8. "Backtracking and the Role of her Entire Life"
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI9CPRUAjGn
All that follows is true 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQxkGcoVeQ
But even so, 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBQd1eweiig
For every truth is a corresponding falsity 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtoXe2dgWp8
And every image an equal mirror 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdJS2kDXF4
So on further inspection, not equal in the slightest 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWEtGcca8Z
You've moved up my doe dear, 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOKHZO6wRug
From 8 to 80 scenes. 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiGHGiHhsBC
All that follows is true.71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LOVaAP1Eu
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPUZC7cQoH9
[missing]
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydFJtQpW7l
81. Found
Safe. 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Qi3E6evOl
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mSxAsmrs8
9. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World IV"
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5sd8H2vSkv
a - Outside
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6yPFV6yemv
Unable to sleep unable to drink trying not to relapse again old tracts of life and tacts forgot new positive flow now all different now 5 weeks clean and still dirty sex eyes working late like it would help, but still haven’t lapsed back that’s something but anything is something old thinking old thoughts this is my poem I am in the loosest sense a human being being what? in the absolute loosest sense of the world word and world back round the globe again staying late at the job everyone else hates reminise of harder times, common lapses then wish to rekindle delusion rekindle the illusions the memories which have warped in on themselves truly the loosest sense of all things life is at its loosest the further back you go my birth has warped itself out of my memory all those months of substance abuse have rolled around to seem bright and sunny I associate Villainous Thing the smell of sunscreen walks at night leather clothing glamourous life on the road being truly against the grain worshipping self-destruction searching for a life beneath my own where in which in which things would mean and feel more akin to that warped sense of those things so many years ago my body hurts but I must keep moving the fisting of life to the music Outside, to the music Outside it’s happening71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0WI4fZMsh
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWO7b4otzIm
Now71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQjE61XvPM
Not tomorrow71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1SxtepLwE
Yesterday71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpo6CEuMsea
It's happening now71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4oCLo2Cvx
The damage today71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9hmTUWt7r
The crazed and the misloved71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQi2vBJVzX
It's happening now 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOl0cVNBu3n
Not tomorrow.71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJAasOyQ63b
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLCd4eygkcg
b - Give me a Reason to Live this Life
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvgE8oClqEq
Give me a reason to live this life, the front doors open, the braying clothes line, the wind picks up and shatters to leaves 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJgYblVCBB
All falling down around and the scepters are steep in the sky across the street and with frosty tops 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ425Ls6zPDC
They proclaim a love of height from chilly crosses and no birds try to mate them, leave well alone and the pigeons fly off 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSp8HFeqNr
To find a hooting home in the trees and the rooftops and the city fare, or any other possible place than here 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpgVJJzOKT
You’ve never seen them go and never seen them live, only ever saw them as scavengers71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQOS83kCh2
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrENNjyzgyS
Scavengers in the street, they’re 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡybaSNuwbQp
Picking at feet with 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVsu27RJTy
Bloody combs looking for bread, I’m 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1FYGFZeBbF
Crazy. See them come out now71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnGLs9VmqH
Treading around town, 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdStAGzcIK
Don't try to stop them, they’re 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIGXRJ1PnK
Starving, crazy. 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFHjiR6gZSF
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImZnM7vODl
Split up into cities devoid of community 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6G0ITp6tQM
Left all dry and lost and the hunger so gnawing 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJEWyNr9pQ
Before you step and hide your spare breadcrumbs 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUS9hLYePAp
I know 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qskZOzoaZ
I know 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnFxMqdUTb
I know that you hate them. 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbtudujWled
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjhT8FMmaV
And the universe warps 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZmfztQKuv8
And my blood flow slows 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRC6bBCBGEn
And the loosest sense of the world just gets looser 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdC4Xs0I1j
As we move further flow.71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyF7VwXbw8t
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkUKpHY85P
c - All is declining immediately
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0PcVucm8fd
Vampire bite. We are all declining most quickly locked away underneath the bed I am decaying very quickly now and no new ideas form, but the old just warp and shrink until I’m left without anything growing more distant seperation from the waves and rhythms of the past desperate to be optimistic 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvunjUPzQ5n
I hear static when I cum71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRB6dlcdh01
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxh71ciEsrC
10. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World V: Found"
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQdFf2YoC4S
a - What could have been the end...
