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390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsTvHvpfXmr
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4XT32cJ1Mz
絕大多數的時候，我偏好一個人做園藝工作。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdXq0dkMLQ
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfJhdx6Zs9m
我喜歡一個人待在花園，邊做邊寧靜地沉浸於大自然之中。當然，我做園藝的時候也會思考些事情，這段寧靜的片刻我來說是一種享受。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPAHE04wgf
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzl11sPrlkb
我本身喜歡上園藝的原因，是來自姆姆告訴過我們的一個比喻，我很喜歡那個比喻：如果要成為修道之人，或者當我們要開始靈修生活時，至尊陛下最多能做的只有除去一塊荒地上的雜亂野草，播下好種子。剩下的工作得由我們自己進行。我們必須盡心盡力當個好園丁，用心澆水，照顧好這些植物，使之成長並盛開，愉悅我們的上主。這樣一來，祂便會時常來到賞心悅目的花園中，而我們也因此從中得到喜悅。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaltVuAEetA
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9eJuQXNle
一想到這，我便更加努力照料身旁的花園和菜園，豐富四周環境的同時也豐富自己的心靈，如此還能夠接近上主，這不是一舉數得嗎？390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ICO2xn96r
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3MusU230QA
只不過，現在的我卻像是以翻整花園為目的，來逃避一個天大的煩惱。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzZpWcWPia
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQlrS411LdS
「自己想要的東西......是嗎？」390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM8XN5UYD8R
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡClM3jd8phF
以前生活在修道院的時候，我好像從未這麼煩惱過。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLX44wUFhJd
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiWwf5hnJ1
每位修女都視之為己任，打苦鞭、守嚴齋、祈禱、抄寫經文等等，持續地向至尊陛下祈求。就這樣每天過著心靈充實的日子。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTNxKUHnix
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxAOCZx6zVV
如今我每日不僅得和各種各樣誘惑對抗，還有個純真的小王子詢問我究竟想要什麼。我又不希望殘忍拒絕殿下的好意，真叫人苦惱吶。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzJS6Y1uRm
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqN8mZFvkiG
「唉......」390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBv1jI2a7Ii
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz0Gs4WYB2E
我沉浸於雜亂的思緒中，漸漸停下手邊的翻土作業，感覺到汗水從額頭沿著臉頰滑落下來。我用手背抹去了汗水，然後輕嘆了一口氣。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5XxEErt7Pd
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjaMWUNb4Zq
明明只要當場拒絕獅族王子殿下的好意，並表示自己全心全意為至尊陛下奉獻就好；為什麼當時我卻沒有這麼做呢？390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpCurAkpja
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9s7I3NhDjV
是由於殿下的語氣充滿真摯的純潔與無邪嗎？390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDTjFBJIsKJ
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡER4bjFzuXL
是由於殿下對待他人的時候總是膽大心細嗎？390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQEAbdqBXN
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡorFvkiXUnL
「唉......」390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwq5Weo8dD
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWROMrND6d
「海倫娜，妳怎麼在唉聲嘆氣的？」390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApF564nLxo
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2FSUWIj8Aa
就在此時，熟悉的桑音自我身後響起。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPNnUsc2IGM
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxwiE7DAkF
「奧絲雅，妳好呀。騎士團的鍛鍊結束了嗎？」390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdHT3BRivSD
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNrdNrXUmos
我轉過頭的時候勉強勾起嘴角露出微笑，但不是很成功。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0apQOr7D7r
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmdREeNoTl
「妳在煩惱些什麼嗎？」390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbKb8Z7dFRm
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7VGk8JAB7
奧絲雅馬上便察覺到我只是在強顏歡笑。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRjtrS5QsQ
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2RWmVyfzWp
「不愧是奧絲雅，一下就被看出來了。」我苦笑。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡirWDOdyRRd
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYLi8zxRl1
「該不會那隻毛茸茸的大貓咪強迫妳做討厭的事情了？還是他趁著暖床的時候對妳毛手毛腳？我去教訓他！」390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqiReLKXIMO
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63oQBTFRFe
「不用擔心。殿下是一位很紳士的人，他沒有對我做出失禮的事情。」390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0t2mnq3OeM
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8ZOMOOojH
經奧絲雅這麼提醒，我回想起來半夜時分我們倆常常會和殿下緊貼在一起(有幾次殿下還差點因奧絲雅奇差無比的睡姿抱得太緊而窒息！)。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqX9Fv9Dmh0
