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午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLuaJx1PrHk
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4rpvaR3Ah
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnS3Kw06mDc
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kaKwLYr5k
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOno4vsmroF
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzD7cQGVMv
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQuxPrcg9hX
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEChjaoTLo
為何記住？我解釋不了。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Ayd79u8KX
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdB2ZwmhkR
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgOpp6oyQE
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ihgWaS5J0
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcxJatl9H8
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYcffl3FQ7u
其中一個是他。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCap6GgIdoV
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFuY4M5YnSt
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT77KDVZdwt
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWKsklwPG9
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11oQniOBjf
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMguXJRXcQ
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx3yEDOs23F
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡckMksdRKhf
「你遺下銀包。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK919R1aeji
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaoLErFTxzj
「謝謝。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCOwl6QWRB
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuridy7u5Vh
「不用客氣……」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9JmPVR4mtJ
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3iq9jS7df4
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06oFUkUhzN
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6YK1omA4q
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHXsLKQAm9
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWomxDQWvNk
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppYHDZQLMC
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03nyLlDtn2
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKSYCS97iLx
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBCjtnZfWnh
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKHMZNaGeR
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2SC5OfVzc3
「我是文班許家偉。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx6ZOuL9VjG
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjsp1pCH6p
「我是理班李浩榮。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtGIVw0kFL
其實我早已知道許家偉。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxcwgtz2L0
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLuloR24NW
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZ29daqv49
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdZ9sXUvUA
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqOX5TJGFr
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYcQac4lBpi
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5DJHzInhBu
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsLEJJ3wij
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXSBX10uyG
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiceYtvU5H9
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhRiUCmEbJ
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKi2dZoiIl2
不服氣。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlxvn0PbaQp
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kWh9fv7Ht
繼續觀察他。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZfTUkAJTo
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvDkG9C76YC
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNA7DVjQQX
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hXEpejsYe
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUel5eWAOGC
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnY30Q3HDUl
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4sx5k7lsNS
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAEwXv0WdK9
我急步追趕許家偉。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6iAiy2V72J
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4EGLssX0c
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrKpuqtCVp
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwfbXy0Pke
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8gZqZ0GUOI
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgUnSg5Jj3
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmmr0wdAXo
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5RpMB8INr
「你遺下了銀包。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnC9S3LEfvV
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1xc87G8h9
「謝謝。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS236FRLjlw
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKx1hsf31ZP
「不用客氣……」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ24Vt9CMQm2
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTO1efpwANE
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmp00sagafj
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0qjcNQuXV
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqETORAkgL
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmOTQOub7BM
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaM6w8SDTMi
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcUwkuRG36
我望入他雙眼。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9c23gM5M4D
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3kc8UHzF6
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXDlRDeASF
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRqTSty7yB
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnrcrE8LOc
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKCJ9UnvCbr
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk68qFPbbpW
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnFPvNF42s8
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUft3Wd7f4
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wWCuDUuzV
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZEklNEZzt
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7fQOlyj6h
「我是文班許家偉。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjY9F3riL5m
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZD6cZqJ9D
「我是理班李浩榮。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0QTo4jILB
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJnLAJnJVN
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLGbBcPk1w
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRa5ESwrDS
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKzQOnQaek
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOCL56uzxc
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqw7RAcMck
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUg0ThBGa1V
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcxmAnJXb94
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9flxFGcCC
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWGhoOZ0X6j
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡReIXRvUtIe
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNI7DViFrGr
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiejPEwCblm
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6BpHTDRj5
但我沒有阻止他。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAMu2nGYwr
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBwiDxEYHH
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqXGsLO6t0L
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡldBU4u6dKX
我慫恿他繼續說下去。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPecJVhUhol
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp5Xdr5oq2V
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmoLTjiycD
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdACNIkXL5A
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPNohJlKEN
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeZKYaj18y3
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKtGeMqrnAW
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxQ0I6WoRGD
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGCkYukC77
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡceHv5uJvZp
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8gKQB7XUu
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRp6Zd0lRql
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XzLB9x9T9
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRufoRacRJ
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5quw0T23e
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5cEEKD3nK
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5E4clRm13c
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gcTDham7l
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tsSfBqqw1
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKzYCkUb5L
但我掛念他。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohQQI0FWor
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFB7dd0BtWt
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCIaWFcqybf
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBT3rTos6ua
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5g9jgiIaD0
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxzJkrbXYo
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3n8c6I6CV
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO70wwgUlVk
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQfbtU49Lc
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBQQYAGDwW
不要說。不要聽。不要見。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92m3BtJdc0
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6b7dBOxe7r
希望時間會沖淡一切。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzM74y0ct1
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEezJTvwAi5
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5Is2eUXxL
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXbIDUFjGA
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ubKV35wLc
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡidE0CCIddy
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCVvnc377H
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvjwLQjMMUB
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdVIxH4z91
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTlJGJ3Ltx
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbPTW6fgiRE
「我也不明白。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TVrXCUeVR
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynlk4oBQLX
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV20ho8FS4R
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwJ5uMusxNz
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc7jLbgKQA2
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOr9Ovms08
