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407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0fLHRwcZn
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpA66nvLFEe
絕大多數的時候，我偏好一個人做園藝工作。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLKJLxozBI1
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKsV8RZKH69
我喜歡一個人待在花園，邊做邊寧靜地沉浸於大自然之中。當然，我做園藝的時候也會思考些事情，這段寧靜的片刻我來說是一種享受。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftDaRrg0az
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXh60uwibf
我本身喜歡上園藝的原因，是來自姆姆告訴過我們的一個比喻，我很喜歡那個比喻：如果要成為修道之人，或者當我們要開始靈修生活時，至尊陛下最多能做的只有除去一塊荒地上的雜亂野草，播下好種子。剩下的工作得由我們自己進行。我們必須盡心盡力當個好園丁，用心澆水，照顧好這些植物，使之成長並盛開，愉悅我們的上主。這樣一來，祂便會時常來到賞心悅目的花園中，而我們也因此從中得到喜悅。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ32KsrQwUIW
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8WZALXlv9
一想到這，我便更加努力照料身旁的花園和菜園，豐富四周環境的同時也豐富自己的心靈，如此還能夠接近上主，這不是一舉數得嗎？407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6aFSiGHFgw
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJ3OeKbDrI
只不過，現在的我卻像是以翻整花園為目的，來逃避一個天大的煩惱。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTNTCQl6A3l
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgdudjgnRjQ
「自己想要的東西......是嗎？」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFICfXC6XCr
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcddVkOy9PW
以前生活在修道院的時候，我好像從未這麼煩惱過。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnkykxaxnDd
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETXwPM3z4R
每位修女都視之為己任，打苦鞭、守嚴齋、祈禱、抄寫經文等等，持續地向至尊陛下祈求。就這樣每天過著心靈充實的日子。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ942tf2lXgc
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ77qV0KvORt
如今我每日不僅得和各種各樣誘惑對抗，還有個純真的小王子詢問我究竟想要什麼。我又不希望殘忍拒絕殿下的好意，真叫人苦惱吶。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xjVSNWHn0
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTA4WvhvCH
「唉......」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8oKkeE6S4
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTnFapV9V5I
我沉浸於雜亂的思緒中，漸漸停下手邊的翻土作業，感覺到汗水從額頭沿著臉頰滑落下來。我用手背抹去了汗水，然後輕嘆了一口氣。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHWvsqtQV9
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7aZiqWBTZr
明明只要當場拒絕獅族王子殿下的好意，並表示自己全心全意為至尊陛下奉獻就好；為什麼當時我卻沒有這麼做呢？407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡra5hTfpPfQ
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfoIsM1RbLf
是由於殿下的語氣充滿真摯的純潔與無邪嗎？407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20HEz8KhXv
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg15ArgYUb3
是由於殿下對待他人的時候總是膽大心細嗎？407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5isQISLWMf
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ChYYIRKyh
「唉......」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcoFU13562m
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ555KAy1JH4
「海倫娜，妳怎麼在唉聲嘆氣的？」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgYRA8aTaQ
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnyJiQs9ulM
就在此時，熟悉的桑音自我身後響起。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5gp1kUBSA
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzviSExrf46
「奧絲雅，妳好呀。騎士團的鍛鍊結束了嗎？」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8HLA0TOvf
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbqf28oaoX
我轉過頭的時候勉強勾起嘴角露出微笑，但不是很成功。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7heNdnyIgn
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8MhuOP3Vb
「妳在煩惱些什麼嗎？」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzqysgDvmg
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJcbPBQ3Cg
奧絲雅馬上便察覺到我只是在強顏歡笑。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCNqFbpSVA
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKF7UUVTPTS
「不愧是奧絲雅，一下就被看出來了。」我苦笑。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkUczjL16zz
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0MWfhmGLt
「該不會那隻毛茸茸的大貓咪強迫妳做討厭的事情了？還是他趁著暖床的時候對妳毛手毛腳？我去教訓他！」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsAIWz7oCdp
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDewWjxHbpN
「不用擔心。殿下是一位很紳士的人，他沒有對我做出失禮的事情。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhzXDo0DQu
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYyBvx6dAC
經奧絲雅這麼提醒，我回想起來半夜時分我們倆常常會和殿下緊貼在一起(有幾次殿下還差點因奧絲雅奇差無比的睡姿抱得太緊而窒息！)。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwA5Boz2Bia
