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319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ504oDV2rRj
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGstJpxreT
絕大多數的時候，我偏好一個人做園藝工作。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsq5rTowXXt
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55XBCbD1Pc
我喜歡一個人待在花園，邊做邊寧靜地沉浸於大自然之中。當然，我做園藝的時候也會思考些事情，這段寧靜的片刻我來說是一種享受。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbwLI5COkYy
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpp8Imo1ur
我本身喜歡上園藝的原因，是來自姆姆告訴過我們的一個比喻，我很喜歡那個比喻：如果要成為修道之人，或者當我們要開始靈修生活時，至尊陛下最多能做的只有除去一塊荒地上的雜亂野草，播下好種子。剩下的工作得由我們自己進行。我們必須盡心盡力當個好園丁，用心澆水，照顧好這些植物，使之成長並盛開，愉悅我們的上主。這樣一來，祂便會時常來到賞心悅目的花園中，而我們也因此從中得到喜悅。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG6J0jcnjMz
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbwBPdvT6kl
一想到這，我便更加努力照料身旁的花園和菜園，豐富四周環境的同時也豐富自己的心靈，如此還能夠接近上主，這不是一舉數得嗎？319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwma4ZF0cr7
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo5WqPmCbEk
只不過，現在的我卻像是以翻整花園為目的，來逃避一個天大的煩惱。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBsE5XGDiVZ
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfR3E7vJBT
「自己想要的東西......是嗎？」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHiPOLQsqH
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSgVIx328h
以前生活在修道院的時候，我好像從未這麼煩惱過。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbp7CR94RSN
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZyaDA8UW23
每位修女都視之為己任，打苦鞭、守嚴齋、祈禱、抄寫經文等等，持續地向至尊陛下祈求。就這樣每天過著心靈充實的日子。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTNe1qDrnC
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDY5MA6Zdyk
如今我每日不僅得和各種各樣誘惑對抗，還有個純真的小王子詢問我究竟想要什麼。我又不希望殘忍拒絕殿下的好意，真叫人苦惱吶。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKaQyCDwnd
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡspD7w8nKG3
「唉......」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK5PWyLHjKk
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT9yxcPNJbL
我沉浸於雜亂的思緒中，漸漸停下手邊的翻土作業，感覺到汗水從額頭沿著臉頰滑落下來。我用手背抹去了汗水，然後輕嘆了一口氣。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVo9jH1XCo
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡegoRKpsfr3
明明只要當場拒絕獅族王子殿下的好意，並表示自己全心全意為至尊陛下奉獻就好；為什麼當時我卻沒有這麼做呢？319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBnpJvXQ1Q
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJmSyZkK2I
是由於殿下的語氣充滿真摯的純潔與無邪嗎？319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKCKq3SV8v
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQoFLJxkNV
是由於殿下對待他人的時候總是膽大心細嗎？319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBF4ZK8161Q
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBLHA6Iuqo
「唉......」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTlfPHI04U
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZ9cYU5usf
「海倫娜，妳怎麼在唉聲嘆氣的？」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuuUemnZjK8
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0VuoMOLIHE
就在此時，熟悉的桑音自我身後響起。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0t5UGLM0Yz
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9KgbhKlfc
「奧絲雅，妳好呀。騎士團的鍛鍊結束了嗎？」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkN5xNirCk6
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzHnLzmWd8A
我轉過頭的時候勉強勾起嘴角露出微笑，但不是很成功。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJhaaOyELh
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjSBV1MjIN
「妳在煩惱些什麼嗎？」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsSUtg5ARt
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFkctsXjfdF
奧絲雅馬上便察覺到我只是在強顏歡笑。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINyldfb5Lx
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAlSUR8e9A2
「不愧是奧絲雅，一下就被看出來了。」我苦笑。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb0CofhRP67
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUEJcMxQhL
「該不會那隻毛茸茸的大貓咪強迫妳做討厭的事情了？還是他趁著暖床的時候對妳毛手毛腳？我去教訓他！」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjOxiKe5XV
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtd9KyZtsMh
「不用擔心。殿下是一位很紳士的人，他沒有對我做出失禮的事情。」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzVogxjhJy
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwG6gvn5BaJ
經奧絲雅這麼提醒，我回想起來半夜時分我們倆常常會和殿下緊貼在一起(有幾次殿下還差點因奧絲雅奇差無比的睡姿抱得太緊而窒息！)。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKz4fI0ZTOk
