJgt
For every truth is a corresponding falsity 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBt3vM3YlG
And every image an equal mirror 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsXd1x5AW73
So on further inspection, not equal in the slightest 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsFP9BzyAT
You've moved up my doe dear, 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYtwvKHf5aG
From 8 to 80 scenes. 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNdVlYXtgIa
All that follows is true.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzWCSrPFN6
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[missing]
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81. Found
Safe. 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡggiG7QHLC7
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9. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World IV"
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a - Outside
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Unable to sleep unable to drink trying not to relapse again old tracts of life and tacts forgot new positive flow now all different now 5 weeks clean and still dirty sex eyes working late like it would help, but still haven’t lapsed back that’s something but anything is something old thinking old thoughts this is my poem I am in the loosest sense a human being being what? in the absolute loosest sense of the world word and world back round the globe again staying late at the job everyone else hates reminise of harder times, common lapses then wish to rekindle delusion rekindle the illusions the memories which have warped in on themselves truly the loosest sense of all things life is at its loosest the further back you go my birth has warped itself out of my memory all those months of substance abuse have rolled around to seem bright and sunny I associate Villainous Thing the smell of sunscreen walks at night leather clothing glamourous life on the road being truly against the grain worshipping self-destruction searching for a life beneath my own where in which in which things would mean and feel more akin to that warped sense of those things so many years ago my body hurts but I must keep moving the fisting of life to the music Outside, to the music Outside it’s happening59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZHJnHGqG1
59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzzdCE7LjVs
Now59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡONmrXNXVoZ
Not tomorrow59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQoqQejUJqt
Yesterday59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6Hg34hYO9
It's happening now59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgqpNQS97Pm
The damage today59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvgdASMZoqE
The crazed and the misloved59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gWZSl74Nt
It's happening now 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUff2TWFAx
Not tomorrow.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSc4ZT9XNK
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b - Give me a Reason to Live this Life
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Give me a reason to live this life, the front doors open, the braying clothes line, the wind picks up and shatters to leaves 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxRlYO3QjBM
All falling down around and the scepters are steep in the sky across the street and with frosty tops 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4LmrIP681v
They proclaim a love of height from chilly crosses and no birds try to mate them, leave well alone and the pigeons fly off 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICdgi9P2Kg
To find a hooting home in the trees and the rooftops and the city fare, or any other possible place than here 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtq5Y0v0ofb
You’ve never seen them go and never seen them live, only ever saw them as scavengers59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZFtgH381P
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Scavengers in the street, they’re 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMsXM1mkO6
Picking at feet with 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWD5vNqt95g
Bloody combs looking for bread, I’m 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOG7G9u3p8Y
Crazy. See them come out now59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGIWVNCsGz
Treading around town, 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv2jsH472ZP
Don't try to stop them, they’re 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYj8DFd6m5
Starving, crazy. 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5Qu3vEHox
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Split up into cities devoid of community 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsYxcTn22K
Left all dry and lost and the hunger so gnawing 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhX7uMcMLkv
Before you step and hide your spare breadcrumbs 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5ocS2YaDX
I know 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmnpvMoSlL
I know 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCIspKlZNW
I know that you hate them. 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1a5H4UFw7L
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And the universe warps 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCgtgCYVk8l
And my blood flow slows 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0nfxgBQof
And the loosest sense of the world just gets looser 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChkyUIWUD6
As we move further flow.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnL1QCHTE8O
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c - All is declining immediately
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Vampire bite. We are all declining most quickly locked away underneath the bed I am decaying very quickly now and no new ideas form, but the old just warp and shrink until I’m left without anything growing more distant seperation from the waves and rhythms of the past desperate to be optimistic 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Rfw08obGM
I hear static when I cum59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITNsNfLsDB
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10. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World V: Found"
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a - What could have been the end...
