伊安。
繪者:燈貓百白。
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許多時候,我會懷疑自己當初是哪根神經不對勁,才會選擇亞里德作為自己的人生伴侶。999Please respect copyright.PENANAA7WDQ75r1n
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就好比現在,永遠讓我沒法理解他腦子裡到底裝些什麼的亞里德,一面喊著surprise,一面衝進房間,接著,拉開窗廉。999Please respect copyright.PENANAb41OZ8JO3w
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嗯……白天的陽光好刺眼。999Please respect copyright.PENANAX9svH1z6cU
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自窗戶照進來的陽光很是溫暖,但對剛入睡不久的人,或者是吸血鬼來說,只是刺眼到讓人感到厭煩。我拉過棉被,將自己的頭埋進其中,準備好好睡上一覺,但後腰不斷傳來的戳刺感,讓我不得不拉下棉被,看看亞里德又想搞些什麼。999Please respect copyright.PENANAidkEgm2nG3
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「你不是該化成灰燼嗎?」999Please respect copyright.PENANA4nj8Axnzkl
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你有看過貓頭鷹因為照到太陽變成灰的嗎?吸血鬼也就差不多這樣的夜行生物,你還想怎樣?看著亞里德困惑的神情,以及充滿疑問的語氣,我知道,他是認真的,他真的想知道,吸血鬼的天敵是不是陽光……想到這,我忍不住拿起枕頭往他臉上砸,「你到底想謀殺我幾次才甘願?」999Please respect copyright.PENANA42yDb9R0JN
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要是我真的化成灰,對你到底有什麼好處?999Please respect copyright.PENANAvKQCwYn83H
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「吸血鬼曬到太陽會成灰的傳聞是假的。」儘管被我用枕頭砸頭,亞里德卻一點也不在意,兀自從口袋拿出一本小冊子,再上頭塗塗劃劃。999Please respect copyright.PENANAwQGrZNkRhy
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那本子上頭寫的,該不是如何謀殺吸血鬼的各種方法吧?999Please respect copyright.PENANAdL5ytVABQr
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察覺到我目光的亞里德,朝我露出有些靦腆的笑容,不好意思的晃了下手中的筆記本,「安德烈給我的。」999Please respect copyright.PENANAHVFDDPad5s
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安德烈.馬恩,我就知道……面對亞里德這種意料之內,情理之外的回答,我愈發覺得頭疼,「居然慫恿你謀殺同居人,他真的是神職人員嗎?」999Please respect copyright.PENANA2d3qTbPMYh
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「安德烈說,你不是人,不在法律保護範圍裡。」999Please respect copyright.PENANAncKiJmoHFg
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這瞬間,我有股想將亞里德狠狠咬死一百次的衝動,你不站在我這邊就算了,還幫著安德烈謀殺我,算哪門子伴侶?「告訴你哥,他要是敢再拿我作實驗,我會在他脖子狠狠咬上一口。」為了顯示我的認真,我特地將獠牙露出來。999Please respect copyright.PENANANd3mb84y2w
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沒想到亞里德卻像是在研究什麼似的蹲在我面前,一臉認真的盯著我的獠牙,「其實我一直很好奇,為什麼你的尖牙不會刺傷你的嘴。」999Please respect copyright.PENANAWxdt9RIcmD
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亞里德,有時我真想撬開你的腦袋,看看裡頭裝些什麼。999Please respect copyright.PENANAZ91vtYRnex
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不,也許這是遺傳性的家族疾病,不然哪個當人家哥哥的傢伙,比起弟弟出櫃這件事,更加在意弟弟的同性伴侶是個吸血鬼的事實?就在我思索馬恩家族到底都出些什麼樣的怪胎時,床邊窗戶突然傳來一聲鏗鏘聲。999Please respect copyright.PENANAzTWRA7JThA
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等等,鏗鏘?999Please respect copyright.PENANAyTZ4E9xKM3
