坐在養母娘家的客廳裡,藤椅微微吱吱作響。40Please respect copyright.PENANAHwwTd0Ub9B
40Please respect copyright.PENANAQnzDrmivpl
我的膝上攤著一本泛黃的詩集。40Please respect copyright.PENANAsax6jLiW0N
40Please respect copyright.PENANAWUBclZHycs
窗外,秋風吹得樹葉沙沙作響。40Please respect copyright.PENANA6ppsea54UL
40Please respect copyright.PENANAhW2bJ5ySd7
我的手指無意識地翻動書頁,卻怎麼也讀不進那些詩句。40Please respect copyright.PENANAsYDoBzDILb
40Please respect copyright.PENANAOI2fd8yHoF
養母走過來,手裡捧著一盤剛削好的蘋果。她臉上帶著溫柔的笑,將果盤放在茶几上,輕聲說:「思穎,食生果啦!適應咗婆婆屋企未?」40Please respect copyright.PENANAmak3Nq59D2
40Please respect copyright.PENANALsdK2kuqLz
我抬起頭,長髮滑過肩頭,連衣裙勾勒出我單薄的身形。40Please respect copyright.PENANAla1udPiRKT
40Please respect copyright.PENANAChJg8y8hCz
我擠出一個笑容,乖巧地回道:「唔該媽咪,我適應咗喇!」40Please respect copyright.PENANA8QJClmuFVU
40Please respect copyright.PENANAwp5WI0zyQI
我接過一片蘋果,低頭咬了一小口,汁液順著唇角滑落。40Please respect copyright.PENANA3J7UdYNDiS
40Please respect copyright.PENANAg3JlOiagdk
婆婆家不大,卻掛滿了舊照。那些黑白照片佈滿牆壁,像是在訴說家族的過往。每當我走過,看見那些泛黃的面孔,心中總湧起一股莫名的惆悵。40Please respect copyright.PENANAu6AgMk2h0O
40Please respect copyright.PENANA55J7c974if
我多想融入這個家,成為照片裡的一部分,可我根本不是養母親生的。那些照片將我隔在外面。40Please respect copyright.PENANAtzBSvyz1JG
40Please respect copyright.PENANAZ1yD26UH53
養母坐在我身旁,輕輕拍著我的手,說:「你爹哋當年對你唔住,或者你會有心結。但而家,你係我個女,我會好好鍚你。」她的話,很溫暖,可我的手指卻微微一顫,蘋果差點從手中滑落。40Please respect copyright.PENANA1bJ4ayIuNM
40Please respect copyright.PENANA2U3JifMBeG
我垂下眼簾,長睫掩住眼中的波瀾。40Please respect copyright.PENANAR7hkYQQFh4
40Please respect copyright.PENANAcqp22sv17w
那個男人,本來是我的校長,曾用權力與慾望將我拖入深淵。我屈服過,甚至在藥物與羞辱中迷失過。如今,他卻是我的「父親」,那些不堪的記憶就好比毒藤,纏繞著我的心。40Please respect copyright.PENANAscSmBvczsx
40Please respect copyright.PENANA0YBXMwqcyC
「媽咪……」我輕聲開口,聲音顫抖得幾乎聽不見︰「如果我做咗好壞嘅事,你會唔會……原諒我?」40Please respect copyright.PENANA6d9NnoAMCt
40Please respect copyright.PENANAalQWe7RWym
養母愣了一下,隨即握緊我的手,眼裡滿是疼愛:「傻豬嚟嘅,你係我個寶貝女,有咩事我都會陪你。」40Please respect copyright.PENANAfaWABgRBVY
40Please respect copyright.PENANAnnM3n9EWaf
我多想坦白,告訴她我和父親之間已經亂倫了,可是一想到她可能崩潰的模樣,我只能咬緊唇,將真相吞回腹中。40Please respect copyright.PENANABgdh0vHmQ1
40Please respect copyright.PENANAYETEeSLbrB
「其實……爸……都唔係咁壞,因為係佢主動搵返我。」我勉強擠出這句話,試圖為他辯解。40Please respect copyright.PENANAMYNmmJrKYZ
40Please respect copyright.PENANArRvptgf2v4
養母點點頭,微笑著說:「我知道佢唔係咁壞,佢有主動搵你。只係………」她沉默了一會兒,又道︰「只係一直以嚟我都以為自己好了解佢,以為佢係個好男人好老公。」40Please respect copyright.PENANAoy4jCoxsoe
40Please respect copyright.PENANAFtx10HPXDP
