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371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdPhVIYD35B
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69j5CGHtJU
絕大多數的時候，我偏好一個人做園藝工作。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9JtKq1n3RB
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtcjNiq5Hz
我喜歡一個人待在花園，邊做邊寧靜地沉浸於大自然之中。當然，我做園藝的時候也會思考些事情，這段寧靜的片刻我來說是一種享受。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQunETEA80M
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTQ3GDoj5R
我本身喜歡上園藝的原因，是來自姆姆告訴過我們的一個比喻，我很喜歡那個比喻：如果要成為修道之人，或者當我們要開始靈修生活時，至尊陛下最多能做的只有除去一塊荒地上的雜亂野草，播下好種子。剩下的工作得由我們自己進行。我們必須盡心盡力當個好園丁，用心澆水，照顧好這些植物，使之成長並盛開，愉悅我們的上主。這樣一來，祂便會時常來到賞心悅目的花園中，而我們也因此從中得到喜悅。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9COkqheI2o
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXTH4nQiOT
一想到這，我便更加努力照料身旁的花園和菜園，豐富四周環境的同時也豐富自己的心靈，如此還能夠接近上主，這不是一舉數得嗎？371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1z193rDDeO
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSsHdksyrj
只不過，現在的我卻像是以翻整花園為目的，來逃避一個天大的煩惱。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHECKkKriU
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqYRo5hTqU
「自己想要的東西......是嗎？」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJ3CkeXBer
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlC1pbYNMdZ
以前生活在修道院的時候，我好像從未這麼煩惱過。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSP65HRkKQ
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fosEolMv8
每位修女都視之為己任，打苦鞭、守嚴齋、祈禱、抄寫經文等等，持續地向至尊陛下祈求。就這樣每天過著心靈充實的日子。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOojsnv0DLB
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tX6lKBt7N
如今我每日不僅得和各種各樣誘惑對抗，還有個純真的小王子詢問我究竟想要什麼。我又不希望殘忍拒絕殿下的好意，真叫人苦惱吶。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5sWy5uhcBB
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDcs8Fjgih
「唉......」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJaiJremgCI
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTjYuyemLu
我沉浸於雜亂的思緒中，漸漸停下手邊的翻土作業，感覺到汗水從額頭沿著臉頰滑落下來。我用手背抹去了汗水，然後輕嘆了一口氣。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCj57XjqNgH
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZIzyPVeCd
明明只要當場拒絕獅族王子殿下的好意，並表示自己全心全意為至尊陛下奉獻就好；為什麼當時我卻沒有這麼做呢？371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKsfhLuOjEV
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTmC3SRknU
是由於殿下的語氣充滿真摯的純潔與無邪嗎？371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbVXGouFdcY
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zMUtgsECJ
是由於殿下對待他人的時候總是膽大心細嗎？371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmjXhbMNA7
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqtUlYJdfa
「唉......」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsiEC6kAgJ
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrybuKOq4J
「海倫娜，妳怎麼在唉聲嘆氣的？」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmFXCCtkEin
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSGYaLizXTe
就在此時，熟悉的桑音自我身後響起。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxReMDEJnOh
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7k1MrNxid9
「奧絲雅，妳好呀。騎士團的鍛鍊結束了嗎？」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH8TH9QYAwv
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3letNiCSu
我轉過頭的時候勉強勾起嘴角露出微笑，但不是很成功。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6gdjcrDDJ
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHAAWQqwed
「妳在煩惱些什麼嗎？」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEaeWQzzU5J
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJP1AcwK5E
奧絲雅馬上便察覺到我只是在強顏歡笑。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vYMf5kECx
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡncH1OB5l73
「不愧是奧絲雅，一下就被看出來了。」我苦笑。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8Fyhpqw3Q
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvElpmt2tU1
「該不會那隻毛茸茸的大貓咪強迫妳做討厭的事情了？還是他趁著暖床的時候對妳毛手毛腳？我去教訓他！」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynMKl6RGDe
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMtjzBZb8e
「不用擔心。殿下是一位很紳士的人，他沒有對我做出失禮的事情。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqAsKBbgLC
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydFLUEMoSb
經奧絲雅這麼提醒，我回想起來半夜時分我們倆常常會和殿下緊貼在一起(有幾次殿下還差點因奧絲雅奇差無比的睡姿抱得太緊而窒息！)。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCakKspJHwf
