「我憎恨你！永遠憎恨你！」382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28pf2PEPwp
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6nB9vRf8H8
衣衫單薄的阿妹無視冷雨紛飛，跑出遮雨簷篷，衝過警方封鎖線，直撲上前搥打我胸膛，拳拳復拳拳，拳拳到肉，拳拳入心。我沒有還手——不打算反抗，而且雙手被手拷反扣在後——默默垂眼看著她雙手沾染我衫上血跡。這時何等奇妙的感覺：父母的血在我和她體內，亦在她手上、我衫上。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hCBAc2T1f
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhAhqVlCFUi
附近幾位警員沒有立即阻止阿妹，待她發洩將近十秒、有記者正要舉機拍攝時才拉開她。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvM4FtqjbxY
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYL2Zqx9uaj
登上警車，我輕問身旁警員：「你們是故意的吧？」382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpzbjEP6Vg
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtxJwqdNjrK
警員目不斜視，對著空氣道：「你殺死父母，是故意的吧？」382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeiEkOSwbyc
操場上，烈日刺眼，人影紛亂，或逃跑或追趕。兩幫囚犯因私怨扭打起來，其餘局外囚犯連忙依獄警指示離開現場。我混在逃走行列當中，驀地發現走在前方的人正是與我關係不錯的獄友——阿青。靈機一觸，想到一個減刑方法。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqfjn0B6Rf
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZavX90fhH
「他有參與打鬥！」臨近操場出入口，我突然指著阿青呼叫。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBUsPRJMkb
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgyQDkJJZTM
阿青尚未意會我所指何事，已然被獄警壓制在地。他面帶怯色，嘗試辯解：「冤枉啊！我沒有……」382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYGSuNZ6YGm
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkLzSrTh3z
「我真的看見阿青參與打鬥！」雖知阿青無辜，但為了建功減刑，我唯有狠下心腸補上一刀：「我平日與阿青關係不錯，沒有冤枉他的理由。」382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQK3kZL45ss
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3WLybHpxIe
阿青抬頭望我，似乎明白這是甚麼一回事，瞬間臉容扭曲，極力試圖掙脫獄警。更多獄警上前制伏激動不已的阿青，甚至對他施用棍擊。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡabPq1VDjXs
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMNkTXmmMo
亂棍之下，頭破血流的阿青咬牙切齒，勉力抬頭怒目瞪著我：「你這忘恩負義的傢伙！枉我在獄中處處維護你，代你吃下不少苦頭！走著瞧！我定會算帳！我不會放過你！我永遠憎恨你！」382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡylJabnRY7M
狹小房間內，淫穢之聲迴繞不散。在我胯下的年輕小女生或嬌喘或呻吟，胸前兩團白肉隨著抽插節奏晃晃盪盪。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswS1lzqFgM
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17Bz5HYUTz
咔——382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWmRYYYWaY
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqir1wfxFAL
小女生被房外聲響嚇驚，表情僵住：「客廳有人。」382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHHDRee6zhJ
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYf1qniWmhL
「是我妻子。」我處變不驚，繼續重覆腰肢動作。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ804PZIPm7q
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJpgetnU2D
「你不怕……」小女生奇怪我的冷靜。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDVbKCm9uQ
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWxPK7W8Q4F
「孕婦，跑不遠、跑不快，怕甚麼？」我伸手微微施力掐住小女生細長白頸，暗示不滿她話太多。也許不安導致情緒緊張，沒多久我倆雙雙高潮完事。小女生沒有洗澡，匆匆收錢離開。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ3HpdRCVf1
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1xQ36Hic1
我叼菸走向梳化，在芝芝身旁坐下，安慰道：「放心。金錢交易。不是長期關係。」382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKaSpCwHTfJ
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UoXqY1qyA
挺著巨肚的芝芝低頭不語，臉色玄青。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4goBhqeCjW
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡedNL2ghYXh
「沒法子。生理需要。總不能憋住十個月。」我口說得輕鬆，心裡細細數算芝芝跟我多少個年頭。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡry5QuWps6Q
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQ3WJYNpkw
至少三十年。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREcE7x58s1
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHaTLxaIP4Y
我們相識於中學三年級，彼此都是十五歲。我當時是小混混，她是不良少女，一拍即合。後來我殺人判囚，幸得減刑出獄。沒能回家。苦惱之際，誰料芝芝主動聯絡，供吃供住，只求與我再續前緣。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fFsxfhgi5
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2RmA0H2Yqp
「我曾為你的付出感動過。奈何純粹的感動無法改變我本性——我天生就是壞人。」我向芝芝坦白感受，不是出於內疚或推卸責任，而是我沒有隱瞞的原因。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHqgFBCm6TC
