真人真事師生戀《最接近的陌生距離》 - 第五十三章之一

「噫——！」

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我狠狠咬實自己手背，好驚激動嘅喊聲會嘈醒Miss！

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原來⋯⋯原來呢半個月⋯⋯我胡思亂想咗半個月呀！Miss 一直冇變！佢一直都係⋯⋯啊——！我呢個死蠢！

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換言之，盈盈唔只要面對生活種種嘅問題！佢仲要食埋我啲細路仔脾氣！諗起佢嘅痛苦，就令我喊咗幾聲，見Miss皺住眉轉身，面對住我側睡⋯⋯

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「⋯⋯我好想陪你⋯⋯對唔住⋯⋯」

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「⋯⋯對唔住⋯⋯我打你係唔啱⋯⋯對唔住⋯⋯」

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「⋯⋯低B仔⋯⋯對唔住呀⋯⋯」

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Miss邊夢邊喊，枕頭上留低咗淚印。望見佢咁，我真係忍唔住想大喊出嚟！我好怕係我嘈到佢，於是連忙走返出廳，小心翼翼地閂埋房門。

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「我真係蠢到不得了！」我依住門前，輕聲自責。

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剎那間我將好多片段都串埋一齊，我記起喺「空中花園」嗰日，我仲鬧佢只係關心自己。我被佢飛係抵死架！

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慚愧、自責、痛⋯⋯一切一切難以言喻搵嘅感覺盤據喺心間！如果佢好絕咁分手，我可能會好過啲。但係⋯⋯盈盈原來仲係愛我！

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我唔知仲有冇挽救到，但而家機會喺眼前，唔好好把握的話我一定會後悔！

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今晚要照顧好Miss先，我將電話較到靜音，然後去咗廚房睇下有咩可以煮比Miss食。

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Miss屋企有一個開放式廚房，入面有咩嘢食真係一目了然。身為地獄廚神嘅佢，除咗少少米，就冇新鮮食材。睇佢廚房嘅垃圾桶都知，佢一直都係食毫無營養嘅叮叮飯同埋乳酪。佢有時會怕肥，唔敢食叮叮飯，所以食乳酪當一餐⋯⋯咁樣實捱病啦！

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垃圾桶已經好滿，旁邊有幾袋包好咗嘅垃圾。於是我決定清理好啲垃圾後，就落街買啲食材返嚟煮比Miss食。

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身上啲錢唔多，只係買咗瘦肉返嚟。此時我已經煲緊水、浸好米、瘦肉都簡單醃好。水已經沸騰，白米喺沸水中隨水載浮載沉。我輕輕攪拌鍋底，心怕會唔小心煲燶粥。此時我個懷好忐忑，唔知Miss起身就見到我會有咩反應，我亦唔知要點樣同佢講嘢好。

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望住鍋粥，寧靜嘅環境令我好易回憶呢半個月發生嘅事。Miss話分開冷靜下，其實等於宣布分手。當時我唔明白，亦唔甘心，點解佢咁輕易地放棄我地呢段已經被世人所唔接受嘅師生戀。但而家我終於明白，睇到佢飯桌上一大堆嘢，我根本幫唔到佢之餘，我係完全冇體貼過佢嘅感受同處境。

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米已開花，粥已經煲得好綿滑，陣陣粥香充斥住整間屋。我將瘦肉鋪喺綿滑嘅粥上面燙熟，令香味提升到另一個層次。

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可是我內心嘅慚愧令我動作有所遲緩，剎那間我唔知一陣要點面對Miss。所以我決定煲好粥後走人，但係此時我聽到身後——

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「咦？！」

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我一怔！再回頭一望，見到一面病容嘅Miss依喺門邊，表情好難以置信，懷疑自己係咪發緊夢。佢抖著嘴巴，好似想講啲嘢，但又唔知講啲咩。惟一可以知嘅係，佢好驚訝我上咗嚟。

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老實講，我都一樣。當我見到Miss時，我腦中空白一片，只剩低心痛同慚愧。我同Miss彼此對望良久，直至我聞到有少少燶味時，我先回神，嗌咗聲：「大鑊！」