養母又道︰「我根本接受唔到他之前竟然搞過學生,仲唔知個學生生咗個女。」40Please respect copyright.PENANAUdOTaxoCbH
40Please respect copyright.PENANA9fODjOnTn8
我知道他的「好」有多虛假。40Please respect copyright.PENANACLjpCH1hpo
40Please respect copyright.PENANAWLiRxxDmwN
養母的眼濕了。40Please respect copyright.PENANAHHpwuwqeCe
40Please respect copyright.PENANA697j6Te8DN
「媽咪,我都係去廚房幫婆婆啦!佢嘅事,遲下再算啦!」我站起身,走向廚房幫忙。40Please respect copyright.PENANAVFeXAMODp2
40Please respect copyright.PENANAcmoK3K8Nmk
婆婆正在準備晚餐,見我進來廚房,笑著說:「思穎,你真係乖,嚟幫婆婆手啦?」40Please respect copyright.PENANArXjmwRoECd
40Please respect copyright.PENANAfBrGiQLzOZ
我點頭,接過她遞來的菜刀,開始切菜。動作機械而熟練,可心思卻亂成一團。40Please respect copyright.PENANAJuQwQhYjE4
40Please respect copyright.PENANAVdl37ynUnG
婆婆一邊忙碌,一邊聊起養母小時候的事。40Please respect copyright.PENANAdoJJYQc3UR
40Please respect copyright.PENANANvulaOzuYl
「你媽咪細個都好苦,我哋家又窮,死老嘢又唔要我哋,你媽咪佢呀!係靠自己努力,先考上大學,讀醫生科呀!」婆婆的聲音帶著自豪︰「唔陣時呀!你媽咪佢每日起早貪黑,慳得就慳,就係為咗有個好前途,然後年紀輕輕,就入醫院工作,遇上你阿爸,就係早幾年前嘅事。」我聽著,心中五味雜陳。40Please respect copyright.PENANAhfud9mf0ak
40Please respect copyright.PENANAOdd1DCUM0L
我好像玷污了這個家,和父親有了那樣的關係,我簡直玷污了養母的堅韌。40Please respect copyright.PENANA1tH2rZk4C7
40Please respect copyright.PENANA9i6NbJfQt4
切菜的手不小心慢了下來,婆婆關切地問:「哎呀思穎,你冇嘢嘛?係咪切親手仔呀?你臉色唔太好嘅?」40Please respect copyright.PENANA1TfXn3jZji
40Please respect copyright.PENANASs2kk9WQ3p
我搖搖頭,勉強笑道:「冇事,婆婆,可能我有少少攰啫。」我不敢看她的眼睛。40Please respect copyright.PENANAw1urISobwZ
40Please respect copyright.PENANAdl0jrz8DKb
晚餐時,我坐在養母和婆婆中間,桌上擺著簡單卻溫暖的菜餚。40Please respect copyright.PENANAITfODLksYJ
40Please respect copyright.PENANAtigNRliSxF
養母夾了一塊很大的魚給我,柔聲說:「食多啲,你太瘦喇。」40Please respect copyright.PENANALVvqhDG2HH
40Please respect copyright.PENANAn7TsEQpOwr
我點頭,低頭對著自己的雙乳吃著,心卻像被石頭壓著。40Please respect copyright.PENANAJRASz0Xy3m
40Please respect copyright.PENANAUy2r1SP4rY
飯後,我主動收拾碗筷,養母想幫忙,我卻堅持說:「媽咪,你去休息下啦!呢度交畀我得喇!」她看著我,眼中滿是欣慰:「你真是個好孩子。」40Please respect copyright.PENANAVP8gfxqLC6
40Please respect copyright.PENANAR5heLJJm9z
我多想做個乖巧的女兒,可每次我想靠近她們,那份罪惡感就把我拉回深淵。40Please respect copyright.PENANAlLOAQqNS8Q
40Please respect copyright.PENANAoBnqZOPpYF
第二天,我又主動幫婆婆打掃客廳。40Please respect copyright.PENANAzA0g3JmTUk
40Please respect copyright.PENANAn9N3SLqQFv
擦拭那些舊照時,我的手指不小心碰到一張養母與父親結婚時的照片。只有二十五歲的養母,與差不多四十歲的父親。年齡差,沒有令她笑得不那麼燦爛,反而幸福地笑著,像是從未被荒謬壓垮過。40Please respect copyright.PENANA1oJUYhr3A7
40Please respect copyright.PENANAPFm0aRJBd3
