
午餐用膳後,男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場,或場上打籃球,或場外觀賽。我亦不例外,在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際,一個籃球高速自後側飛來,狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉,我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁,沒把事情放心上。當然,我也沒所謂,小事一椿。257Please respect copyright.PENANALuaJx1PrHk
257Please respect copyright.PENANAc4rpvaR3Ah
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。257Please respect copyright.PENANAnS3Kw06mDc
257Please respect copyright.PENANA0kaKwLYr5k
匆匆一笑,半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑,僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。257Please respect copyright.PENANAOno4vsmroF
257Please respect copyright.PENANAIzD7cQGVMv
但我還是記住了那抹笑容,記住了他的臉容氣質,記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。257Please respect copyright.PENANAQuxPrcg9hX
257Please respect copyright.PENANAWEChjaoTLo
為何記住?我解釋不了。257Please respect copyright.PENANA6Ayd79u8KX
257Please respect copyright.PENANAbdB2ZwmhkR
好幾個月過去,夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目,男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起,動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒,說吃飽想睡不想動。257Please respect copyright.PENANAjgOpp6oyQE
257Please respect copyright.PENANA6ihgWaS5J0
我獨坐長椅一邊,納悶之際,兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。257Please respect copyright.PENANAdcxJatl9H8
257Please respect copyright.PENANAYcffl3FQ7u
其中一個是他。257Please respect copyright.PENANACap6GgIdoV
257Please respect copyright.PENANAFuY4M5YnSt
那笑那臉那明暗,歷歷在目。257Please respect copyright.PENANAT77KDVZdwt
257Please respect copyright.PENANAoWKsklwPG9
心頭一顫,我馬上別過臉去。數秒後,我稍為冷靜,意識到自己的失態,佯裝無異,繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣,有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。257Please respect copyright.PENANA11oQniOBjf
257Please respect copyright.PENANAXMguXJRXcQ
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時,他竟從後叫住我。257Please respect copyright.PENANAx3yEDOs23F
257Please respect copyright.PENANAckMksdRKhf
「你遺下銀包。」257Please respect copyright.PENANAK919R1aeji
257Please respect copyright.PENANAaoLErFTxzj
「謝謝。」257Please respect copyright.PENANAMCOwl6QWRB
257Please respect copyright.PENANAuridy7u5Vh
「不用客氣……」257Please respect copyright.PENANA9JmPVR4mtJ
257Please respect copyright.PENANA3iq9jS7df4
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣,他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼?不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題?甚或是「為何要展開話題」?257Please respect copyright.PENANA06oFUkUhzN
257Please respect copyright.PENANAQ6YK1omA4q
氣氛尷尬,四目交投,卻不知如何是好。257Please respect copyright.PENANACHXsLKQAm9
257Please respect copyright.PENANAWomxDQWvNk
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過,彼此才回過神來,甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上,他往下。257Please respect copyright.PENANAppYHDZQLMC
257Please respect copyright.PENANA03nyLlDtn2
誰料在午飯時間完結後,我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊,所以未曾正式認識。257Please respect copyright.PENANAKSYCS97iLx
257Please respect copyright.PENANABCjtnZfWnh
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。257Please respect copyright.PENANApKHMZNaGeR
257Please respect copyright.PENANA2SC5OfVzc3
「我是文班許家偉。」257Please respect copyright.PENANAx6ZOuL9VjG
257Please respect copyright.PENANAYjsp1pCH6p
「我是理班李浩榮。」257Please respect copyright.PENANAvtGIVw0kFL
其實我早已知道許家偉。257Please respect copyright.PENANAsxcwgtz2L0
257Please respect copyright.PENANApLuloR24NW
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。257Please respect copyright.PENANAtZ29daqv49
257Please respect copyright.PENANACdZ9sXUvUA
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。257Please respect copyright.PENANAvqOX5TJGFr
257Please respect copyright.PENANAYcQac4lBpi
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別,亦無專長或短處,是個存在感不強的乖學生。257Please respect copyright.PENANA5DJHzInhBu
257Please respect copyright.PENANADsLEJJ3wij
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他?257Please respect copyright.PENANAUXSBX10uyG
257Please respect copyright.PENANAiceYtvU5H9
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝,只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。257Please respect copyright.PENANAxhRiUCmEbJ