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQBYDxcyny
半夢半醒之中，我感覺到殿下胯下的部位好像有點熱熱硬硬的凸起物…...算了，那應該是我的錯覺吧？390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjOieN5fUmi
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDd3cVxrq6l
畢竟那個部位又沒有任何東西。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZh5OgOBeJ9
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Xnj42kuSL
「真的沒發生什麼事。」390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47AIuGmX3G
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMiyjIArUNS
所以我決定暫時撇下這個疑惑。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMjIgXSnLC
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeKM2AHK3IH
「只是......殿下確實給我出了個難題。」390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVyFUeQByk
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR09lwDf66I
我對奧絲雅講述前幾天發生的事，其中也包括我找不到真心希望得到的事物。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCYKknbeEBi
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6eRSUgC7MT
「畢竟妳總是那麼善良。」奧絲雅說：「像妳這麼忠貞的修女怎麼可能會有私慾呢？那隻小笨貓到底在問啥呀。」390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBALKkWPPCT
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsG5O7EKgF
「呵呵，奧絲雅，我可沒如此高尚。像我這樣的小女子，軟弱又沒什麼剛毅可言。天主賜予恩寵引領我，如祂現在所做的，我認為已是對我莫大的恩典。」我補充道說：「再者，殿下也是一番好意嘛。」390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPFLOdPpnb
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡROgsmHib7b
「可是妳再繼續煩惱下去也不是辦法，妳體內會累積壞的體液喔，到時候生病的話可得不償失。」390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4WfDCNZpda
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4rycRsACG
「的確，假使積累太多黑膽汁(Black bile)的話，真會讓人感到抑鬱寡歡呢。」390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFxHBqBGrn
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡew6Kk7sYX9
「我看妳最近一直忙著整理花園，要不偶爾也去做點其他事情，如何呢？」390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzS9mSYOACT
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnibt5hxpj
「其他事情？」390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUB36hpcFNk
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08le3BpI6O
「對呀，看是要出外走走散心或大口吃肉忘掉煩惱......啊，不好意思，妳身為赤足修院的修女要守齋戒。」390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsE4mXthsG
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9OiAOnnWe
「散散心嗎......嗯，也許我真的不該為一個問題而過度鑽牛角尖，或許換個方法，換個角度來思考，才可以想的到解決之道呢」390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04ZXMrIX41
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUqo7HySFPZ
「那麼要不要陪我去城外晃晃嘞？」奧絲雅很開心地問我。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa492fDpe4I
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zNdOMngfp
「下次吧。」我說：「我想要久違的讓自己清醒一下呢。也許是太久沒有做那件事，腦袋都有些不靈光了呢。」390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAnftdtIri9
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuG9k4kF0T7
「哪件事？」390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh10w15bc13
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7fSoNpWOVB
「當然是足以叫人靈魂為之振奮，讓整個人都感覺通體舒暢、徹底清醒的一帖良方囉。它對於動腦袋思考可是很有幫助的唷，奧絲雅你也一起來試試吧！」390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnhLI4UQbD
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡprMxAA72yL
「妳難道是指——」390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1LABDi3kGr
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7zlA3Yg4c
我邊說邊雙手一拍，發出啪的清脆聲響。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWouFULQtjO
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSd7RnI3cP
「打.苦.鞭。」390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PQDA1GLHm
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGmzvxrZ0Q
＊＊＊390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjePqqYULcj
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZi9tvmTlQ
咻——劈啪！390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttChFENY20
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJoDtYwoc2
每當我單手往後一揮，空氣便會發出一聲呼嘯作響，隨即傳來的則是清脆的聲響。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3cK3B6SpB
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWpy9Jj4nF
咻——劈啪！390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IYVK7oMX2
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3f3sKCozh
每當綁了節的粗繩鞭抽打在我的後背上，我便感受到如同火燒且入骨的痛楚。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tH7KHm54p
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeqkqWtVYD7
