坐在養母娘家的客廳裡,藤椅微微吱吱作響。85Please respect copyright.PENANAakWvCcOyIp
85Please respect copyright.PENANAhiv83OWhbA
我的膝上攤著一本泛黃的詩集。85Please respect copyright.PENANAr6eYXnBjOq
85Please respect copyright.PENANAdLaUpeIHKP
窗外,秋風吹得樹葉沙沙作響。85Please respect copyright.PENANA3Qz1LSbXqd
85Please respect copyright.PENANAv8mGFxO14t
我的手指無意識地翻動書頁,卻怎麼也讀不進那些詩句。85Please respect copyright.PENANAV3LC2aUyN9
85Please respect copyright.PENANAgch6hhqSLM
養母走過來,手裡捧著一盤剛削好的蘋果。她臉上帶著溫柔的笑,將果盤放在茶几上,輕聲說:「思穎,食生果啦!適應咗婆婆屋企未?」85Please respect copyright.PENANAbAyYPOsqq6
85Please respect copyright.PENANAxxCydh27Qa
我抬起頭,長髮滑過肩頭,連衣裙勾勒出我單薄的身形。85Please respect copyright.PENANASdFBbP6CW6
85Please respect copyright.PENANA94cHveQA4O
我擠出一個笑容,乖巧地回道:「唔該媽咪,我適應咗喇!」85Please respect copyright.PENANAU69IsVpz9c
85Please respect copyright.PENANAb535CuJi8K
我接過一片蘋果,低頭咬了一小口,汁液順著唇角滑落。85Please respect copyright.PENANANgZRtAmzC2
85Please respect copyright.PENANA4ZEWQCRQrh
婆婆家不大,卻掛滿了舊照。那些黑白照片佈滿牆壁,像是在訴說家族的過往。每當我走過,看見那些泛黃的面孔,心中總湧起一股莫名的惆悵。85Please respect copyright.PENANAYXGFNw70rN
85Please respect copyright.PENANAWwV6FltQoo
我多想融入這個家,成為照片裡的一部分,可我根本不是養母親生的。那些照片將我隔在外面。85Please respect copyright.PENANAm81Dcw2003
85Please respect copyright.PENANA34mA1PcRK5
養母坐在我身旁,輕輕拍著我的手,說:「你爹哋當年對你唔住,或者你會有心結。但而家,你係我個女,我會好好鍚你。」她的話,很溫暖,可我的手指卻微微一顫,蘋果差點從手中滑落。85Please respect copyright.PENANALzkyU28Rx9
85Please respect copyright.PENANA2RZwkRzz4A
我垂下眼簾,長睫掩住眼中的波瀾。85Please respect copyright.PENANAuOygt8psiX
85Please respect copyright.PENANAw1oFIAjuMb
那個男人,本來是我的校長,曾用權力與慾望將我拖入深淵。我屈服過,甚至在藥物與羞辱中迷失過。如今,他卻是我的「父親」,那些不堪的記憶就好比毒藤,纏繞著我的心。85Please respect copyright.PENANAQoHfwL3BrW
85Please respect copyright.PENANAPoM0kP3GXU
「媽咪……」我輕聲開口,聲音顫抖得幾乎聽不見︰「如果我做咗好壞嘅事,你會唔會……原諒我?」85Please respect copyright.PENANA5SOO6C0kUL
85Please respect copyright.PENANAAwC0LyPlxa
養母愣了一下,隨即握緊我的手,眼裡滿是疼愛:「傻豬嚟嘅,你係我個寶貝女,有咩事我都會陪你。」85Please respect copyright.PENANAYFFLfvKrTc
85Please respect copyright.PENANA2yXKIhZcDN
我多想坦白,告訴她我和父親之間已經亂倫了,可是一想到她可能崩潰的模樣,我只能咬緊唇,將真相吞回腹中。85Please respect copyright.PENANAqPXqmddfs0
85Please respect copyright.PENANA7Svu1vLBFy
「其實……爸……都唔係咁壞,因為係佢主動搵返我。」我勉強擠出這句話,試圖為他辯解。85Please respect copyright.PENANArIru7vnZER
85Please respect copyright.PENANAxIFE0G7dd0
養母點點頭,微笑著說:「我知道佢唔係咁壞,佢有主動搵你。只係………」她沉默了一會兒,又道︰「只係一直以嚟我都以為自己好了解佢,以為佢係個好男人好老公。」85Please respect copyright.PENANA35dzFzLImx
85Please respect copyright.PENANAYW2FBWG8r5