257Please respect copyright.PENANAKi2dZoiIl2
不服氣。257Please respect copyright.PENANAlxvn0PbaQp
257Please respect copyright.PENANA6kWh9fv7Ht
繼續觀察他。257Please respect copyright.PENANAHZfTUkAJTo
257Please respect copyright.PENANAvDkG9C76YC
匆匆數月,秋去冬來,我對許家偉好奇不減。257Please respect copyright.PENANAiNA7DVjQQX
257Please respect copyright.PENANA8hXEpejsYe
某天午餐後,我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅,於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端,近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光,動身離開。正感沒趣,阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡,看見許家偉的學生證。257Please respect copyright.PENANAUel5eWAOGC
257Please respect copyright.PENANAnY30Q3HDUl
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證,再將銀包交到校務處。我反對,擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應,僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步,將銀包遞給我。257Please respect copyright.PENANA4sx5k7lsNS
257Please respect copyright.PENANAAEwXv0WdK9
我急步追趕許家偉。257Please respect copyright.PENANA6iAiy2V72J
257Please respect copyright.PENANAu4EGLssX0c
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問,我不是討厭許家偉嗎?人前,我一直表達對許家偉的討厭;人後,我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有,尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。257Please respect copyright.PENANABrKpuqtCVp
257Please respect copyright.PENANAnwfbXy0Pke
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。257Please respect copyright.PENANA8gZqZ0GUOI
257Please respect copyright.PENANAFgUnSg5Jj3
遠遠看見他的身影,我自然而然打起十二分精神;聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉,我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的;走經中五級壁報板,會不經意試找許家偉的名字……257Please respect copyright.PENANAMmmr0wdAXo
257Please respect copyright.PENANAj5RpMB8INr
「你遺下了銀包。」257Please respect copyright.PENANAnC9S3LEfvV
257Please respect copyright.PENANAA1xc87G8h9
「謝謝。」257Please respect copyright.PENANAS236FRLjlw
257Please respect copyright.PENANAKx1hsf31ZP
「不用客氣……」257Please respect copyright.PENANA24Vt9CMQm2
257Please respect copyright.PENANATO1efpwANE
經已物歸原主。他道謝,我虛應,然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。257Please respect copyright.PENANAmp00sagafj
257Please respect copyright.PENANAY0qjcNQuXV
該要說甚麼?還需要說甚麼?沒有啊!但我們還是原地愣著。257Please respect copyright.PENANAiqETORAkgL
257Please respect copyright.PENANAmOTQOub7BM
他是否一早知道我?他是否早已察覺我在留意他?不會吧……257Please respect copyright.PENANAaM6w8SDTMi
257Please respect copyright.PENANAKcUwkuRG36
我望入他雙眼。257Please respect copyright.PENANA9c23gM5M4D
257Please respect copyright.PENANAt3kc8UHzF6
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑,似乎在期待甚麼……257Please respect copyright.PENANAPXDlRDeASF
257Please respect copyright.PENANAgRqTSty7yB
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來,低頭轉身離開。257Please respect copyright.PENANAxnrcrE8LOc
257Please respect copyright.PENANAKCJ9UnvCbr
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在,問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容,認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的,不會繼續討厭他。257Please respect copyright.PENANAk68qFPbbpW
257Please respect copyright.PENANAnFPvNF42s8
上課鈴聲響起,學生魚貫回課室去。人群中,我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了,笑他遲鈍,後知後覺。257Please respect copyright.PENANAnUft3Wd7f4
257Please respect copyright.PENANA5wWCuDUuzV
許家偉臉紅,禮貌地點點頭,上前自我介紹。257Please respect copyright.PENANAjZEklNEZzt
257Please respect copyright.PENANAG7fQOlyj6h
「我是文班許家偉。」257Please respect copyright.PENANAjY9F3riL5m
257Please respect copyright.PENANAfZD6cZqJ9D
「我是理班李浩榮。」257Please respect copyright.PENANAw0QTo4jILB
畢業多年,我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講,舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料:「你們當年那麼要好,竟然未曾聯絡一次?」257Please respect copyright.PENANArJnLAJnJVN
257Please respect copyright.PENANAeLGbBcPk1w
我笑笑點頭,不多解釋。257Please respect copyright.PENANALRa5ESwrDS
257Please respect copyright.PENANARKzQOnQaek
畢業禮當晚,他告訴我,他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰,我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必,因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪:如已釋懷,為何重提。257Please respect copyright.PENANAUOCL56uzxc
257Please respect copyright.PENANAxqw7RAcMck
李浩榮笑笑,笑說他已覺悟,明白人的真正作用。257Please respect copyright.PENANAUg0ThBGa1V
