8. "Backtracking and the Role of her Entire Life"
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All that follows is true 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaNkOHiFYiX
But even so, 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlR4LN97zWa
For every truth is a corresponding falsity 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwYObvgXKD
And every image an equal mirror 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ocpKVYlch
So on further inspection, not equal in the slightest 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMNpMO3p9RY
You've moved up my doe dear, 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlnEqgpKKYG
From 8 to 80 scenes. 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0ypMSO6W1
All that follows is true.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhrNtVpk7k
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[missing]
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81. Found
Safe. 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHilBv3dXc9
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9. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World IV"
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a - Outside
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Unable to sleep unable to drink trying not to relapse again old tracts of life and tacts forgot new positive flow now all different now 5 weeks clean and still dirty sex eyes working late like it would help, but still haven’t lapsed back that’s something but anything is something old thinking old thoughts this is my poem I am in the loosest sense a human being being what? in the absolute loosest sense of the world word and world back round the globe again staying late at the job everyone else hates reminise of harder times, common lapses then wish to rekindle delusion rekindle the illusions the memories which have warped in on themselves truly the loosest sense of all things life is at its loosest the further back you go my birth has warped itself out of my memory all those months of substance abuse have rolled around to seem bright and sunny I associate Villainous Thing the smell of sunscreen walks at night leather clothing glamourous life on the road being truly against the grain worshipping self-destruction searching for a life beneath my own where in which in which things would mean and feel more akin to that warped sense of those things so many years ago my body hurts but I must keep moving the fisting of life to the music Outside, to the music Outside it’s happening67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3JgCuG39a
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Now67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfl4Ze7q7h
Not tomorrow67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXa9iqXiz9
Yesterday67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYl75xtPet0
It's happening now67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgDXYmF9wR
The damage today67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Cu223P09R
The crazed and the misloved67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3DVEux6cw
It's happening now 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡskI0xovm3j
Not tomorrow.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnCBGYy5kl
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b - Give me a Reason to Live this Life
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Give me a reason to live this life, the front doors open, the braying clothes line, the wind picks up and shatters to leaves 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvH0Eml50P8
All falling down around and the scepters are steep in the sky across the street and with frosty tops 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4BCmn0RloA
They proclaim a love of height from chilly crosses and no birds try to mate them, leave well alone and the pigeons fly off 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5kR3R0d6cF
To find a hooting home in the trees and the rooftops and the city fare, or any other possible place than here 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJauiXU3Cb
You’ve never seen them go and never seen them live, only ever saw them as scavengers67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZgtxSibCk
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Scavengers in the street, they’re 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7uLbtKWqZB
Picking at feet with 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktOucdL4nc
Bloody combs looking for bread, I’m 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dxnonSjdi
Crazy. See them come out now67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJGsvr3O4Z
Treading around town, 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzE9JTYa17B
Don't try to stop them, they’re 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuftBjzOskE
Starving, crazy. 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5Z1QQULyb
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Split up into cities devoid of community 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfrXNAMTmuL
Left all dry and lost and the hunger so gnawing 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb1ndjl9Ew9
Before you step and hide your spare breadcrumbs 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQlu1lIeq2
I know 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDfJ7YMSc3Y
I know 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQuuDRwCck
I know that you hate them. 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNywvQTxhKA
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And the universe warps 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHomLfXCs1
And my blood flow slows 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65jO4J8y9T
And the loosest sense of the world just gets looser 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPlhdJd52W
As we move further flow.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqUbWJnmL9
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c - All is declining immediately
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Vampire bite. We are all declining most quickly locked away underneath the bed I am decaying very quickly now and no new ideas form, but the old just warp and shrink until I’m left without anything growing more distant seperation from the waves and rhythms of the past desperate to be optimistic 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡspRm3MVWru
I hear static when I cum67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOxfsi5MxU
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10. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World V: Found"
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a - What could have been the end...
