8. "Backtracking and the Role of her Entire Life"
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All that follows is true 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9sAE9ngff4
But even so, 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRy77RhwilR
For every truth is a corresponding falsity 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4szbQgwr1
And every image an equal mirror 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSiZGYKMBfJ
So on further inspection, not equal in the slightest 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ078euirkW2
You've moved up my doe dear, 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNYTfPLJFP
From 8 to 80 scenes. 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxau3nTYWk
All that follows is true.77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUroadmPGT
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[missing]
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81. Found
Safe. 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7fznobEAC2
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9. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World IV"
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a - Outside
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Unable to sleep unable to drink trying not to relapse again old tracts of life and tacts forgot new positive flow now all different now 5 weeks clean and still dirty sex eyes working late like it would help, but still haven’t lapsed back that’s something but anything is something old thinking old thoughts this is my poem I am in the loosest sense a human being being what? in the absolute loosest sense of the world word and world back round the globe again staying late at the job everyone else hates reminise of harder times, common lapses then wish to rekindle delusion rekindle the illusions the memories which have warped in on themselves truly the loosest sense of all things life is at its loosest the further back you go my birth has warped itself out of my memory all those months of substance abuse have rolled around to seem bright and sunny I associate Villainous Thing the smell of sunscreen walks at night leather clothing glamourous life on the road being truly against the grain worshipping self-destruction searching for a life beneath my own where in which in which things would mean and feel more akin to that warped sense of those things so many years ago my body hurts but I must keep moving the fisting of life to the music Outside, to the music Outside it’s happening77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBHb7ZlW2DD
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Now77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnmnvftxxG
Not tomorrow77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIdLKtbbCb
Yesterday77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoKsrDWyJwE
It's happening now77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvYUA9kx7J
The damage today77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLoXcV5Zxn
The crazed and the misloved77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYzKKtruVG
It's happening now 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTKP9sQSHEZ
Not tomorrow.77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13PVU4Lb6z
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b - Give me a Reason to Live this Life
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Give me a reason to live this life, the front doors open, the braying clothes line, the wind picks up and shatters to leaves 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjNICf5Mxs
All falling down around and the scepters are steep in the sky across the street and with frosty tops 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthBkzPJikO
They proclaim a love of height from chilly crosses and no birds try to mate them, leave well alone and the pigeons fly off 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmdOnCgdnz
To find a hooting home in the trees and the rooftops and the city fare, or any other possible place than here 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAYB5TEycw
You’ve never seen them go and never seen them live, only ever saw them as scavengers77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8LIDP6fvJS
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Scavengers in the street, they’re 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWYYMjT828
Picking at feet with 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡogSdGcEvYp
Bloody combs looking for bread, I’m 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSKjAhHxvj
Crazy. See them come out now77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvDG4raN0D
Treading around town, 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVNo1Yt0g2R
Don't try to stop them, they’re 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRQ5Fq6OEg
Starving, crazy. 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlMyycDVVB
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Split up into cities devoid of community 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWcdCj0bYv
Left all dry and lost and the hunger so gnawing 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLtd1x5Iu3R
Before you step and hide your spare breadcrumbs 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6abkpJN1qo
I know 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡigkwO63VUU
I know 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7i9zebOKm
I know that you hate them. 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEjhky0s4nm
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And the universe warps 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwZL412ZH5
And my blood flow slows 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSG2b3oSgsG
And the loosest sense of the world just gets looser 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyWFRHv50kl
As we move further flow.77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQtzOLJt5H
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c - All is declining immediately
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Vampire bite. We are all declining most quickly locked away underneath the bed I am decaying very quickly now and no new ideas form, but the old just warp and shrink until I’m left without anything growing more distant seperation from the waves and rhythms of the past desperate to be optimistic 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lxI2qoDD9
I hear static when I cum77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdr8x4n4ss
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10. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World V: Found"
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a - What could have been the end...