咻——劈啪！390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡriuuGP8Wte
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8T5va4LErK
此時此刻，我正獨自跪坐在〈白城〉城堡內的小聖堂內，一邊手持苦鞭鞭打自己，一邊靜默地禱告著。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡllm7n9bsZ2
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd1wVgjGRMJ
我每一次都使勁全力揮舞苦鞭，都以極大力道鞭笞我的背部，盡可能為我的肉體帶來極大的痛楚感，並在這過程中驅逐一切貪念、困惑、慾望，以及最重要的——以自身受苦受難來救贖人類在世間的苦難，並且更接近至尊陛下。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvOSBa9WcHC
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoszEN2HDoE
咻——劈啪！390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYc8G1luBQ
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutHjnbgLl0
「哼嗯......」390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYw3KDcujfV
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNkkdjtlYN
糟糕，我居然在打苦鞭時發出悶哼聲，難道是內心的專注力變得渙散嗎？390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmAgovqXC0
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MjxD42tyA
自從離開修道院後，我的人生便發生劇烈的改變。許許多多無法理解的事情一波接著一波襲來，讓我都快應付不來了——而這還是我自己造成的！390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrW8QW90JBV
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8cFCWqSg51
姆姆曾說過，為了使我們這些羔羊的靈魂靠向自由和卓越的全德，需要非常刻苦的努力。但是，卻不能在短時間內修成。所以我和姊妹們以剛毅的心祈求苦難，或者，更精確地說，我們的至尊陛下賜予我們剛毅，願意為祂受苦，因為這是我們的渴望。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4sXx0quct
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7cynnpuiJd
可是一離開修道院後，我才發現世俗世界的苦難比想像中還要多，而這些都是姆姆過去極力避免我們所接觸的。我不怪她，因為這之中不只有苦難，還有各種各樣慾念在我周遭作崇並嘗試引誘我。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLtkJVaGUj
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBH7TEvI84
我深信這是至尊陛下給予我的一個巨大的考驗，比起待在封閉的修道院裡頭更能測試我對祂的忠誠......我難不成做了錯誤的決定嗎？390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVu5yjoOXU4
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9wSo7s7oE
不行不行，我得專心於打苦鞭才行，沉浸於疼痛的喜悅才是。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOeIC6aCm0
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThXlBSEOhZ
咻——劈啪！390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywIhZUR4Ik
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUVw0oOq0yq
只要鞭打得更用力......390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡirkVghRbzW
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOsTc4hsUC
咻——劈啪！390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeKr8bC8H6e
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wrSH5ffqK
讓身體更痛......390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7JR3nQmAz
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfaPMG8Y4V
咻——劈啪！390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnu71hj3YLE
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6Y1l3RyVS
就能夠忘卻一切......390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtc0YzYqncf
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIYYGZJSaV
咻——390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlbbWQ3Z869
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKuumT9o4R
突然間，苦鞭劃破空氣的聲音，為我的腦袋內帶來靈光一閃。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTaJIdP1xmI
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDjMtFLdg2e
假使換個方式思考，眼前這個難題不就和離開修道院這件一模一樣嗎？當初居住於修道院內過著封閉的生活，確實是一種精進內心靈性的方式。但那只不過是閉上眼不去觀看外界的苦難罷了。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2W6unObqCH
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SOX6PjoWV
如果我試圖迴避殿下的這個問題，豈不是在封閉住心靈而不去正視問題嗎？如此一來它將纏著我不放，成為我內在與外在的苦痛與擾亂。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCrHxWPC6F
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPHPV2EEzcV
咻——劈啪！390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3w8wThl68L
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRnVowwFmi
再一次，苦鞭飛舞的聲響提醒我某個事物。390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMUVwdecaC
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9fmS8kSrG
沒有錯，只要找到真心想要的事物並告訴殿下，就能夠永遠解決問題！這並非滿足私慾，而是開拓更寬廣順暢的修道之路啊！390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdGQGlmLdh
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPcpU94anJ
咻——劈啪！390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQGg3x6cJR7
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiN8s13yVNq
而那事物原本模糊的形象，彷彿在一次又一次的鞭笞更加清晰可見！390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWO5Snx9AuS
390Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjagPDM4Di
更多！更多！更多的苦鞭！
