＊＊＊
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaljV44pVTw
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnE0sWTbAZE
絕大多數的時候，我偏好一個人做園藝工作。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLoLh0Us3nO
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdj8oeWiWt1
我喜歡一個人待在花園，邊做邊寧靜地沉浸於大自然之中。當然，我做園藝的時候也會思考些事情，這段寧靜的片刻我來說是一種享受。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekwSbFfkXy
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡavwizp8W5K
我本身喜歡上園藝的原因，是來自姆姆告訴過我們的一個比喻，我很喜歡那個比喻：如果要成為修道之人，或者當我們要開始靈修生活時，至尊陛下最多能做的只有除去一塊荒地上的雜亂野草，播下好種子。剩下的工作得由我們自己進行。我們必須盡心盡力當個好園丁，用心澆水，照顧好這些植物，使之成長並盛開，愉悅我們的上主。這樣一來，祂便會時常來到賞心悅目的花園中，而我們也因此從中得到喜悅。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡno9l24lTm2
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrvYaHj5I4
一想到這，我便更加努力照料身旁的花園和菜園，豐富四周環境的同時也豐富自己的心靈，如此還能夠接近上主，這不是一舉數得嗎？405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLegGAPpR96
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWoMb0bT2P
只不過，現在的我卻像是以翻整花園為目的，來逃避一個天大的煩惱。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOm6D1B0z4h
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDnFtSxLmlo
「自己想要的東西......是嗎？」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1L0hKkmu7C
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6oxd4BUsA
以前生活在修道院的時候，我好像從未這麼煩惱過。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡli0MNHyt6d
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEpNVQ4JTS
每位修女都視之為己任，打苦鞭、守嚴齋、祈禱、抄寫經文等等，持續地向至尊陛下祈求。就這樣每天過著心靈充實的日子。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQryAdD2CEO
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYu0WpPqZaA
如今我每日不僅得和各種各樣誘惑對抗，還有個純真的小王子詢問我究竟想要什麼。我又不希望殘忍拒絕殿下的好意，真叫人苦惱吶。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dN6g4R8Bl
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKSYUELQGB3
「唉......」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqxGN6umvbz
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7eGrFDeFmC
我沉浸於雜亂的思緒中，漸漸停下手邊的翻土作業，感覺到汗水從額頭沿著臉頰滑落下來。我用手背抹去了汗水，然後輕嘆了一口氣。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6tb6qYRIj
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFM61QlMiIc
明明只要當場拒絕獅族王子殿下的好意，並表示自己全心全意為至尊陛下奉獻就好；為什麼當時我卻沒有這麼做呢？405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4owxohz5x2
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7zniwurKC
是由於殿下的語氣充滿真摯的純潔與無邪嗎？405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZZYtq5Z8v
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq10gItmQvl
是由於殿下對待他人的時候總是膽大心細嗎？405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYSA4Tujea
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpS9XYuVERg
「唉......」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRH2RVgYQ5o
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAsLRNY5tk
「海倫娜，妳怎麼在唉聲嘆氣的？」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehXjNpgCXC
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHMmz7SdKr
就在此時，熟悉的桑音自我身後響起。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0G9UNbVsyo
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OnTL2Xje3
「奧絲雅，妳好呀。騎士團的鍛鍊結束了嗎？」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Fbe9x8rm3
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaCoWhjpqVN
我轉過頭的時候勉強勾起嘴角露出微笑，但不是很成功。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRNLqv36h9
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTBP0kNhmQw
「妳在煩惱些什麼嗎？」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt53Ab2G25B
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6GKjyqzqkF
奧絲雅馬上便察覺到我只是在強顏歡笑。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0mDNl2ozle
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnsbsymeYqR
「不愧是奧絲雅，一下就被看出來了。」我苦笑。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MeQPSdvuj
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUyeVtxR8zf
「該不會那隻毛茸茸的大貓咪強迫妳做討厭的事情了？還是他趁著暖床的時候對妳毛手毛腳？我去教訓他！」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzvVBCp4en
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0FM6ZaH2xI
「不用擔心。殿下是一位很紳士的人，他沒有對我做出失禮的事情。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz2JNwO7lm1
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtChYNSUisq
經奧絲雅這麼提醒，我回想起來半夜時分我們倆常常會和殿下緊貼在一起(有幾次殿下還差點因奧絲雅奇差無比的睡姿抱得太緊而窒息！)。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rSEmsc4h2
