午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZxzxdHLLW
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlFo1vgbQa
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN1KBMVdfIe
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1wGvczSfc
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6PRkRQhjL1
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7tYBnujbuv
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsrIC3a2gj
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpXzZTvXbZ
為何記住？我解釋不了。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkW2uUOeofc
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkSa5z6oTE
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5v96ezVh2
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMisvEcCuKf
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kZMLtC4nF
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDivc6Et8rR
其中一個是他。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDq4LJfdgR
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWZOAHjHSwc
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60tP86WAVG
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ELCpiGlMT
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGfjDBiCrF
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREYHqtw6Ps
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqN5eVVIkq
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZKHqTkCCz
「你遺下銀包。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNoo6Neroa
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0S1uC2NFuQ
「謝謝。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡugpBkS8FB5
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡscCddBSpds
「不用客氣……」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2lFZYn1I2
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjeYkBvjtp3
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUB4x1yCRU
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcNolnK8iuE
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbGiWOL8cyX
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqcbbjNggn
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3TOIfOyXc
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡunK1NTk7gG
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQsqm0jwA4K
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx6eSBTVg0j
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqnSDLLSMn
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfUSgh0GEqB
「我是文班許家偉。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZcqIC7EFSB
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5WTzajypXU
「我是理班李浩榮。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9dj5AvHQz
其實我早已知道許家偉。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNDFBTTpIB
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzSwhotbHxY
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmDKmC2UKS
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1PvbG0wGvS
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5YMypklHW
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSSaBvZDzN
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡww9taYIrmD
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx70ZKjzkhr
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEI0jHrBPbH
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3eiKMlvF1
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDO1IhVQO4
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAIhR84Jxmx
不服氣。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahfiFOY3I4
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7WdM8Hh0vx
繼續觀察他。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxoTPzwQU2v
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvEWHRBPV1
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSyGkn5dvu
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIUMlVjlIFR
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHSZqweV3mi
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8ihs855Du
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBEekxHSGni
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNOhdcvNhJA
我急步追趕許家偉。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvIuEwHlsx
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7FePa1Mz3
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7MpOaWIbF2
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjpT8NU7yBh
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsXflpWsw26
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8Ph872Aot
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSUcrCFqYv
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw9cUHJt9QB
「你遺下了銀包。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNaP2RjdQu
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XBsLl3svT
「謝謝。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJowPpb8Rtd
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFBsXtqD30
「不用客氣……」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLe8R4R8nU4
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgJQjrB52a
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7sbY5JHge
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh191fQnxfy
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbVXxp8jad
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvI8AQhjw4h
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ70kZnUCVZH
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0LaZY1FCx
我望入他雙眼。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpDvLf1kAGM
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkFQfzdiBs3
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5UCI1nbXX
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ31ByckCNPJ
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkY1y3vTVJ
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJS3pIIhN0
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAuO1gCXJQd
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqenHvUhQXw
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXROlVWRjBu
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCrI7QgmMPe
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLsrY7r77o
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡitV0RL5HrL
「我是文班許家偉。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDR9CdfIFb
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNRgsXMBSM
「我是理班李浩榮。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxkcZQVV7gd
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNAkGhEzwQl
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33INFcPoqj
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI694I8aoKc
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwK4FBZ5jqS
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe02us8UTwv
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3IlL6YcOh
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59ms7rG67A
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYtejAViDi
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmSzgdWo41
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgFXcPgj9i
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeroz99zLMH
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeuNfASnSiz
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3UGe0NxLJn
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46WSjj6Rqt
但我沒有阻止他。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqmOgCYH4y8
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡllfEN4bj7h
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDHNx2vmBZ
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydHfjllGI5
我慫恿他繼續說下去。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWTecviZ8f
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbQHUr5Kcx
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡONqBmf1Mxl
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68eqVlQnqY
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdMiKkBoXv
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnexlt6xwTx
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ABfbAQHT7
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOoXecbjZ6
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcy08bw2zDW
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVhboTLkKx
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEAmK0bKTZ
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBYxvXwZpxX
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyPYwUY8RH7
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4DgfmCMcm
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpEP8dZED0H
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF0Plh6ztPu
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL38eOlun9u
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRT1tnbpje
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0qq7EaaPK
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmXARrYdZU
但我掛念他。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7gmJWPQXG
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡam53wpi812
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9Ub61Qv9W
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKoNR1w4Y1s
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQdIPX6r6Y
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVGByyvnNYh
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3oBM2jkyuh
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTWuNO8yFx
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCKCb4mVP3
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpOMqpiMrYX
不要說。不要聽。不要見。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3TDfKBJE14
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0neGSXY5r
希望時間會沖淡一切。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1KW5nW5FiQ
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5fusnpaEY
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBYVhuBChWB
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DVcM9TTsP
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPhOwlps1cW
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiR0L7O6lkU
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCD0LZEgdI
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5YA1Ge7w7
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsW3XRBggZ9
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUensU9Zh86
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMibUQ8nPv9
「我也不明白。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTOAz24Sem
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvIqnP9IzG9
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJZgIi9RmR
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePNpxjSZjt
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpmQK41A3Ft
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbz6mQWl2J
