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No Plagiarism!zontDO6T4aECBf7cTQZeposted on PENANA 【評文表單】590Please respect copyright.PENANAHoGJbo7leR
8964 copyright protection586PENANAwnJpDP5Qp9 維尼
筆名:荷糖月色8964 copyright protection586PENANAQ3edJ3QwSE 維尼
書名:師尊他在劫難逃(POPO有喔,大家喜歡可以去看!)8964 copyright protection586PENANA4yw4KxtNXL 維尼
類型:古風仙俠耽美8964 copyright protection586PENANAMdSZT3m8AR 維尼
寫這本書的目的:連載小說8964 copyright protection586PENANAodySY8RMK5 維尼
目標觀眾:喜歡師尊受類型的觀眾8964 copyright protection586PENANAX9O924IccL 維尼
一句話點出主旨:徒弟與師尊的風花雪月8964 copyright protection586PENANA295oaVaaDm 維尼
大綱:X8964 copyright protection586PENANAOYchbmKUig 維尼
期望評論時多加注意的部分:劇情的結構;讀者閱讀感受8964 copyright protection586PENANA7o4e7GQ84U 維尼
其餘備註:無8964 copyright protection586PENANAloYsuVn78A 維尼
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文章連結:8964 copyright protection586PENANA1mNaDlU0CI 維尼
https://www.popo.tw/books/7903078964 copyright protection586PENANAtTcdmAOesH 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANALhJG5ursNq
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590Please respect copyright.PENANADgNHtxq0YT
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590Please respect copyright.PENANAQmHgn0XG5n
8964 copyright protection586PENANAd5VUqi0E5V 維尼
【心得】590Please respect copyright.PENANAgAESnD52WL
8964 copyright protection586PENANAld7LqTkFwr 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANALrgVSCBAWO
8964 copyright protection586PENANAg8I2Xj9pm3 維尼
一部趣味、讓腐女看了會瘋狂姨母笑的小說!8964 copyright protection586PENANAc6mL0QbfYB 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAe5zqDCCOxO
8964 copyright protection586PENANARrOlP9Ysh0 維尼
這是一本中國風格的修仙連載網路小說。對阿洛來說,如果節奏再緊湊,很可能會有上榜或出書的機會!8964 copyright protection586PENANAuE5obcPQlB 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANA2mRRoAkZp3
8964 copyright protection586PENANAMNVbjBnOeL 維尼
故事一開始,魔族滅門某門派,師尊(受)因來晚了而自責不已,努力尋找生還的跡象,就在絕望之時,聽到岩壁中發出聲響,沒想到存活之人竟是魔族用盡氣力存活的化生!8964 copyright protection586PENANAYEt32iu16i 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAyXuZckRNtc
8964 copyright protection586PENANAv2QTBNhSza 維尼
受絲毫察覺不到異狀,甚至將自己的仙丹剖一半給魔族(攻)。冷血的攻遭世人背叛,早已對世界心死,沒想到世界上竟還有一名如此心胸寬大之人!魔族鐵鑄的心頓時動搖了。究竟這些複雜交錯的情感會產生什麼故事呢?阿洛也很想看下去!8964 copyright protection586PENANAieo0fMpZef 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAq69s6FNNGH
8964 copyright protection586PENANAqVojVBsVIB 維尼
雖然作者說他的設定都是套路,但對阿洛來說非常新奇!光是角色背景設定的部分,就已經擦撞出許多「衝突點」了!8964 copyright protection586PENANAZJgUYjg2kP 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAaWBU4ToRWE
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590Please respect copyright.PENANAMgkU1m9H5S
590Please respect copyright.PENANAcaPM2WOyef
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【亮點】8964 copyright protection586PENANAJkh1HfHVE1 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAugpCIs9JjL
8964 copyright protection586PENANAXmQjxMAg2v 維尼
荷糖月色流暢的文筆,即便是不常看古風的阿洛,讀起來也完全沒有不適感或生硬感。相反地,字句非常流暢,會讓人一直想看下去(這邊單指文筆,不指劇情,請繼續閱讀)。8964 copyright protection586PENANApJ3i58wgql 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANANP32G5Wg8q
8964 copyright protection586PENANALTzpUkF2zE 維尼
角色刻劃十分鮮明,不論是心懷天下的受、情感糾雜多變的攻,還是千萬別得罪的配角醫修,都有相當鮮明的「記憶點」。讓人第一眼就能記得這個角色的特徵、個性。8964 copyright protection586PENANA9iOsnrqEXd 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAsjyOu6oMYA
8964 copyright protection586PENANAkTzpaYkjSw 維尼
沒錯,這是每個作者都應該努力的方向!8964 copyright protection586PENANADzIKXQpODI 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAGcWveAvI5i
8964 copyright protection586PENANArZqiWe4plv 維尼
