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364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvi0Uq74yQg
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtoX9eapxxa
絕大多數的時候，我偏好一個人做園藝工作。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0AIY47A8L
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbtnTsmW1Zh
我喜歡一個人待在花園，邊做邊寧靜地沉浸於大自然之中。當然，我做園藝的時候也會思考些事情，這段寧靜的片刻我來說是一種享受。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzkuHgEPbYB
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENbvGs5Joo
我本身喜歡上園藝的原因，是來自姆姆告訴過我們的一個比喻，我很喜歡那個比喻：如果要成為修道之人，或者當我們要開始靈修生活時，至尊陛下最多能做的只有除去一塊荒地上的雜亂野草，播下好種子。剩下的工作得由我們自己進行。我們必須盡心盡力當個好園丁，用心澆水，照顧好這些植物，使之成長並盛開，愉悅我們的上主。這樣一來，祂便會時常來到賞心悅目的花園中，而我們也因此從中得到喜悅。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU2r5GHxRHE
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHD9uzhzjET
一想到這，我便更加努力照料身旁的花園和菜園，豐富四周環境的同時也豐富自己的心靈，如此還能夠接近上主，這不是一舉數得嗎？364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1mu85xkJO
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYyXuYRkmq0
只不過，現在的我卻像是以翻整花園為目的，來逃避一個天大的煩惱。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Wrll4Gba3
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfICtsCgu0c
「自己想要的東西......是嗎？」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLjfSjjqlH
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVW3ReRY8rx
以前生活在修道院的時候，我好像從未這麼煩惱過。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOtMcbSzZW
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfW7w5i31IF
每位修女都視之為己任，打苦鞭、守嚴齋、祈禱、抄寫經文等等，持續地向至尊陛下祈求。就這樣每天過著心靈充實的日子。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjy6nA96W42
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdYsZJKIi2
如今我每日不僅得和各種各樣誘惑對抗，還有個純真的小王子詢問我究竟想要什麼。我又不希望殘忍拒絕殿下的好意，真叫人苦惱吶。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡILYWUeNFmL
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtgPDkVdTd
「唉......」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZVBVxH4Wk
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzrAhBN9KXj
我沉浸於雜亂的思緒中，漸漸停下手邊的翻土作業，感覺到汗水從額頭沿著臉頰滑落下來。我用手背抹去了汗水，然後輕嘆了一口氣。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAFlCOCAtI
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPRrz3AloE
明明只要當場拒絕獅族王子殿下的好意，並表示自己全心全意為至尊陛下奉獻就好；為什麼當時我卻沒有這麼做呢？364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HOLCvL0Qu
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxmaPCWMAN
是由於殿下的語氣充滿真摯的純潔與無邪嗎？364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEBdiFuF0R
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcGgNF3bkI2
是由於殿下對待他人的時候總是膽大心細嗎？364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrBCAcnpI0R
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQijvTGYvE
「唉......」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMEPACCtLb
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXt0w4s4QO
「海倫娜，妳怎麼在唉聲嘆氣的？」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0T0oTCaAb
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhc6oA3mzVD
就在此時，熟悉的桑音自我身後響起。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9C6HVGb0H
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwv1nN0MHy
「奧絲雅，妳好呀。騎士團的鍛鍊結束了嗎？」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEtoejmDS5e
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFhhbkMPwe7
我轉過頭的時候勉強勾起嘴角露出微笑，但不是很成功。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8uzwNrIac
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡInr9XmG29p
「妳在煩惱些什麼嗎？」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeeP7odoeUE
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0L14Wc4Nn2
奧絲雅馬上便察覺到我只是在強顏歡笑。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTZivTt9j7
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzBYj1qNxek
「不愧是奧絲雅，一下就被看出來了。」我苦笑。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpnxXnWklva
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfaKZqw7VYD
「該不會那隻毛茸茸的大貓咪強迫妳做討厭的事情了？還是他趁著暖床的時候對妳毛手毛腳？我去教訓他！」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ880qBn2MW9
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzQb2WcqA1
「不用擔心。殿下是一位很紳士的人，他沒有對我做出失禮的事情。」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5NNkF2QoJ
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW6WgZtbVQK
經奧絲雅這麼提醒，我回想起來半夜時分我們倆常常會和殿下緊貼在一起(有幾次殿下還差點因奧絲雅奇差無比的睡姿抱得太緊而窒息！)。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJaltmv6o5
