午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfurIcLZfNq
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyaSkZE1CV0
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Cmncj0SSN
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAurxHaLBHa
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUgLzWXIY8
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYLNwl7HOX
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYavAVpzFXl
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9oVX2JjSqD
為何記住？我解釋不了。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCAzYzQd7R
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuqQV2GW3i
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9r4fGpAMek
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxNIrurezg9
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfdWYA071Y
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWgCx8LnhDW
其中一個是他。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd61nqtLLCO
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fuiSF1Q2q
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKdhfzQvJF
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvPnaKiUDz
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDnj6naW7v
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7JymUJB1pL
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ23UPcB2EsR
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡre7ghSLfof
「你遺下銀包。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRvK9muwUMp
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGHw0D5nvL
「謝謝。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAgwgjGaHuV
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MY41e0cQz
「不用客氣……」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoylzlKB0op
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsyoEVpPMoU
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmqNQ0Zjebg
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE2c5xAOpuy
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhBsJsIvsl
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UoR4ZmBOk
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5QEyb1HoQ2
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ23IxQcquau
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBdcWAF8TF2
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCwcEn9YjZb
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2GHoEeZVIb
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUrMLiAs06
「我是文班許家偉。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYk793pOOp5
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRhIXGDqItu
「我是理班李浩榮。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKKHZY1D7G
其實我早已知道許家偉。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRZfqmbwXZ
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeqFqjcDWmm
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mzwQuSJA4
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLWykhBaiWC
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsNBLWL6unR
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5WSN93XVsU
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhx2a3mZCsk
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2RZ06EdA7
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG0uSD74V1w
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS7a0erbSyn
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnceb1zFwuo
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa3IIHGSEOI
不服氣。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYrHjSToE1
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9A06oLUXE
繼續觀察他。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDnANZmBi8
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgctDChRRc2
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw1Khk7VYuc
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vsQPvYOlC
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKRItsScLx
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoA85jy8uHU
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWlkcsY4Bk
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrFRmnoYc7
我急步追趕許家偉。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4MLphR1q5i
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5qHIVMNec
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMth7AMW3C
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7qoxMqH6h
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtgimQIkPG4
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpGj5Gu2Ml
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUMhiBe7gR
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡueErrZzgbr
「你遺下了銀包。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNZDpm67XG
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpCWLa2rYF
「謝謝。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1upwjfuyzU
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9WhhgNxfH
「不用客氣……」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5EdE4mCIV3
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzuIbt2pWYN
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr37iCGTS2e
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCT2g715wf3
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3vhCEoxdnE
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwysYvIqnCB
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQMHQeFa4x
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCYNMcUNhe4
我望入他雙眼。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLiLlIKhCji
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBblkxFOxZp
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2IMJeFjpFl
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCirIY1B4v
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIlQY0d5RKC
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3x6ZtWyU7Y
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCyePzPHIDi
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxR4Guf7WWG
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99rWoU4nFn
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsFJDiUxNE
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhiMXogacJ
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqIwOHy1XW
「我是文班許家偉。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7CEzDOnu8
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0b6BzDNt8C
「我是理班李浩榮。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKEPLunPOJd
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4yBmWAMXKY
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLVjxO4BQWa
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcYo908N17Z
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60uCtx2adH
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8sJWeiGLP
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBRZh8jABe
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBdGlCDVsrt
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYRSxlGDq2
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdo8wQ8FYL2
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIlC9DNQcuy
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKSq0J90joQ
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGk0TdQwCLi
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK55im1xSPj
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwLeXjKQ1l
但我沒有阻止他。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvh2dAKpeH
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwwSaKa20ZX
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJJF0okkwa
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Iks8t4rgJ
我慫恿他繼續說下去。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMeA5WG6qvS
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa2yKDgDmZi
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJIpkV54jB
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSOxqJgSbV
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUEz4uE2s0
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHeqA7VywE
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBE1ImLkp3R
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCfTJSKHwr7
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl72ReGMQXX
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5POLZ1yLcD
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZFiEEX7EQ
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT42RJhYo6B
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0wNr0jTg68
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn7787urkcE
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6sqWlT909Q
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFPlptcSlT
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbpdC4CQK9
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI56Q06GLUB
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcX7RFyynv
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fDnuNTq5f
但我掛念他。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMv5PWCptJ
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhykFFeq3lA
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡybAzbdvRZx
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOioJVPog0s
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0JkO12VUk
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fqGp2l0B2
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVMCbatr0F
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfq9lrkMNm0
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡitEIAYr1Um
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyClmR7W8k
不要說。不要聽。不要見。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6EzeCFBMh
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkIBj4aHHI1
希望時間會沖淡一切。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGeMaCgGaO
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUB4gn7h5U
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFEItmvdAEQ
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtF4mYQnnvd
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmubD8IuNct
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQe0IlivjfA
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvgCR60moT
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFGt6BLCmW
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAAmvjdG9Ml
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZhmFpj1fd
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOcXABXmOR
「我也不明白。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8LXN2Ebxm
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYG91KBUD00
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvyVbU9Z0fz
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqI2eiThEHS
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWUKhtx5Qe
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqMyEsWhXXU