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猛然轉頭的我,赫然發現方才還在我腦子中打轉的安德烈牧師,宛如在演動作電影般,抓著繩索破窗而入,目標很明顯的,就是躺在床上的我!999Please respect copyright.PENANAgvegEFBkSB
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「塵歸塵,土歸土!」999Please respect copyright.PENANATpIK9pYa30
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「歸你的大頭!」眼看安德烈鬆開繩索,直接朝我身上撲來,什麼瞌睡蟲都瞬間嚇得丟到九霄雲外,身體更是在我意識到之前,出手擋住他的襲擊,「安德烈,沒人告訴過你,入侵民宅是犯法的嗎?」更何況,你還帶著一把該死的木椿!999Please respect copyright.PENANAhFyuMsPUXX
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「放棄掙扎吧!伊安,今天你是逃不了的。」999Please respect copyright.PENANAtzICdlCeA1
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叫我放棄反抗,好讓你把木樁釘進我的心臟?你覺得我瘋了嗎?我奮力的抓住木樁,意圖將它推開,壓在我上頭的安德烈亦是使出吃奶的力氣,堅決的想把木樁釘到我心臟。「安德烈,這、是、蓄、意、謀、殺!」999Please respect copyright.PENANAPMMxUo8hip
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我以為殺人這事會讓安德烈產生些許動搖,我卻忘了,在他眼裡,我本來就不是人,事實上,我也確實不是人。999Please respect copyright.PENANAsKuHbQUqPt
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「亞里德,快過來幫我,浸過聖水,受過加持的神聖木樁讓這吸血鬼害怕了。」壓根不認為自己正在進行犯罪行為的安德烈發覺靠他一個人釘不死我,居然出聲呼喚站在旁邊看戲的亞里德幫手,「今天我們一定可以把他收拾掉!」999Please respect copyright.PENANAeToUcGON99
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拜託,哪個人面對一把削得比針還尖銳的木樁不會怕?999Please respect copyright.PENANAZwxNQGqQcS
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發覺亞里德朝安德烈走去,知曉這傢伙真的會幫著親大哥謀殺情人的我,不由得失聲大叫,「你腦子浸水了嗎?哪個正常人心臟被刺穿不會死?就連耶穌基督都被朗基努斯之槍給掛了!」999Please respect copyright.PENANALdnSdmxy5s
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話剛喊完,我便發覺施加在上頭的力量消失了。999Please respect copyright.PENANA4D3dcHOMA9
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「說的也對,刺穿心臟,人一定會死,這樣根本不能證明什麼。」安德烈用著恍然大悟的神情,離開床舖,一面將不止可以剋死吸血鬼,還能釘死人的木樁隨手丟到一旁,然後自牧師服內取出一把槍,「所以用銀彈爆頭也是行不通的。」999Please respect copyright.PENANAtasjWssdYB
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當安德烈將槍支拿出來時,亞里德的神情終於有所轉變,看著他略帶擔憂的神情,我正覺得心頭微暖時,亞里德立馬就讓我摔進地獄,「安德烈,噴出來的血要是弄髒床單跟房間,會很難清理。」999Please respect copyright.PENANAyuBF4ZLk17
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亞里德,我差點被你哥殺掉耶!999Please respect copyright.PENANALpC4Khq6uo
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你不覺得關心的重點錯了嗎?見亞里德真的一點都不在意我差點被木樁穿心的事,反而和安德烈站在一旁討論起下次該用什麼方法謀殺我,我忍不住開口,「安德烈,把槍給我,我送你們兄弟去見上帝。」999Please respect copyright.PENANAx6Sd4OBMyx
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希望下輩子,上帝會把他們造的聰明點。999Please respect copyright.PENANARdxWxAjY5D
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「糟糕,禮拜時間快到了,我得先走了。」討論到一半,發覺時間已經不早的安德烈,立馬抓起方才破窗而入時,順手丟進房間的黑皮箱跟圍巾往外跑,走前不忘給我丟下一句,「伊安,下回見,我一定會送你下地獄。」999Please respect copyright.PENANArLBAStAZpC