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUlr2KlrIP
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfNAZuGBwD
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPuvGzwv4nG
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXKYlEK5hv3
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5YCDEV0rqq
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeGv0Ofn79Q
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jK4lwyMay
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1lQJLj205X
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnMlUcS9mCr
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEg17eIynM
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50Giko5SU9
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7gdAJ2ONXU
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2RvKCF5A4
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJrFZvPdt1
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3pGBDrbzxQ
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyMVUNtM3Cm
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsVwALCFzpE
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ25m3emByzE
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjITMu0j0N
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfu9U8Lr2sO
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDSsMwl2FF
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZZRTpGRaA
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9K4wNPjuMB
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpJO3T49iZ
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Yc6iqIaBI
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikvPFIOfvW
為何要走到這一步？257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDpHEm6Hm5
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxDl5tRjY1
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ18zLglCx3k
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgcK1moqBMO
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHAC4yOU5G
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hyyIgBIEQ
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxpc3NWvHV
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVFwhMqO1be
「別倔強。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡad3V5DaSLl
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIUxUfA5ni8
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BSJpW543x
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51sFcmt6mY
「我想你放棄。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeXgDCZJIEN
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG0irXSRo9f
「原因？」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbaHhMM8WCD
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8E3mGcIOY0
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCL0h7RsL4d
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe64g9tNjq1
「我知道。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTKkCFaP4xr
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMtHrVVCtW
「何解還要繼續下去？」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡedU69Fo4xD
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWn4jcUNCOT
「感情易放難收。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhSNsTL644
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6a34F7l85D
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVm6eikDxTm
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡygwveaGTTb
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0RoM6RnSjP
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcPRPWmXFr3
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMOL2u7yWy
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrlXulgMbqE
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoSTnnvy4cJ
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0wllr5bVy
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBy8yYLLOU
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpyPVSESV9U
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTtdL9wZxz
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvp6ApgzG0P
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7ZCx5sxii
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVl1quezK5
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5U31zqlrHy
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5KLUAjKn6o
小醉。半醉。大醉。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFN5ExWvSnV
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6SaS2nGVd
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgyxkZRpwHE
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHMUV5jvpo3
「直接講我愛他。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnEAvqJhyZ
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTg1I02Dqf9
「如果他拒絕？」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkU66GWcfe8
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4nFwvBhra
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsN4AhsD0k
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoFodpRJ5oZ
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRXFVjam4Fm
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHdFXnBunr1
「我當然是高興！」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPDCJBWzEG
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡblGUOJVxMZ
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYggKWo1LtV
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqtNwUOOYlu
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6k9RpLnT1N
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsePgfSSz6Q
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpi74sBbj9A
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9FJV74LEj1
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNP6yG53EZ
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbkvNZLSRC
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMK9CD97XM3
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwm1v1aypa
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHNlOQfrcSM
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUtILKDSHDz
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡboED4cBjBa
「你仍然單身？」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQhryOX2SCW
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0ZJhApOab
「是的。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYsc4VvMuV2
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWJAZPvhKFw
「要我當媒嗎？」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlZjqziQQPB
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxPMDbXswG
「不了。難為情。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUynjbIyhE
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7C0pLRsEs9
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsubfzrhHb
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVNgZG9DfE
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN72ztXygfh
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9MbMgz37G
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLRbAmtclp
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCcxgWcVSla
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1DdxGXqVR
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRzlGR0qjR
回家吧。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3DyIRicab
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KkzGmKuXP
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgqxXKvcMsg
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7IlfwdNhOE
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PaOe5iSuE
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQAYNybMziT
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3z9W3xQrD
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTJozn0qaH
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wc45djm83
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqiAcnD2M7M
大概是一見鍾情吧。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0XwmJGUGEY
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOY9LsSCEwa
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixh2AKoYQC
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtAzYbv0ks0
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejzL57OMu2
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBS8Tx5znDD
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDQT77hIa4
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8y4nSOyB4
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFWdmVxa0BU
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWpHdQLqynJ
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUaqgIcJ8wp
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKvGOEvjmy
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lHVTcXWWo
百感交集……257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsh1eJIJiN4
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ24FcdDVYq2
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtE4hJt63h
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWrSRIDiQjH
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWk7whXTY4X
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡffaErXOnuD
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRLFfYRDyXb
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRC55hqsglW
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKs5a7lvIuD
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZtX95URli
「認得。你是文班的。」257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhGoMnZ3UhU
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzE016PByb4
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt0kuxUXOY8
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvvyT4pVfX
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJnjZdTEj4
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPOaZtxku7
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREEeif6Onu
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhrn7XEDQy
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ10nc7JC9yf
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtM3hbXsKa5
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxjgJf31BA5
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYok3tepTAP
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW55UKLqWhJ
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoTJbOyY5l4
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB06CVy9RKy
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQiJSfcMDn
我哭笑不得。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0PWwBNJpUq
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMyA5Vaayan
無意跟他繼續對話。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ53OD3MWjLU
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7JBbJ4MOU3
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8L4mgblZNw
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8nFDAoRSY
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcEoS0NGdvb