257Please respect copyright.PENANAcxmAnJXb94
聽到這莫名其妙的答案,我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。257Please respect copyright.PENANAE9flxFGcCC
257Please respect copyright.PENANAWGhoOZ0X6j
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起,或是把深交的兩個人分開,例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中,而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。257Please respect copyright.PENANAReIXRvUtIe
257Please respect copyright.PENANANI7DViFrGr
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過,有點無奈,有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後,我和李浩榮再無交集。257Please respect copyright.PENANAiejPEwCblm
257Please respect copyright.PENANAP6BpHTDRj5
但我沒有阻止他。257Please respect copyright.PENANAjAMu2nGYwr
257Please respect copyright.PENANAGBwiDxEYHH
他壓抑已久,情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。257Please respect copyright.PENANAqXGsLO6t0L
257Please respect copyright.PENANAldBU4u6dKX
我慫恿他繼續說下去。257Please respect copyright.PENANAPecJVhUhol
257Please respect copyright.PENANAp5Xdr5oq2V
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子,經常氣得老師向父母投訴,父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀,起初會擔心對方身體,後來發現彼此不怕捱打,只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑,再玩再捱打……玩著捱著,二人同甘共苦十四年,彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我,反倒羨慕我的不起眼。257Please respect copyright.PENANAJmoLTjiycD
257Please respect copyright.PENANAdACNIkXL5A
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。257Please respect copyright.PENANAjPNohJlKEN
257Please respect copyright.PENANAeZKYaj18y3
「不被注意、不被期望,方能活得自由稱心。」257Please respect copyright.PENANAKtGeMqrnAW
257Please respect copyright.PENANAxQ0I6WoRGD
我問他是否有煩惱,可以向我傾訴,也許我能想出好辦法。257Please respect copyright.PENANAOGCkYukC77
257Please respect copyright.PENANAceHv5uJvZp
李浩榮報以苦笑,沒有正面回答。257Please respect copyright.PENANAg8gKQB7XUu
257Please respect copyright.PENANARp6Zd0lRql
那夜,他喝得爛醉,我送他回家。257Please respect copyright.PENANA1XzLB9x9T9
257Please respect copyright.PENANAnRufoRacRJ
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦,語調急促,不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮,留下一句道謝,利落關門。257Please respect copyright.PENANAF5quw0T23e
257Please respect copyright.PENANAQ5cEEKD3nK
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。257Please respect copyright.PENANA5E4clRm13c
257Please respect copyright.PENANA5gcTDham7l
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害,亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。257Please respect copyright.PENANA3tsSfBqqw1
257Please respect copyright.PENANAlKzYCkUb5L
但我掛念他。257Please respect copyright.PENANAohQQI0FWor
257Please respect copyright.PENANAFB7dd0BtWt
不是偶然想起,不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助,不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯,是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。257Please respect copyright.PENANACIaWFcqybf
257Please respect copyright.PENANABT3rTos6ua
想起他,我不期然會笑;想起他,我感覺窩心;想起他,我會自覺孤單可憐。257Please respect copyright.PENANA5g9jgiIaD0
257Please respect copyright.PENANAxxzJkrbXYo
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。257Please respect copyright.PENANAy3n8c6I6CV
257Please respect copyright.PENANAO70wwgUlVk
糟糕了!怎麼辦?怎麼辦!不知道。257Please respect copyright.PENANAeQfbtU49Lc
257Please respect copyright.PENANADBQQYAGDwW
不要說。不要聽。不要見。257Please respect copyright.PENANA92m3BtJdc0
257Please respect copyright.PENANA6b7dBOxe7r
希望時間會沖淡一切。257Please respect copyright.PENANACzM74y0ct1
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。257Please respect copyright.PENANAEezJTvwAi5
257Please respect copyright.PENANAa5Is2eUXxL
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起,窗外日光耀眼得刺痛,室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應,煞是暈眩,有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。257Please respect copyright.PENANAYXbIDUFjGA
257Please respect copyright.PENANA3ubKV35wLc
阿媽沒有理會我,背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說:「昨晚是他送你回來。」257Please respect copyright.PENANAidE0CCIddy
257Please respect copyright.PENANAMCVvnc377H
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛,重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算,反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。257Please respect copyright.PENANAvjwLQjMMUB