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如果可以,永遠不要見面了。999Please respect copyright.PENANAVhelu2SwWn
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安德烈來時像風,去時也像風,讓他撞破的窗戶也不斷有風湧進來。999Please respect copyright.PENANASL5P020u4t
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看著有些狼狽的房間,我突然有些欲哭無淚,非法入侵就算了,殺人未遂也沒關係,至少把窗戶修好再走啊!999Please respect copyright.PENANAnXqzgwbUXh
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不知何時來到我身邊的亞里德,看著破窗許久,「你會冷嗎?伊安。」999Please respect copyright.PENANAPB7JKqi6LQ
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雖然遲了點,但亞里德至少知道要關心我一下。不得不說,我心裡是有些感動的,於是,我放柔聲調讓亞里德不用擔心,「放心,吸血鬼的體溫本來就比常人低,這點溫度……」999Please respect copyright.PENANA0nzciCO8Zb
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話還沒說完,亞里德已經出聲搶白,「可是我冷。」999Please respect copyright.PENANAvzTpe8B7wy
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原來剛剛的話不是關心我的健康,而是因為亞里德自己覺得冷……「去找安德烈,那是他弄破的。」發覺亞里德仍是一動也不動的盯著我,我決定擺爛給他看,「別看我,不是活的時間比較久,就什麼事情都會做。」999Please respect copyright.PENANABdMmxELrvl
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「伊安,我冷。」999Please respect copyright.PENANAMS0SpV9ca6
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看著亞里德柔軟的髮絲被風吹的一團亂,以及他的臉頰因為寒風而失去幾分紅潤,我嘆了口氣,「知道了,我會處理。」999Please respect copyright.PENANABrbegmyRzt
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亞里德一聲歡呼後,轉身跑回自己溫暖的客廳,留下我一人,獨自面對不知哪年哪月哪日,會再被人撞破的窗戶。999Please respect copyright.PENANAiIJFF7AYLm
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唉。999Please respect copyright.PENANAQmkLCpP7xL
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有時候,我覺得自己就像是躺在解剖台上的青蛙,馬恩兄弟則是主刀醫師,在不將青蛙麻醉的狀態下,當著青蛙的面討論著,等等要從哪邊下刀。999Please respect copyright.PENANAtAgsLq3C3f
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殘虐,真的太殘虐了。999Please respect copyright.PENANAuWAW8Xk7iK
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一點愛護動物的心也沒有。999Please respect copyright.PENANA88mRaefojT
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雖然我是吸血鬼,不是人,也不是青蛙,但以現有的生物學和概念來說,吸血鬼的產生機率比白子還低上不知道多少倍,說是需要保育的稀有種族也不為過,亞里德和安德烈成天就想著應證吸血鬼會怎麼死,難道不怕保育團體控告他們?999Please respect copyright.PENANAzEvVs7ff5b
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聽完我的抱怨,身為我少數幾個摯友之一,當初沒被火刑燒死,幸運逃過魔女狩獵,現在怎麼看怎麼正點,全身搭配都走在時尚尖端,誰也不會相信她已經有好幾百歲的魔女桃樂絲,只是不斷搖晃酒杯,玩弄裡頭的橄欖。999Please respect copyright.PENANAJccEWzljHL
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等我抱怨至一段落,她才有些疑問的開口,「你可以咬他,或是他那個腦袋有洞的哥哥一口,不是嗎?」999Please respect copyright.PENANA4ChdlP7UJX