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzh70jOJGj9
半夢半醒之中，我感覺到殿下胯下的部位好像有點熱熱硬硬的凸起物…...算了，那應該是我的錯覺吧？319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQysM6TCaAe
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjb4VmSTti
畢竟那個部位又沒有任何東西。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgW1LRrP2aJ
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLXsGSwJ8q
「真的沒發生什麼事。」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPo7tAw2kX
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtqT8C04Ile
所以我決定暫時撇下這個疑惑。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjc1QGgAai6
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVeE7oJpQoW
「只是......殿下確實給我出了個難題。」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡna96hekjf1
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFq8QMu8XOS
我對奧絲雅講述前幾天發生的事，其中也包括我找不到真心希望得到的事物。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV5yCHUYALN
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzoC2jpFvMg
「畢竟妳總是那麼善良。」奧絲雅說：「像妳這麼忠貞的修女怎麼可能會有私慾呢？那隻小笨貓到底在問啥呀。」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXXPXWxou8
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyU0KXP6r1S
「呵呵，奧絲雅，我可沒如此高尚。像我這樣的小女子，軟弱又沒什麼剛毅可言。天主賜予恩寵引領我，如祂現在所做的，我認為已是對我莫大的恩典。」我補充道說：「再者，殿下也是一番好意嘛。」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnyLAfFxKss
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIr8nAwiFXH
「可是妳再繼續煩惱下去也不是辦法，妳體內會累積壞的體液喔，到時候生病的話可得不償失。」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbO8fzPjk49
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXXKMzgJvl
「的確，假使積累太多黑膽汁(Black bile)的話，真會讓人感到抑鬱寡歡呢。」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wL5finVJm
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtoJyrOyojX
「我看妳最近一直忙著整理花園，要不偶爾也去做點其他事情，如何呢？」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlA5yYaTwf5
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlyp5Uzm6BX
「其他事情？」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoPzZBiSLwE
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06Kl3ZuGZY
「對呀，看是要出外走走散心或大口吃肉忘掉煩惱......啊，不好意思，妳身為赤足修院的修女要守齋戒。」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gAOhYwnYm
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9K8n26HtMe
「散散心嗎......嗯，也許我真的不該為一個問題而過度鑽牛角尖，或許換個方法，換個角度來思考，才可以想的到解決之道呢」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESHMNdGhKn
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7v7Hg80SUM
「那麼要不要陪我去城外晃晃嘞？」奧絲雅很開心地問我。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3ySbBvl8m
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡty21ycjvNV
「下次吧。」我說：「我想要久違的讓自己清醒一下呢。也許是太久沒有做那件事，腦袋都有些不靈光了呢。」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0NWrONvR3p
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHqc16KDZa7
「哪件事？」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmPg8nMA80
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPpH9Exvw8
「當然是足以叫人靈魂為之振奮，讓整個人都感覺通體舒暢、徹底清醒的一帖良方囉。它對於動腦袋思考可是很有幫助的唷，奧絲雅你也一起來試試吧！」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0tS4cJbrP
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhd9Mod9bDq
「妳難道是指——」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYBTqy1XpM
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7uGeusuMZm
我邊說邊雙手一拍，發出啪的清脆聲響。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKayBsUX7i
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY06ILwJGJG
「打.苦.鞭。」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5224JmNICP
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiH6XLK9kAa
＊＊＊319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRiucTSJUY5
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAFh2WFvRdx
咻——劈啪！319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8zXZ0Ti6j5
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHymAyjiB4Q
每當我單手往後一揮，空氣便會發出一聲呼嘯作響，隨即傳來的則是清脆的聲響。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPNCtMtK7xt
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQaAn7VV3z
咻——劈啪！319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZUPbBklUKz
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIJzxBDTWr
每當綁了節的粗繩鞭抽打在我的後背上，我便感受到如同火燒且入骨的痛楚。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9xIT4PSfg
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4SOYIH5Lac
咻——劈啪！319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FMEnz2dD5