養母又道︰「我根本接受唔到他之前竟然搞過學生,仲唔知個學生生咗個女。」85Please respect copyright.PENANAnbl8FB67EI
85Please respect copyright.PENANAnkB5xUCkgN
我知道他的「好」有多虛假。85Please respect copyright.PENANA43Nv52nMh0
85Please respect copyright.PENANAZaW5xePy2l
養母的眼濕了。85Please respect copyright.PENANAikFHd4B3Zb
85Please respect copyright.PENANAyz04lUI4PJ
「媽咪,我都係去廚房幫婆婆啦!佢嘅事,遲下再算啦!」我站起身,走向廚房幫忙。85Please respect copyright.PENANA7OPxRKkelz
85Please respect copyright.PENANAuRTT0dE6BV
婆婆正在準備晚餐,見我進來廚房,笑著說:「思穎,你真係乖,嚟幫婆婆手啦?」85Please respect copyright.PENANAubveiVGXrG
85Please respect copyright.PENANAa0o1UT9djN
我點頭,接過她遞來的菜刀,開始切菜。動作機械而熟練,可心思卻亂成一團。85Please respect copyright.PENANATbjiY4Wh5f
85Please respect copyright.PENANA00gixLzo5N
婆婆一邊忙碌,一邊聊起養母小時候的事。85Please respect copyright.PENANAmrTQhhRTY0
85Please respect copyright.PENANAcqwgt4wk0r
「你媽咪細個都好苦,我哋家又窮,死老嘢又唔要我哋,你媽咪佢呀!係靠自己努力,先考上大學,讀醫生科呀!」婆婆的聲音帶著自豪︰「唔陣時呀!你媽咪佢每日起早貪黑,慳得就慳,就係為咗有個好前途,然後年紀輕輕,就入醫院工作,遇上你阿爸,就係早幾年前嘅事。」我聽著,心中五味雜陳。85Please respect copyright.PENANAU8hERAWe41
85Please respect copyright.PENANAjfu9anAFKv
我好像玷污了這個家,和父親有了那樣的關係,我簡直玷污了養母的堅韌。85Please respect copyright.PENANAxwxsYDOmyj
85Please respect copyright.PENANAZrX42ZEL2y
切菜的手不小心慢了下來,婆婆關切地問:「哎呀思穎,你冇嘢嘛?係咪切親手仔呀?你臉色唔太好嘅?」85Please respect copyright.PENANA5FTxyGr7B2
85Please respect copyright.PENANAJ8RRwQC178
我搖搖頭,勉強笑道:「冇事,婆婆,可能我有少少攰啫。」我不敢看她的眼睛。85Please respect copyright.PENANAcfCQBXzgvH
85Please respect copyright.PENANAUf6AlXbmOz
晚餐時,我坐在養母和婆婆中間,桌上擺著簡單卻溫暖的菜餚。85Please respect copyright.PENANAGB9J6Sade9
85Please respect copyright.PENANAKMVrdJSGC3
養母夾了一塊很大的魚給我,柔聲說:「食多啲,你太瘦喇。」85Please respect copyright.PENANAOMeTvDFX5V
85Please respect copyright.PENANAy7EN0aqnVW
我點頭,低頭對著自己的雙乳吃著,心卻像被石頭壓著。85Please respect copyright.PENANA0FKcqXhJvN
85Please respect copyright.PENANA9ArKqEzyVR
飯後,我主動收拾碗筷,養母想幫忙,我卻堅持說:「媽咪,你去休息下啦!呢度交畀我得喇!」她看著我,眼中滿是欣慰:「你真是個好孩子。」85Please respect copyright.PENANApJt7imhYi0
85Please respect copyright.PENANAVvuVefR9aD
我多想做個乖巧的女兒,可每次我想靠近她們,那份罪惡感就把我拉回深淵。85Please respect copyright.PENANAeBwYtGPOmo
85Please respect copyright.PENANAwgpb62N9dz
第二天,我又主動幫婆婆打掃客廳。85Please respect copyright.PENANAjAgQ4foT9A
85Please respect copyright.PENANAac2yGKgCWl
擦拭那些舊照時,我的手指不小心碰到一張養母與父親結婚時的照片。只有二十五歲的養母,與差不多四十歲的父親。年齡差,沒有令她笑得不那麼燦爛,反而幸福地笑著,像是從未被荒謬壓垮過。85Please respect copyright.PENANA4iWbXXXV6y
85Please respect copyright.PENANAGilVfAgFCT