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDnXd09Vxdu
半夢半醒之中，我感覺到殿下胯下的部位好像有點熱熱硬硬的凸起物…...算了，那應該是我的錯覺吧？405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfECPtC2iE7
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOB1TyxJCO
畢竟那個部位又沒有任何東西。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNg7d67qPp
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwmvdMu0ZY
「真的沒發生什麼事。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHM95AkRqxI
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1AdAmrOPvd
所以我決定暫時撇下這個疑惑。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe9Bdtz0LcB
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBQ4aj6NiAN
「只是......殿下確實給我出了個難題。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ14aA8dRzoq
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGasESIMExy
我對奧絲雅講述前幾天發生的事，其中也包括我找不到真心希望得到的事物。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs65aoczFrZ
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLgf9iy1Ho
「畢竟妳總是那麼善良。」奧絲雅說：「像妳這麼忠貞的修女怎麼可能會有私慾呢？那隻小笨貓到底在問啥呀。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡub0tWMVyKy
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmYVflZJKd
「呵呵，奧絲雅，我可沒如此高尚。像我這樣的小女子，軟弱又沒什麼剛毅可言。天主賜予恩寵引領我，如祂現在所做的，我認為已是對我莫大的恩典。」我補充道說：「再者，殿下也是一番好意嘛。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrEySJWS8Ne
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRkYHsL2SzZ
「可是妳再繼續煩惱下去也不是辦法，妳體內會累積壞的體液喔，到時候生病的話可得不償失。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBfagS27VQ
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Ztb4b2y1c
「的確，假使積累太多黑膽汁(Black bile)的話，真會讓人感到抑鬱寡歡呢。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2tm3tvNaS
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJM7oAI155V
「我看妳最近一直忙著整理花園，要不偶爾也去做點其他事情，如何呢？」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiICgaHLjuf
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKDXsl4GEO
「其他事情？」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡptTVDfUVmc
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbUHVtqllwJ
「對呀，看是要出外走走散心或大口吃肉忘掉煩惱......啊，不好意思，妳身為赤足修院的修女要守齋戒。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRCwYGViThE
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0paEErkO4S
「散散心嗎......嗯，也許我真的不該為一個問題而過度鑽牛角尖，或許換個方法，換個角度來思考，才可以想的到解決之道呢」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYkuMNALSF
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9FMHUo3hN
「那麼要不要陪我去城外晃晃嘞？」奧絲雅很開心地問我。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BCeI4JDUW
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFEFi4fSSmr
「下次吧。」我說：「我想要久違的讓自己清醒一下呢。也許是太久沒有做那件事，腦袋都有些不靈光了呢。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnsJ4Gohms
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREsTpov02Z
「哪件事？」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZ5QZxxRuH
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6VxreWB9E
「當然是足以叫人靈魂為之振奮，讓整個人都感覺通體舒暢、徹底清醒的一帖良方囉。它對於動腦袋思考可是很有幫助的唷，奧絲雅你也一起來試試吧！」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPUqKMwVHQ
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfmBBo2w1E
「妳難道是指——」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVEj6ZNXePH
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPILkVBMxL
我邊說邊雙手一拍，發出啪的清脆聲響。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkIcgDoCC33
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2T9NRr5kWo
「打.苦.鞭。」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGehkPJc0uj
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtGfhms6V1
＊＊＊405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZNOmsum5RC
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItxqGI9s6a
咻——劈啪！405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0KQ0K39hgT
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡieVARzM97A
每當我單手往後一揮，空氣便會發出一聲呼嘯作響，隨即傳來的則是清脆的聲響。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjb48WMC9d
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhpSENmG18
咻——劈啪！405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXlkTyWTQx
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3FZQH8xZl8
每當綁了節的粗繩鞭抽打在我的後背上，我便感受到如同火燒且入骨的痛楚。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtVzIT0ydcq
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcyfhExvgDU
咻——劈啪！405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLeSQJY1vZ