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噢,這又是個謬誤。999Please respect copyright.PENANAIoTdDOlCfp
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連和我相識數百年的老朋友,都以為我只要隨便咬人一口,就可以將對方變成吸血鬼,真是太荒謬了,狂犬病都沒那麼神奇了,更何況是把一個活人變成血族。999Please respect copyright.PENANAVtD33Z0WJA
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真要那麼簡單,血族早該跳出來統治世界了。999Please respect copyright.PENANAsPCd0Pj3gg
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「桃樂絲,我必須慎重的告訴妳,就算那個根本不存在的氏族會議同意我將亞里德和安德烈變成血族,實際操作上還是有些難度。」999Please respect copyright.PENANAxjK562iKFp
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有些事還是得靠天賦,不是我將一個人咬得千瘡百孔,他就一定會變成血族。999Please respect copyright.PENANA6tcv57ykPx
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藉由我的話語,理解血族生成是件多麼困難的事後,桃樂絲只是眼也不瞬的盯著我,半晌,才悠悠的開口,「伊安,我由衷覺得你該上解剖台一回,這是解開吸血鬼為什麼生育率極低的好機會,勇敢的為血族貢獻去吧!」999Please respect copyright.PENANAV2MYpGj8Cz
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貢獻個渣!999Please respect copyright.PENANAKhonWidI3B
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真要貢獻也該是妳這魔女先上解剖台,要知道,永遠的美麗是多少女人的夢想,妳只要往解剖台上躺個十年、五十年,就能獲得世界半數人口的歡迎。999Please respect copyright.PENANAmMlgDCku6U
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更何況,我根本不明白,本質還是人類的魔女,為什麼可以長生不老?999Please respect copyright.PENANA0PMeqfdu0Z
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這議題絕對比和死人沒啥兩樣的吸血鬼,為什麼可以活潑亂跳更加引人注目,畢竟,在神話史中,吸血鬼歸屬怪物類,哪怕換個國家,也不過就是和殭屍、蔭屍差不多的存在,再怎麼違反自然界定律還是有限度的。999Please respect copyright.PENANAtEtLXQzlaP
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按照常理的怪物,還是怪物嗎?999Please respect copyright.PENANAT61LbdjMQK
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但魔女不同。999Please respect copyright.PENANACYOCOLkNkB
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除了少數幾個偏激份子會去膜拜些亂七八糟,根本不知道有沒有用的邪神怪像,其他魔女都是安份守己的生活,哪怕偶爾可以瞧見她們用大釜燉煮些看起來顏色很詭異,聞起來也很怪異的湯藥,或是像神經病般的喔呵呵呵笑著,她們本質上還是人類。999Please respect copyright.PENANAu6EqSDn2JE
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湯藥煮不好,她們喝了一樣會肚子疼。999Please respect copyright.PENANAoYdydbF5Jl
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更何況,認識桃樂絲這麼久,我從來都不曾看過她熬煮什麼魔女秘藥,煮個湯反而把鍋子底部燒出個大洞的場面倒是見過不少次。999Please respect copyright.PENANAFforD1pJ0q
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就連魔女經典的象徵代表,黑貓,也因為這傢伙對貓毛有著嚴重的過敏反應,所以能閃多遠,就閃多遠,哪怕是街上走過客串的野貓,都會讓她像是遭遇世界末日,這樣一個魔藥不行、廚藝兩光,活到現代也只會釣凱子的女人,到底是為什麼被人指控為魔女?999Please respect copyright.PENANA7xPKnviiXG
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憑什麼活到現在?999Please respect copyright.PENANAoWuIaGxJQD
