[Darkness.]
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[Brightness. White hospital light. A generic student accommodation. ROXIE sits at the generic table in the corner of a generic kitchen. She is listless.]440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxBl7PK0lS
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ROXIE:440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2OPNB1Z2Vx
I am new here. Hallo. My name is Roxie. I only came out a few months ago so maybe I should also say that my name before was Rian. My dad is a counsellor and he says that I should tell people what my old name was so that they can know me better.
Pause. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdzrjQxFVy8
But I bet that's bullshit. Anyway. Here I am. Here is me. There are three stools in this kitchen for the three of us who will live in this apartment here. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7sw20Udv3V
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But none others have yet arrived so, yeah, just, me. But that's okay. I can be my own best entertainer. The girlie I met in the train told me that if my family don't support me, then I must leave them and the friends I make here will become my new family. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8TTgx4Qgf
Pause. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeormkWzqhS
That's true enough I suppose. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqw02BIu2k
[ROXIE stands up from the table and walks over to the kitchen window and stares out of it to the other blank, generic accommodations across the road. She is, again, listless to the most extreme.]
ROXIE:
This isn't who I thought I would turn out to be...
Pause. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEztGsEU3e
But who do I talk to? Why speak aloud?440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfXB3ZMDho
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But of course I know why. I do. I do. I do. The longer that the echo between speech lasts the more I am forced to sit and listen. So I must get it all out. Every bit of it, however ugly. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOCxfiIsBI0
Pause. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfeGAiWzRKe
But it's still hard, you know? Just because my dad's a psychotherapist and I understand what I am to do, it doesn't make it any easier. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJ6cwdJ2TX
Pause. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9D92YKJURV
But I will try. Because, frankly, what else is there to do?440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIBKppvoAj
Pause.440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGu2mlJFGP
I started watching porn videos when I was twelve years old. Was it then or when I don't know that I became an addict. When did it switch from a once to a constant. It was an echo-chamber of madness and dark intentions. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ620wWF2l6T
Pause. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6TLS2g6Un
Sometimes I wonder if my own mental state now is a result of that. I wonder if I'm all wrong. I wonder if this is normal, to be doubting your own existence. I wonder if this is all just an after effect of my own upbringing. I wonder a lot of things.
Pause. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3xsIHAivFP
Because, perhaps, yeah, perhaps I am real. And I am me. And perhaps I can trust my head and perhaps I can safely say, Yes. I am me. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HkG5TsFqA
Pause. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCOVsTdIp2
But I can't just make all of those other thoughts go away at once. How could I? I'm not a superhero...440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQGED18DbLS
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Or would it be a super-heroine? 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMdvLygCux
Pause. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡky7XWsbwZo
I'm kind of comfortable with all the really awful feminine stereotypes. Dumb blondes, bimbos, damsels and dames. It doesn't really bother me. If anything, it makes me feel better that I might not over act. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3mzFzDbyn
Pause.440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjyUXlqnM9
"Act" It isn't acting as a woman. I am a woman and I am me and I know I must be. What I meant was when I am in public and trying to pass as cis. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEPUO8NY0sY
Pause. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdO16i25Zp8
[During this pause, ROXIE turns away from the window and makes her way over to the fridge. It is dull and generic. She goes to open it, stops herself, and then opens it.]440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKyOhDzC59M
ROXIE:
But the night will soon be over, thank God. And I will soon lose consciousness. I will soon lose all ability to think and overthink about all my shortcomings and long stretches alone. I look forward to sleep. I look forward to when everything is set in stone, when it's all black and white, when I'm no longer an addict, when I don't get hungover and have a license and can stay within my waist goals and everything is perfect. But until then. I must sleep.
Pause. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTGGHOpBrY
[During the pause, ROXIE gradually sinks down onto floor and curls into a ball.]440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ566ELB4VtQ
Pause. 440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSzR0683hq
[Darkness.]440Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNA0bcTVt5f