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxk9zpHeubZ
Mountains of leverage. Windows of sin. Life’s broken ruble on a bird’s shattered wing.71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUcFEL2T8q
Pieced put with paper. Held on by string. Left not to die so not just anything. 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeML0Oh9wiO
Holder of night. Bringer of day. Hold on to the flow or we all pass away. Curse now the dusk. 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopI1uAuGC1
Curse the ending. Forsake the glass away from its bending.71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe16uRJ5rqY
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGckD5S1qOx
I long to end my endless night. Long to find an answer to thus. Longing to reach now a message or reason, a reason why71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7I3P4Yp3G
I’ve made such a fuss. 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcqhbvgS4sA
This page has gone long and winged by some wisdom. And I have grown older, abandoned the dead. But now I do 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3wQeueUoi
wonder if even in this asylum, am I truly free from the horrors I’ve bled? 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNtv2x0de8
There is not a soul who is totally guiltless. There are no such souls who don’t live pure for life. And now as I sit here, in 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpz5aXR3AWd
my endless habit, I long to be then, an impossible life.71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCE5szdMO6
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3UaUkhQcpY
This song it has reason. This song it has death. 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9OWHuJI6Mo
The singing voices, they all have unrest. 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCob3xiIEqj
The singing continues. The prayer left unsaid. And no meaning is very found in the head. 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Gy1rRiG0t
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNCS6MCkNak
End. Safe. Found.71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnGEAmOt3G
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡitAaseCQS4
b - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Light
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUcx3aIhAJ
You awaken to find yourself in a dark voided space. There are no doors here and no means with which to escape, all is just an eternity window reflecting back yourself. And you walk inside, bound by red string and witness a tiny window of light which does not reflect your life or its trappings. This is the poem, revealed in your inmost night, a tiny nightlight which is only seen for faint glimpses at a time. You begin to backtrack and you can repeat this new process all that you like but eventually you will find once again yourself back in this wretched place, which all in all is just your head.71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCik9reV0Nc
The poem is not nearly full enough. It is scraps unhealed by time and each scrap ends with tiredness and fades into dark ashes. Words become disjointed and are only scraps in the wind. The endless wind in this endless night. 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXtFUkBIWm
We have backtracked back to the front of my finest self. I sat there on the bed, somewhat disappointed that I would stay another day in a voided space without an evil. But I came to decide that an Evil should be introduced to give me a purpose again, some new form of Horror to kick off from. I went 8 weeks clean and now I am dirty once more. I am filthy once again. Filthy and free and my endless song can now be read by me. You are in a voided black space where there is no grass and there are no trees with which to take the breeze and thus, all that weight is pressed upon you. But now see a brilliant bright array of colour fill the whole everything, all emanating from that tiny screen before you, one which just before had only faint glimpses into a grander picture: of something, (for instance). Now all is clear and open, and though thought when I return to that nightmare space of void static night, guided only by some faint symbol titled ‘time’, and may well not see how this way is true, I will now tell the truth and the total meaning of this winding page of fragmented words. The meaning is thus. All meanings are true. Contradictions can exist in perfect equilibrium. I live in decline, but this is also an incline. The world is in its loosest sense when you see it the clearest. This is a nightmare mind, trapped in itself, in a nightmare space and all inside it must be brought to see. All is true. It does not matter how you live once you exist. And once you exist, then you very much are real. My feelings and loves are controversial to many but I do not fight back them now and am in love with the ways which they glide and their sweet violent cadences, like a butterfly jammed inside a car exhaust, a women barely hanging on to life through the strength of a zip-tie or the hulking body of a man in freefall. 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ze0a9tqPP
I am inside this World. And this World is inside me. I am the most alive and living of all. I am OnlyLife. This is my meaning. This is the message revealed of the Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World.71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fJjiTczkN
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6qhRNTvw4z
c - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Night
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaw2NBtpt35
Houses align on this new dawn 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZShS7dMD3E
Once death lurked away, hidded beneath curtains of shame 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSGGEFGfT1F
When I was once to be awful ashamed of the life I had left to rubble 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkXM8bwAul
But now picking up the pieces of rubble I notice it is stained glass. 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TtvyxXdWc
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2va9QjTIw5
How ignorant to these houses aligned on this hill 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqXen0M2QgZ
Which are in fact not at all houses but great cathedrals which have fallen with time into lonely pillars 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPvgnI4VYN
Without arches, their groin vaults having only lived for so long 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DSWERcF51
No mason to uphold their fragility any longer 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUjssYDzMp
This world is huge and carnivorous. 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPzmZhczvS
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLkTdK2rcu
You see now that this new light illuminates the ghosts of these buildings. And 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzE0ov1sy7g
The ghosts are not figures, in the classic sense, but projections 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9C8qEMobwi
Of the buildings which once were was.71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLaF95muCwo
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3NUtsgGflE
And ingravings are seen on walls: 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOkF1LXtz9K
Part one: I am dead and wake 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9wNgfckaX
Part two: I feel a new awakening 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFWMN1mOdC6
Part three: which is long old by now and comes out shorter71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhTkc9Qyq5
Part four: I return to say my speech by train 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRiojuKi8Si
Part V: this was meant to become the end 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7enRyFZDf5
Part 6: But then this 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQ4B2mXk0X
Part 7: the beginning then, now, of the fina; end 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAXn0QFfni
Part eight: Backtracking begins 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNXJI3h0Hbb
Part 9: I begin what will become the end while still in rejecting sober 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTyH3TeCSn9
10: drunk now, I become the ending.71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnLujsFIXAm
And that was Begbie’s story... 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIK8xwD1Kx
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4fApPxMwcI
They’re putting me away but I’ll be back someday... 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTc3JiFzsrr
Coming home, back to families, my mind is on edge due to an end in sight. 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTGc4WoCSgj
And I do not want this. 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXwpmtFWwNy
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBWmnAzAC7N
Always take in more, for security, 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDUtyqEpif
Now I fly. (…)71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPcaFQmRnjT
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4xfcEseJq
d - Sadness Song
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0PBex9UpFR
[Enter the mind, stage right, weary] 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqd4MeYvxYG
The mind: 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrN3nFJpuIp
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgQYjo09iC
We touch the world 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO4W3a2FeFm
And it all falls away 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxAVSsFygF
We hear the word 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIn8meXJkp
But it all burns with the day 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhSjVXpQFu
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECncZXipnb
Now our mother lies in blood 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfuH4d8l4Ef
Father swims away 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9EP3QcYRpk
And we find us all alone 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UqYPfQoBe
Sadness song plays. 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqXsX2QLyc
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZOxYVsTJJa
Was it found? 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp8iT364zVO
What was spent? 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDpbJLcFJL
Now that everything is lost71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6K3kJVdnLu
What was found? What was spent? 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBfnXmFMYp
But a sadness song. 71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTkWwM4tbD
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVXJ000wMY
Drink another drink self-reflect some more everything disintegrating guidless nihilism this is me. Safe.71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTmvVI6ufU
71Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhv5N5pqEXR