我停下來,盯著照片看了許久,心裡默默想:如果她知道真相,還會不會這樣笑?40Please respect copyright.PENANA9DmXOArX2Y
40Please respect copyright.PENANAOCVZ0EmjTe
「思穎,你真係好細心。」養母誇我時,我低著頭不敢看她,只小聲說:「應該嘅。」我越是努力扮演乖巧的角色,內心的掙扎就越深。40Please respect copyright.PENANAjjybVsIO9b
40Please respect copyright.PENANARXfWp45EJA
我知道自己是在贖罪,可這贖罪卻像個無底洞,怎麼也填不滿。40Please respect copyright.PENANAgAcjElIkJq
40Please respect copyright.PENANARw1uBdYbjP
那些不堪的記憶總在這時湧上來。40Please respect copyright.PENANA1epQDSIEE1
40Please respect copyright.PENANA0LccFTypV8
父親的眼神、他的觸碰、還有我自己的沉默。40Please respect copyright.PENANAjQ7qCl4onD
40Please respect copyright.PENANAjtfqJZ2mTj
有時,我會低聲問自己:「我仲可以扮幾耐?」可一想到養母溫柔的笑,我又告訴自己:「再忍忍!只要時間一過,一切都會回復正常了,為咗媽咪,為咗呢頭家。」40Please respect copyright.PENANAOYkKSGtnfB
40Please respect copyright.PENANAMI5IBdaeQE
我多希望有一天,能真正放下這一切。40Please respect copyright.PENANAsKz4Q72rzb
40Please respect copyright.PENANAflPkNXVDoy
可我知道,只要父親還在,只要那個秘密還在,我就永遠走不出這片陰影。這是我的掙扎,也是我選擇的路。只要用乖巧,就能掩蓋罪惡。只要用沉默,就能換取安寧。40Please respect copyright.PENANAr7jnwrq3WF
40Please respect copyright.PENANACBGAY53wzq
但真的可以嗎?40Please respect copyright.PENANA21YRBBD9pH
40Please respect copyright.PENANAKu8HLbgUF9
我一回到學校,校園的喧囂與熟悉的氣息原本是可以帶來一絲安寧,然而每日都有一陣無形的風,將我內心深處吹得更加洶湧。40Please respect copyright.PENANAD2b6UMInzV
40Please respect copyright.PENANATJ8NDNGHWb
我拖著沉重的步伐,走在長長的走廊上,手緊緊握住書包帶,指節因用力而泛白。40Please respect copyright.PENANA9j3sS9LAFN
40Please respect copyright.PENANAKGsqktmkyU
遠處,是校長,我的父親,正站在校長室門口,身影高大而挺拔,與一位教師低聲交談。40Please respect copyright.PENANAPRM2VUohoc
40Please respect copyright.PENANA3gc4XxgZON
父親的側臉被午後的陽光勾勒得柔和,卻又散發出一種令人無法忽視的威嚴。40Please respect copyright.PENANAd2JkiRGLoP
40Please respect copyright.PENANAWtgipdH4Ds
那一刻,我的腳步停住了,心跳如同擂鼓般在胸腔內瘋狂跳動。40Please respect copyright.PENANA9DmbmJRnPe
40Please respect copyright.PENANApPnmWIAcpS
我不能停下來,因為今天我要跟父親一起早會,於是我強行抑壓著內心的躁動,慢慢走向他們。40Please respect copyright.PENANAVMy82YVczT
40Please respect copyright.PENANA3qZtZnqN5A
一步一步走向他們,內心的感覺越是怪異,猶如一團亂麻在胸口翻滾。40Please respect copyright.PENANAQV5hNWSqpf
40Please respect copyright.PENANAYLY1mh4wvi
我緊咬下唇,牙齒幾乎嵌入柔軟的唇肉,目光不由自主地停留在他身上,眼底閃過一絲痛苦而扭曲的光芒。與此同時,一股異樣的熱流從小腹緩緩升起,沿著神經蔓延至下身。40Please respect copyright.PENANANgnvCuvFdX
40Please respect copyright.PENANA1YcIk1hhHQ
我感到私處微微發癢,內褲下隱秘的肉褶邊似乎已被一絲濕意浸透。走路的我,雙腿不自覺地收緊起來,試圖壓抑這羞恥的感覺。可越是抗拒,那股熱流越發洶湧,彷彿被一隻無形的手緊緊攫住陰道,把淫水從穴中攫出來。40Please respect copyright.PENANAXB9UqblDoS
40Please respect copyright.PENANAun8aeGirMX