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLqC9ph9wj
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmogeO83C9
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs62FczsTEd
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUtOWsgiLl
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpcDsucSfO
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEk3Kp9THLb
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO9xqbw5tDQ
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhPa5OXY4s
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrH9OPEldbN
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7yDylUe42z
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡteCq2Zln4e
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3FFlcTZnQF
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8U5lVxqv2T
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmhTschAJAp
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8alOK6Fk1
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqwBU0cCmN
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡteZithIByG
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNezwmJnjj
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUhlJ3dOqN5
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFFT6Liy3o
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiH5DMPR42m
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8HZN5uZ4Wa
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVPPuP9aRi
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIOW7od2vX
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkyCk2ejzNr
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4P4GwsFSVj
為何要走到這一步？286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGmEBDjmhJ
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDWnWNpAPCe
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81hYyZRRFd
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPnaUF2HYY
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2YmPLkcSQl
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIg0DYzPfd4
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTqmn1chJC9
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7ZeYSxxq3
「別倔強。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBnPY2cSHW
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqeNMEH2Wk
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxr0Of59a5
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fbT5cwVef
「我想你放棄。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9w60METKNT
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9wPtpNia2
「原因？」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPiHoGkQ3YH
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlBttcVqsra
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNCotkNSOHK
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEd7Vfr2nHU
「我知道。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPS1kuTQ98O
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLQLx0NKsb
「何解還要繼續下去？」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVp6QmyKSaa
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7ezf17H0i
「感情易放難收。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6lxpoYI9sl
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8iSttPxnFB
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsplDDymGA
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivlqhtJbb3
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRdIwOI2fN
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0GPUSkTHQ
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrm09OnX9KH
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡix5TkwAr2f
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKa0rMvJokj
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3criFOi7h
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4YSwMEM7a
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf15pNpE6Ci
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlE2Mk1VRXB
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQan4SV1i5
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbCmwP2w0Wd
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVPpskjcBy9
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYn5nLWpAQC
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7gU7zZ9vhv
小醉。半醉。大醉。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxQfNO6asl
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLZmweXLi1
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvnfhjizRMm
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGPG3E9MM0j
「直接講我愛他。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbhWkEYR5V
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy60qPcqV3f
「如果他拒絕？」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQxdwehyRC
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYnmAE9bK9W
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQVQrKJ8tg
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRlzKWvdU5s
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8HzVzSpYfw
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzv1qGAykm
「我當然是高興！」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MiOPzv0ed
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafsBu46iJB
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZeaxGkqB00
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZ4uvpjVVa
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqWt2IDJzF
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZE0e3hOFOo
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo5LGalKIKU
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrlORQeRm4o
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC42LkLMreB
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfw3GreQ6CF
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzjjSupPFUk
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVPtDQDiEai
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjq44bTjCkN
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwIIK3CrgW
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUHH4AsFLSZ
「你仍然單身？」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7F3xZ4zrt
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3thB5kHsjA
「是的。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ552HTp6BTt
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhSMwrBhvXm
「要我當媒嗎？」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOcSS8Chn0
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7PTruYGa0N
「不了。難為情。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCspc3HaKZ
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUX6C49bNN
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7kWEdh7L7q
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESpwS9WRbL
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURwAdvwfo7
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ePmEuHzeA
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEC914Hshaa
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTBChmNmC4Q
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HgDw39ZPL
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1VZ6TO2IrO
回家吧。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ848xZT1noY
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAYo2X3BGK
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQuRCDc7h0h
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6h9rbFqaS
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZeKuqDd23
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Z9M2EJEvk
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtxYJfnEZX6
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9mkwBVfQL
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4FyME6a6R
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlS84abqGo
大概是一見鍾情吧。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjACSGLEPtQ
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡho44HhwAgz
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡapW96swg3c
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmhihJNpD7
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqj1a7vBJ0
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNI4EF8lTUo
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfX4L5hl8Q
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJAXb4whzsB
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2BfBs5zrw
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡenRFE5MhCL
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsw0yWsXOPL
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4EfL8RUo1
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEfqRAiUft
百感交集……286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNzedJRebt
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYKWIQOFux
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYAxzsqTcL
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnuXFcENtU3
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypAgVf5kLp
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDlYM1z4RP
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgODGV4c26
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74IGclaB55
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6mcFC7XfR
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLu0lcpekf
「認得。你是文班的。」286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9JKZO3NLI
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LGblGbgbG
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkRP7CncK6A
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhoD85ARhjU
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNhsyzig1XF
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2hshS4fQ7
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAmXgBfYc3B
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmHzsvOywa
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjd8oTOK364
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9CnhmDPkD
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZICCn7AUHk
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYn1pW68qPc
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJB9MKmv3a
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYamkA3o0a
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1VeZVITyDK
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpILAGnZfex
我哭笑不得。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIwJCHl7DMn
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlk2fcztB5D
無意跟他繼續對話。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9fzFE7v1X
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv1jbk6jrDO
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgp4ha6RNy9
286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSF6ZkjPf47
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。286Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCOhr7xFAa9