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Ax96G6Xsr
半夢半醒之中，我感覺到殿下胯下的部位好像有點熱熱硬硬的凸起物…...算了，那應該是我的錯覺吧？407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWJ1bKr8M6
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCBaIfTs9eV
畢竟那個部位又沒有任何東西。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdxw4wCYOQ
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6afoxijVb4
「真的沒發生什麼事。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2BVcQyKvku
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxjf4oDAfm
所以我決定暫時撇下這個疑惑。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrp1JKehMHX
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdxpayMFLh
「只是......殿下確實給我出了個難題。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69LWJNWyJt
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmOPExntPMM
我對奧絲雅講述前幾天發生的事，其中也包括我找不到真心希望得到的事物。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5nqbthy9mB
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4oDLAvGGZ0
「畢竟妳總是那麼善良。」奧絲雅說：「像妳這麼忠貞的修女怎麼可能會有私慾呢？那隻小笨貓到底在問啥呀。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYmyNzVSPGY
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQl059GzA3l
「呵呵，奧絲雅，我可沒如此高尚。像我這樣的小女子，軟弱又沒什麼剛毅可言。天主賜予恩寵引領我，如祂現在所做的，我認為已是對我莫大的恩典。」我補充道說：「再者，殿下也是一番好意嘛。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT555YEAyY9
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkV1j5UWyf
「可是妳再繼續煩惱下去也不是辦法，妳體內會累積壞的體液喔，到時候生病的話可得不償失。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6EtpIaIT73
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQ6xcOjApQ
「的確，假使積累太多黑膽汁(Black bile)的話，真會讓人感到抑鬱寡歡呢。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLCewbTcvU4
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsgqlwpDdM
「我看妳最近一直忙著整理花園，要不偶爾也去做點其他事情，如何呢？」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwJYHsfljtv
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW65JJUq8Zz
「其他事情？」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfK379OENX7
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXGIJCmuYIf
「對呀，看是要出外走走散心或大口吃肉忘掉煩惱......啊，不好意思，妳身為赤足修院的修女要守齋戒。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4QfKBq1ZJs
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZVD8csI2pj
「散散心嗎......嗯，也許我真的不該為一個問題而過度鑽牛角尖，或許換個方法，換個角度來思考，才可以想的到解決之道呢」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXN3OweV0F
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8U040ZbVX9
「那麼要不要陪我去城外晃晃嘞？」奧絲雅很開心地問我。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkEC5D6gXSC
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdO3pupSa0E
「下次吧。」我說：「我想要久違的讓自己清醒一下呢。也許是太久沒有做那件事，腦袋都有些不靈光了呢。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6BzVIk7yDw
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkNJZMTqXI
「哪件事？」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPC72YufKV7
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMxvbdObUXD
「當然是足以叫人靈魂為之振奮，讓整個人都感覺通體舒暢、徹底清醒的一帖良方囉。它對於動腦袋思考可是很有幫助的唷，奧絲雅你也一起來試試吧！」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOu5dlYpce4
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2sNFM8NtEz
「妳難道是指——」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSAo1kaqYf2
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVrlVek9AT
我邊說邊雙手一拍，發出啪的清脆聲響。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapIIQWIAoI
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCrQEkg8cnb
「打.苦.鞭。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1czdB6P2L
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrWFKKaBs0d
＊＊＊407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbCeFia72t
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK6mhDew4pi
咻——劈啪！407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUylIVWiHE
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0fgKBmjvv
每當我單手往後一揮，空氣便會發出一聲呼嘯作響，隨即傳來的則是清脆的聲響。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0QzEyivSES
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6edqwMN6Zf
咻——劈啪！407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqpOgDo5hLE
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ogTfckF8k
每當綁了節的粗繩鞭抽打在我的後背上，我便感受到如同火燒且入骨的痛楚。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6hHMltVV0
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiA9Bh3Zjx