我停下來,盯著照片看了許久,心裡默默想:如果她知道真相,還會不會這樣笑?85Please respect copyright.PENANAqgwpsAHXr9
85Please respect copyright.PENANAvpfQhCEZQi
「思穎,你真係好細心。」養母誇我時,我低著頭不敢看她,只小聲說:「應該嘅。」我越是努力扮演乖巧的角色,內心的掙扎就越深。85Please respect copyright.PENANAQaBcOhJx7L
85Please respect copyright.PENANATEL6Etpgo8
我知道自己是在贖罪,可這贖罪卻像個無底洞,怎麼也填不滿。85Please respect copyright.PENANAqqAHDDOpoa
85Please respect copyright.PENANAKy1S2Pl9Ph
那些不堪的記憶總在這時湧上來。85Please respect copyright.PENANAR0S45W1Zcy
85Please respect copyright.PENANAVGIBW8xHXV
父親的眼神、他的觸碰、還有我自己的沉默。85Please respect copyright.PENANA2I9heGPzhr
85Please respect copyright.PENANAs41Hg2Mez1
有時,我會低聲問自己:「我仲可以扮幾耐?」可一想到養母溫柔的笑,我又告訴自己:「再忍忍!只要時間一過,一切都會回復正常了,為咗媽咪,為咗呢頭家。」85Please respect copyright.PENANAgH3ZOSh8Eo
85Please respect copyright.PENANAT5cEEUpV1Q
我多希望有一天,能真正放下這一切。85Please respect copyright.PENANAx4micvEWm2
85Please respect copyright.PENANA067DGn1gat
可我知道,只要父親還在,只要那個秘密還在,我就永遠走不出這片陰影。這是我的掙扎,也是我選擇的路。只要用乖巧,就能掩蓋罪惡。只要用沉默,就能換取安寧。85Please respect copyright.PENANA7vbV2FQs5r
85Please respect copyright.PENANA9mBI7LDNmL
但真的可以嗎?85Please respect copyright.PENANAfrC331odOq
85Please respect copyright.PENANAzRsA0xzgp3
我一回到學校,校園的喧囂與熟悉的氣息原本是可以帶來一絲安寧,然而每日都有一陣無形的風,將我內心深處吹得更加洶湧。85Please respect copyright.PENANA8qHInPb0gv
85Please respect copyright.PENANAVHiu9iYQA3
我拖著沉重的步伐,走在長長的走廊上,手緊緊握住書包帶,指節因用力而泛白。85Please respect copyright.PENANApIkhFT3c1B
85Please respect copyright.PENANArUQxzAahn9
遠處,是校長,我的父親,正站在校長室門口,身影高大而挺拔,與一位教師低聲交談。85Please respect copyright.PENANACeurJG5vQA
85Please respect copyright.PENANA4BRA4YQVHA
父親的側臉被午後的陽光勾勒得柔和,卻又散發出一種令人無法忽視的威嚴。85Please respect copyright.PENANAfWqxGLiR9H
85Please respect copyright.PENANAWk50RKYUVT
那一刻,我的腳步停住了,心跳如同擂鼓般在胸腔內瘋狂跳動。85Please respect copyright.PENANAqU1CUDgGE4
85Please respect copyright.PENANADs3Y3TqGSc
我不能停下來,因為今天我要跟父親一起早會,於是我強行抑壓著內心的躁動,慢慢走向他們。85Please respect copyright.PENANAt9gUEOz0VG
85Please respect copyright.PENANANF1CZj40U3
一步一步走向他們,內心的感覺越是怪異,猶如一團亂麻在胸口翻滾。85Please respect copyright.PENANAzbXDfsqcLn
85Please respect copyright.PENANAhNOlet0pSR
我緊咬下唇,牙齒幾乎嵌入柔軟的唇肉,目光不由自主地停留在他身上,眼底閃過一絲痛苦而扭曲的光芒。與此同時,一股異樣的熱流從小腹緩緩升起,沿著神經蔓延至下身。85Please respect copyright.PENANAIiCbfMp8Xu
85Please respect copyright.PENANANZCOvBR1Ky
我感到私處微微發癢,內褲下隱秘的肉褶邊似乎已被一絲濕意浸透。走路的我,雙腿不自覺地收緊起來,試圖壓抑這羞恥的感覺。可越是抗拒,那股熱流越發洶湧,彷彿被一隻無形的手緊緊攫住陰道,把淫水從穴中攫出來。85Please respect copyright.PENANA8j50M4QFQ8
85Please respect copyright.PENANA8GWxrq4VZc