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Mountains of leverage. Windows of sin. Life’s broken ruble on a bird’s shattered wing.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡquQe4U4qPW
Pieced put with paper. Held on by string. Left not to die so not just anything. 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu02p1ZUaS6
Holder of night. Bringer of day. Hold on to the flow or we all pass away. Curse now the dusk. 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvA1f2CUFH
Curse the ending. Forsake the glass away from its bending.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvggUWyEwuH
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I long to end my endless night. Long to find an answer to thus. Longing to reach now a message or reason, a reason why59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFM94pj85Y
I’ve made such a fuss. 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEla6YPJLn
This page has gone long and winged by some wisdom. And I have grown older, abandoned the dead. But now I do 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHpFZKjoT7
wonder if even in this asylum, am I truly free from the horrors I’ve bled? 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmlGzaeIMn
There is not a soul who is totally guiltless. There are no such souls who don’t live pure for life. And now as I sit here, in 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIeV8ejwxY
my endless habit, I long to be then, an impossible life.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeq3wvJQmux
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This song it has reason. This song it has death. 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSuP8TEjjL
The singing voices, they all have unrest. 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCxwjKb3hJ
The singing continues. The prayer left unsaid. And no meaning is very found in the head. 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjOpyGcwpDd
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End. Safe. Found.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqxt2PgHvtA
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b - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Light
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You awaken to find yourself in a dark voided space. There are no doors here and no means with which to escape, all is just an eternity window reflecting back yourself. And you walk inside, bound by red string and witness a tiny window of light which does not reflect your life or its trappings. This is the poem, revealed in your inmost night, a tiny nightlight which is only seen for faint glimpses at a time. You begin to backtrack and you can repeat this new process all that you like but eventually you will find once again yourself back in this wretched place, which all in all is just your head.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChKBRh3Y8l
The poem is not nearly full enough. It is scraps unhealed by time and each scrap ends with tiredness and fades into dark ashes. Words become disjointed and are only scraps in the wind. The endless wind in this endless night. 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRlhIRgAn4
We have backtracked back to the front of my finest self. I sat there on the bed, somewhat disappointed that I would stay another day in a voided space without an evil. But I came to decide that an Evil should be introduced to give me a purpose again, some new form of Horror to kick off from. I went 8 weeks clean and now I am dirty once more. I am filthy once again. Filthy and free and my endless song can now be read by me. You are in a voided black space where there is no grass and there are no trees with which to take the breeze and thus, all that weight is pressed upon you. But now see a brilliant bright array of colour fill the whole everything, all emanating from that tiny screen before you, one which just before had only faint glimpses into a grander picture: of something, (for instance). Now all is clear and open, and though thought when I return to that nightmare space of void static night, guided only by some faint symbol titled ‘time’, and may well not see how this way is true, I will now tell the truth and the total meaning of this winding page of fragmented words. The meaning is thus. All meanings are true. Contradictions can exist in perfect equilibrium. I live in decline, but this is also an incline. The world is in its loosest sense when you see it the clearest. This is a nightmare mind, trapped in itself, in a nightmare space and all inside it must be brought to see. All is true. It does not matter how you live once you exist. And once you exist, then you very much are real. My feelings and loves are controversial to many but I do not fight back them now and am in love with the ways which they glide and their sweet violent cadences, like a butterfly jammed inside a car exhaust, a women barely hanging on to life through the strength of a zip-tie or the hulking body of a man in freefall. 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFWztuwRGFQ
I am inside this World. And this World is inside me. I am the most alive and living of all. I am OnlyLife. This is my meaning. This is the message revealed of the Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡihliaATgdQ
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c - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Night
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Houses align on this new dawn 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMtC7kVHevW
Once death lurked away, hidded beneath curtains of shame 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLkGiufq9S
When I was once to be awful ashamed of the life I had left to rubble 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHiL4uxCkob
But now picking up the pieces of rubble I notice it is stained glass. 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbuEvEHYJmY
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How ignorant to these houses aligned on this hill 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxPzrt2mhdE
Which are in fact not at all houses but great cathedrals which have fallen with time into lonely pillars 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNBIZLvonQG
Without arches, their groin vaults having only lived for so long 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIyIg9Tlpnw
No mason to uphold their fragility any longer 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDh2tAvjqGW
This world is huge and carnivorous. 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAy4I80b2qG
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You see now that this new light illuminates the ghosts of these buildings. And 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5uFTqFutRK
The ghosts are not figures, in the classic sense, but projections 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45Du5ni1nK
Of the buildings which once were was.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhIVvSMbN1l
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And ingravings are seen on walls: 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDWWYuoXks
Part one: I am dead and wake 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAoe1Uexpaj
Part two: I feel a new awakening 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPp1URUERHX
Part three: which is long old by now and comes out shorter59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNuFygKKuT
Part four: I return to say my speech by train 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvyoxWQ7sKu
Part V: this was meant to become the end 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDDiKGf1dL
Part 6: But then this 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UrCXad3qH
Part 7: the beginning then, now, of the fina; end 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6TEv5F1Gd
Part eight: Backtracking begins 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgavc76QNpi
Part 9: I begin what will become the end while still in rejecting sober 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7yZmROQ0xe
10: drunk now, I become the ending.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG1t7YDvnEC
And that was Begbie’s story... 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmr8Yzw60Jt
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They’re putting me away but I’ll be back someday... 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyCa7C3MivT
Coming home, back to families, my mind is on edge due to an end in sight. 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZ4TfjLA0J
And I do not want this. 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6mIvfU8sbE
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Always take in more, for security, 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlSsemv3CSp
Now I fly. (…)59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxYcajLLZ8
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d - Sadness Song
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[Enter the mind, stage right, weary] 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzLZeNUFlxs
The mind: 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltdl8DMQOs
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We touch the world 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFymrQfLqj
And it all falls away 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdD08mnBqX3
We hear the word 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZcmCImI9aP
But it all burns with the day 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1e0RgPUjlx
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Now our mother lies in blood 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisQ4ntluV0
Father swims away 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0wM9tTHvei
And we find us all alone 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5vzaFlUjP
Sadness song plays. 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXNuXbVuZS
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Was it found? 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XADN7Qpsm
What was spent? 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsx8wDj9xV
Now that everything is lost59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtM97hc1xN
What was found? What was spent? 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMYgmnZoEvi
But a sadness song. 59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcMPNcQcVm
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Drink another drink self-reflect some more everything disintegrating guidless nihilism this is me. Safe.59Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxdhPdXY44
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