那位教師瞥見我走近,轉過身來,朝我揮了揮手:「思穎,你終於返嚟啦?」他朝我笑了笑,繼續說道:「我們正在聊早會的事,你來跟校長談談吧!我得回教員室了。」40Please respect copyright.PENANAg4DOVINLEh
40Please respect copyright.PENANAM4E8sMUBYH
他話音剛落,便轉身離開,只剩下我和父親獨處。40Please respect copyright.PENANA5q6NPNtVA9
40Please respect copyright.PENANAFGjUQ8CBeU
空氣瞬間變得濃稠,彷彿被某種無形的慾望填滿,讓我幾乎喘不過氣。40Please respect copyright.PENANAXWkrWOSCh1
40Please respect copyright.PENANA2mGvvG3wHW
「思穎,最近點……屋企嗰邊……?」父親的聲音帶著一絲試探,像是在撫摸我的神經。40Please respect copyright.PENANAi5DbdAlrru
40Please respect copyright.PENANAyrwfCDD1yo
我咬了咬唇,冷冷地回道:「嗯,幾好。講返早會先!」40Please respect copyright.PENANAHbyucDPJsp
40Please respect copyright.PENANA3BjYT4Mj24
父親點了點頭,從西裝口袋裡掏出一疊稿紙,緩緩向我靠近。當他停在我身旁時,我聞到了他身上那股熟悉的體味,直接鑽進我的鼻腔,勾起我深埋的記憶。40Please respect copyright.PENANAsM8eDez1l7
40Please respect copyright.PENANAa2ZkUqvdgF
我的下身突然湧起更強烈的癢意,像是有什麼在裡面緩緩甦醒,溫熱而潮濕。40Please respect copyright.PENANAUbCvh4iJ6Z
40Please respect copyright.PENANALJ9v6bGaxh
「我睇咗你份稿。」父親說道︰「有啲地方,我覺得可以再改得吸引啲。」40Please respect copyright.PENANAhzUKNzHoU7
40Please respect copyright.PENANAb2Y2mPhQ1i
他靠得更近,近到我能感受到他身上散發的熱氣,包裹著我。他的手臂在翻動稿紙時,不經意地擦過我的手背,粗壯的觸感像一道電流,瞬間竄遍全身。40Please respect copyright.PENANAZDcd54igAL
40Please respect copyright.PENANAJ1wHYLh4nC
我渾身一顫,幾乎要從喉嚨裡溢出一聲低吟,但我硬生生咬住下唇,把那羞恥的聲音吞了回去。40Please respect copyright.PENANAI2q3N7S0SQ
40Please respect copyright.PENANALWXiy88W1T
我想退開,卻發現腿軟得像是被抽乾了力氣,只能任由他侵入我的空間。40Please respect copyright.PENANAsBul4KVjqb
40Please respect copyright.PENANA0VFr9Brz1y
「呢度。」父親忽然微微俯下身,嘴唇幾乎貼著我的耳廓,熱氣噴灑在我的耳垂上,燙得我耳根發麻。40Please respect copyright.PENANAenXMh4ZKZb
40Please respect copyright.PENANAX85ukmKDoJ
他的指尖慢條斯理地滑過稿紙上的某一行字,動作輕柔得像是撫摸我的肌膚︰「呢段太單調太冇癮……不如加啲令人沉淪嘅味道?」40Please respect copyright.PENANAEN0K12nZzB
40Please respect copyright.PENANAm3ZBNkj5JZ
讓人沉淪的味道?40Please respect copyright.PENANAdiZpyz8MqE
40Please respect copyright.PENANA30VUrsWgDE
我愣住片刻,才驚覺自己將「令人沉淪嘅味道」聽成了這誘惑至極的詞。他的目光微微一閃,像是在暗中品嚐我的失神。40Please respect copyright.PENANAAdIzVXLvnR
40Please respect copyright.PENANAaEfc0wmiQH
「你知唔知?」他繼續說︰「太直白只會令人覺得單調,如果開頭隱藏多少少嘢,後面反而會更加之有趣。」40Please respect copyright.PENANASR8M8QJ4nT
40Please respect copyright.PENANAMSYdmm6aO2
他的手指輕輕按在稿紙上,卻彷彿按住了我的脈搏。40Please respect copyright.PENANA5yiQ6a4u7b
40Please respect copyright.PENANAxG0GHBA6XZ
「不過思穎你可以更大膽。」他的唇角勾起一抹的弧度。40Please respect copyright.PENANAWKAl2RHPbz
40Please respect copyright.PENANATl91Tj2mel
「我……我可以大膽啲。」我勉強開口,聲音卻顫得支離破碎,暴露了我掩不住的慌亂。40Please respect copyright.PENANA77YBWmeLQp