257Please respect copyright.PENANAWdVIxH4z91
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」257Please respect copyright.PENANAUTlJGJ3Ltx
257Please respect copyright.PENANAbPTW6fgiRE
「我也不明白。」257Please respect copyright.PENANA2TVrXCUeVR
257Please respect copyright.PENANAynlk4oBQLX
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」257Please respect copyright.PENANAV20ho8FS4R
257Please respect copyright.PENANAwJ5uMusxNz
「感覺,並非可以自由控制的。」257Please respect copyright.PENANAc7jLbgKQA2
257Please respect copyright.PENANAzOr9Ovms08
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」257Please respect copyright.PENANAXUlr2KlrIP
257Please respect copyright.PENANAOfNAZuGBwD
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」257Please respect copyright.PENANAPuvGzwv4nG
257Please respect copyright.PENANAXKYlEK5hv3
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」257Please respect copyright.PENANA5YCDEV0rqq
257Please respect copyright.PENANAeGv0Ofn79Q
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」257Please respect copyright.PENANA5jK4lwyMay
257Please respect copyright.PENANA1lQJLj205X
我晦氣,毫不掩飾對她的討厭。257Please respect copyright.PENANAnMlUcS9mCr
257Please respect copyright.PENANASEg17eIynM
阿媽沒再多話,繼續在廚房忙著。257Please respect copyright.PENANA50Giko5SU9
257Please respect copyright.PENANA7gdAJ2ONXU
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我,為何旁人總愛插手?257Please respect copyright.PENANAc2RvKCF5A4
257Please respect copyright.PENANAaJrFZvPdt1
抵著頭痛,我硬撐起身子小便去。257Please respect copyright.PENANA3pGBDrbzxQ
257Please respect copyright.PENANAyMVUNtM3Cm
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下,小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少,昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。257Please respect copyright.PENANAsVwALCFzpE
257Please respect copyright.PENANA25m3emByzE
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。257Please respect copyright.PENANAFjITMu0j0N
257Please respect copyright.PENANAfu9U8Lr2sO
真的嗎?我真的把話說出口?257Please respect copyright.PENANAJDSsMwl2FF
257Please respect copyright.PENANAdZZRTpGRaA
為何這麼驚訝?阿強醉倒後,我特意喝下更多酒,不就是為了把話講出口嗎?257Please respect copyright.PENANA9K4wNPjuMB
257Please respect copyright.PENANAzpJO3T49iZ
便意盡,醉意消,騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。257Please respect copyright.PENANA9Yc6iqIaBI
257Please respect copyright.PENANAikvPFIOfvW
為何要走到這一步?257Please respect copyright.PENANAfDpHEm6Hm5
257Please respect copyright.PENANAdxDl5tRjY1
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情,擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我,乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態,冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。257Please respect copyright.PENANA18zLglCx3k
257Please respect copyright.PENANAgcK1moqBMO
「世人表裡不一。口說開明,實質守舊。」257Please respect copyright.PENANAQHAC4yOU5G
257Please respect copyright.PENANA8hyyIgBIEQ
「是嗎?你呢?你口說放棄,心底裡在支持我吧?」257Please respect copyright.PENANANxpc3NWvHV
257Please respect copyright.PENANAVFwhMqO1be
「別倔強。」257Please respect copyright.PENANAad3V5DaSLl
257Please respect copyright.PENANAIUxUfA5ni8
「我想要知道你的真正想法!別敷衍!別蒙混!」257Please respect copyright.PENANA7BSJpW543x
257Please respect copyright.PENANA51sFcmt6mY
「我想你放棄。」257Please respect copyright.PENANAeXgDCZJIEN
257Please respect copyright.PENANAG0irXSRo9f
「原因?」257Please respect copyright.PENANAbaHhMM8WCD
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「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」257Please respect copyright.PENANACL0h7RsL4d
257Please respect copyright.PENANAe64g9tNjq1
「我知道。」257Please respect copyright.PENANATKkCFaP4xr
257Please respect copyright.PENANAVMtHrVVCtW
「何解還要繼續下去?」257Please respect copyright.PENANAedU69Fo4xD
257Please respect copyright.PENANAWn4jcUNCOT
「感情易放難收。」257Please respect copyright.PENANAVhSNsTL644
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阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智,她還有何話可說,只得被動地待我回心轉意。257Please respect copyright.PENANAVm6eikDxTm
257Please respect copyright.PENANAygwveaGTTb