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmZYrq92Ktl
此時此刻，我正獨自跪坐在〈白城〉城堡內的小聖堂內，一邊手持苦鞭鞭打自己，一邊靜默地禱告著。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv2vR5PCeCu
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfBTdsEzM6L
我每一次都使勁全力揮舞苦鞭，都以極大力道鞭笞我的背部，盡可能為我的肉體帶來極大的痛楚感，並在這過程中驅逐一切貪念、困惑、慾望，以及最重要的——以自身受苦受難來救贖人類在世間的苦難，並且更接近至尊陛下。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDJSLwe8O4
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO4kQ2o4kUh
咻——劈啪！405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbwA8z4FUrg
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4bsDXYZq2r
「哼嗯......」405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyO53HnIDp
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpnTJlvpcU
糟糕，我居然在打苦鞭時發出悶哼聲，難道是內心的專注力變得渙散嗎？405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnG5dpNr2vm
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeK0ehdWZG9
自從離開修道院後，我的人生便發生劇烈的改變。許許多多無法理解的事情一波接著一波襲來，讓我都快應付不來了——而這還是我自己造成的！405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZkrAuJwRMD
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqaIRnnNy8h
姆姆曾說過，為了使我們這些羔羊的靈魂靠向自由和卓越的全德，需要非常刻苦的努力。但是，卻不能在短時間內修成。所以我和姊妹們以剛毅的心祈求苦難，或者，更精確地說，我們的至尊陛下賜予我們剛毅，願意為祂受苦，因為這是我們的渴望。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzF2U4xMKzR
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAKf7O1uPVS
可是一離開修道院後，我才發現世俗世界的苦難比想像中還要多，而這些都是姆姆過去極力避免我們所接觸的。我不怪她，因為這之中不只有苦難，還有各種各樣慾念在我周遭作崇並嘗試引誘我。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIU8IiX2xYD
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdP4hIksyI
我深信這是至尊陛下給予我的一個巨大的考驗，比起待在封閉的修道院裡頭更能測試我對祂的忠誠......我難不成做了錯誤的決定嗎？405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaheXBhBZwZ
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7PvFN9tYY1
不行不行，我得專心於打苦鞭才行，沉浸於疼痛的喜悅才是。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzV0ThoLd2H
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8W6my8mJq
咻——劈啪！405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZvIc37ZzI
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3whGrcC33
只要鞭打得更用力......405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwd4bQTqtsu
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxEkTEBdH1
咻——劈啪！405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH3IB6jR44n
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrljex6xmQ
讓身體更痛......405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGMnb1Xi5Dy
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1KT1i198Rm
咻——劈啪！405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewRquiizyS
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEOPbC443j
就能夠忘卻一切......405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrlt08JsRP6
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWJ0o5seN2
咻——405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZsVAaBDgR
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRyz4xyqhRo
突然間，苦鞭劃破空氣的聲音，為我的腦袋內帶來靈光一閃。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiaInYs5N9m
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFj4pcYeDK7
假使換個方式思考，眼前這個難題不就和離開修道院這件一模一樣嗎？當初居住於修道院內過著封閉的生活，確實是一種精進內心靈性的方式。但那只不過是閉上眼不去觀看外界的苦難罷了。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZNcAB65WfA
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNV3h46saj
如果我試圖迴避殿下的這個問題，豈不是在封閉住心靈而不去正視問題嗎？如此一來它將纏著我不放，成為我內在與外在的苦痛與擾亂。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlG2r1jH6H
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxn65pgAfUl
咻——劈啪！405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGCxaoIGGXG
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMgvFTYdGis
再一次，苦鞭飛舞的聲響提醒我某個事物。405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOIOLikgs8
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9HnPhbPZr
沒有錯，只要找到真心想要的事物並告訴殿下，就能夠永遠解決問題！這並非滿足私慾，而是開拓更寬廣順暢的修道之路啊！405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbsQasfHIGn
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJhRugR1dJ
咻——劈啪！405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡClVmhuBaJO
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMVh66qrmO
而那事物原本模糊的形象，彷彿在一次又一次的鞭笞更加清晰可見！405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8BJHTwme8
405Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5j5qmOi5H6
更多！更多！更多的苦鞭！