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1VRo2QhXRe
半夢半醒之中，我感覺到殿下胯下的部位好像有點熱熱硬硬的凸起物…...算了，那應該是我的錯覺吧？364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2OJGj7ZrUs
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuF6lSJyXPL
畢竟那個部位又沒有任何東西。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3SS426nfpM
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZWNwMYEQf
「真的沒發生什麼事。」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQuxXg8lyp
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyyoXXAJkG
所以我決定暫時撇下這個疑惑。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGJwb4coFS
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDiHX96XLog
「只是......殿下確實給我出了個難題。」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtGEppcLgq
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhM3TSJrWaB
我對奧絲雅講述前幾天發生的事，其中也包括我找不到真心希望得到的事物。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PicsUrCH0
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZ1DE4ZziL
「畢竟妳總是那麼善良。」奧絲雅說：「像妳這麼忠貞的修女怎麼可能會有私慾呢？那隻小笨貓到底在問啥呀。」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZVHc5u8bP
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9H4SoEmu9Z
「呵呵，奧絲雅，我可沒如此高尚。像我這樣的小女子，軟弱又沒什麼剛毅可言。天主賜予恩寵引領我，如祂現在所做的，我認為已是對我莫大的恩典。」我補充道說：「再者，殿下也是一番好意嘛。」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0CYRvcCHii
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuUX4jcNK94
「可是妳再繼續煩惱下去也不是辦法，妳體內會累積壞的體液喔，到時候生病的話可得不償失。」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9XCH18BZ7
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQveTBU8XlG
「的確，假使積累太多黑膽汁(Black bile)的話，真會讓人感到抑鬱寡歡呢。」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKcKF5nRh7
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfKrkKKHnU
「我看妳最近一直忙著整理花園，要不偶爾也去做點其他事情，如何呢？」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcG8J1KOOXR
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxQ5GMfotQ
「其他事情？」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66EXwE3tXI
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQyl7CIKp5e
「對呀，看是要出外走走散心或大口吃肉忘掉煩惱......啊，不好意思，妳身為赤足修院的修女要守齋戒。」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgTfaXJYIsf
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGk1YKYKCmp
「散散心嗎......嗯，也許我真的不該為一個問題而過度鑽牛角尖，或許換個方法，換個角度來思考，才可以想的到解決之道呢」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD8hLHxrRW0
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOWuaSS32M
「那麼要不要陪我去城外晃晃嘞？」奧絲雅很開心地問我。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPQ2FL77gA
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKlRiqcvJLm
「下次吧。」我說：「我想要久違的讓自己清醒一下呢。也許是太久沒有做那件事，腦袋都有些不靈光了呢。」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAlDtD5qZP
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjS78B3cHb
「哪件事？」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5v1aijxay
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRjq4JwPcP
「當然是足以叫人靈魂為之振奮，讓整個人都感覺通體舒暢、徹底清醒的一帖良方囉。它對於動腦袋思考可是很有幫助的唷，奧絲雅你也一起來試試吧！」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ20uqVuMHg
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpr5CioDGma
「妳難道是指——」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxOI1ZKG6Rg
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6JJnADNonp
我邊說邊雙手一拍，發出啪的清脆聲響。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzCDvVByox
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD5m82QsIdE
「打.苦.鞭。」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvkvwckhroh
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxHmZRgQJu
＊＊＊364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbwfBeVfmfZ
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCCzAsLCdUF
咻——劈啪！364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8AQ7AR1fd
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVadAkWkH7
每當我單手往後一揮，空氣便會發出一聲呼嘯作響，隨即傳來的則是清脆的聲響。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ0dJIbmqEG
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD2DoofNc6y
咻——劈啪！364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgXMup7cfQ
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVcU53A3wek
每當綁了節的粗繩鞭抽打在我的後背上，我便感受到如同火燒且入骨的痛楚。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡee9EFFbaD2
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVZnGDcWGs
咻——劈啪！364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCX1FSffdve