傍晚,我約見阿強,在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀,有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣,我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此!我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足!257Please respect copyright.PENANA0RoM6RnSjP
257Please respect copyright.PENANAcPRPWmXFr3
架後,我沒有留下片言隻字,待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去,懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。257Please respect copyright.PENANAMMOL2u7yWy
257Please respect copyright.PENANArlXulgMbqE
阿媽見我身上有傷,許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事,沒有多問,亦不予關心。257Please respect copyright.PENANAoSTnnvy4cJ
257Please respect copyright.PENANAf0wllr5bVy
我不在意,一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……257Please respect copyright.PENANAYBy8yYLLOU
257Please respect copyright.PENANApyPVSESV9U
畢業禮,是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊,戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜,能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉,齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。257Please respect copyright.PENANAfTtdL9wZxz
257Please respect copyright.PENANAvp6ApgzG0P
阿強取來一支烈酒,邀我對飲:「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」257Please respect copyright.PENANAq7ZCx5sxii
257Please respect copyright.PENANARVl1quezK5
我欣然接受。他很了解我,許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈,自小經常一起偷偷喝酒,十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下,沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。257Please respect copyright.PENANA5U31zqlrHy
257Please respect copyright.PENANA5KLUAjKn6o
小醉。半醉。大醉。257Please respect copyright.PENANAFN5ExWvSnV
257Please respect copyright.PENANAB6SaS2nGVd
阿強半伏枱邊,傻笑問我:「想好如何表白了沒?」257Please respect copyright.PENANAgyxkZRpwHE
257Please respect copyright.PENANAHMUV5jvpo3
「直接講我愛他。」257Please respect copyright.PENANAWnEAvqJhyZ
257Please respect copyright.PENANATg1I02Dqf9
「如果他拒絕?」257Please respect copyright.PENANAkU66GWcfe8
257Please respect copyright.PENANAR4nFwvBhra
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」257Please respect copyright.PENANANsN4AhsD0k
257Please respect copyright.PENANAoFodpRJ5oZ
「如果他接受了?那怎麼辦?」257Please respect copyright.PENANARXFVjam4Fm
257Please respect copyright.PENANAHdFXnBunr1
「我當然是高興!」257Please respect copyright.PENANAOPDCJBWzEG
257Please respect copyright.PENANAblGUOJVxMZ
「我在問,他會怎麼辦?你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切?」257Please respect copyright.PENANAYggKWo1LtV
257Please respect copyright.PENANAqtNwUOOYlu
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。257Please respect copyright.PENANA6k9RpLnT1N
事隔四十年,我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。257Please respect copyright.PENANAsePgfSSz6Q
257Please respect copyright.PENANApi74sBbj9A
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻,但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。257Please respect copyright.PENANA9FJV74LEj1
257Please respect copyright.PENANAXNP6yG53EZ
李浩榮苦笑,笑容意味深長。257Please respect copyright.PENANAvbkvNZLSRC
257Please respect copyright.PENANAMK9CD97XM3
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」257Please respect copyright.PENANAkwm1v1aypa
257Please respect copyright.PENANAHNlOQfrcSM
「活了那麼多年,經歷那麼多事情,我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」257Please respect copyright.PENANAUtILKDSHDz
257Please respect copyright.PENANAboED4cBjBa
「你仍然單身?」257Please respect copyright.PENANAQhryOX2SCW
257Please respect copyright.PENANAj0ZJhApOab
「是的。」257Please respect copyright.PENANAYsc4VvMuV2
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「要我當媒嗎?」257Please respect copyright.PENANAlZjqziQQPB
257Please respect copyright.PENANAzxPMDbXswG
「不了。難為情。」257Please respect copyright.PENANAWUynjbIyhE
257Please respect copyright.PENANA7C0pLRsEs9
李浩榮失笑,笑我不值得被愛。257Please respect copyright.PENANAOsubfzrhHb
257Please respect copyright.PENANAMVNgZG9DfE
我陪笑,笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。257Please respect copyright.PENANAN72ztXygfh
257Please respect copyright.PENANAu9MbMgz37G
多寒暄幾句,我和李浩榮相互道別,分道揚鑣不復見。257Please respect copyright.PENANACLRbAmtclp
257Please respect copyright.PENANACcxgWcVSla
抬頭望天,天陰雨冷,冷入心脾。257Please respect copyright.PENANAm1DdxGXqVR
257Please respect copyright.PENANAjRzlGR0qjR
回家吧。257Please respect copyright.PENANAM3DyIRicab
