「我憎恨你！永遠憎恨你！」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXt9C05Csy
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrmcSIE0HH
衣衫單薄的阿妹無視冷雨紛飛，跑出遮雨簷篷，衝過警方封鎖線，直撲上前搥打我胸膛，拳拳復拳拳，拳拳到肉，拳拳入心。我沒有還手——不打算反抗，而且雙手被手拷反扣在後——默默垂眼看著她雙手沾染我衫上血跡。這時何等奇妙的感覺：父母的血在我和她體內，亦在她手上、我衫上。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbtBlVvEJX2
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9gKchX4mO
附近幾位警員沒有立即阻止阿妹，待她發洩將近十秒、有記者正要舉機拍攝時才拉開她。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGX3GowfgCi
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6aGzVJ72Up
登上警車，我輕問身旁警員：「你們是故意的吧？」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnp4oCxdCM
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡooFjWfI8eS
警員目不斜視，對著空氣道：「你殺死父母，是故意的吧？」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6fLyeuNQh
操場上，烈日刺眼，人影紛亂，或逃跑或追趕。兩幫囚犯因私怨扭打起來，其餘局外囚犯連忙依獄警指示離開現場。我混在逃走行列當中，驀地發現走在前方的人正是與我關係不錯的獄友——阿青。靈機一觸，想到一個減刑方法。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNM5AsQNFY4
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsySUlNfsRJ
「他有參與打鬥！」臨近操場出入口，我突然指著阿青呼叫。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡts9WdRXDfT
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJvLnLGrvps
阿青尚未意會我所指何事，已然被獄警壓制在地。他面帶怯色，嘗試辯解：「冤枉啊！我沒有……」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvo72R2mGbg
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPNmyAxcPq
「我真的看見阿青參與打鬥！」雖知阿青無辜，但為了建功減刑，我唯有狠下心腸補上一刀：「我平日與阿青關係不錯，沒有冤枉他的理由。」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQqwdP4ROXz
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnsijJTbJn
阿青抬頭望我，似乎明白這是甚麼一回事，瞬間臉容扭曲，極力試圖掙脫獄警。更多獄警上前制伏激動不已的阿青，甚至對他施用棍擊。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81x3hs8vEy
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSMTvA9Juk
亂棍之下，頭破血流的阿青咬牙切齒，勉力抬頭怒目瞪著我：「你這忘恩負義的傢伙！枉我在獄中處處維護你，代你吃下不少苦頭！走著瞧！我定會算帳！我不會放過你！我永遠憎恨你！」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1l90Pa9FPA
狹小房間內，淫穢之聲迴繞不散。在我胯下的年輕小女生或嬌喘或呻吟，胸前兩團白肉隨著抽插節奏晃晃盪盪。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8svSNGf3Q
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGpLT0vjWRP
咔——414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0BpX9W5gD
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8HJBXzjFzg
小女生被房外聲響嚇驚，表情僵住：「客廳有人。」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSILWr5HVv
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJP4VSjAIhK
「是我妻子。」我處變不驚，繼續重覆腰肢動作。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7PoQM62WzY
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1cXe5UwN8x
「你不怕……」小女生奇怪我的冷靜。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIED9i8iXEj
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxUXMjafNK
「孕婦，跑不遠、跑不快，怕甚麼？」我伸手微微施力掐住小女生細長白頸，暗示不滿她話太多。也許不安導致情緒緊張，沒多久我倆雙雙高潮完事。小女生沒有洗澡，匆匆收錢離開。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEnDRnmdgNh
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGRkjLmW73e
我叼菸走向梳化，在芝芝身旁坐下，安慰道：「放心。金錢交易。不是長期關係。」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEYluhDozi
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXeOHk6evHs
挺著巨肚的芝芝低頭不語，臉色玄青。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pXg2cRZkl
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKAwIrtlLXD
「沒法子。生理需要。總不能憋住十個月。」我口說得輕鬆，心裡細細數算芝芝跟我多少個年頭。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzB4H6cS0id
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhx0AqUtBRx
至少三十年。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQh54YXkFn
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAlqFY7D4Tt
我們相識於中學三年級，彼此都是十五歲。我當時是小混混，她是不良少女，一拍即合。後來我殺人判囚，幸得減刑出獄。沒能回家。苦惱之際，誰料芝芝主動聯絡，供吃供住，只求與我再續前緣。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgSWrJzrE9
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknJp08i4Sj
「我曾為你的付出感動過。奈何純粹的感動無法改變我本性——我天生就是壞人。」我向芝芝坦白感受，不是出於內疚或推卸責任，而是我沒有隱瞞的原因。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtmCNNEjxu
