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上一秒程華緊盯的那道門打開，看見季慈的笑容跟往常有著明顯的不同，他還來不及分辨，下一秒就全沒了。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNz6HaEB2jh
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季慈銳利的目光掃到了一個男人身上。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAH5BMxOao2
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男人寬闊微痀的身影似乎也相當訝異，他張大了嘴正看著季慈。季慈的失態沒有維持很久，刺耳響亮的鈴鼓聲催促他繼續完成任務，然後沉著臉色唱完歌尾隨同事退場。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwPpCIy4mt
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程華從沒見過季慈如此生氣，瞧他握著鈴鼓的手緊繃的幾乎要將白色手套化為第二層皮膚。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYIMdEvY4TY
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那個人是誰？143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6nTLkKlGF
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竟然可以讓敬業的季慈忘記笑，甚至失誤。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSgM9LcEPES
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會是之前劈腿季慈的前任嗎？143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHR0BwGs6s
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程華毫不猶豫的拔腿追上季慈。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnGFr00U3xE
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如果那個老男人真的是他的前任，他一定要上前譏諷或者打他兩拳洩憤，就算是對方劈腿促使他認識季慈，但對感情不忠誠的人從來都不值得原諒，即使中間有隱情，也不能是劈腿的藉口。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjelukrcHa
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「季慈。」程華趕在他們進百貨公司內部區域的門前叫住季慈。他的同事們全都轉過頭來，只有季慈仍然背對著他。他的背影深沉，程華的直覺沒錯，他確實在生氣，而且是盛怒。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ue0j4b29w
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「季慈。」他的視線裡只有季慈，但季慈不理他，兩人僵持了幾秒後季慈被同事輕推了一把。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw607Kc7toi
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「季慈，人家有話要跟你說，我們先上去，你讓他站進來跟你說話吧。」女同事奪過季慈的鈴鼓，不給他反駁的機會轉身領著其他同事上樓了。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPlhFcQ70u
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一樓的門邊只剩下他們兩人。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG1D6UBZViS
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「季、」143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcYDpfihhXL
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「你進來，後面沒有人吧？」季慈側過身體，單手扶著門板，仍然沒有抬頭看向他。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsIwsumjIb
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程華往回頭望，身後空蕩蕩，只有化妝品專櫃及架上的若干產品。「沒有。」他走進去季慈便關上門，然後邁開步伐越過他又往下走了一層樓。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXa4dxEw6g1
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地下一樓光線昏暗，程華僅能藉著微弱透下的光線偷窺他的憤怒。他猶豫該說什麼，既不想戳中季慈的痛處，也不打算直接問那個人是誰這種問題。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY42d0kJqKl
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「那個人是我父親。」季慈嗓音低沉的發啞，雙臂環胸緊得像是耐不住寒冷一般的擁住自己。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2qDwZNsC5C
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程華腦裡轉過千萬條句子，有錯愕驚訝的（什麼？那是你父親，我以為是那劈腿的混帳）、無腦的（嗯）、愚蠢的（你們看起來很久沒見面了）、顧左右而言他的（先別說這個，你聽過安麗嗎）、顯而易見而直白的（你很討厭你父親）。最後他將所有匯成一聲嘆息，輕而緩慢地從身體深處吐出。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhzhuvMbNoG
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程華跨步上前張臂抱住了看起來陰暗、憤怒、無助又無措的季慈，他沒有掙扎的任他抱著，而後輕輕搖晃起來。季慈僵硬的像根木樁，沒有絲毫放鬆的意思。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6pfnqDy4U
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「……快下班了，對吧？我在外面等你，等會你想說的話，我聽你說？」程華的嘴唇貼在他的耳廓邊，隨著說話的唇動一下又一下的摩擦，行為像是溫暖了季慈，他垂下手臂轉而輕輕抱住程華。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8gT4u17Rv4