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開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。257Please respect copyright.PENANAgqxXKvcMsg
257Please respect copyright.PENANA7IlfwdNhOE
「戚戚慘慘悽悽,清清冷冷,覓覓尋尋。」興之所至,我一邊脫鞋,一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。257Please respect copyright.PENANA3PaOe5iSuE
257Please respect copyright.PENANAQAYNybMziT
「尋他千百度,驀然回首,那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪,懶洋洋得撲到梳化上,順口接上《青玉案.元夕》末句。257Please respect copyright.PENANAm3z9W3xQrD
257Please respect copyright.PENANAqTJozn0qaH
枕臂望窗,映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起,窗外日光耀眼得刺痛,室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗,憶起他的臉容氣質,憶起那抹笑容。257Please respect copyright.PENANA5wc45djm83
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大概是一見鍾情吧。257Please respect copyright.PENANA0XwmJGUGEY
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奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂,後知後覺。257Please respect copyright.PENANAixh2AKoYQC
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如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向,結果會否不一樣?257Please respect copyright.PENANAejzL57OMu2
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我笑自己想多了:結果會是一樣的。257Please respect copyright.PENANAMDQT77hIa4
257Please respect copyright.PENANAF8y4nSOyB4
我是懦弱的人,我珍愛自己,所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情,亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。257Please respect copyright.PENANAFWdmVxa0BU
257Please respect copyright.PENANAWpHdQLqynJ
李浩榮說得沒錯,我不值得被愛。257Please respect copyright.PENANAUaqgIcJ8wp
事隔四十年,昔日摯友躺在棺材裡,往日心上人站在我面前。257Please respect copyright.PENANApKvGOEvjmy
257Please respect copyright.PENANA7lHVTcXWWo
百感交集……257Please respect copyright.PENANAsh1eJIJiN4
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當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻,事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人,情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候,還以為痛楚會一直維持下去,有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。257Please respect copyright.PENANAFtE4hJt63h
257Please respect copyright.PENANAWrSRIDiQjH
不過電影終究與現實不同:角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡,情感故此顯得激烈而深刻;現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素,例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。257Please respect copyright.PENANAWk7whXTY4X
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痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力,直至今日再聚……257Please respect copyright.PENANARLFfYRDyXb
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「認得我嗎?我是許家偉。」257Please respect copyright.PENANAKs5a7lvIuD
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「認得。你是文班的。」257Please respect copyright.PENANAhGoMnZ3UhU
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許家偉淺笑,笑容如昔,淡然清雅溫婉。257Please respect copyright.PENANAt0kuxUXOY8
257Please respect copyright.PENANAjvvyT4pVfX
閒聊之間,發現他仍然單身。究其原因,他只道難為情。257Please respect copyright.PENANAIJnjZdTEj4
257Please respect copyright.PENANAXPOaZtxku7
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。257Please respect copyright.PENANAREEeif6Onu
257Please respect copyright.PENANAZhrn7XEDQy
四十年過去,許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。257Please respect copyright.PENANA10nc7JC9yf
257Please respect copyright.PENANAtM3hbXsKa5
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。257Please respect copyright.PENANAxjgJf31BA5
257Please respect copyright.PENANAYok3tepTAP
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。257Please respect copyright.PENANAW55UKLqWhJ
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許家偉在認真?他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑?257Please respect copyright.PENANAB06CVy9RKy
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我哭笑不得。257Please respect copyright.PENANA0PWwBNJpUq
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無意跟他繼續對話。257Please respect copyright.PENANA53OD3MWjLU
257Please respect copyright.PENANA7JBbJ4MOU3
多寒暄幾句,我和許家偉相互道別,分道揚鑣不復見。257Please respect copyright.PENANA8L4mgblZNw
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抬頭望天,天陰雨冷,冷入心脾。
註:此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。257Please respect copyright.PENANAcEoS0NGdvb