那位教師瞥見我走近,轉過身來,朝我揮了揮手:「思穎,你終於返嚟啦?」他朝我笑了笑,繼續說道:「我們正在聊早會的事,你來跟校長談談吧!我得回教員室了。」85Please respect copyright.PENANAG4IRQchne0
85Please respect copyright.PENANAUUR6gANoPk
他話音剛落,便轉身離開,只剩下我和父親獨處。85Please respect copyright.PENANAhgdWg5QaBr
85Please respect copyright.PENANAMXqv42JfZU
空氣瞬間變得濃稠,彷彿被某種無形的慾望填滿,讓我幾乎喘不過氣。85Please respect copyright.PENANA8ILIPK5KgA
85Please respect copyright.PENANARRfSTdZFpn
「思穎,最近點……屋企嗰邊……?」父親的聲音帶著一絲試探,像是在撫摸我的神經。85Please respect copyright.PENANAhS28Jf9Qkq
85Please respect copyright.PENANAuZVvA72l0i
我咬了咬唇,冷冷地回道:「嗯,幾好。講返早會先!」85Please respect copyright.PENANAUTHG6fLzyf
85Please respect copyright.PENANAwfl05shTZX
父親點了點頭,從西裝口袋裡掏出一疊稿紙,緩緩向我靠近。當他停在我身旁時,我聞到了他身上那股熟悉的體味,直接鑽進我的鼻腔,勾起我深埋的記憶。85Please respect copyright.PENANAwHuSu4qeHI
85Please respect copyright.PENANAwfiYsvEblr
我的下身突然湧起更強烈的癢意,像是有什麼在裡面緩緩甦醒,溫熱而潮濕。85Please respect copyright.PENANAL29GN9qcqV
85Please respect copyright.PENANAPOiDXpCkmh
「我睇咗你份稿。」父親說道︰「有啲地方,我覺得可以再改得吸引啲。」85Please respect copyright.PENANArseQ1I5x0v
85Please respect copyright.PENANA3IISXfLoao
他靠得更近,近到我能感受到他身上散發的熱氣,包裹著我。他的手臂在翻動稿紙時,不經意地擦過我的手背,粗壯的觸感像一道電流,瞬間竄遍全身。85Please respect copyright.PENANAmYOzTT3xIw
85Please respect copyright.PENANARtLb4oai4X
我渾身一顫,幾乎要從喉嚨裡溢出一聲低吟,但我硬生生咬住下唇,把那羞恥的聲音吞了回去。85Please respect copyright.PENANAxlLJfC4kEk
85Please respect copyright.PENANA5KoilZsLwm
我想退開,卻發現腿軟得像是被抽乾了力氣,只能任由他侵入我的空間。85Please respect copyright.PENANADIavsuxnSM
85Please respect copyright.PENANAYztTmUa0Mv
「呢度。」父親忽然微微俯下身,嘴唇幾乎貼著我的耳廓,熱氣噴灑在我的耳垂上,燙得我耳根發麻。85Please respect copyright.PENANA7ojbtsSBtl
85Please respect copyright.PENANAeXo8vpTidP
他的指尖慢條斯理地滑過稿紙上的某一行字,動作輕柔得像是撫摸我的肌膚︰「呢段太單調太冇癮……不如加啲令人沉淪嘅味道?」85Please respect copyright.PENANAg5F5VbOA3m
85Please respect copyright.PENANAb1ndeg8mJk
讓人沉淪的味道?85Please respect copyright.PENANAjafup5TSkk
85Please respect copyright.PENANADjAzvunnfo
我愣住片刻,才驚覺自己將「令人沉淪嘅味道」聽成了這誘惑至極的詞。他的目光微微一閃,像是在暗中品嚐我的失神。85Please respect copyright.PENANA8qkwfVXJIp
85Please respect copyright.PENANAjT7i6M5aPW
「你知唔知?」他繼續說︰「太直白只會令人覺得單調,如果開頭隱藏多少少嘢,後面反而會更加之有趣。」85Please respect copyright.PENANAsBcOJwuuGm
85Please respect copyright.PENANATEsHRwPBMx
他的手指輕輕按在稿紙上,卻彷彿按住了我的脈搏。85Please respect copyright.PENANAPNg9zpLDlS
85Please respect copyright.PENANAPOfSH3ng2Q
「不過思穎你可以更大膽。」他的唇角勾起一抹的弧度。85Please respect copyright.PENANAJaUDR563dF
85Please respect copyright.PENANAiswx89cwyF
「我……我可以大膽啲。」我勉強開口,聲音卻顫得支離破碎,暴露了我掩不住的慌亂。85Please respect copyright.PENANANQhDYms640