關於info dump,中文翻作什麼阿洛忘記了,大概就是指一次將許多資訊硬塞給讀者。阿洛看得出來這本書有許多的info dump,但很奇妙的是,並不會影響到阿洛閱讀耶!而且,作者採用的是大量的倒敘法,依然沒有給人資訊爆炸的感覺。8964 copyright protection586PENANAjqkRD2MtEV 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANANEIQyR7Yjn
8964 copyright protection586PENANARuT0mFzH0k 維尼
這給了我們一個啟發:info dump是可以的,前提是「在讀者需要的時候才給他們資訊。」8964 copyright protection586PENANAYrw77AgA9Q 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAkWxqOJNoRm
8964 copyright protection586PENANAqBF5JS97Un 維尼
這很重要,因為info是無可避免的,作者們能做的就是盡量減少讓讀者跳脫沉浸在閱讀中的情況。8964 copyright protection586PENANA9SaJ3SOnwt 維尼
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【缺點與建議】8964 copyright protection586PENANAFgXXVGStXY 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANANIvDMtWbI4
8964 copyright protection586PENANAQaLAG4AOql 維尼
亮點第一段所提的「會一直想看下去」,單指文筆,不指劇情。文筆真的流暢到不可言喻,但劇情上沒有「推進」。劇情感覺像一攤死水,總是在一個高點上。例如,師尊總是身體嬴弱的樣子。劇情就像一條繃緊的橡皮筋,繃到極限,反而沒有張力,甚至讓人感到疲乏。8964 copyright protection586PENANAqBISIfDRGY 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAxcMpvQ4Yo5
8964 copyright protection586PENANAchKmweODHS 維尼
我們說劇情要有起承轉合,這樣讀者才會有喘息的空間。8964 copyright protection586PENANAGR551BfO0j 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANADOUATiZZKs
8964 copyright protection586PENANABW6yigWaAn 維尼
這可能跟作者每次寫文都是即興寫有關。因為作者每次寫一個新篇章,都是一個新的開始;但沒有意識到對喜歡一次看完的讀者來說,故事一直在最緊繃的位置,每一次的閱讀都是一樣的張力,到最後反而缺乏效果。8964 copyright protection586PENANAyGPEAmcn6d 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAtbDkuXRPyz
8964 copyright protection586PENANATOY1AKbtce 維尼
關於info dump:info dump是亮點也是缺點。info插入得太直接。若不是熟練的作者,採用倒敘法可能會很生硬,直接讓人棄書。可是我們卻隨著荷糖月色流暢的文筆一同歷險。8964 copyright protection586PENANA4DDsAuREHx 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAjGJR63BVsl
8964 copyright protection586PENANAoPjACwVldb 維尼
不過穿插資訊可能是中國網路小說的特色?不知道,這邊阿洛只能說,在info dump方面,作者雖然沒有花心思藏起來,至少讓人閱讀經驗很愉快。8964 copyright protection586PENANA8NyU9DSNUL 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAak9kUmp2tX
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【總結】8964 copyright protection586PENANAcNnQSdbXlJ 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAb4FxhDtZyr
8964 copyright protection586PENANAt6f6nFSraU 維尼
跟作者討論了一下,他說下一本書要寫細綱及寫完整本才開始連載。很好的決定,因為連載會有趕稿壓力,很常讓作者無法好好地修飾或回頭檢查。8964 copyright protection586PENANAnNDB07cWtc 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANA4Lj066f4SN
8964 copyright protection586PENANAuIxwJGnCdq 維尼
整體來說,這是一部還不錯的作品,設定深刻有趣,角色刻劃鮮明。8964 copyright protection586PENANAUxZA7VvaKj 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANA5MaXNWMOn6
8964 copyright protection586PENANAZuQJWUfrdo 維尼
阿洛將連結放在本書開頭了,喜歡古風耽美修仙的讀者們可以去瞧瞧!8964 copyright protection586PENANA4dTdsqIqU5 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAeBfqyLd9LI
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希望在創作的路上我們越來越好!8964 copyright protection586PENANAttJecUas87 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAzxDDHJKPgn
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如果覺得這篇文章有用,歡迎訂閱追蹤收藏!阿洛在各大網站都會定期更新。8964 copyright protection586PENANAqAynCUChqg 維尼
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FB / IG / 個人網站 / 所有網站傳送門8964 copyright protection586PENANABEiI5ZAh5E 維尼
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歡迎留言跟我分享今天你學到了什麼!8964 copyright protection586PENANAq1VsJ7TOpx 維尼
590Please respect copyright.PENANAYgAWgiWb9p
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我是Lorien 阿洛,分享各種文字創作,我們下回見!8964 copyright protection586PENANAUVdOW3n9Pz 維尼
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FIN.8964 copyright protection586PENANACfsfHeVFlQ 維尼
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