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總不會是她曾被外星人綁架,基因有了什麼重大改變,才讓她成了不老不死的魔女吧!是說,這樣的桃樂絲還算是人嗎?999Please respect copyright.PENANAeLI9p6zeMz
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其中一個疑問,在我發完牢騷,我們的酒也終於喝乾見底時,獲得解答。999Please respect copyright.PENANAmjIpcCfHfk
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只見不知道喝了多少瓶酒的桃樂絲,整個人看起來就是醺醺然,走路不穩到讓人懷疑,她等等不是會撞牆撞樹,就是會讓路人撿屍到旅館,或是天南地北胡亂迷路,直到警局通知家人領回……是說,她還能找到年齡比她大的家人嗎?999Please respect copyright.PENANAgfKW2MrPKW
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算了,那不重要,重要的是,這種情況下的她,絕對不可能平安回家。999Please respect copyright.PENANA43oJjlk8Ev
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「我送妳回家吧!」儘管一直以來,認為桃樂絲的恐佈程度是隨著年齡呈現等比級數增加的我,仍是不忍心放她一人到處亂跑。999Please respect copyright.PENANAJCVnC1utLh
999Please respect copyright.PENANAB1Qe6ifXJx
開玩笑,她一個人倒在路旁也凍不死她,萬一真的被人撿屍,說不定明日早報的社會新聞頭條,就是一樁離奇命案的發生,畢竟,這個美豔而兩光的不死魔女背後,還有個超越現今科學的強大靠山存在。999Please respect copyright.PENANAav5AQvgbc8
999Please respect copyright.PENANA4lH1eJZA6V
啊!說人人到。999Please respect copyright.PENANAg1PBygfLoc
999Please respect copyright.PENANA3U12JVf4tR
我剛攙扶著桃樂絲走出酒吧大門,便看到一名身材極棒,哪怕穿著襯衫人魚線仍若隱若現的帥氣男人朝我們走來,「桃樂絲又喝醉了?」999Please respect copyright.PENANABsk3KcFxKF
999Please respect copyright.PENANAjY3mJmCh9x
「嗨,希沃茲,見到你真好。」坦白說,我更想知道,希沃茲是搶在桃樂絲被撿屍前趕來,還是打從開始就在外頭站崗?如果是前者,他也真是辛苦,如果是後者,也不枉費桃樂絲老把他當看門犬。999Please respect copyright.PENANAVnfm4PjPbB
999Please respect copyright.PENANAgF3iJAHgL4
沒等希沃茲再度開口,我已經把桃樂絲交到他手裡,「還不算醉的很嚴重,至少,她還知道自己叫什麼名字。」999Please respect copyright.PENANA4IkaIcu4fO
999Please respect copyright.PENANAfAhJnTL9WV
想想,前一回桃樂絲把自己灌醉的結果,就是她滿街亂跑,最後不知道用了什麼方法爬上交通號誌燈上頭,一面狂笑宣稱自己是女巫,一面試圖召喚她的使魔,當然,沒人將她這話當回事,只當她在發酒瘋。999Please respect copyright.PENANAsXXRdddbP4
999Please respect copyright.PENANAP4bdBgclRG
這年頭發酒瘋的人還真是越來越多怪招了。999Please respect copyright.PENANAwpPIxl6Qkd
999Please respect copyright.PENANA22eoojXFKZ
這是當初一名在路旁圍觀的老伯的感慨話語,事實上,桃樂絲有沒有發酒瘋,跟現實差不到哪去,她根本沒有召喚使魔的能力,再嚴格點來說,魔女這稱號到她頭上就只剩下幻滅的份。999Please respect copyright.PENANA6XBXnZzpDh
999Please respect copyright.PENANA3ncZ6BciUY
反正,她這樣大鬧一番後,最後是勞動警消人員把她給救了下來,那時的情況還被好事者用手機拍下,上傳到YOUTUBE博君一笑,點閱率還不低,不過我懷疑裡頭有大半點閱是衝著她的裙下風光,相比之下,這回的桃樂絲倒是有品許多。999Please respect copyright.PENANA8jJ14mxIi4
999Please respect copyright.PENANAYG1VGpPT0C
只是桃樂絲醉的越厲害,希沃茲的表情變化就越精彩,接近桃樂絲前,他就不斷皺眉,扶著她時,桃樂絲滿身濃郁的酒味,更是嗆得他那張好看到令人嫉妒的臉險些扭曲。999Please respect copyright.PENANAeGEvmo1gJ1
999Please respect copyright.PENANAvc5b2hYUAt
如果是我,鐵定會把桃樂絲像垃圾一樣的扔出去,沒想到,希沃茲卻是強忍著厭惡和痛苦,紳士至極的扶著桃樂絲,甚至還對周圍以眼神詢問,是否需要幫助的圍觀者投以微笑致意,簡直就是條漢子。999Please respect copyright.PENANAJ7ypmSRj7T