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他說：「我想現在說。」143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhPhqQxvkcE
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「好，你說。」這不是一個適合談話的地方，可季慈願意傾訴，所有地點都沒有問題，擠在廁所隔間隔壁有人拉屎很臭他都聽。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSAXkNvexC
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季慈聲音忽然變得遙遠，他輕輕地說起他的過往。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNgQN46qaJ
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他說那年他小學一年級，一個爸爸媽媽都在家的下午，他原本在睡午覺聽見他們不尋常的談話音量而清醒，媽媽蹲在他的面前，用至今他仍然記得的清晰堅強表情問他：小慈，你要跟爸爸還是媽媽？143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZsEnpyEQE
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他說他不懂為什麼媽媽要問他這個問題，他疑惑的問媽媽：要去哪裡玩嗎？媽媽只是憐愛的撫摸他的臉頰，站在遠方的爸爸用如刺的嚴厲的目光盯著他們不發一語。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ5PERt4dgJ
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他說，他後來沒有選，錯失選擇權後的某天爸爸離開了，之後媽媽也帶著他離開，回到已經沒有外公外婆的鄉下老房子裡，過著母子倆相依為命的日子。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvezmH0QDIU
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他說，一開始不懂為什麼爸爸媽媽要分開住，他只能看見媽媽，卻不見爸爸，他哭鬧、耍脾氣，媽媽耐心的一遍又一遍告訴他：小慈乖，爸爸只是暫時出差不回來了，再過陣子就會看見他了。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QB3NV6IK1
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他說，隔了好久好久，爸爸真的出現了，他開始一年能見到爸爸兩次。頭一次與爸爸分開這麼久，一看見人劈頭便了他這輩子最傻最痛的兩個問題：爸爸不要小慈跟媽媽了嗎？是不是不愛我們了？其實他隱約知道問題很嚴重，但不願面對的發問。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJyLDHYBlM
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他說，他還記得父親這麼告訴他：爸爸最愛小慈跟媽媽了，絕對沒有不要小慈喔。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXzjIFv6ixi
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結果一切都是謊言。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64pzaJRBGs
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父親四年後不再出現，隔年媽媽病倒，他無助地打電話想找父親求助，電話早就成了空號，孤立無援的他只能自力自強。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYYCZvK27f
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他說，國三那年媽媽沒有撐過去，留下龐大醫藥費、老房子、和一句對不起，以及我愛你。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGfVPTL7pu
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他說：「我以為我的世界在那時候崩解了，卻在保險理賠金裡翻轉過來，然後再一次跌跤。」143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHHlDfC4zS
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程華緊緊、緊緊的抱著他，心疼地想用自己的體溫平息回憶中的季慈發抖的身軀。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlODDL7m5KD
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「他說他愛我們，可是我找到他的時候他有了家庭，取代媽媽的女人替他生了一個跟我一樣年紀的女孩子。」季慈騰出隻手來，在他的身側輕輕比劃。「她那麼高，我也這麼高。」143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdCDJA54BP
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「為什麼我要原諒一個騙子呢？」他仰起頭眼眶通紅，裡頭晃蕩深幽的哀傷，像黑色汪洋吞噬掉程華的理智。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ4BD30tHrE
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「我了解，真的了解。」程華輕喟，「你可以不原諒，但要學會放過自己。」程華低頭吻他，嘴唇雙貼的瞬間季慈眨眼，高漲的情緒劇烈晃動滿了出來。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mCvFmyexV
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程華心焦無措的目睹眼淚從季慈眼眶中跌出，他抿緊雙唇安靜的流淚。一次兩次破碎的、充滿謊言的愛情讓季慈失望放棄信任，讓他的心底破了個無底大洞，讓他壓抑到連哭都沒有聲音，脆弱的哽咽、生氣都只能往肚子裡的黑洞吞去。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1c5Wu1sVb8
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程華捧著他的臉，用拇指抹去淚水、用吻吮掉，他想分擔季慈的哀傷，裝了他滿腹的苦，幫他發出示弱的哽咽。143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuA37u6ocQV
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季慈的淚水一直到他同事急忙尋來都不曾歇息，又紅又腫的眼睛讓他失職早退。程華緊牽著他的手離開時終於想到這麼一句話：「愛情捂緊了手痛，鬆了心疼，可是撥開了裡面是甜的。季慈，不要遺棄愛。」143Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡweLjw3MYA4
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