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No Plagiarism!220oh6AaYf6Ct9iF9YVlposted on PENANA 此作者的畫面感以及震撼感的渲染做得十分到位。8964 copyright protection465PENANATCQ4xAUsx9 維尼
所以……這是超級賽亞人嗎?8964 copyright protection465PENANAyRXdcXoIaO 維尼
三階頭髮會變長?469Please respect copyright.PENANA726zQjZVDp
469Please respect copyright.PENANAebv6j5kSEd
8964 copyright protection465PENANA89b7ipKWUo 維尼
「喝…….喝啊!」8964 copyright protection465PENANAaEnTcyFEFW 維尼
469Please respect copyright.PENANA6EpzdpBR3P
8964 copyright protection465PENANAE3dMNCYyXY 維尼
不是,我喜歡拳拳到肉的快感。8964 copyright protection465PENANAZYzlE1E3BC 維尼
但你是拳拳到拳。8964 copyright protection465PENANAwTSArifbWw 維尼
469Please respect copyright.PENANAHFLcbMUb72
8964 copyright protection465PENANAnHm6oERvl3 維尼
每一下,男主角都去接,沒有怎麼受傷。8964 copyright protection465PENANA0KEAPEL3qc 維尼
只有巨人縮小至兩米時,被轟飛的那一下。8964 copyright protection465PENANAACBYdE3Tnn 維尼
469Please respect copyright.PENANAe4MlhSjkLN
8964 copyright protection465PENANAGsX0tQok2O 維尼
簡單來說就是一部龍傲天作品,並且對話帶點中二的感覺。8964 copyright protection465PENANASpcXC7uw20 維尼
可能是我有一點年紀了,並不是那麼喜歡中二的感覺,抱歉,不吃這套。8964 copyright protection465PENANA8TZQbMEJAG 維尼
469Please respect copyright.PENANAlqo65Miauu
8964 copyright protection465PENANAIqjNnTufhg 維尼
像開頭所說的,戰鬥的畫面感有到,但主角好像什麼事都沒有一樣,所以男主角一階可以打二階?469Please respect copyright.PENANASq7QmTSmYJ
469Please respect copyright.PENANAg0dtXUw6xY
8964 copyright protection465PENANATGItz9B7Kf 維尼
戰鬥模式建議改善,我目前看到的都是拳拳到拳,只有巨人被揍到吐血,好歹也讓男主擦個臉頰破皮吧,請給阿諾斯一個面子,謝謝。8964 copyright protection465PENANAbB6Qj2T08b 維尼
469Please respect copyright.PENANAZjwqqSX7aE
8964 copyright protection465PENANA3yvbZOcgAO 維尼
章節的長度問題,在留言區的時候你有跟我提醒了,我不會噴。8964 copyright protection465PENANAWGUFdGfwxI 維尼
只是我個人看不慣這樣而已,是否改善就看個人。8964 copyright protection465PENANAJ12n2nwYxd 維尼
469Please respect copyright.PENANAVVlNkQWevw
8964 copyright protection465PENANAzC0cbDtyxg 維尼
再來全文一萬六千字,你讓我全看男主角一直在跟巨人族打架?8964 copyright protection465PENANASl8nEVX1pS 維尼
你有沒有搞錯?8964 copyright protection465PENANA9XMsCMqNI8 維尼
469Please respect copyright.PENANAioZSeiNmJA
8964 copyright protection465PENANAndHi0mgU5m 維尼
一直打同一個人就算了,還打不到臉,最可笑的是艾倫的衣服還會自己修好。8964 copyright protection465PENANAeILtimo5t7 維尼
469Please respect copyright.PENANANWGuShj3im
8964 copyright protection465PENANAumkXPfaiQM 維尼
我看這個巨人王阿諾斯真的還是回家種田好了,一點敵人的感覺都沒有,戰鬥感有,但刺激感?469Please respect copyright.PENANASszAxfWRcL
469Please respect copyright.PENANAy9g5kfKcRI
8964 copyright protection465PENANAKmXzabsoFp 維尼
可以很明白的跟你說,完全沒有。8964 copyright protection465PENANAbmiPVpIV9W 維尼
469Please respect copyright.PENANAXu2uSHT5oB
8964 copyright protection465PENANAm79AXE1tsz 維尼
「我能看到的就是主角開掛般一階幹二階。」8964 copyright protection465PENANAEoHa9fZswi 維尼
天啊,我發自內心的想讓主角受一點傷,留一點點血吧……8964 copyright protection465PENANAMjLwCGyc2x 維尼
469Please respect copyright.PENANAoMpHW5JW6e
8964 copyright protection465PENANAgwzTrSfL2x 維尼
一萬六千字全都給我開掛,還全都給我打同一個種田仔,完全就是在跟我開玩笑。8964 copyright protection465PENANAX9utn9AOO2 維尼
469Please respect copyright.PENANAFOAt9lP1CO