咻——劈啪！407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1ckktLDex
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpOil5ViDxN
此時此刻，我正獨自跪坐在〈白城〉城堡內的小聖堂內，一邊手持苦鞭鞭打自己，一邊靜默地禱告著。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8AiylOqxh
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHGmdXADKcp
我每一次都使勁全力揮舞苦鞭，都以極大力道鞭笞我的背部，盡可能為我的肉體帶來極大的痛楚感，並在這過程中驅逐一切貪念、困惑、慾望，以及最重要的——以自身受苦受難來救贖人類在世間的苦難，並且更接近至尊陛下。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jdfnsrFim
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ngulCv8KP
咻——劈啪！407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjllfDGmbXZ
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMSBKzJeItg
「哼嗯......」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS1vfjSfvSD
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdOWM41oBL
糟糕，我居然在打苦鞭時發出悶哼聲，難道是內心的專注力變得渙散嗎？407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3f3t8zcKf
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTHhnrs6pEk
自從離開修道院後，我的人生便發生劇烈的改變。許許多多無法理解的事情一波接著一波襲來，讓我都快應付不來了——而這還是我自己造成的！407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkcbuPVjdG0
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW5cs83njXu
姆姆曾說過，為了使我們這些羔羊的靈魂靠向自由和卓越的全德，需要非常刻苦的努力。但是，卻不能在短時間內修成。所以我和姊妹們以剛毅的心祈求苦難，或者，更精確地說，我們的至尊陛下賜予我們剛毅，願意為祂受苦，因為這是我們的渴望。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWDu2QiNJS
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrv6uz3zvH
可是一離開修道院後，我才發現世俗世界的苦難比想像中還要多，而這些都是姆姆過去極力避免我們所接觸的。我不怪她，因為這之中不只有苦難，還有各種各樣慾念在我周遭作崇並嘗試引誘我。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHuAqCw828
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3B2mzXFPd8
我深信這是至尊陛下給予我的一個巨大的考驗，比起待在封閉的修道院裡頭更能測試我對祂的忠誠......我難不成做了錯誤的決定嗎？407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn3NZAdk1lB
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVViL9Onn7
不行不行，我得專心於打苦鞭才行，沉浸於疼痛的喜悅才是。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUbbEjZZww
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91ZpnNz4wd
咻——劈啪！407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC7FcI21VNn
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAi28HEMkud
只要鞭打得更用力......407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Yfy22SMyy
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOKqmv9GNvL
咻——劈啪！407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVKN8J5wBp
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNWFEuzvukf
讓身體更痛......407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3juM1fwYI
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX2N3LEVerO
咻——劈啪！407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡla0q59ofZJ
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNRSqQKqdQT
就能夠忘卻一切......407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMj2zWHck7
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmeNSY8osFT
咻——407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1eRI90kI8
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8DvYXE1CN
突然間，苦鞭劃破空氣的聲音，為我的腦袋內帶來靈光一閃。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXCmRUpjqv
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYIUvxSCT1
假使換個方式思考，眼前這個難題不就和離開修道院這件一模一樣嗎？當初居住於修道院內過著封閉的生活，確實是一種精進內心靈性的方式。但那只不過是閉上眼不去觀看外界的苦難罷了。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgwvobg2c11
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiffqQPgrXi
如果我試圖迴避殿下的這個問題，豈不是在封閉住心靈而不去正視問題嗎？如此一來它將纏著我不放，成為我內在與外在的苦痛與擾亂。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtOXZa5UsCE
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0E7Asf5kr
咻——劈啪！407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDyHU5scIL
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw9wZgj5bda
再一次，苦鞭飛舞的聲響提醒我某個事物。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkHqOmX9Tn
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2qw6WiTEBu
沒有錯，只要找到真心想要的事物並告訴殿下，就能夠永遠解決問題！這並非滿足私慾，而是開拓更寬廣順暢的修道之路啊！407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq6sJwp6eIT
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJhAZVsVoK
咻——劈啪！407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Qu4dsm58H
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34Kb5YAYcL
而那事物原本模糊的形象，彷彿在一次又一次的鞭笞更加清晰可見！407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM2PNBHUQJ9
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZjCdqCEjP
更多！更多！更多的苦鞭！