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKRHDl5Iv44
此時此刻，我正獨自跪坐在〈白城〉城堡內的小聖堂內，一邊手持苦鞭鞭打自己，一邊靜默地禱告著。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3WXW5p4BnO
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCc62aRrUns
我每一次都使勁全力揮舞苦鞭，都以極大力道鞭笞我的背部，盡可能為我的肉體帶來極大的痛楚感，並在這過程中驅逐一切貪念、困惑、慾望，以及最重要的——以自身受苦受難來救贖人類在世間的苦難，並且更接近至尊陛下。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmM6ePKw2BX
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0xljqPE5N
咻——劈啪！319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDReCaAIYRy
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXcSb0nxVk
「哼嗯......」319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP7jjeXQ86D
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4czt1617s
糟糕，我居然在打苦鞭時發出悶哼聲，難道是內心的專注力變得渙散嗎？319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOERA6qYso0
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNx12Q8zIJ3
自從離開修道院後，我的人生便發生劇烈的改變。許許多多無法理解的事情一波接著一波襲來，讓我都快應付不來了——而這還是我自己造成的！319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdgStzIv13x
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfcmBpxpGHU
姆姆曾說過，為了使我們這些羔羊的靈魂靠向自由和卓越的全德，需要非常刻苦的努力。但是，卻不能在短時間內修成。所以我和姊妹們以剛毅的心祈求苦難，或者，更精確地說，我們的至尊陛下賜予我們剛毅，願意為祂受苦，因為這是我們的渴望。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXpdeLhpJIL
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpznucEVBkv
可是一離開修道院後，我才發現世俗世界的苦難比想像中還要多，而這些都是姆姆過去極力避免我們所接觸的。我不怪她，因為這之中不只有苦難，還有各種各樣慾念在我周遭作崇並嘗試引誘我。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlcnURQj4Aq
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZh3w95OBvW
我深信這是至尊陛下給予我的一個巨大的考驗，比起待在封閉的修道院裡頭更能測試我對祂的忠誠......我難不成做了錯誤的決定嗎？319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfOaCOxKRDX
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0VDgYMoYI
不行不行，我得專心於打苦鞭才行，沉浸於疼痛的喜悅才是。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlVInWtAun
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi14gsPjXoj
咻——劈啪！319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPv1B1CkRQc
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBxXx6cpaJ
只要鞭打得更用力......319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8M4sjwawuN
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XbMCjeeS1
咻——劈啪！319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlgeRuJYmKK
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUi9g5acez
讓身體更痛......319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytpIhPSyMZ
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfbs2Mt0dWh
咻——劈啪！319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHKZxh9EJK
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVbBNi9bai
就能夠忘卻一切......319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡebyPfWoH3y
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvx3RnrKacj
咻——319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHSaJ13Wj3W
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGcFKGQZGpA
突然間，苦鞭劃破空氣的聲音，為我的腦袋內帶來靈光一閃。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSvMUpNyiq
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPLsREY2wE
假使換個方式思考，眼前這個難題不就和離開修道院這件一模一樣嗎？當初居住於修道院內過著封閉的生活，確實是一種精進內心靈性的方式。但那只不過是閉上眼不去觀看外界的苦難罷了。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmZbRVdgFB
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMfDBZ8rUY
如果我試圖迴避殿下的這個問題，豈不是在封閉住心靈而不去正視問題嗎？如此一來它將纏著我不放，成為我內在與外在的苦痛與擾亂。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvjsuYEXVWb
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrtzoIIGVER
咻——劈啪！319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wjya5gA88
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm70qnxxd3c
再一次，苦鞭飛舞的聲響提醒我某個事物。319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqH1B5YPKUa
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsRkoSCK9j
沒有錯，只要找到真心想要的事物並告訴殿下，就能夠永遠解決問題！這並非滿足私慾，而是開拓更寬廣順暢的修道之路啊！319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSFDv0lObN
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWNZyj0Olj
咻——劈啪！319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmxKq52BqOV
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsd44PmLpB
而那事物原本模糊的形象，彷彿在一次又一次的鞭笞更加清晰可見！319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmdzMe7DR2v
319Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOW5sukFZjG
更多！更多！更多的苦鞭！