999Please respect copyright.PENANALSZsq9cnhE
不過……「希沃茲,你的鼻子真的沒問題嗎?」999Please respect copyright.PENANAX9VfvGinLA
999Please respect copyright.PENANA30NBf2NTyj
聽見我壓低音量的詢問,希沃茲不著痕跡的微微動動鼻子,用著很輕很輕,但任誰一聽都知道,感覺糟糕透底的語調對我說:「快爛掉了。」999Please respect copyright.PENANA321NHdjtiY
999Please respect copyright.PENANAuNTGJ4qIiZ
我看不是快爛掉,是已經嗅覺失靈了吧!999Please respect copyright.PENANA85lTLtnLbi
999Please respect copyright.PENANAeciRGAKjBd
「原來你那麼擔心桃樂絲的安危。」為了希沃茲的健康著想,未來可不能再和桃樂絲約在這種地方,改喝茶好了。999Please respect copyright.PENANA663jaIGTqp
999Please respect copyright.PENANAf7XoRiTGvg
看著我既是敬佩,又是同情的眼神,希沃茲彷彿是想將累積體內的汙氣一吐出般,深深吐了口氣,接著,才用著和剛沒兩樣,同樣讓人覺得這男人正承受著苦難的腔調開口,「不,我是怕桃樂絲給人添麻煩。」999Please respect copyright.PENANATR4undENHw
999Please respect copyright.PENANAP31FtTUPei
「也對,上回那樣是挺浪費國家資源的……」999Please respect copyright.PENANAIgvUccro2H
999Please respect copyright.PENANAdvRH9nzEmO
「伊安,你錯了。」沒等我說完,希沃茲便出聲打斷我的話語,見我一臉疑惑,希沃茲的神情頓時有些複雜,「你知道桃樂絲可以在月圓時把我打暈嗎?」999Please respect copyright.PENANA1rd1OByIUl
999Please respect copyright.PENANAcaHcQjzIzA
等等,我剛剛是不是聽錯了?999Please respect copyright.PENANAJUlD4ycCIr
999Please respect copyright.PENANAZ2yLEaDJvs
桃樂絲,那個什麼都不會,能活到現在堪稱奇蹟或是造孽的桃樂絲,居然有本事把月圓時期的希沃茲給打暈!999Please respect copyright.PENANAi6SIsRx338
999Please respect copyright.PENANAFJPlZVAyNR
希沃茲是個狼人,一個血統純正到令人髮指的狼人,當然,血統純正的狼人其實也沒有什麼大不了的,估計就和人類世界的純種藏獒,或是純種豹貓一樣,就是個血統很純很純,純到可以賣出天價的存在。999Please respect copyright.PENANAqtAhn5RQx2
999Please respect copyright.PENANAaVtwWrnu9h
不過,再純也還是個狼人。999Please respect copyright.PENANA7cq41jgKiF
999Please respect copyright.PENANAJnNEpelYkf
就像人類對血族總有誤解,他們對狼人的誤解也多的像是座山。999Please respect copyright.PENANAaqysVKAXmz
999Please respect copyright.PENANAa2rHRBcZEm
如果說,狼人的變身能力是天生的,為什麼一定得等到月圓才會變身狼嚎?只要希沃茲高興,他隨時都能把自己變成狼人或隻大狼,對著根本沒有月亮的黑夜,或是大白天坐在馬路中間嚎到他高興為止。999Please respect copyright.PENANA0osAbpxSvl
999Please respect copyright.PENANAjEXQkz0Omz
那麼做感覺挺白癡的,所以那傢伙從不這麼幹。999Please respect copyright.PENANA4fbAtZ7QFM
999Please respect copyright.PENANAYDONvjNeEE
月圓對狼人來說,其實就跟人類吞了威而剛一樣,只是興奮了點、衝動了點,還不至於失去理智,胡亂咬人,當他是嗑藥嗑到腦子壞了不成?999Please respect copyright.PENANANzjH8uIZCS
999Please respect copyright.PENANAfcwpqo5fK6
最簡單的方式來說,平日的希沃茲可以輕易砸碎強化玻璃,滿月的希沃茲則是可以輕易舉起一輛卡車砸人,而且還是連發式的狂砸,感覺很像那個綠巨人浩克對吧!不過這些純粹是正常表現,就跟腎上腺素增加的老媽,可以阻止貨衝撞自家小孩一樣。999Please respect copyright.PENANApLkluJqT35
999Please respect copyright.PENANAlk0EeZ5u9D
雖然發生率有著本質上的不同,不過大抵上是類似原理。999Please respect copyright.PENANAsI8ztrp6cd
999Please respect copyright.PENANAmWUpRfjsuO
面對我這種評價,當時的希沃茲只是一臉冷然的看著我,「伊安,我只是個狼人,沒法把來自阿斯嘉德的神痛毆一頓。」999Please respect copyright.PENANA7gh8B8khvd