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLI0XxwnnY
半夢半醒之中，我感覺到殿下胯下的部位好像有點熱熱硬硬的凸起物…...算了，那應該是我的錯覺吧？371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Mj9T91kfK
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLvIb5zXkV
畢竟那個部位又沒有任何東西。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2qiZFKqYk
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLiaeKIO1UK
「真的沒發生什麼事。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡby2Zz8rSUX
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtagevGbTYK
所以我決定暫時撇下這個疑惑。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgCTEoDjoY
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQ0T0EGSgl
「只是......殿下確實給我出了個難題。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6KQSPNXin1
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtq61LqOdeN
我對奧絲雅講述前幾天發生的事，其中也包括我找不到真心希望得到的事物。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4taGBeipZ
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6neSbGXZe
「畢竟妳總是那麼善良。」奧絲雅說：「像妳這麼忠貞的修女怎麼可能會有私慾呢？那隻小笨貓到底在問啥呀。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWi5XS9zYT
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfN1VSIJs7q
「呵呵，奧絲雅，我可沒如此高尚。像我這樣的小女子，軟弱又沒什麼剛毅可言。天主賜予恩寵引領我，如祂現在所做的，我認為已是對我莫大的恩典。」我補充道說：「再者，殿下也是一番好意嘛。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzOCPNm9Um
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTVOuRqMdp
「可是妳再繼續煩惱下去也不是辦法，妳體內會累積壞的體液喔，到時候生病的話可得不償失。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09Y5VjsEya
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYx7Zy4C5U
「的確，假使積累太多黑膽汁(Black bile)的話，真會讓人感到抑鬱寡歡呢。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX1299AKHuA
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNC2aHE7uPv
「我看妳最近一直忙著整理花園，要不偶爾也去做點其他事情，如何呢？」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsfHUUbZvBm
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBiJwAen0j
「其他事情？」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjKnvh7ta9K
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlwDSBtZMB
「對呀，看是要出外走走散心或大口吃肉忘掉煩惱......啊，不好意思，妳身為赤足修院的修女要守齋戒。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rBTzjySrV
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWDESDP3cl
「散散心嗎......嗯，也許我真的不該為一個問題而過度鑽牛角尖，或許換個方法，換個角度來思考，才可以想的到解決之道呢」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvg0Vfl6rV
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6hRcGIAI5q
「那麼要不要陪我去城外晃晃嘞？」奧絲雅很開心地問我。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ZNjofnUp6
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0PtmyWZbQy
「下次吧。」我說：「我想要久違的讓自己清醒一下呢。也許是太久沒有做那件事，腦袋都有些不靈光了呢。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhVp2KW68lU
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdiPl0VLUE
「哪件事？」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqB4D6Yz5q
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfA7eOLdydR
「當然是足以叫人靈魂為之振奮，讓整個人都感覺通體舒暢、徹底清醒的一帖良方囉。它對於動腦袋思考可是很有幫助的唷，奧絲雅你也一起來試試吧！」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4roVSJKToX
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlVf7Ndn7I
「妳難道是指——」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPEPeJ6aca
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ugaafFwyY
我邊說邊雙手一拍，發出啪的清脆聲響。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp3cLwUBbez
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfpRzQ30AT
「打.苦.鞭。」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJN5Hapn6Je
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg45FCZVsPx
＊＊＊371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDbarCI2nE
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPShRKKV7w
咻——劈啪！371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOt76328cJd
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3r2ykQLAy
每當我單手往後一揮，空氣便會發出一聲呼嘯作響，隨即傳來的則是清脆的聲響。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp8QApcgUiZ
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHMfIfWasef
咻——劈啪！371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB2KfcqVJiF
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolQDa13hV6
每當綁了節的粗繩鞭抽打在我的後背上，我便感受到如同火燒且入骨的痛楚。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPtJFV7WgYi
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3t15jiqDk
咻——劈啪！371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGDlKRxe8O