方寸大亂嘅我連忙熄火！點知原來係電磁爐，搞到我更加慌張，仲——「哎呀——！」唔小心掂到鍋邊辣親。

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「等我嚟呀。」Miss已經上前熄咗火：「有冇事呀？」

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然而煲粥仲滾緊，啲燶味比頭先濃咗少少。我手按被辣親嘅痛處，望住煲粥好可惜咁講：「唉！燶咗底！」

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然後唔好意思咁望返Miss。Miss本來複雜嘅表情有一絲微笑，就話：「唔緊要呀。上次我都差啲燒咗你個廚房啦。」

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「頭先煲得好靚架。唉⋯⋯就係嗰一秒，差嗰一秒。」本來同Miss傾返計係一件好事，但執著食物質素嘅我總不禁要自責一番。

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「點呀，仲痛唔痛呀？」Miss捉住我辣親嘅手，仔細咁睇，話：「沖咗凍水先啦。」

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「嗯。」我連忙照Miss說話做。而佢亦都拎咗煲粥去飯枱度。我邊沖凍水邊講：「Miss Wong，唔好食啦。燶咗底呀，唔健康架。」

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「唔緊要啦。唔通要你再煮咩。」佢食咗啖粥，雙眼不禁睜大，一面滿足咁講：「嗯！都仲好好食喎！」然後佢又食多幾啖。

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「嗯⋯⋯你唔係話唔想食粥架咩？」

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「有咩？幾時呀？」Miss一面茫然，好認真咁諗緊自己有冇講過呢句說話。

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其實我想答係佢發開口夢時講，但諗諗吓都係算，默默地幫Miss執屋算。雖然剛才簡單嘅對話令氣氛緩和唔少，但我地半個月以嚟所發生嘅事卻令我唔知點樣同佢開口。

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或者⋯⋯大家都唔好再提？

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咁⋯⋯我同Miss嘅關係會點？冇人挽留，最終會無疾而終。

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Miss呢個星期應該病到七彩，雖然佢個廳仲好齊整，但佢睡房就好亂（估計佢病到出唔到客廳）。唉！咁點養病呀？所以我打算執一執Miss個睡房。點知一入去，我就見一樣好令我注意嘅野——書枱，正正係之前喺「宜家」佢想買嗰一張。即係話佢預咗我喺呢個考試期間會喺佢屋企溫書？！剎那間我情緒複雜起嚟！

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「你肚餓未呀？」Miss嘅叫聲令我回個神嚟。我應聲一望，見佢表情有啲腼腆，微笑地說：「不如一齊食呀，我驚你餓親呀。」

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「嗯。」

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我點頭，行埋去時Miss已經幫我𢳂咗碗粥。我地彼此點頭，笑一笑就各自食嘢。

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我心思意念不斷被種種新發現嘅事情所衝擊，我知道事情正如李Sir所講：「唔係你諗得咁複雜，亦唔係你諗得咁簡單。」喺我回神之時，Miss已眼定定咁望住我。

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「做咩呀？」我淡然咁問。

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「嗯⋯⋯係李Sir叫你嚟架？」Miss望住碗粥，輕輕攪拌，眼神好唔自然。

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「係呀⋯⋯佢送我過嚟。」

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「嗯。」

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對話結束，空氣凝結，只聽到匙羹同碗碰撞嘅聲音。呢種沉默令我地都感覺好唔自在。

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「Miss Wong！」「阿匡！」

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唔自在到令我地同一時間想打破沉默，一同叫咗大家一聲。

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「你先⋯⋯」Miss禮貌咁點頭。

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「你冇事嘛？你成個星期冇返學，我仲以為你辭職。你病咗成個星期？」

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「嗯，係呀我病咗。重感冒同埋腸胃炎。」

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「其實我都估到大概嘅。」

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「你又知？」

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「我由開學時已經知你忙到飯都冇得食啦。你放學練朗誦嗰次呀，仲拎住盒未食過嘅飯呀，實變壞晒啦。」講講下，我唔經唔覺變到同佢說教咁。

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「你話你放學嚟搵我嗰次？唉，我估係嗰次食咗盒飯已經中咗啲菌。然後今個星期抵抗力差咗，啲病一次過發晒出嚟囉。」

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「嘿！」

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「哼！人地病咗你仲笑！」

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「頭先我幫你清廚房啲垃圾時，唔係叮叮飯就係乳酪。病咗仲食呢啲！唔重病就奇啦」