40Please respect copyright.PENANAYF1fowCh2R
「好。」輕笑一聲︰「但最好嘅方式,係俾聽眾感受到你嘅熱情。」40Please respect copyright.PENANATeTkoO1OR1
40Please respect copyright.PENANAEhX7fmCcqK
他的語氣曖昧至極,字面上的建議卻藏著更深的暗示。40Please respect copyright.PENANA0mrDcrgr37
40Please respect copyright.PENANAN7zVdUOkIh
我的腦子已經一片混亂。他的手指停在紙上,指腹微微摩挲著紙面,那細微的沙沙聲在我耳邊放大,挑逗著我的每一根神經。40Please respect copyright.PENANAcEjZ5gnoqt
40Please respect copyright.PENANAlscFlOCWrd
「你覺得呢,思穎?」父親直直地盯著我。40Please respect copyright.PENANA8Mf4ceCR26
40Please respect copyright.PENANAC8KCQwZB7f
我嚥了口唾沫:「我覺得可以。」我根本沒聽清他在說什麼。40Please respect copyright.PENANAuKWF9zhfv7
40Please respect copyright.PENANA2T3hstoK19
父親笑了︰「好好。」手掌忽然覆上我的肩膀,指尖隔著薄薄的校服布料輕輕按壓︰「咁我返去先!」40Please respect copyright.PENANAOglVeipCVU
40Please respect copyright.PENANAYh79sGSLgv
父親的手只是停在肩膀一刻,很快就抽開。可那溫熱的觸感卻如烙鐵一樣,一直燙進我的皮膚。內褲的布料緊貼著敏感的穴口,每一次輕微的觸感,都讓我忍不住想扭動腰肢。40Please respect copyright.PENANAUFS44GzGXw
40Please respect copyright.PENANArwkkNcDBMe
「我究竟咩事?」40Please respect copyright.PENANAFk3j2L5UNZ
40Please respect copyright.PENANA9kLteiWQhI
「爸……」我終於從喉嚨深處硬擠出聲音來。40Please respect copyright.PENANAldIOiElbOI
40Please respect copyright.PENANAJCvTojYot5
父親看了看周圍︰「做咩?」40Please respect copyright.PENANAg2xRad4isW
40Please respect copyright.PENANA2iQYjTZwQF
我沒有回應,只是迅速垂下頭,長髮如瀑布般遮住臉頰,試圖掩蓋自己的失語。然而身體的每一寸都在背叛我。乳尖已經在薄薄的校服下悄然挺立,磨擦著內衣的蕾絲邊緣,帶來陣陣酥麻的感覺。我的手指無意識地攥緊裙角,指尖幾乎要撕裂那薄薄的布料。40Please respect copyright.PENANA6IhfQQy4Bk
40Please respect copyright.PENANAD7NBE4NqIE
「冇。」我冷冷回道。40Please respect copyright.PENANAzNUNhwwgeK
40Please respect copyright.PENANA4d8tXKUtwO
腦海中,那些不堪的畫面如潮水般湧現。40Please respect copyright.PENANA3K4IFRL8sK
40Please respect copyright.PENANAxlMjsVnsR3
父親挑了挑眉︰「好啦!就咁啦!」他說,聲音是平日的威嚴︰「然後喺學校唔好叫我爸!然後快啲改好個稿,一陣間早會講。」40Please respect copyright.PENANANlWvHjKUCc
40Please respect copyright.PENANA2k2iNGOlVx
我點點頭,然後抓起書包離開。40Please respect copyright.PENANAj5DYIbgG84
40Please respect copyright.PENANAsTxH4kOgq4
到樓梯口時,我幾乎是踉蹌著靠在牆上,大口喘息,雙腿間的濕意讓我羞恥得想哭,可那股騷動的渴望卻怎麼也壓不下去,就算是自慰也解決不了。40Please respect copyright.PENANAP8Q859HJR9
40Please respect copyright.PENANAICTMbc9oVd
我走到廁所,拉起校裙,拉起灰色的內褲,才發現蓋著小穴的那片,全都濕了。40Please respect copyright.PENANAlxujP5sAux
40Please respect copyright.PENANANTDQs9iwWJ
數日後,這股騷動開始在校園中尋找到新的出口,好像要以更危險的刺激來填補內心的空虛。40Please respect copyright.PENANArLr3KYjwXz
40Please respect copyright.PENANAQW2AzIhhGr
【未完待續】