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkrmtIhC9qX
此時此刻，我正獨自跪坐在〈白城〉城堡內的小聖堂內，一邊手持苦鞭鞭打自己，一邊靜默地禱告著。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhrJtgGVnn
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCS4gvZgF7L
我每一次都使勁全力揮舞苦鞭，都以極大力道鞭笞我的背部，盡可能為我的肉體帶來極大的痛楚感，並在這過程中驅逐一切貪念、困惑、慾望，以及最重要的——以自身受苦受難來救贖人類在世間的苦難，並且更接近至尊陛下。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrG3QdP1eQ
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEag9EvbCw
咻——劈啪！371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHkh3xhoic
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2b08iJN19A
「哼嗯......」371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMC66Zg0uT9
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0NPM9bUrF9
糟糕，我居然在打苦鞭時發出悶哼聲，難道是內心的專注力變得渙散嗎？371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShqRGiQ1Wb
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSqKL67pmiE
自從離開修道院後，我的人生便發生劇烈的改變。許許多多無法理解的事情一波接著一波襲來，讓我都快應付不來了——而這還是我自己造成的！371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCn39KSO5EC
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTbSjysCbj
姆姆曾說過，為了使我們這些羔羊的靈魂靠向自由和卓越的全德，需要非常刻苦的努力。但是，卻不能在短時間內修成。所以我和姊妹們以剛毅的心祈求苦難，或者，更精確地說，我們的至尊陛下賜予我們剛毅，願意為祂受苦，因為這是我們的渴望。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQW0shxNWt
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk65DpRJOV0
可是一離開修道院後，我才發現世俗世界的苦難比想像中還要多，而這些都是姆姆過去極力避免我們所接觸的。我不怪她，因為這之中不只有苦難，還有各種各樣慾念在我周遭作崇並嘗試引誘我。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8Ue9LNNiU
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNKlD33WTt
我深信這是至尊陛下給予我的一個巨大的考驗，比起待在封閉的修道院裡頭更能測試我對祂的忠誠......我難不成做了錯誤的決定嗎？371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59GoYztgim
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM6oxnID9J3
不行不行，我得專心於打苦鞭才行，沉浸於疼痛的喜悅才是。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuy4XGXI1Hj
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN200XZd17E
咻——劈啪！371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz2NgadqvQ1
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNILL4os1e6
只要鞭打得更用力......371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8yGZglLmP
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJWZfNGCv1S
咻——劈啪！371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9NnFUTA4l
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0g6xnaHqvN
讓身體更痛......371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmRcVLDorml
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpOMPjjHDOY
咻——劈啪！371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1u9ZH1Ykfi
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7tczWUHZoI
就能夠忘卻一切......371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6hMA5bpcit
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDqNABaruzw
咻——371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fqfxEWy17
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQdimcZ1SzJ
突然間，苦鞭劃破空氣的聲音，為我的腦袋內帶來靈光一閃。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡly5l3eodzd
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnq78iTtBUA
假使換個方式思考，眼前這個難題不就和離開修道院這件一模一樣嗎？當初居住於修道院內過著封閉的生活，確實是一種精進內心靈性的方式。但那只不過是閉上眼不去觀看外界的苦難罷了。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMLYdTeeda
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeeBhK3XbCE
如果我試圖迴避殿下的這個問題，豈不是在封閉住心靈而不去正視問題嗎？如此一來它將纏著我不放，成為我內在與外在的苦痛與擾亂。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSVJzu8ies
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgxznrJFdo
咻——劈啪！371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64YJzgWNWb
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcFxp1qEwq
再一次，苦鞭飛舞的聲響提醒我某個事物。371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxUEp4KTS6d
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbUFbzE57kn
沒有錯，只要找到真心想要的事物並告訴殿下，就能夠永遠解決問題！這並非滿足私慾，而是開拓更寬廣順暢的修道之路啊！371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1pYNUsIDc
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQqxxoQkkNS
咻——劈啪！371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYaiOJXUNy
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVftHeL2mD7
而那事物原本模糊的形象，彷彿在一次又一次的鞭笞更加清晰可見！371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmfwc4uKFt
371Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvU1DIZ73kP
更多！更多！更多的苦鞭！
