8. "Backtracking and the Role of her Entire Life"
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All that follows is true 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhsJy8pzkoL
But even so, 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6xtKFwPFZ
For every truth is a corresponding falsity 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNSJH8jU13k
And every image an equal mirror 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfp9xCbywEp
So on further inspection, not equal in the slightest 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ455u9MYOMj
You've moved up my doe dear, 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdqiiO1ZeV
From 8 to 80 scenes. 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMRqPmG9QK
All that follows is true.98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbNqbpprf7
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[missing]
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81. Found
Safe. 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeAiqBfUnWh
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9. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World IV"
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a - Outside
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Unable to sleep unable to drink trying not to relapse again old tracts of life and tacts forgot new positive flow now all different now 5 weeks clean and still dirty sex eyes working late like it would help, but still haven’t lapsed back that’s something but anything is something old thinking old thoughts this is my poem I am in the loosest sense a human being being what? in the absolute loosest sense of the world word and world back round the globe again staying late at the job everyone else hates reminise of harder times, common lapses then wish to rekindle delusion rekindle the illusions the memories which have warped in on themselves truly the loosest sense of all things life is at its loosest the further back you go my birth has warped itself out of my memory all those months of substance abuse have rolled around to seem bright and sunny I associate Villainous Thing the smell of sunscreen walks at night leather clothing glamourous life on the road being truly against the grain worshipping self-destruction searching for a life beneath my own where in which in which things would mean and feel more akin to that warped sense of those things so many years ago my body hurts but I must keep moving the fisting of life to the music Outside, to the music Outside it’s happening98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBlBnMaXqw
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Now98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrYQdZvRKU
Not tomorrow98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvz2hoiFnt
Yesterday98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8K3QSDdjV
It's happening now98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1P8JRJ8dXq
The damage today98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJXdlWX7Tz
The crazed and the misloved98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewg3l5Fixj
It's happening now 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6TaMPmHtb
Not tomorrow.98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ7jVk6D91F
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b - Give me a Reason to Live this Life
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Give me a reason to live this life, the front doors open, the braying clothes line, the wind picks up and shatters to leaves 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCvYpwKUeA
All falling down around and the scepters are steep in the sky across the street and with frosty tops 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmypJz0XhoS
They proclaim a love of height from chilly crosses and no birds try to mate them, leave well alone and the pigeons fly off 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbwdUZnpxzd
To find a hooting home in the trees and the rooftops and the city fare, or any other possible place than here 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1RknPNPlsX
You’ve never seen them go and never seen them live, only ever saw them as scavengers98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1N9UCJYmGs
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Scavengers in the street, they’re 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZAiijZekg
Picking at feet with 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfOU8HHOXi
Bloody combs looking for bread, I’m 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfPpeXPArJ8
Crazy. See them come out now98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFuOQgKj2m
Treading around town, 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Eq67dn7HE
Don't try to stop them, they’re 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmnXrA7vGF
Starving, crazy. 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjcHgGULhP
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Split up into cities devoid of community 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOEOBb0PGmo
Left all dry and lost and the hunger so gnawing 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWCL1TBIAs
Before you step and hide your spare breadcrumbs 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmeISYJJkLD
I know 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCseYv23B7
I know 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90ayki4nnl
I know that you hate them. 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfotDaZSlb
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And the universe warps 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiisyq0rCAZ
And my blood flow slows 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡForl3f9hwD
And the loosest sense of the world just gets looser 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUl9MZQosd8
As we move further flow.98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhSJBSIQj3
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c - All is declining immediately
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Vampire bite. We are all declining most quickly locked away underneath the bed I am decaying very quickly now and no new ideas form, but the old just warp and shrink until I’m left without anything growing more distant seperation from the waves and rhythms of the past desperate to be optimistic 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5nT44h2mJ3
I hear static when I cum98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LlH3x5sS3
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10. "Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World V: Found"
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a - What could have been the end...