999Please respect copyright.PENANAIICjGiElfE
這是在說,浩克比怪物更加怪物嗎?999Please respect copyright.PENANAQlLDtUaDb5
999Please respect copyright.PENANAVzA5J9CMR2
算了,這不是重點,因為怪物界裡沒有浩克這號人物存在,總之,桃樂絲是個人類,還是個性別為雌的人類,然後,她把正值強大,誰也不會想挑月圓找他幹架的希沃茲給打暈了……我說,這是怎樣的道理跟強悍?999Please respect copyright.PENANAMQpM2OSV2s
999Please respect copyright.PENANAfI0sTP2RnS
不知怎的,我突然想通了某件事,「希沃茲,桃樂絲打暈你時,有人看見嗎?」999Please respect copyright.PENANAa823TIZ8Kq
999Please respect copyright.PENANADIN48KGHDh
希沃茲猶豫了一下,接著重重點頭。999Please respect copyright.PENANAVSIy7UBOb4
999Please respect copyright.PENANA2povE1Sruf
噢,一個打暈狼人的女人,還有目擊證人,被稱當作魔女,真的一點都不冤枉。「希沃茲,你確定你的交往對象真的是人類?」999Please respect copyright.PENANAssPt7ZYuBh
999Please respect copyright.PENANAygSDMGVMQJ
我看是神力女超人還差不多。999Please respect copyright.PENANAce7HGaAgFt
999Please respect copyright.PENANAY2sShRvLi6
面對我的質疑,希沃茲僅是淡淡的看了我一眼,「桃樂絲頂多是給外人製造災難,比起你家那位,根本純良。」999Please respect copyright.PENANANu4MTIp7uY
999Please respect copyright.PENANAhoKfmWsQ1G
希沃茲這槍,開的我好痛。999Please respect copyright.PENANATO7puShOmP
999Please respect copyright.PENANA8Et5bhMjYk
*** *** ***999Please respect copyright.PENANA4goBvn2bvs
999Please respect copyright.PENANAjdRlgJMwvx
亞里德不是我第一位伴侶,在這之前,我有過許多伴侶,有同族,有異族,當然,也有其他人類,哪怕最後,因為時間的流逝,迎來死亡,或是因為種種原因而分開,他們留給我的回憶,始終充滿珍惜與溫暖。999Please respect copyright.PENANAcQgzDPVdfF
999Please respect copyright.PENANAseRvJEvuLK
我以為,接下來的伴侶,多半也是遵循這樣的發展,直到亞里德出現,我終於明白,不到最後一刻,話都別說的太滿。999Please respect copyright.PENANADrL3OitBXI
999Please respect copyright.PENANAIoJ2fGR4ks
好不容易採購完畢,抱著一堆日用品回家的我,剛打開大門,便讓一道妖異不祥的光芒所籠罩,定眼一看,不知打哪來的直式日光浴機就這樣大喇喇的堵在我家門口,紫外線UV燈管正賣力的散發充滿紫外線的光芒。999Please respect copyright.PENANA5nxl7WRAau
999Please respect copyright.PENANAqNPrQKi7Ax
沉默片刻,我決定直接跟造成這局面的禍首溝通一下,「亞里德。」999Please respect copyright.PENANAXy8mLFO3YS
999Please respect copyright.PENANAPmsbKNM4LN
「是。」隨著我的呼喚,亞里德那張不知道該說是普通好看,還是格外欠揍的臉自日光浴機旁探出,「你回來啦!」999Please respect copyright.PENANAqTlnmmKtyF
999Please respect copyright.PENANA8FGlgQc5tA
「嗯,我回來了。」說話同時,我將裝滿食材和日常用品的紙袋,隔著日光浴機一個個遞給裡頭的亞里德,「你能不能對我解釋一下,擋在門口的日光浴機是怎麼回事?這袋裡頭有雞蛋,動作輕點。」999Please respect copyright.PENANAWIBgYt2KQp
999Please respect copyright.PENANA6lleCT4eM3
「噢,好。」亞里德溫順的接過裝著雞蛋的紙袋,下秒人就自日光浴機旁消失了,聲音仍是由屋內傳出,「安德烈說,要是用強烈點的紫外線,說不定你就會變成灰了,我想有道理,就跟他合計買了台日光浴機,不過看起來一點用也沒有。」999Please respect copyright.PENANASs3MitQn18
999Please respect copyright.PENANA1Ur1XoLhb2
說到這,終於將東西全放好的亞里德,猛地自縫隙探出頭,「順道一提,這台還是最新型的喔!」999Please respect copyright.PENANA70O0pPunW2
999Please respect copyright.PENANA2I3Ap60AWP
最新型啊……999Please respect copyright.PENANALHLQnwMyVu
999Please respect copyright.PENANAbjm7VwHGcX