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMgvkoH6o0
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQ8cgRuWjW
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQSzBcoo5w
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡisoYXSH41S
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYdwm3rte2N
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsB0PRDB0ot
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0zGLK3dw9
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvJ3Er0Xsg
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGx0HPW1uPh
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt35QtlCl6r
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfdJyDtWiRT
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsuI14sXzVY
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWHR7vCiKM
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfQQOoE6nu
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOR6YY1SLyy
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2s6zxf52Ox
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8aDdssuq0Y
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBaCS6LdzP
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjpw0dR1ai
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00NXLMXyHu
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiC3lqNBpSa
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6h3ti4d59
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ652qgYkJeE
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rxY8gbApG
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzLxMEeFG5
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyyly1Kfbw
為何要走到這一步？284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4BGHxsA9r
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6F1hpo113
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA898ER3mCK
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtaGtQO9nlo
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOSqtPSfCef
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7AAEM8LyIh
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkL36spM0K
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSGg9ypawuE
「別倔強。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDiz1mQT2oB
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwUYWdEGP8J
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡecdEm2eXIX
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOn7x35P5Jt
「我想你放棄。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2q8ly9HCxZ
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxhnRJfri5
「原因？」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCrPsrbBrOL
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wIw53QQOq
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7KoL2UgU6F
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4e30PhUmaT
「我知道。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ71Lon8sovy
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Mbdwvy6kR
「何解還要繼續下去？」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDMLfVxkJ44
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBUH0rLEpWA
「感情易放難收。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOXM95A4av
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3WUfcQhObR
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vrmqfSzea
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3HLkQwf82
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7P9UYVL1lD
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPNQT9W8riz
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi2OfXrbsQa
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITI1bGekyY
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHGjNhIaXvW
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ18PKY8brjK
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdc7J3zSbh2
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpY5D2YGYID
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1fthlR05Cc
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDj4YGuUw5z
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwow5Q4xBZE
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRis8HhS2k
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJ2ziVoFxZ
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIFwqAM96Gm
小醉。半醉。大醉。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjYlEl8JbJ
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqIemezgstm
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTZkb7k0lj
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOOKvAFwMb
「直接講我愛他。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5V09ZI9E0
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2p84qA2xW
「如果他拒絕？」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6Gjq2ZuLc
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfwOGm2FugB
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqsSlRpQRo
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLApaJvI0cS
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6BUHxsE2Y0
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJvtzKtZyNT
「我當然是高興！」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnosYpT0u4
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsy0CA5xV8m
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibU2GafiWN
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1laKxCDqux
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKehWfjYPW
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPcnnr0Hwc5
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡClSfeMqNaq
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmCL5UaqLK
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjoVm7eMsHE
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacW98muoTD
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3jLpGSD4aP
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgd9yKE0kYB
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGm4tyOvWq
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzbctAFLJlQ
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4D4dY3aIwC
「你仍然單身？」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ450Gra2wxp
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmda3l2wJT
「是的。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFcijHIe0o
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXWpVAwj00
「要我當媒嗎？」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCAd61tEn9P
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwa1zZmzNm2
「不了。難為情。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡircZ72IkiM
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIGhFTabFY
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORqxeurSwp
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQtWiwDmhq
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUYrUr0ooZ
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOF45F5YP2b
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Dq3gcChUP
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMFGDuoMy5
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrc8tE7PeqD
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsY8laYfmgI
回家吧。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFJApFE4QT
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQrW7I5xJR
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tUv8P3W5j
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDC8MiNZkK1
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTAlEOM14m
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ12LfjpGxVU
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjplizBjiu
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVDjZcHaOcF
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHx24DtyP3
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYEc9RYh50
大概是一見鍾情吧。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfz7y2IqMS
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7FpQjLbwy0
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ33no0JMy5z
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vmvyiK6dq
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡABmncTNIrp
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnSC8pw9Iu
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Xga0pfSqu
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWU3OH8mzCK
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAr3I4fHFjV
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzF2b2scLtS
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgk981hveBp
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCHAUPHYvQO
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ1SMg1X1XC
百感交集……284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXGoCO2J2sL
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcBBw7p6Eya
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00wB3QZAD8
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfTVYSpSp3
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlBJXbddiz
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgETndHJPHS
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡns0aGVoAx7
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAk96a6nybU
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTmC77EBGt
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrJqDNSKcl
「認得。你是文班的。」284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrj749XFRDp
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFkpfoGXpxV
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MBYG0H7eQ
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBKSLY3Sr0
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfrDrfCJIo
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUZ1Du4ldI
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDKtkIP695
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3F4l6sjtG
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0JGwqfQLon
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOZ9zwIVVM
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8NmHgCnAL2
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbBqwk90zf
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2smvkcPLiG
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYYu3upQM1
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAecgtYYTW1
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWODpMbGtjS
我哭笑不得。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbhI3jgcink
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOj9dqR7TM
無意跟他繼續對話。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWle6MnyP1g
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuUV7TiYHTY
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqjRSxA1NN
284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8YL94PiqL9
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。284Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PU5os3Mgb
