「你還可以嗎？」703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb5VK2EEsd8
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbX3z5Z55s
「無法不可以。」703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbGB0GkUBk
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPKZw6YTOA8
「如需幫忙，來找我吧。」703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1aZDIerat3
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEPVx9cMjY
「謝謝你。」703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwhaRyEq0qv
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPh22Ndnu5
我對隸屬同組的小妹報以虛弱苦笑。與她向來關係不錯，概略知道彼此家庭狀況——同是經濟支柱，一屋老嫩。聽到她主動提出幫忙，我除了感激，更多的是恥感。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQLMnqooUK
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZK3vKcF32B
唉！多講無謂，反正既成事實。倒不如動腦筋思考如何向妻子說明狀況。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwhe4DnG1q
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTnztTIAaCa
疫情關係，全球經濟不景氣。我和妻子預料這段艱難時期將會維持好一段日子，早已節衣縮食，積穀防饑。但我們慢慢沒有想到老闆會有此一著：工作日數減半意味薪金減半。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡysYANnouvI
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJIdYpx6BTW
供樓開支無法削減，父母醫療開支不能削，孩子教育開支不能減。唯一可以削減的只有我們夫妻倆的花費……703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrQoMpQMFb
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtNGR2jo37
飯後，兩老早睡，兒女溫習，妻子洗碗。我怯怯到廚房去。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9woeyPynr
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhkkYFysITF
「老婆……」703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgWBeCksvP
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOAPFeoakKr
「有困難？金錢？」703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Trcl4Z59V
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8vz84uhIN
妻子搶佔發言先機，內心不安的我更覺虛怯。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWXpqqRY4WL
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFBSa0q0MR
「是。明天開始，只需星期二、四上班。」703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKTNHlp9Ta
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQF4nhCOCvZ
「嗯。」703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡesOTnRdo10
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwIyJFrKT5
妻子沒再多話，專心洗碗。她的冷靜淡然在我意料之外，卻又在情理當中。無力改變現實，也就只得接受和硬撐，呼天搶地無補於事。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3WFAIfrVe
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8X2ETWHq2
我回睡房躺在床上發愣。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiYzh7gP9OZ
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7S081EClVR
無能。無力。無奈。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Uio4641HA
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPNwDXqStjI
千思萬緒化作團團亂線。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡartOxpJhSg
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbiSgc7G0by
剪不斷，理還亂。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi9AOWpA0NV
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTakgPvLiHN
勿剪，別理。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlg9lXZofKo
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKe7i2vhzm
待時日將其化解。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Rax9m5Tdd
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaK4ztF7XbS
莫操心。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb9arU8br6y
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPVEjbmBDg
莫操心？703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxFoI2ePahu
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH8aTSWeLXI
如何莫操心？703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdc32FXK9R
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5fHEkEFhQY
我知道困境必定會過去，但我必須硬撐直到那天到來。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiIoPZLqjZk
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkUW9fPaNM7
撐多久？如何撐？703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPEFOtL2sv
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7V2uDFN0Q
不知道……703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGxR1vZiab
日出。星期二。上班員工人數銳減，辦公室冷清不少。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLxuRCmS3q
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYj6wGJQDoR