線條優美,和以往那種笨重感截然不同的日光浴機,不用問,我也能猜到這玩意決對不是一塊兩毛五的價位,更不是安德烈薪水買得起的東西,「先把電源關掉,別浪費電了,對得起北極熊跟南極企鵝嗎?」999Please respect copyright.PENANA9cWXVmZeYK
999Please respect copyright.PENANAi3zQpY66Y4
「好。」亞里德頑皮的吐了吐舌,再次消失在視線之中,不一會兒,日光浴機的紫外線燈管就暗了下來。999Please respect copyright.PENANAVUBo6Hldvx
999Please respect copyright.PENANA65z5BbgurH
伸手觸碰日光浴機,發覺這玩意還是有些重量的我,沒有希沃茲的怪力,也不打算效法那種毫無美感的方式,我對著仍在屋內的亞里德出聲,「亞里德,跟我一塊把這玩意移走。」亞里德從裡頭應了一聲後,我們便開始動手搬移機器,「是說,你們分幾期付款?」999Please respect copyright.PENANAJ8Dv5i7v2r
999Please respect copyright.PENANArrAWllaK9E
「分期?我們沒有分期啊!」999Please respect copyright.PENANAlJnXpeKpeb
999Please respect copyright.PENANAulbM4j1f2k
沒有分期?我才不信安德烈那傢伙會把自己的積蓄全拿出來買這台玩意,「安德烈想叫信徒買單嗎?這是宗教斂財。」999Please respect copyright.PENANAr98X3iLQlH
999Please respect copyright.PENANAM9AYrEkN7g
「安德烈才不會那麼做呢!」好不容易把門口挪出勉強夠一個人進出的大小,亞里德已停下動作,對著剛踏進家門的我頗是不滿的抗議。999Please respect copyright.PENANAQXCKNrJFvH
999Please respect copyright.PENANA825ARgiZ2U
他都可以慫恿弟弟謀害情人了,斂財算什麼?999Please respect copyright.PENANALVXAkfDrSO
999Please respect copyright.PENANAPTWr0022gV
彷彿是聽見我不以為然的嘟囔,跑進浴室拿毛巾擦汗的亞里德,像匹小馬似的衝回我面前,瞪著大眼的為自家兄長辯護,「安德烈才不會拿信徒的錢去買這種奢侈品呢!我們用的是你信用卡!」999Please respect copyright.PENANALwIVTYNa8R
999Please respect copyright.PENANAYfGi4DAfZ7
意思是說,你們拿我的卡,用我的錢,買了台日光浴機試圖讓我化成灰?999Please respect copyright.PENANAU5zShDKIY2
999Please respect copyright.PENANA3FErowauAU
好棒的謀殺方式。999Please respect copyright.PENANAh1Kyw6looO
999Please respect copyright.PENANAZ3lGqbfPWB
不知道該從哪邊開始吐槽的我,最終只能抽動嘴角幾下,算了,我早該知道亞里德是個無藥可救的兄長跟隨者,「等等去申請退費。」999Please respect copyright.PENANAGxUiPXxyVo
999Please respect copyright.PENANAQPrSURR97L
「你要退費?」聽到我打算把這東西退還的亞里德,發出一陣哀嚎,「不要啦!伊安,這是最新型耶!」999Please respect copyright.PENANAPiGkPisTHB
999Please respect copyright.PENANADtVwENcb9X
「你剛說這是奢侈品。」999Please respect copyright.PENANAaSKIgelAhv
999Please respect copyright.PENANAHaqTWUnakV
「它是奢侈品沒錯,可是偶爾奢侈一下沒關係啊!」亞里德彷彿是商場中和家長討要玩具的孩子,一面緊緊抱著日光浴機,一面可憐巴巴的盯著我瞧,「把它留下嘛!伊安。」999Please respect copyright.PENANAysrfWrrEBj
999Please respect copyright.PENANA4KiIgRk5fl
「我會好好愛護它的。」999Please respect copyright.PENANA5mSkHkrL0y
999Please respect copyright.PENANAzjEd5QrtuG
「你要這東西做什麼?」看著亞里德那宛如松鼠的乞求模樣,我知道,哪怕他只是想擺在家裡作裝飾,我也不會有太大意見,反正,對上亞里德,我沒有一次是贏家,於是,我只能嘆氣,「好吧!留就留吧!反正我也不缺那點錢。」999Please respect copyright.PENANAv7YO7RF4LW
999Please respect copyright.PENANA0Tgbxh9B09
「耶!伊安,你最好了。」聽到日光浴機可以留下的亞里德,興奮的手舞足蹈。999Please respect copyright.PENANARtdq6b15MX
999Please respect copyright.PENANA72lb9anBIm
我這是招誰惹誰了?999Please respect copyright.PENANAZPpoBiCQBT
999Please respect copyright.PENANA7G2lJNhFem