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午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpmetv8VPrZ
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTK3LWkY56c
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZOs2doEjI3
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEiTeLNdNEP
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1NJurE4u2I
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9YP9vR0unN
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHT71lEhlH
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUWdPHFKlF
為何記住？我解釋不了。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvqKQYefx3
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxKvzH0t60
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0detalsVr
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRyWig0ZgE
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqH9j98D8Jx
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx6HeTPkaq5
其中一個是他。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINsqyT1fXw
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEuhIiE1ZA
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhvt3L5liBT
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPzdzpA8XN
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1FWlknGVGk
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftoQyyuj16
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiaVt95xJSQ
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI7qzvRXFEb
「你遺下銀包。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxkZg8YpAE
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtJfAkSpuN
「謝謝。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5f8YVmBgdx
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQNh98e9A5
「不用客氣……」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0sGV8Zult5
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzD3LZD470N
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNlWno14UdO
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6E3IYELqd
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4v1m6VlYa4
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSga3G9SAPK
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrVkv2FM2hP
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFAUmX7KcO
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3X6NNJkmAV
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1H9O1kXoP
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAfQQPCgq6W
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDeRLm6vMcH
「我是文班許家偉。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkBWULquMn
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYKJPLTK4Q6
「我是理班李浩榮。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrm6YQD4PT6
其實我早已知道許家偉。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZio38GQQhq
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK6C42CmvoH
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqu5WiZKZm2
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImC1A567ur
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCdmjBop28
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj2kk5A61Ca
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbsPM4OEvJK
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoku33FtPi
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTo7r9rUQcS
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvJtM3lD93
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6wPKL8Fk9p
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9EN6JEO3T
不服氣。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgNdJUOVBib
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPAwbAvJEx
繼續觀察他。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6sx6B0ONg
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBGiOrq2BAM
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3SBstDDHm
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmrrfTUmo43
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkPuyo36Gx
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6cSMBXAosM
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccDxsEIfSU
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLGc87IrJ4
我急步追趕許家偉。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrOXaEzfkwR
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQGDPCTdkip
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6uuX9DaBZ6
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuJN4xituNU
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSpTYA2S0uj
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ94ROPltQBx
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48Nmg2xNRM
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmMpyzDa7X
「你遺下了銀包。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGy8Y1MeNE
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡja0ziefqCz
「謝謝。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4wshyEdam
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvg1t1bLvD
「不用客氣……」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1BNEReJ67n
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCm2sYaC0R8
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTTCW2t9T6
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHDrICPKB2A
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQ3eHovFFm
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbVbfoJg2K5
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAEVYAkxdLP
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG1XmjZIocI
我望入他雙眼。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYHrGLRl9a
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzIiemHNCH
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡroBrIriH8Z
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd8ElXS5Sli
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPpv4TDaHpv
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6LMaV9fy5
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4HvmfNNeka
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV5pZ264mc9
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0mkYCbbRvD
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipnqmzN0AG
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVwEjFldqQI
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXqnoaNOJl
「我是文班許家偉。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPT2Uqt157v
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8QO2IoxX5f
「我是理班李浩榮。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMEtiiDM5y
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bIEzguOaJ
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMrZgTeDOy
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGM5dBTqzma
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCAOQva5b5v
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWyJM15nbBf
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXGsG3RKRp
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡucs6NZmQaH
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68MxdXkQXP
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfbTvXmUR6G
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34Cgoq7Zqu
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6htDDlkLI7
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKOwFoUuXu
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYc4I0lWYpN
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSfI3BNzdo0
但我沒有阻止他。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡng4eQAq74j
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVOsk32JDm
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj25PfMdtDW
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8S5JWUsupu
我慫恿他繼續說下去。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxu0Qt277cm
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLOHPoXhAw
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQlUMoCUPbe
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKS5nqv3sDh
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYc2H5rnVyE
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJr40Imek9
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutpAwOPcKa
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzoVGDfDQ05
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRIt3Z9gwJZ
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80tEXQSweV
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfgwKrBxCj
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00VunW5hnx
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2OKgPYT5j
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhEV1fuRTP
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF74NIUs0nb
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPdE2yl19mr
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9M37R3cdpp
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJpkXQCXOgi
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡatnoASGlSA
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGiT4WkPQB
但我掛念他。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKAHWAFaTKD
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqs184fxbSA
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0pPYdanqXx
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TYxakRIdl
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0EujQz3dx
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LV0iQRrTw
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXo9rAONw0
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8sn199SJKp
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHbGAgMadE
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEoo9jDKDZG
不要說。不要聽。不要見。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnNrt6WDG9B
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpze1tyXXBk
希望時間會沖淡一切。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2HKn2uMyy
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04BRGvxktt
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLGZp1qOvY
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhauDWtJ8Y
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fbxJeeWwx
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJqZETfTAv
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCyMDwC56q
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBK8Wxk9h1
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6d4W4WbZg
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37drs8IhTU
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTtQcAD5Vf
「我也不明白。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ20kXQfWSb
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「那就不要繼續喜歡。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrnRQFZhh55
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsoLAvKXH57
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmT8IVD9KsM