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Miss被我教訓後就鼓起個腮，十足細路女咁，就邊攪拌碗粥邊講：「咩喎！咁我真係好憎食粥呀嘛！不過⋯⋯」Miss一面欲言又止，最後只好微笑搖頭，話：「呢煲粥⋯⋯好好食。多謝。」我知道呢句並唔係佢心底嘅說話。我同佢之間有好多嘢想講，卻又唔知點講出口。

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「嗯，你鍾意就得。」

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Miss繼續微笑地講：「其實我未食過真正屋企煲嘅粥。你媽咪真係好識教你。」

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「你媽咪冇煲過粥比你咩？」

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「我媽咪都係老師，平時工作好忙。所以都係菲傭照顧我同細佬。」Miss忽然苦笑，似乎記起啲搞笑又難忘嘅經歷：「菲傭識煮中菜，但唯獨煲粥就好恐怖啦！」

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「哈哈⋯⋯佢煲成點架？」

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「我細個病咗，媽咪話食田雞粥會好啲。叫菲傭姐姐煲。點知⋯⋯」Miss搖晒頭，打咗個冷震：「佢原隻冇剝皮就咁拎咗去煲囉！」

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「哇——！」我即刻想嘔：「咁難怪你咁唔想食粥啦！」

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「係呀！所以我係好驚食粥架！不過呢一煲粥⋯⋯」Miss𢳂起一羹，對我笑說：「真係好好食。」然後，佢好滿足咁食多幾啖粥。佢表現話我知，呢煲粥唔只好食咁簡單。

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Miss頭先提起自己嘅趣事，的確令氣氛緩和咗。但好快我地又沉默起嚟，只剩下𢳂粥嘅聲音。

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「係呢⋯⋯」Miss打破沉默，依然微笑咁講：「你今次考試有冇盡力呀？」

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「嗯，有呀。我第一次考試冇交白卷呀。」

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「吓？咁架咋？」Miss瞪一瞪眼，感覺佢即刻變返我班主任：「唔交白卷係應該架喎！唉⋯⋯你想唔想知你閱讀理解考成點呀？」

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我嚇呆咗，冇諗過Miss會揀呢個時候同我傾成績。我驚到呆晒望住佢，好似以前上佢堂做錯嘢咁，好怕比佢鬧。Miss慢慢放低個匙羹，兩手交疊喺枱上面，坐直咗個人，成個氣勢變返教室入面嗰個女王大人！然後過咗幾秒⋯⋯

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「嘻⋯⋯」Miss笑咗，而且係嗰種整蠱到人嘅嘲笑。佢笑到掩埋個嘴，話：「你考得好好呀。」

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「真係？！」

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「嗯！班入面頭十以內啦！」

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「吓！真係架？！我以前尾十就有！」

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「係呀！不過唔好開心得咁快呀。仲有其他科架。」Miss叮囑住，一面安慰咁講：「嗯⋯⋯我好開心你進步咗好多！」

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「係呀，應承你嘅嘢就一定要做到。」

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Miss怔一怔，睇嚟被我說話觸動到。眼神閃過一絲複雜嘅神情，似有千言萬語。然而佢卻唔自然咁笑，點一點頭就話：「做咩呀？你好驚我咩？頭先望你一眼之嘛你就驚成咁。我真係咁得人驚咩？」

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「咁你初初嚟教書嗰時真係好惡嘛。不過其實⋯⋯」我想同佢一直講笑，但我底卻叫我唔好咁做。我漸漸收起笑容，一面難受咁講：「其實我最驚係你唔再當我係一回事。」

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時間停止，空氣凝結，我地再一次沉默起嚟，或者我地都好想搵時機去講感情問題。但係氣氛愈沉默，就愈令我地唔敢去開口。

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「我⋯⋯去洗碗先。」我拎走我嘅碗同食晒粥嘅煲去廚房。

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氣氛再一次變得冰冷，任我地點扮作自然去閒談，彼此心中嘅矛盾都總會令我地扮唔到落去。

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我唔去提，佢亦唔傾，不如簡單啲慢慢掉淡⋯⋯然後我地嘅關係就真係慢慢地終結⋯⋯

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「啊？」我叫咗一聲。Miss突然從後攬住我條腰！

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第五十三章之一

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