8964 copyright protection465PENANAwOvL8ncrAG 維尼
在看完第一章結尾後,男主角說要「重新開打」,你他媽還要讓我繼續看這龍傲天VS種田仔。469Please respect copyright.PENANACMGmvOqZKN
469Please respect copyright.PENANAFPVjyoqwFM
8964 copyright protection465PENANA8r5dECxT4m 維尼
說實話,我看不下去,抱歉。8964 copyright protection465PENANA8TpuYnKPPs 維尼
469Please respect copyright.PENANAiAG1DQJIM3
8964 copyright protection465PENANAz0S8hTkqKE 維尼
好歹你也跑一下劇情,做做樣子也好,讀者才不會看的那麼膩。8964 copyright protection465PENANAbwhKHLZOwU 維尼
看得出來你會切換視角,為什麼不穿插個支線跑來給我們看,至少讓我緩緩龍傲天跟種田仔的戰鬥尷尬氛圍。8964 copyright protection465PENANAuvJuoN89b0 維尼
469Please respect copyright.PENANAfkUhbBGh6V
8964 copyright protection465PENANAqGINtjKyZT 維尼
雖然我噴了那麼多,但該稱讚的我不會審略掉,文筆真的不錯,非常具有畫面感跟史詩般的震撼感,這點是你非常大的優點!8964 copyright protection465PENANAhri4BSztp7 維尼
469Please respect copyright.PENANA85xqmKneDw
8964 copyright protection465PENANAymY6JdGSg5 維尼
要記住,在一則故事中,需要有起承轉合。8964 copyright protection465PENANAvqmhLgRDQE 維尼
469Please respect copyright.PENANAncWYgxQl3U
8964 copyright protection465PENANALD9ucQ5IC4 維尼
序章就是一路碾,實在看不出何來起承轉合,你這是叫起飛。8964 copyright protection465PENANAXkvtUFIzkQ 維尼
469Please respect copyright.PENANA4qMe8remTG
8964 copyright protection465PENANA74eh2SQlja 維尼
明白我的意思嗎?8964 copyright protection465PENANAPTejHyODRu 維尼
469Please respect copyright.PENANAKkGIFxrjXi
8964 copyright protection465PENANA1LrcZw5Xqj 維尼
評語心得:469Please respect copyright.PENANA8vOz9wpfbK
469Please respect copyright.PENANAbIeNg5Q9pw
8964 copyright protection465PENANALPlEbTNgf4 維尼
1. 故事設定的還算不錯,但總體有點過於中二與自我,8964 copyright protection465PENANADpqQYwPpeF 維尼
469Please respect copyright.PENANAzlW6Jv8inQ
8964 copyright protection465PENANAqkHi79eG6o 維尼
2. 簡介打得很棒,有明確吻合主題內容。8964 copyright protection465PENANASlr2FfGPav 維尼
469Please respect copyright.PENANA7R4vUbvVYM
8964 copyright protection465PENANAQhYiUvTeeI 維尼
3. 我每一篇都要講一下序章的用途,實在是有一點懶,序章主要是用簡短的文字去概要整體故事跟世界觀,又或者是作者想在這部作品裡表達的深層涵義。8964 copyright protection465PENANA9BVS9pd05C 維尼
469Please respect copyright.PENANAJ1iaTHFeMR
8964 copyright protection465PENANAx4MXDP1oSb 維尼
4. 節奏拿捏的太長,一直欺負人家種田的,艾倫還是不是人?能不能節奏快點?8964 copyright protection465PENANA9b1eBHRoKO 維尼
469Please respect copyright.PENANAtjK5VjxSO4
8964 copyright protection465PENANAFTYq6CeB5p 維尼
5.龍傲天作品沒有不好,也是有許多非常優秀的作品,但我個人不是那麼喜歡龍傲天而已。8964 copyright protection465PENANAYaObm7LoQy 維尼
469Please respect copyright.PENANAbnwAE3pVwM
8964 copyright protection465PENANA8VT3NURWDZ 維尼
總分:50469Please respect copyright.PENANA97KqiFSXZN
469Please respect copyright.PENANAU5vHDcFVkx
8964 copyright protection465PENANAEFAeNePHl7 維尼
如果作者能把打種田仔的節奏拉快,且不要拳拳到拳的尷尬感的話,相信我。8964 copyright protection465PENANARfAbJKpG4N 維尼
你的作品會更加的優秀!8964 copyright protection465PENANAcvKKapRlfh 維尼
因為你本身就具有寫出壯闊史詩感的流暢文筆,如果上述的缺點加以補正,我相信這部作品就可以稱得上是佳作了。 8964 copyright protection465PENANAHWe0fKQzyC 維尼
469Please respect copyright.PENANAjajAvuH5CE
8964 copyright protection465PENANABMMRKPMkNY 維尼
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