85Please respect copyright.PENANAMoL5bOjJnI
「好。」輕笑一聲︰「但最好嘅方式,係俾聽眾感受到你嘅熱情。」85Please respect copyright.PENANAhuuJgIV4AU
85Please respect copyright.PENANAQxN2uLiToX
他的語氣曖昧至極,字面上的建議卻藏著更深的暗示。85Please respect copyright.PENANAPOnNeZ9i3C
85Please respect copyright.PENANA3OxBg24arJ
我的腦子已經一片混亂。他的手指停在紙上,指腹微微摩挲著紙面,那細微的沙沙聲在我耳邊放大,挑逗著我的每一根神經。85Please respect copyright.PENANAAoWIr6tQyN
85Please respect copyright.PENANAyLy1lhLqhv
「你覺得呢,思穎?」父親直直地盯著我。85Please respect copyright.PENANA0eUHUoKKb0
85Please respect copyright.PENANA4mdXAbY5E0
我嚥了口唾沫:「我覺得可以。」我根本沒聽清他在說什麼。85Please respect copyright.PENANAbnnfYhkgOw
85Please respect copyright.PENANACzBu3qgll9
父親笑了︰「好好。」手掌忽然覆上我的肩膀,指尖隔著薄薄的校服布料輕輕按壓︰「咁我返去先!」85Please respect copyright.PENANAWsiwXL5hK2
85Please respect copyright.PENANAa7yS8yvlmX
父親的手只是停在肩膀一刻,很快就抽開。可那溫熱的觸感卻如烙鐵一樣,一直燙進我的皮膚。內褲的布料緊貼著敏感的穴口,每一次輕微的觸感,都讓我忍不住想扭動腰肢。85Please respect copyright.PENANAJ37tpJwpWZ
85Please respect copyright.PENANARfH9XnAZxW
「我究竟咩事?」85Please respect copyright.PENANAlF3GLJv7Ed
85Please respect copyright.PENANAy7qmVTFz6J
「爸……」我終於從喉嚨深處硬擠出聲音來。85Please respect copyright.PENANAPAeRYCZymg
85Please respect copyright.PENANA5wWoBxpu5E
父親看了看周圍︰「做咩?」85Please respect copyright.PENANAObF9JxcPfK
85Please respect copyright.PENANAU98iMPO2o9
我沒有回應,只是迅速垂下頭,長髮如瀑布般遮住臉頰,試圖掩蓋自己的失語。然而身體的每一寸都在背叛我。乳尖已經在薄薄的校服下悄然挺立,磨擦著內衣的蕾絲邊緣,帶來陣陣酥麻的感覺。我的手指無意識地攥緊裙角,指尖幾乎要撕裂那薄薄的布料。85Please respect copyright.PENANA8XwtldRxtI
85Please respect copyright.PENANAp7O4m6MnH0
「冇。」我冷冷回道。85Please respect copyright.PENANAKEJCvLIIU4
85Please respect copyright.PENANA0PaGPSULxM
腦海中,那些不堪的畫面如潮水般湧現。85Please respect copyright.PENANATGjWWvjsxr
85Please respect copyright.PENANA3hT2xY5KVk
父親挑了挑眉︰「好啦!就咁啦!」他說,聲音是平日的威嚴︰「然後喺學校唔好叫我爸!然後快啲改好個稿,一陣間早會講。」85Please respect copyright.PENANAqPPogPqH3N
85Please respect copyright.PENANAQKA3QYZCDW
我點點頭,然後抓起書包離開。85Please respect copyright.PENANA61I2RApghi
85Please respect copyright.PENANAKM0UNvcHY5
到樓梯口時,我幾乎是踉蹌著靠在牆上,大口喘息,雙腿間的濕意讓我羞恥得想哭,可那股騷動的渴望卻怎麼也壓不下去,就算是自慰也解決不了。85Please respect copyright.PENANAEoKwnMVnfp
85Please respect copyright.PENANAieYeumk3TN
我走到廁所,拉起校裙,拉起灰色的內褲,才發現蓋著小穴的那片,全都濕了。85Please respect copyright.PENANAVzPqdD1O6c
85Please respect copyright.PENANAB2iTkG02yf
數日後,這股騷動開始在校園中尋找到新的出口,好像要以更危險的刺激來填補內心的空虛。85Please respect copyright.PENANAE30pnXlmxd
85Please respect copyright.PENANAP06rqSyutU
【未完待續】