每次想及那傢伙，他心裡難免生恨。可是恨不了多久，恨意自然而然會被無奈與無力取代，彷彿不曾生起。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXTUHWlv2v8
輕嘆一聲。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbVuPagTqP3
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媽媽的身影忽地浮現腦海。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVXBZpcMT95
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她是個不起眼的女人，普通得他早已忘記那張臉。只記得她怕熱，喜在夏日穿寬鬆短褲散熱，露出一雙細長白腿。他常趁著媽媽在露台忙於晾衫時，從後環抱她的大腿，把滾燙前額緊貼被清風吹得微微發涼的幼滑皮膚上。嘻，消暑妙法。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaoqSkQJCKh
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以為這做法可以持續至小學畢業，或是直到他世故成熟得無法繼續假裝天真。誰料媽媽突然拋下一句「感情變淡」，離家出走。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8Qu4LdpBt
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他反覆思考何謂「感情變淡」。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8JUImUoao
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茫無頭緒，直至那傢伙有意無意向他指出重點：變。「感情」，對媽媽毫不重要，否則她不會狠心如此；「淡」是相對而非絕對，若無經歷過對立的「濃」，「淡」其實不是問題；由濃轉淡的過程稱為「變」，也就是問題癥結所在。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJEr2aQ90q
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為何會變？如何變？可否不變？401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHPVh8xXGG
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他百思不得其解。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKshtSSXR8B
再聲輕嘆。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgMbGU4IMKJ
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阿杰的身影忽地浮現腦海。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPLy6s4bKR
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqpYwNAtb4l
舊同學聚會裡，他和阿杰並肩而坐。昔日無所不談的摯友相顧假笑，努力尋找共同話題。阿杰唇邊盡是紅酒遊艇名錶，他只記顧商場即將在週末舉行的購物優惠日——妻子叮囑他務必買下保濕精華和優惠裝尿片。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwh3MqQDBFy
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwhlTRVW0s
真懷念往時。他與阿杰一起為那些不值一哂的天大課題感到煩惱：學業、夢想、籃球、愛情、人生規劃……後來那傢伙教曉他——一切變幻莫測，根本不由自主。無力與無奈令他深深體會自身的無能。他妒忌，妒忌阿杰仍在那個未醒的夢裡。阿杰察覺到他的妒意，露出一個輕蔑笑容。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2W8BZYPL3Y
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昔日無所不談的摯友相顧假笑，不再努力尋找共同話題。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJSzoTwC71y
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緣起緣滅，不由自主。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNhnycuoiBX
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既要緣滅，何必緣起？401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEyIZo2kKE6
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他百思不得其解。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQShHwdRgwr
輕嘆有三。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeGvC7n5gGN
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自己的身影忽地浮現腦海。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4hHWuAL0a
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身影有前無後。難怪，少有留意自己的背。妻子笑說他背部有七痣，像北斗，可導航。他苦笑，笑自己人生無方向。因為自己看不見北斗？只好抬頭望天。天無星，難打卦。無卦，有掛，掛心的掛。掛甚麼？不知道，總覺得人生缺失了甚麼。甚麼甚麼？不知道，難以言明。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsbs9XriVhI
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鬱悶。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELpnqr7elZ
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懷念媽媽的腿，想要抱抱。懷念阿杰手中的籃球，想要奪走。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBclMRupWvf
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去抱！去奪！401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5cFmmpqdtX
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抱甚麼？腿已不在。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPiWrCbPLh
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奪甚麼？球已不在。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wlc2nHgzL
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為何不在？為何統統不在？401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtV8xoJRvK3
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那傢伙沒有回答，繼續前行。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEHkHBbEEF
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停下來！401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTbAL4bYDq
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那傢伙沒有回答，繼續前行。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8rSz7KIynQ
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慢下來！401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjz3TFuDp0
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那傢伙沒有回答，繼續前行。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3viAobzpC
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKFeNcM8cvY
他只得拼命追趕。走馬看不見花，花開花落馬不知。馬累馬停，他累他停。回頭一望，是天不是地。何時開始背朝天？不肯定，許是拼命追趕期間、忘記自身當刻。竭力抬頭，盡力挺身。不果，只得餘生躬背望地，無法望背望星。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrCksDLhjO
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQERpuABqOK
孫兒笑問他為何腰背變躬，他答背上擔子過重。孫兒受驚拒絕背負擔子，他說無法選擇，人人不由自主。孫兒再問何解不由自主，他道是變幻莫測之故。孫兒三問為何會變、如何變、可否不變？他答不出話來，淚目凝視孫兒。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNZRYqpjrKP
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昔日的他，今日的孫。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhlzZzHZ5l
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永劫，輪迴。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFgWWm3cuw
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不敢思，不求解。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoldaJjQZSG
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嘆，嘆，嘆。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4j3GTYM9mR
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孫兒問他是否有煩惱，願為他出謀解決。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1hhihrawnt
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他搖頭。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAoaRoRsDji
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深知世人永遠無法解決那傢伙。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》第八十一章401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvx8xx0BLTM
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