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Mountains of leverage. Windows of sin. Life’s broken ruble on a bird’s shattered wing.77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTRWAr4Ouob
Pieced put with paper. Held on by string. Left not to die so not just anything. 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9sSpoH1Ivk
Holder of night. Bringer of day. Hold on to the flow or we all pass away. Curse now the dusk. 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwdeH23tU0
Curse the ending. Forsake the glass away from its bending.77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPyvKbjTEb
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I long to end my endless night. Long to find an answer to thus. Longing to reach now a message or reason, a reason why77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9ddEEWRct
I’ve made such a fuss. 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzynpH5D4Hf
This page has gone long and winged by some wisdom. And I have grown older, abandoned the dead. But now I do 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQW9AbzWzSy
wonder if even in this asylum, am I truly free from the horrors I’ve bled? 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGekl3zyFX
There is not a soul who is totally guiltless. There are no such souls who don’t live pure for life. And now as I sit here, in 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7fqZq588lz
my endless habit, I long to be then, an impossible life.77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKvJ76AvJn
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This song it has reason. This song it has death. 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwzgbvq4m95
The singing voices, they all have unrest. 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgBY3jnP2m
The singing continues. The prayer left unsaid. And no meaning is very found in the head. 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdF4L0ZGNNW
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End. Safe. Found.77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWCPxk0kJa
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b - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Light
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You awaken to find yourself in a dark voided space. There are no doors here and no means with which to escape, all is just an eternity window reflecting back yourself. And you walk inside, bound by red string and witness a tiny window of light which does not reflect your life or its trappings. This is the poem, revealed in your inmost night, a tiny nightlight which is only seen for faint glimpses at a time. You begin to backtrack and you can repeat this new process all that you like but eventually you will find once again yourself back in this wretched place, which all in all is just your head.77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2pFSdpBiFC
The poem is not nearly full enough. It is scraps unhealed by time and each scrap ends with tiredness and fades into dark ashes. Words become disjointed and are only scraps in the wind. The endless wind in this endless night. 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYGXQzmwxp
We have backtracked back to the front of my finest self. I sat there on the bed, somewhat disappointed that I would stay another day in a voided space without an evil. But I came to decide that an Evil should be introduced to give me a purpose again, some new form of Horror to kick off from. I went 8 weeks clean and now I am dirty once more. I am filthy once again. Filthy and free and my endless song can now be read by me. You are in a voided black space where there is no grass and there are no trees with which to take the breeze and thus, all that weight is pressed upon you. But now see a brilliant bright array of colour fill the whole everything, all emanating from that tiny screen before you, one which just before had only faint glimpses into a grander picture: of something, (for instance). Now all is clear and open, and though thought when I return to that nightmare space of void static night, guided only by some faint symbol titled ‘time’, and may well not see how this way is true, I will now tell the truth and the total meaning of this winding page of fragmented words. The meaning is thus. All meanings are true. Contradictions can exist in perfect equilibrium. I live in decline, but this is also an incline. The world is in its loosest sense when you see it the clearest. This is a nightmare mind, trapped in itself, in a nightmare space and all inside it must be brought to see. All is true. It does not matter how you live once you exist. And once you exist, then you very much are real. My feelings and loves are controversial to many but I do not fight back them now and am in love with the ways which they glide and their sweet violent cadences, like a butterfly jammed inside a car exhaust, a women barely hanging on to life through the strength of a zip-tie or the hulking body of a man in freefall. 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1rFKPyNYB
I am inside this World. And this World is inside me. I am the most alive and living of all. I am OnlyLife. This is my meaning. This is the message revealed of the Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World.77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0s3V9Zm9TN
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c - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Night
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Houses align on this new dawn 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp9pAtY9sdo
Once death lurked away, hidded beneath curtains of shame 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8xAWk603c
When I was once to be awful ashamed of the life I had left to rubble 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvQ9To0pLg
But now picking up the pieces of rubble I notice it is stained glass. 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqirvBWdest
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How ignorant to these houses aligned on this hill 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEgXWprDOKE
Which are in fact not at all houses but great cathedrals which have fallen with time into lonely pillars 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmdrMsO0dv
Without arches, their groin vaults having only lived for so long 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhdWQkYPe7
No mason to uphold their fragility any longer 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrIi2t3Ua3B
This world is huge and carnivorous. 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5mul1sRv3a
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You see now that this new light illuminates the ghosts of these buildings. And 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUh3XGJj3Y9
The ghosts are not figures, in the classic sense, but projections 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgoHfoiLYrM
Of the buildings which once were was.77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2dLQvIn6JG
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And ingravings are seen on walls: 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUWLZexanYt
Part one: I am dead and wake 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dQQEzUPis
Part two: I feel a new awakening 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNT4jS0Jb8u
Part three: which is long old by now and comes out shorter77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1fkbpbz2vb
Part four: I return to say my speech by train 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBG6m9oFceO
Part V: this was meant to become the end 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTgaAgNxiLh
Part 6: But then this 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLYnoRZXtm
Part 7: the beginning then, now, of the fina; end 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQDhVhAjUvv
Part eight: Backtracking begins 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAa7f78yODL
Part 9: I begin what will become the end while still in rejecting sober 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDguZqiYrph
10: drunk now, I become the ending.77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvTWoCoqjq
And that was Begbie’s story... 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ98h7uQNpf2
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They’re putting me away but I’ll be back someday... 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbP7OYtZDuF
Coming home, back to families, my mind is on edge due to an end in sight. 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡucIpuyc7EZ
And I do not want this. 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxRmHR2ZwSA
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Always take in more, for security, 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3horkepmcN
Now I fly. (…)77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWneRrPXaaY
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d - Sadness Song
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[Enter the mind, stage right, weary] 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡylpJlqnqIc
The mind: 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60wwyviaZU
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We touch the world 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0gthjTlAw
And it all falls away 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19KCEY6qd4
We hear the word 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQTiFpb90R
But it all burns with the day 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe5GahMk3J4
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Now our mother lies in blood 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlr4NLixCB
Father swims away 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8RTgfX8ujF
And we find us all alone 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJNiCDerPA
Sadness song plays. 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjI8IKy7s3
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Was it found? 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLSMLMGQ36
What was spent? 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswvhjW5ObJ
Now that everything is lost77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa8YEz1TDOI
What was found? What was spent? 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcYJQu16e8Q
But a sadness song. 77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6L7jBI5AmV
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Drink another drink self-reflect some more everything disintegrating guidless nihilism this is me. Safe.77Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHxLkzTwwgd
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