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡonCwwXLQRK
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlcuFJuX0k
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXq7ivqTbQg
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Xbg9c2NZf
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「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC58pdzaQOD
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRWV5LiSbv
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7mjUgkoAb
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe46LTXFtgU
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnFd281BNZm
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpFSUscL9YY
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5u3dERgJP9
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLJ1nOdVhD
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NXwG95vG3
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBSwBimlYcW
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFNYGWoq58
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyrIrN56J63
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMqUX6CAWT
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJp4J3nYhyk
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5COjDsbLg
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwiV5G0bzl
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPU1TRNyZZ
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2w1c5ETqGM
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQy9EBcgcKL
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFvRTDnhlvT
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QDBl4ODPL
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為何要走到這一步？240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4QItrEUkO
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlXONUxqF9
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOKKWbvKJJk
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPR0JTKTxU
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97HdvB9okv
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvVmggexw3
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqCxXtpja0b
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZSbhCTXtX
「別倔強。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrXkwb1yYeq
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1DHgs0Kh1n
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMUWIK9Zes
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXhGUBGwMA
「我想你放棄。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XUklVrN2O
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「原因？」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgkOCYRy5vZ
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdwlz3rcfr
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcbHNkRFdXJ
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdfuK7PGNM
「我知道。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRJow5tmRy
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Ye8Rlfx65
「何解還要繼續下去？」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFzc1ODKm6U
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gIRykpbd6
「感情易放難收。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqegyPn96ie
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlSB2wpdvhL
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjz1RBHppgh
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDWiBjOFDI
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjNP2rt4Agf
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpEJLHTy4Kp
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd1NMQtIdHD
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcQmJW0RfN1
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68DeO947CY
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtkxVPrFVE1
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNwZlejpBk
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85awg0VpNr
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGS6DmMXue
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvxWp8A4JXs
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqXuENNJ96t
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRiNDU7HPre
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJ5lKwtI78
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTiZKvkTlv
小醉。半醉。大醉。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRfodoFIFH
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7yVb4lTbkW
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsfIf5AT8R
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs40gpAFk2D
「直接講我愛他。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX7tJfnQ7DH
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxHLMiJ6nr
「如果他拒絕？」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOWBMMRVIpM
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOSZveQ32Yc
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLQBJndAzY
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcr7gpb3ON
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbqiespuIF
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEUJddkbAKi
「我當然是高興！」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz3DxYhRdJ0
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePGmEa5RWu
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPzpUqbDeq
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKTnX4EIcj
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJdTzNvUqC
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JewNBCUZA
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNmYbu0zCRU
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRjjgwu0HA
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHkDJHKSmnY
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgYV9BJtRtB
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7sWBDWd1bA
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡblF9jiUFdf
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBeDDk3lcjM
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFFnhrBcOo
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGeUcPOhSW4
「你仍然單身？」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttDvvZq6Z1
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF15IrnJjqh
「是的。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQ12C3nsXo
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdLD8rkTtN
「要我當媒嗎？」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwXvCglRP4
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFJVRlSbKc
「不了。難為情。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRzyWdWMKP
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7em8k8ZNaB
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBok3Xpezk
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAxR7sktbP
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6eqYEBnzRk
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyW3XYNhRIm
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnkVJdwxKZV
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjLvxwjkQe
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNPlHeABxw
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回家吧。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRu72dcAIQT
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開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3A3zlVjD5D
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLPSnhIBIB
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7tZcoKaqz
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJC2X7FdoV
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWLeaPRcE4m
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枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ172LEXbBMA
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大概是一見鍾情吧。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMy10NfCdo4
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奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0hPHKOH3Q3
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqw6sZy0ZG
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWUYQS1Taj
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmWwSreYoQ
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XPySvSmz9
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6JbHnGAT1W
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHxJynyu1lM
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBAk2IZmC0O
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVd7XpvLomW
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3Fb79rTU8
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx7uSQJLohq
百感交集……240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0YBVlrUPp
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY7wnpTxHHD
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Dh0Ju1mC7
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmxwwe5AtW
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAxJ38SMlB
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5oVlisHDdq
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXzbIPyGPC
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NlHwJD2Ck
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3gCmebQIy
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzbOnCIQCk
「認得。你是文班的。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡND6zfw9ZWy
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSGmv1fMJLZ
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQO8Nz4XSTw
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg03rWq7J02
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXoEw6URKyo
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4hHF6ljYhe
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifI0WneciO
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHkUDkp2cj
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYidk219v1D
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfPogBTaQwp
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWqPR6wCJ8N
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyTiZdJHPry
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoolPuofA1V
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuhiA63y3w
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTubUO3ktAT
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4FjKaVy90F
我哭笑不得。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0Mp794kVp
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無意跟他繼續對話。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbu7EGZZsop
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9dYwbGQvSq
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDG1Y6amryN
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSLkiZNQnv
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjz4aRTwO8