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59yQgiLxYk
「你曾愛我嗎？」芝芝眼眶通紅，忍淚問了一個傻問題。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3MkYJtIRv0
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2iMNvLrjYK
「我不知道那是否愛。」我對芝芝沒有愛，但在她身上我感受到何謂愛。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWwsMcUEgx
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Qs1d4f3HG
「你走吧。我和孩子不需要你。」芝芝終於按捺不住，流下兩行清淚，語帶哭腔：「這刻開始，我會開始憎恨你，永遠憎恨你。」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYu57g7mfM
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN6PG702hR9
「你早該對我死心。」我聳肩表示沒所謂，直接走出大門，離開單位。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7yCvGjEUbc
七十歲的我獨居劏房，不良於行，少有外出，平日依靠社工幫忙購置日用品。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRy83gdIi5L
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVG2RpEOrf
社工是個初出茅廬的年輕人，不知人世險惡，對我毫無戒心。我撒謊說自己被兒女拋棄，她就拿著我提供的假資料尋人。尋人不果就來關心我更多，買來更多物資。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHLIjmW9l5Y
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP7pniILtBu
相識之初，我經常在心裡嘲笑她笨蛋。不過隨著相處時間增多，我多次目睹她為我無私付出，不禁開始動容，深切自省。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8yeNZ2W93
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4x2hzwhduW
夜深人靜，流浪狗吠聲忽遠忽近，對面大廈招牌的刺眼強光穿透薄窗簾，在牆上映出花花綠綠迷幻色塊。無眠，憶起很多人，很多我虧欠過的人。爸媽……阿妹……阿青……芝芝……孩子……其實我一直以來知道自己有多壞、多可惡。為何明知故犯？因為我不相信永遠。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1Si0Gy6lj
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5OEzIbrgm0
沒有永遠的惡，沒有永遠的愛。只有眼前利益和當刻快感。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSWA6PHYAU
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu0AAVWviQH
我自私？誰不自私？爸媽養兒防老，阿妹需要爸媽供書教學，阿青幫我是貪慕虛榮，芝芝救我是為彌補遺憾。誰沒計算？人人都在計算！414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwps3dHEzgn
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEOzdwE7wyZ
感動退散，惡意再生。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbGZwGRQUPH
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRgFGYPlq0i
缺失很多，要求更多。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmqHpOPJNMh
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbA3tcJ8Qv
缺失愛，索求愛。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qGCpKESxU
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXtR7nR1HWM
變本加厲。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbvZGFFclxI
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0okEhowK70
理所當然。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PEq96fTTn
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNMokoEB2M
社工說疫情險峻，求助人數激增，難以經常前來探望我。我埋怨她不關心我。她解釋說機構人手資源有限，無法重點照顧我一人。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLbUXOUwZ6
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7AVOqsAhpe
她離開。我撒野：「你偽善！快走！別來！我憎恨你！永遠！」414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVChZ7lAx5
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5qD50FXT5
沒有永遠的愛。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEKMrg7G38h
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8z4J1rX5N
缺失愛，索求愛。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBiqKODNbRW
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGLqFLyK0O
鳳姐索價三百元。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGgXK6htBr
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFrYzExZgQx
她有眼前利益，我有當刻快感。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSUhUkR53ig
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopDMJR2Fj3
完事。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgTO27EgUcV
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAai9OSM9k
一切歸空。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0unf3PYlyw
414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0lr8ArxLUe
理所當然。414Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJAuhXTZom
題解：
四：四次
嚎：嚎叫、嚎哭。這裡借代情緒激動時的話語。
永：永遠
憎：憎恨
你：你
註：此篇將會收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》。
ns216.73.216.82da2
