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No Plagiarism!FSvRCqtzupAMg2QqGCp9posted on PENANA 此作者的畫面感以及震撼感的渲染做得十分到位。8964 copyright protection532PENANAcwCZ6cmOAW 維尼
所以……這是超級賽亞人嗎?8964 copyright protection532PENANADzY96kNsS1 維尼
三階頭髮會變長?536Please respect copyright.PENANAAkHEK7cYB7
536Please respect copyright.PENANAs1gBYF6RqC
8964 copyright protection532PENANAvLBk84IC06 維尼
「喝…….喝啊!」8964 copyright protection532PENANAcTSo33qXDI 維尼
536Please respect copyright.PENANAuuTciCAKTY
8964 copyright protection532PENANAwfb7RBOQe0 維尼
不是,我喜歡拳拳到肉的快感。8964 copyright protection532PENANAEpC5n5cnsN 維尼
但你是拳拳到拳。8964 copyright protection532PENANAuhx3DRkED6 維尼
536Please respect copyright.PENANA3LrpdpCwqU
8964 copyright protection532PENANAe55V71PmRK 維尼
每一下,男主角都去接,沒有怎麼受傷。8964 copyright protection532PENANApxzQRY3gnS 維尼
只有巨人縮小至兩米時,被轟飛的那一下。8964 copyright protection532PENANAwvZZojoGEL 維尼
536Please respect copyright.PENANAOzjU8GxeGh
8964 copyright protection532PENANA0rfAgGpMwq 維尼
簡單來說就是一部龍傲天作品,並且對話帶點中二的感覺。8964 copyright protection532PENANAbAK23F3aWN 維尼
可能是我有一點年紀了,並不是那麼喜歡中二的感覺,抱歉,不吃這套。8964 copyright protection532PENANADzrHG3cX0R 維尼
536Please respect copyright.PENANAtBKAJ0ql7q
8964 copyright protection532PENANAtQ3ZPWo8xC 維尼
像開頭所說的,戰鬥的畫面感有到,但主角好像什麼事都沒有一樣,所以男主角一階可以打二階?536Please respect copyright.PENANAAXkN63Pvv1
536Please respect copyright.PENANAYWrRfIl0Xy
8964 copyright protection532PENANAauY2VEvvLV 維尼
戰鬥模式建議改善,我目前看到的都是拳拳到拳,只有巨人被揍到吐血,好歹也讓男主擦個臉頰破皮吧,請給阿諾斯一個面子,謝謝。8964 copyright protection532PENANAlkDmlfjDtJ 維尼
536Please respect copyright.PENANAoWAQ7cEEeY
8964 copyright protection532PENANAL5JCk7TgKu 維尼
章節的長度問題,在留言區的時候你有跟我提醒了,我不會噴。8964 copyright protection532PENANAbk5Cz77CHo 維尼
只是我個人看不慣這樣而已,是否改善就看個人。8964 copyright protection532PENANA8Qbh81aiCH 維尼
536Please respect copyright.PENANAPShqPbDwqG
8964 copyright protection532PENANAFTToyVBWWP 維尼
再來全文一萬六千字,你讓我全看男主角一直在跟巨人族打架?8964 copyright protection532PENANAnMu4YFSbei 維尼
你有沒有搞錯?8964 copyright protection532PENANAfFcH22A8Ha 維尼
536Please respect copyright.PENANAl6ry8UkKaW
8964 copyright protection532PENANAFulYIkIIrt 維尼
一直打同一個人就算了,還打不到臉,最可笑的是艾倫的衣服還會自己修好。8964 copyright protection532PENANAYQpXcHIRLI 維尼
536Please respect copyright.PENANAR3GQUpPCLe
8964 copyright protection532PENANA2qHsrbPFfR 維尼
我看這個巨人王阿諾斯真的還是回家種田好了,一點敵人的感覺都沒有,戰鬥感有,但刺激感?536Please respect copyright.PENANASLt1xeRRcU
536Please respect copyright.PENANAMRgbM0yba7
8964 copyright protection532PENANAVDBnYZWAiG 維尼
可以很明白的跟你說,完全沒有。8964 copyright protection532PENANAlYUGpPLtv8 維尼
536Please respect copyright.PENANAZXapEDs4lN
8964 copyright protection532PENANAAehrE69Y6p 維尼
「我能看到的就是主角開掛般一階幹二階。」8964 copyright protection532PENANAAZTzou0Wz5 維尼
天啊,我發自內心的想讓主角受一點傷,留一點點血吧……8964 copyright protection532PENANAIxrkxxJ7fW 維尼
536Please respect copyright.PENANAQkJiB6cQ4H
8964 copyright protection532PENANAVAR4kNzIP0 維尼
一萬六千字全都給我開掛,還全都給我打同一個種田仔,完全就是在跟我開玩笑。8964 copyright protection532PENANAV9VGnm1Mot 維尼
536Please respect copyright.PENANAxovaM6EUY9