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3uUWnrPDG2
「你曾愛我嗎？」芝芝眼眶通紅，忍淚問了一個傻問題。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMbH6ZiiwS
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnhZ87WPAG
「我不知道那是否愛。」我對芝芝沒有愛，但在她身上我感受到何謂愛。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2ZqqitTkH
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcBWKDtLBwM
「你走吧。我和孩子不需要你。」芝芝終於按捺不住，流下兩行清淚，語帶哭腔：「這刻開始，我會開始憎恨你，永遠憎恨你。」382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXF6Uc0wwQ2
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujmbJa6VwS
「你早該對我死心。」我聳肩表示沒所謂，直接走出大門，離開單位。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Urj8xb9Az
七十歲的我獨居劏房，不良於行，少有外出，平日依靠社工幫忙購置日用品。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡysVIfeTSxC
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoEjrJZLIp
社工是個初出茅廬的年輕人，不知人世險惡，對我毫無戒心。我撒謊說自己被兒女拋棄，她就拿著我提供的假資料尋人。尋人不果就來關心我更多，買來更多物資。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLjKV3m85IR
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYJyBwpuih
相識之初，我經常在心裡嘲笑她笨蛋。不過隨著相處時間增多，我多次目睹她為我無私付出，不禁開始動容，深切自省。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRWOYWyRW8
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXQqRepHLT
夜深人靜，流浪狗吠聲忽遠忽近，對面大廈招牌的刺眼強光穿透薄窗簾，在牆上映出花花綠綠迷幻色塊。無眠，憶起很多人，很多我虧欠過的人。爸媽……阿妹……阿青……芝芝……孩子……其實我一直以來知道自己有多壞、多可惡。為何明知故犯？因為我不相信永遠。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrX6gYu6baS
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5FC03IQqFf
沒有永遠的惡，沒有永遠的愛。只有眼前利益和當刻快感。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxZ1O1zGMJ
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWsTRjg5g1
我自私？誰不自私？爸媽養兒防老，阿妹需要爸媽供書教學，阿青幫我是貪慕虛榮，芝芝救我是為彌補遺憾。誰沒計算？人人都在計算！382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwhMAqRQRp
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzI1O62p4ES
感動退散，惡意再生。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZoxsq7WMrG
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrb8X5VJXyW
缺失很多，要求更多。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqvmF0nI6S7
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL8LSfaIQqt
缺失愛，索求愛。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjaMxAwTnTY
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQyNTz7iM85
變本加厲。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfpD73R5Rnd
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMT3ga9gWd
理所當然。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjSUeAmbtX
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6iyrML1cTB
社工說疫情險峻，求助人數激增，難以經常前來探望我。我埋怨她不關心我。她解釋說機構人手資源有限，無法重點照顧我一人。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3eZzvmgtSU
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0EXa9Uqru
她離開。我撒野：「你偽善！快走！別來！我憎恨你！永遠！」382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt47KEt7G1V
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEscpunVL6
沒有永遠的愛。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Ch4zSJpGM
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLADuLgUGsy
缺失愛，索求愛。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqoNmcy0vJu
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWZsVvqxzk
鳳姐索價三百元。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVek8KK9We1
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9askB5UaGn
她有眼前利益，我有當刻快感。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ26YejQNSXx
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4dh2PK1rS
完事。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6M9iuDz9z
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBJUIW0srP
一切歸空。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNWl4Ewvkn6
382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1emLj684Pq
理所當然。382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5iozAID32
題解：
四：四次
嚎：嚎叫、嚎哭。這裡借代情緒激動時的話語。
永：永遠
憎：憎恨
你：你
註：此篇將會收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》。
ns216.73.216.239da2