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Mountains of leverage. Windows of sin. Life’s broken ruble on a bird’s shattered wing.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhoKCu2Apon
Pieced put with paper. Held on by string. Left not to die so not just anything. 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNK0grzSsb1
Holder of night. Bringer of day. Hold on to the flow or we all pass away. Curse now the dusk. 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKf1HGBx4pO
Curse the ending. Forsake the glass away from its bending.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzU7dXe4eh1
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I long to end my endless night. Long to find an answer to thus. Longing to reach now a message or reason, a reason why67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxEFqOLEzWT
I’ve made such a fuss. 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1biimlMf3L
This page has gone long and winged by some wisdom. And I have grown older, abandoned the dead. But now I do 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4fbW0FZDR
wonder if even in this asylum, am I truly free from the horrors I’ve bled? 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNOYE13DmMl
There is not a soul who is totally guiltless. There are no such souls who don’t live pure for life. And now as I sit here, in 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngwuSR05YF
my endless habit, I long to be then, an impossible life.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡylX7dbXuGN
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This song it has reason. This song it has death. 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwR4Qu7Yo3L
The singing voices, they all have unrest. 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYTU4w9YW3
The singing continues. The prayer left unsaid. And no meaning is very found in the head. 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFj9xSzzook
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End. Safe. Found.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7ZRdXMWDT
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b - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Light
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You awaken to find yourself in a dark voided space. There are no doors here and no means with which to escape, all is just an eternity window reflecting back yourself. And you walk inside, bound by red string and witness a tiny window of light which does not reflect your life or its trappings. This is the poem, revealed in your inmost night, a tiny nightlight which is only seen for faint glimpses at a time. You begin to backtrack and you can repeat this new process all that you like but eventually you will find once again yourself back in this wretched place, which all in all is just your head.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2yMXbujZjq
The poem is not nearly full enough. It is scraps unhealed by time and each scrap ends with tiredness and fades into dark ashes. Words become disjointed and are only scraps in the wind. The endless wind in this endless night. 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofxEeu10L8
We have backtracked back to the front of my finest self. I sat there on the bed, somewhat disappointed that I would stay another day in a voided space without an evil. But I came to decide that an Evil should be introduced to give me a purpose again, some new form of Horror to kick off from. I went 8 weeks clean and now I am dirty once more. I am filthy once again. Filthy and free and my endless song can now be read by me. You are in a voided black space where there is no grass and there are no trees with which to take the breeze and thus, all that weight is pressed upon you. But now see a brilliant bright array of colour fill the whole everything, all emanating from that tiny screen before you, one which just before had only faint glimpses into a grander picture: of something, (for instance). Now all is clear and open, and though thought when I return to that nightmare space of void static night, guided only by some faint symbol titled ‘time’, and may well not see how this way is true, I will now tell the truth and the total meaning of this winding page of fragmented words. The meaning is thus. All meanings are true. Contradictions can exist in perfect equilibrium. I live in decline, but this is also an incline. The world is in its loosest sense when you see it the clearest. This is a nightmare mind, trapped in itself, in a nightmare space and all inside it must be brought to see. All is true. It does not matter how you live once you exist. And once you exist, then you very much are real. My feelings and loves are controversial to many but I do not fight back them now and am in love with the ways which they glide and their sweet violent cadences, like a butterfly jammed inside a car exhaust, a women barely hanging on to life through the strength of a zip-tie or the hulking body of a man in freefall. 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBu4gxkcfKj
I am inside this World. And this World is inside me. I am the most alive and living of all. I am OnlyLife. This is my meaning. This is the message revealed of the Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy874KqhyXE
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c - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Night
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Houses align on this new dawn 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxKhzvbUTg
Once death lurked away, hidded beneath curtains of shame 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZEnYH6RZN
When I was once to be awful ashamed of the life I had left to rubble 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5w99y1cnGl
But now picking up the pieces of rubble I notice it is stained glass. 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwjDRKmmJW
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How ignorant to these houses aligned on this hill 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdCRPx0FTo
Which are in fact not at all houses but great cathedrals which have fallen with time into lonely pillars 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbSmFbMItX
Without arches, their groin vaults having only lived for so long 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtngRizVOES
No mason to uphold their fragility any longer 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0o6bj7Djgc
This world is huge and carnivorous. 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHtDUWZAwe
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You see now that this new light illuminates the ghosts of these buildings. And 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFPmiB73l8
The ghosts are not figures, in the classic sense, but projections 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXizRSQ2Gq
Of the buildings which once were was.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRfquoxJTJ
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And ingravings are seen on walls: 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnW4ozTDwMz
Part one: I am dead and wake 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxeozm54WF
Part two: I feel a new awakening 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLf1dvC484
Part three: which is long old by now and comes out shorter67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvidWJL0Cco
Part four: I return to say my speech by train 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ26QWbr5ev2
Part V: this was meant to become the end 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1q9vurIgfw
Part 6: But then this 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpEiGcOXwH
Part 7: the beginning then, now, of the fina; end 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTBx3qXnQ5s
Part eight: Backtracking begins 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfucUFQ43D
Part 9: I begin what will become the end while still in rejecting sober 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvzFWygAo3
10: drunk now, I become the ending.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxMYfXXUu7
And that was Begbie’s story... 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrfHTUcHMr
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They’re putting me away but I’ll be back someday... 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHokS125Cn
Coming home, back to families, my mind is on edge due to an end in sight. 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxHpzwjFz3
And I do not want this. 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzmMY0ppEV
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Always take in more, for security, 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzx6U4M28ZS
Now I fly. (…)67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO8PVbV2Hkp
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d - Sadness Song
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[Enter the mind, stage right, weary] 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI0kuLFUres
The mind: 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7qEKgalht
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We touch the world 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrL7ginQi7
And it all falls away 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxuBhy5O8C7
We hear the word 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKZgtBomlH
But it all burns with the day 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFawfaNKDY
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Now our mother lies in blood 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡszh3dPK71f
Father swims away 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDco5mrJFl
And we find us all alone 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Lswr0GOEI
Sadness song plays. 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSDNKPGbOlP
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Was it found? 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeFTYAz84TS
What was spent? 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74IK3T8vSU
Now that everything is lost67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7ZkV2n64i
What was found? What was spent? 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyyNsvshkj6
But a sadness song. 67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUsjvGACTLm
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Drink another drink self-reflect some more everything disintegrating guidless nihilism this is me. Safe.67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2Ik04HURR
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