每次想及那傢伙,他心裡難免生恨。可是恨不了多久,恨意自然而然會被無奈與無力取代,彷彿不曾生起。440Please respect copyright.PENANA9Mybmsj55h
輕嘆一聲。440Please respect copyright.PENANABlBg7KRzlm
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媽媽的身影忽地浮現腦海。440Please respect copyright.PENANA3lkhi1ERZt
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她是個不起眼的女人,普通得他早已忘記那張臉。只記得她怕熱,喜在夏日穿寬鬆短褲散熱,露出一雙細長白腿。他常趁著媽媽在露台忙於晾衫時,從後環抱她的大腿,把滾燙前額緊貼被清風吹得微微發涼的幼滑皮膚上。嘻,消暑妙法。440Please respect copyright.PENANA5m3YzAC6wB
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以為這做法可以持續至小學畢業,或是直到他世故成熟得無法繼續假裝天真。誰料媽媽突然拋下一句「感情變淡」,離家出走。440Please respect copyright.PENANAbfFDWNSB4R
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他反覆思考何謂「感情變淡」。440Please respect copyright.PENANAi9h49mebVM
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茫無頭緒,直至那傢伙有意無意向他指出重點:變。「感情」,對媽媽毫不重要,否則她不會狠心如此;「淡」是相對而非絕對,若無經歷過對立的「濃」,「淡」其實不是問題;由濃轉淡的過程稱為「變」,也就是問題癥結所在。440Please respect copyright.PENANATqjMK1TiHj
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為何會變?如何變?可否不變?440Please respect copyright.PENANA5gXrRYIgSP
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他百思不得其解。440Please respect copyright.PENANA0gZFQDOkyu
再聲輕嘆。440Please respect copyright.PENANAOdKFLjtKrW
440Please respect copyright.PENANApHNlvdrqk1
阿杰的身影忽地浮現腦海。440Please respect copyright.PENANAyVl1rARS4p
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舊同學聚會裡,他和阿杰並肩而坐。昔日無所不談的摯友相顧假笑,努力尋找共同話題。阿杰唇邊盡是紅酒遊艇名錶,他只記顧商場即將在週末舉行的購物優惠日——妻子叮囑他務必買下保濕精華和優惠裝尿片。440Please respect copyright.PENANAgltz192PVl
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真懷念往時。他與阿杰一起為那些不值一哂的天大課題感到煩惱:學業、夢想、籃球、愛情、人生規劃……後來那傢伙教曉他——一切變幻莫測,根本不由自主。無力與無奈令他深深體會自身的無能。他妒忌,妒忌阿杰仍在那個未醒的夢裡。阿杰察覺到他的妒意,露出一個輕蔑笑容。440Please respect copyright.PENANA7KMIyP5R8m
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昔日無所不談的摯友相顧假笑,不再努力尋找共同話題。440Please respect copyright.PENANA3bQ51MrCZt
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緣起緣滅,不由自主。440Please respect copyright.PENANAQyOg85g3O7
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既要緣滅,何必緣起?440Please respect copyright.PENANABrvtuoqGo3
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他百思不得其解。440Please respect copyright.PENANAxOm8c0TkO6
輕嘆有三。440Please respect copyright.PENANAXUcV9rEn0f
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自己的身影忽地浮現腦海。440Please respect copyright.PENANA6Skx6bNl3e
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身影有前無後。難怪,少有留意自己的背。妻子笑說他背部有七痣,像北斗,可導航。他苦笑,笑自己人生無方向。因為自己看不見北斗?只好抬頭望天。天無星,難打卦。無卦,有掛,掛心的掛。掛甚麼?不知道,總覺得人生缺失了甚麼。甚麼甚麼?不知道,難以言明。440Please respect copyright.PENANAdz8v3g5pOm
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鬱悶。440Please respect copyright.PENANAjU5g6g1zKW
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懷念媽媽的腿,想要抱抱。懷念阿杰手中的籃球,想要奪走。440Please respect copyright.PENANAPDdovOMmxb
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去抱!去奪!440Please respect copyright.PENANAdZnlESJbAv
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抱甚麼?腿已不在。440Please respect copyright.PENANAzlB7YPxOen
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奪甚麼?球已不在。440Please respect copyright.PENANANPNgBbj9rd
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為何不在?為何統統不在?440Please respect copyright.PENANAfVzF086I5w
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那傢伙沒有回答,繼續前行。440Please respect copyright.PENANAr7hfVVYS3n
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停下來!440Please respect copyright.PENANAMcymNVGdby
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那傢伙沒有回答,繼續前行。440Please respect copyright.PENANArIeT2PO5I3
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慢下來!440Please respect copyright.PENANA9rJpG9ZPu9
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那傢伙沒有回答,繼續前行。440Please respect copyright.PENANAMUIHVej69f
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他只得拼命追趕。走馬看不見花,花開花落馬不知。馬累馬停,他累他停。回頭一望,是天不是地。何時開始背朝天?不肯定,許是拼命追趕期間、忘記自身當刻。竭力抬頭,盡力挺身。不果,只得餘生躬背望地,無法望背望星。440Please respect copyright.PENANAAySt0HqaPS
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孫兒笑問他為何腰背變躬,他答背上擔子過重。孫兒受驚拒絕背負擔子,他說無法選擇,人人不由自主。孫兒再問何解不由自主,他道是變幻莫測之故。孫兒三問為何會變、如何變、可否不變?他答不出話來,淚目凝視孫兒。440Please respect copyright.PENANAthdpVaxYMB
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昔日的他,今日的孫。440Please respect copyright.PENANAbn1vuXbiR3
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永劫,輪迴。440Please respect copyright.PENANAxYsdjrPkQT
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不敢思,不求解。440Please respect copyright.PENANA5M4nmAf4TB
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嘆,嘆,嘆。440Please respect copyright.PENANA6QT8CWpTk0
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孫兒問他是否有煩惱,願為他出謀解決。440Please respect copyright.PENANA7MlfXUjh45
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他搖頭。440Please respect copyright.PENANAhSa5h5fiQP
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深知世人永遠無法解決那傢伙。
註:此篇會收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》第八十一章440Please respect copyright.PENANAl8peHxVNpk
440Please respect copyright.PENANAcY8TK7pTgz