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Mountains of leverage. Windows of sin. Life’s broken ruble on a bird’s shattered wing.98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJtECrYeWl
Pieced put with paper. Held on by string. Left not to die so not just anything. 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFs0by3hQi
Holder of night. Bringer of day. Hold on to the flow or we all pass away. Curse now the dusk. 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYUkwCHwgLa
Curse the ending. Forsake the glass away from its bending.98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqlkrRxh0EK
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I long to end my endless night. Long to find an answer to thus. Longing to reach now a message or reason, a reason why98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9cgpdqKZ7L
I’ve made such a fuss. 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0tjvDZVTZA
This page has gone long and winged by some wisdom. And I have grown older, abandoned the dead. But now I do 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxujj13Kg6S
wonder if even in this asylum, am I truly free from the horrors I’ve bled? 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6c2xBaxrlw
There is not a soul who is totally guiltless. There are no such souls who don’t live pure for life. And now as I sit here, in 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOFHBzvs0Lx
my endless habit, I long to be then, an impossible life.98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtUqNsqzZG
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This song it has reason. This song it has death. 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xQTi2U2PL
The singing voices, they all have unrest. 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9N2gvP4yC
The singing continues. The prayer left unsaid. And no meaning is very found in the head. 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCd3BUHDQfJ
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End. Safe. Found.98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmTi0al9rs
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b - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Light
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You awaken to find yourself in a dark voided space. There are no doors here and no means with which to escape, all is just an eternity window reflecting back yourself. And you walk inside, bound by red string and witness a tiny window of light which does not reflect your life or its trappings. This is the poem, revealed in your inmost night, a tiny nightlight which is only seen for faint glimpses at a time. You begin to backtrack and you can repeat this new process all that you like but eventually you will find once again yourself back in this wretched place, which all in all is just your head.98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZMorHoDyR
The poem is not nearly full enough. It is scraps unhealed by time and each scrap ends with tiredness and fades into dark ashes. Words become disjointed and are only scraps in the wind. The endless wind in this endless night. 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYUPHbgVN38
We have backtracked back to the front of my finest self. I sat there on the bed, somewhat disappointed that I would stay another day in a voided space without an evil. But I came to decide that an Evil should be introduced to give me a purpose again, some new form of Horror to kick off from. I went 8 weeks clean and now I am dirty once more. I am filthy once again. Filthy and free and my endless song can now be read by me. You are in a voided black space where there is no grass and there are no trees with which to take the breeze and thus, all that weight is pressed upon you. But now see a brilliant bright array of colour fill the whole everything, all emanating from that tiny screen before you, one which just before had only faint glimpses into a grander picture: of something, (for instance). Now all is clear and open, and though thought when I return to that nightmare space of void static night, guided only by some faint symbol titled ‘time’, and may well not see how this way is true, I will now tell the truth and the total meaning of this winding page of fragmented words. The meaning is thus. All meanings are true. Contradictions can exist in perfect equilibrium. I live in decline, but this is also an incline. The world is in its loosest sense when you see it the clearest. This is a nightmare mind, trapped in itself, in a nightmare space and all inside it must be brought to see. All is true. It does not matter how you live once you exist. And once you exist, then you very much are real. My feelings and loves are controversial to many but I do not fight back them now and am in love with the ways which they glide and their sweet violent cadences, like a butterfly jammed inside a car exhaust, a women barely hanging on to life through the strength of a zip-tie or the hulking body of a man in freefall. 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZWDR8pNQT
I am inside this World. And this World is inside me. I am the most alive and living of all. I am OnlyLife. This is my meaning. This is the message revealed of the Poem in the Loosest Sense of the World.98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbgWUisSOgg
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c - The Poem Revealed in the Inmost Night
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Houses align on this new dawn 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcoz26tgRR
Once death lurked away, hidded beneath curtains of shame 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjaqcH970li
When I was once to be awful ashamed of the life I had left to rubble 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMgpGmzh9G
But now picking up the pieces of rubble I notice it is stained glass. 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡglh5O92Co7
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How ignorant to these houses aligned on this hill 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7QgXaVjWU
Which are in fact not at all houses but great cathedrals which have fallen with time into lonely pillars 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFLVIpxs5x
Without arches, their groin vaults having only lived for so long 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPyhWb3HozF
No mason to uphold their fragility any longer 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKib4FjlGvP
This world is huge and carnivorous. 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBjmqVJe3Z
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You see now that this new light illuminates the ghosts of these buildings. And 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7jgIeOGaam
The ghosts are not figures, in the classic sense, but projections 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡabdpMUTk4t
Of the buildings which once were was.98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDuSfOLiT9
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And ingravings are seen on walls: 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxYHK2JdHG0
Part one: I am dead and wake 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMl5TzmUw1
Part two: I feel a new awakening 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2o2F0y5BS
Part three: which is long old by now and comes out shorter98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8cViBklBQQ
Part four: I return to say my speech by train 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9dZ2gVBwq
Part V: this was meant to become the end 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXq08xiUcz5
Part 6: But then this 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1MrYmItzF
Part 7: the beginning then, now, of the fina; end 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpraubks24Z
Part eight: Backtracking begins 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudFlIlWTrE
Part 9: I begin what will become the end while still in rejecting sober 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGNGXHk1de
10: drunk now, I become the ending.98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqdX2EufSZ
And that was Begbie’s story... 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgiK43k44tZ
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They’re putting me away but I’ll be back someday... 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwJWm3fn96g
Coming home, back to families, my mind is on edge due to an end in sight. 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFTGE7pNyGy
And I do not want this. 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUgQoMvsjh
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Always take in more, for security, 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbRXsOmxQa
Now I fly. (…)98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhywSzAMdZ
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d - Sadness Song
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[Enter the mind, stage right, weary] 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DYegEPyeR
The mind: 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjSwm6CVW2
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We touch the world 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDycSPRhejI
And it all falls away 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkUQxPudv4X
We hear the word 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJe5KeKgTX
But it all burns with the day 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzM2lmqikJL
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Now our mother lies in blood 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVwLyByeSu
Father swims away 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNBdeQIpJcv
And we find us all alone 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhe7lePuUx
Sadness song plays. 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSNF3cUuIO
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Was it found? 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpidwcMQXJ
What was spent? 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEluvBBWecp
Now that everything is lost98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjTHIPS5E1
What was found? What was spent? 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfmc1eBRPe
But a sadness song. 98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFpCe2z9Fh
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Drink another drink self-reflect some more everything disintegrating guidless nihilism this is me. Safe.98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlR8yDR7zOJ
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