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFHtsNNAPA
此時此刻，我正獨自跪坐在〈白城〉城堡內的小聖堂內，一邊手持苦鞭鞭打自己，一邊靜默地禱告著。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03t3DmxGk6
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6UAwJPYEl
我每一次都使勁全力揮舞苦鞭，都以極大力道鞭笞我的背部，盡可能為我的肉體帶來極大的痛楚感，並在這過程中驅逐一切貪念、困惑、慾望，以及最重要的——以自身受苦受難來救贖人類在世間的苦難，並且更接近至尊陛下。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvg1eu8uUAa
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuIpBx9JOg5
咻——劈啪！364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvDXgwqewL
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30yEiUC6XW
「哼嗯......」364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyWEZqs1LF3
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVlFwt7pYOa
糟糕，我居然在打苦鞭時發出悶哼聲，難道是內心的專注力變得渙散嗎？364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFsXspuM8v
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtg63wNIP3W
自從離開修道院後，我的人生便發生劇烈的改變。許許多多無法理解的事情一波接著一波襲來，讓我都快應付不來了——而這還是我自己造成的！364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡloFHOFhaTS
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7gGFHJ2uU
姆姆曾說過，為了使我們這些羔羊的靈魂靠向自由和卓越的全德，需要非常刻苦的努力。但是，卻不能在短時間內修成。所以我和姊妹們以剛毅的心祈求苦難，或者，更精確地說，我們的至尊陛下賜予我們剛毅，願意為祂受苦，因為這是我們的渴望。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdzVXX6ICa
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcqJH6ZRXsT
可是一離開修道院後，我才發現世俗世界的苦難比想像中還要多，而這些都是姆姆過去極力避免我們所接觸的。我不怪她，因為這之中不只有苦難，還有各種各樣慾念在我周遭作崇並嘗試引誘我。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqbu70p0F55
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJWomixwfYP
我深信這是至尊陛下給予我的一個巨大的考驗，比起待在封閉的修道院裡頭更能測試我對祂的忠誠......我難不成做了錯誤的決定嗎？364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYlO9NjtrV
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOdFLJ6VOu
不行不行，我得專心於打苦鞭才行，沉浸於疼痛的喜悅才是。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSw32GYhKQ
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9vsmkYIneq
咻——劈啪！364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRq88L2aR6X
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkateoysOxl
只要鞭打得更用力......364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfrqODjnP2x
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKIbxCFNMpu
咻——劈啪！364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNwFN4UhPF
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNZjgIcgxoo
讓身體更痛......364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3sROkeOqjE
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW5QEpJLX3y
咻——劈啪！364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSv1RtsJAe5
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZY80VyDPv
就能夠忘卻一切......364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQpaM9kmXI
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKsLmm24F59
咻——364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvxOPsx6NRo
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7gUBe4i8Z7
突然間，苦鞭劃破空氣的聲音，為我的腦袋內帶來靈光一閃。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBOxOf99Hk
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUzJwnKlqwE
假使換個方式思考，眼前這個難題不就和離開修道院這件一模一樣嗎？當初居住於修道院內過著封閉的生活，確實是一種精進內心靈性的方式。但那只不過是閉上眼不去觀看外界的苦難罷了。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWZ0nqclpBz
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeoMUMK29l2
如果我試圖迴避殿下的這個問題，豈不是在封閉住心靈而不去正視問題嗎？如此一來它將纏著我不放，成為我內在與外在的苦痛與擾亂。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡctTn0iVWtW
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkHLw9JU8K
咻——劈啪！364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp2JwieG9w5
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmA7Y6Ob9g7
再一次，苦鞭飛舞的聲響提醒我某個事物。364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxVi8bz1Ef
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJjtfWhXhA
沒有錯，只要找到真心想要的事物並告訴殿下，就能夠永遠解決問題！這並非滿足私慾，而是開拓更寬廣順暢的修道之路啊！364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5Db3Y3NPs
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2OKJ9mpFh
咻——劈啪！364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51ioXGh0FX
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSvcItubi4
而那事物原本模糊的形象，彷彿在一次又一次的鞭笞更加清晰可見！364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFn51YSUty8
364Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCTqX0JsXQ
更多！更多！更多的苦鞭！