8964 copyright protection532PENANANfmE0DmDZZ 維尼
在看完第一章結尾後,男主角說要「重新開打」,你他媽還要讓我繼續看這龍傲天VS種田仔。536Please respect copyright.PENANAGaj5yCtbG2
536Please respect copyright.PENANAuCOi727Nmd
8964 copyright protection532PENANA9Nf50T2peT 維尼
說實話,我看不下去,抱歉。8964 copyright protection532PENANAZroMezIWPp 維尼
536Please respect copyright.PENANAxN2teLQWcu
8964 copyright protection532PENANAYCWw05N48J 維尼
好歹你也跑一下劇情,做做樣子也好,讀者才不會看的那麼膩。8964 copyright protection532PENANAQ83Kazuoeg 維尼
看得出來你會切換視角,為什麼不穿插個支線跑來給我們看,至少讓我緩緩龍傲天跟種田仔的戰鬥尷尬氛圍。8964 copyright protection532PENANATFBSagDe1f 維尼
536Please respect copyright.PENANApNWK8rrVsW
8964 copyright protection532PENANAd77qqwALDT 維尼
雖然我噴了那麼多,但該稱讚的我不會審略掉,文筆真的不錯,非常具有畫面感跟史詩般的震撼感,這點是你非常大的優點!8964 copyright protection532PENANABTe0bqv8fh 維尼
536Please respect copyright.PENANAsHr5YSBVyf
8964 copyright protection532PENANAr00qv0DZkH 維尼
要記住,在一則故事中,需要有起承轉合。8964 copyright protection532PENANAneX79UCfVF 維尼
536Please respect copyright.PENANA30DOq1Y4wu
8964 copyright protection532PENANASflFN5QgLs 維尼
序章就是一路碾,實在看不出何來起承轉合,你這是叫起飛。8964 copyright protection532PENANAWBvBF1K9Y2 維尼
536Please respect copyright.PENANARe4pWovz3U
8964 copyright protection532PENANAx5fQJkCReB 維尼
明白我的意思嗎?8964 copyright protection532PENANApwK6XCBWcl 維尼
536Please respect copyright.PENANAUTr53ygTky
8964 copyright protection532PENANAh1VE8JzeGB 維尼
評語心得:536Please respect copyright.PENANA4cJBYlzujJ
536Please respect copyright.PENANAXTEjF7cHeM
8964 copyright protection532PENANAfI4ZLLQ7bE 維尼
1. 故事設定的還算不錯,但總體有點過於中二與自我,8964 copyright protection532PENANAQPETWrbEhR 維尼
536Please respect copyright.PENANAXhC9srCbXX
8964 copyright protection532PENANAURfMJTF36G 維尼
2. 簡介打得很棒,有明確吻合主題內容。8964 copyright protection532PENANAwrWY1sdhNx 維尼
536Please respect copyright.PENANAWvtKEXJvLe
8964 copyright protection532PENANAD7gBGcNzNv 維尼
3. 我每一篇都要講一下序章的用途,實在是有一點懶,序章主要是用簡短的文字去概要整體故事跟世界觀,又或者是作者想在這部作品裡表達的深層涵義。8964 copyright protection532PENANATzgW7LrOtn 維尼
536Please respect copyright.PENANAwb57bKwodw
8964 copyright protection532PENANAmAUF9aXzH8 維尼
4. 節奏拿捏的太長,一直欺負人家種田的,艾倫還是不是人?能不能節奏快點?8964 copyright protection532PENANAzXfXTUDmGV 維尼
536Please respect copyright.PENANAHXfDmwyekp
8964 copyright protection532PENANAoG1gRXpUyB 維尼
5.龍傲天作品沒有不好,也是有許多非常優秀的作品,但我個人不是那麼喜歡龍傲天而已。8964 copyright protection532PENANArHoD1UxqmU 維尼
536Please respect copyright.PENANAjgYpcmvvhB
8964 copyright protection532PENANAs5woDx7eVt 維尼
總分:50536Please respect copyright.PENANAJgvnsQDSgN
536Please respect copyright.PENANARylxcA7IPh
8964 copyright protection532PENANA1j0YmZLvuJ 維尼
如果作者能把打種田仔的節奏拉快,且不要拳拳到拳的尷尬感的話,相信我。8964 copyright protection532PENANA2RHzaKJPPc 維尼
你的作品會更加的優秀!8964 copyright protection532PENANAU6am1WkdEx 維尼
因為你本身就具有寫出壯闊史詩感的流暢文筆,如果上述的缺點加以補正,我相信這部作品就可以稱得上是佳作了。 8964 copyright protection532PENANAxmxgtEtKZx 維尼
536Please respect copyright.PENANAQQWcTpWmvR
8964 copyright protection532PENANA55hO6a5xI6 維尼
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