有人若無其事，有人變得寡言，有人大吐苦水。不論個人感受如何，公司繼續營運，世界繼續運轉。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsla0kIwFYs
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIadg61XbS8
啟動電腦。電腦桌面背景是站在浮冰的北極熊。毛色暗啞，骨瘦如柴，神色虛弱。想必多日找不到食物，飢腸轆轆。絕望？誰管你的！天地蒼茫，白皚皚一片。無論北極熊是否存在，北極仍是北極，我仍在地球另端為家庭財政傷透腦筋。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQ4o91SLSM
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRGyVIgSGTE
午餐。翻熱食物。是昨夜飯餸，白飯菜心排骨。白飯黏糯，菜心苦黃，排骨柴乾。想要一支豉油。下班後去買吧！不了，豉油不是必需品，不該浪費金錢買奢侈品。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdAXWfxF5I
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU0yPSa4HEO
下班時間，加班。加班同事還不少。沒法子。減少工作日數不代表減少工作量，也不代表工作進度可以放慢。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTlKrJdlnKP
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvjlNCDm2yA
每次想及時間、日子，位於電腦屏幕右下方的時鐘就會顯得格外礙眼：它在提醒我妻子的飯菜變涼了、孩子掛念我的心情變淡了、父母與我相處的時間變短了；它在催促我加快手腳完成當前項目，接下來的工作將以排山倒海之勢襲來；它在教導我人生大道理，一寸光陰一吋金，吋金難買寸光陰，更何況加班沒有加班費……703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGxU4bTdQe
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo12yYdXC3T
關機，正式下班。心情太壞，說服不了自己留下來。回首，同事們仍在埋頭苦幹。理解，但無法奉陪到底。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2cpQfLkmm
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXimFyvsX3
大街上，人影疏落，商店無燈。車站無人，想必有一班次剛剛離站。等。車頭燈或白或黃，在黑夜暗色環境當中尤其刺眼眩目。節慶煙花，演唱會螢光棒，無燈飯廳裡的金魚缸，床頭小燈，被窩裡的手提電話屏幕……腦袋失控，只管想著一堆毫無意義、不著邊際的雜亂畫面。累？是吧。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡihaeiOwGVo
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdGOatHX3NU
我笑。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5FEFWlv4s
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJvXzojZ3a
在巴士入站之際決定轉身離開。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDgdTioiiM
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG93KZGP3xr
忽爾不想回家。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOknPo0NHM
「飯餸在雪櫃。你自行翻熱吧。」703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5fwzKG5Ua
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDkwZdpJ2MU
「好的。」703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7TVGBEUwo
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlBp0xoi1f
我敷衍回應妻子幾句後也就洗澡去。熱水沖去臉上油塵，皮膚霎時變得乾淨而乾燥，微癢微痕。或許每個人都是因為這些不著眼的小耗損而老去。無可避免。無可奈何。是否只得順從？是否只得接受？不順從又如何？不接受又如何？703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUNuQrQiDk
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaX3a2k6089
只會苦了自己。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjMroVbWJum
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJA5W4TKAz
努力改變過，極力掙扎過，然後一切依舊——世界依舊不似預期。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYbfh9EBTz
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgnpKMwuAH
通體蝕骨的無能無力無奈。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFP6pX5IjtB
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg1dbTlxlcQ
浴後，睡床上。妻子望著天花發愣。天花燈沒有亮著，光源自窗外滲入，剛巧側照伏在天花的小蟲，以誇張得滑稽的比例拉長小蟲影子，如怪物，如鬼魅。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8i9WGqDCo
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOZ3CR3rou8
「你的同事有沒有跟老闆反映近來遇上的問題？」703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjY2cvv6rT
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCO0jbu1ORf
「沒有。大家都在座位上邊罵邊工作。」703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPSPVCxOMMJ
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhWQjFnR89
妻子乾笑一聲，側身面窗睡去。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfVCFBBIWJ
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCiy1vkadmB
我實在笑不出口，呆望天花數蟲子。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSYxfUEokL7
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6MQKRx0ms
一、二、三、四、五……703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIc5R5EHlu9
註：703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0uETJfUpPI
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVlXC6kLh1
***題目其中一句問「不知道大家有沒有因為這場疫情失去了甚麼呢？」703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8gOtVAMvD3
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDUARaUGbI
我認為大家除了關於物質上（例如金錢、生活質素）、生理上（例如生命、健康）及心理上（安全感、與親友相聚的快樂）的失去，還有自我認同（例如對掌握自身未來的自信、對於自身的道德批判）的失去。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡitlpbkEuYD
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOt06RjnhX
未必關乎大是大非，每次小小的自私自利或是小小的屈辱或是小小的啞忍退讓，足以大大貶低自我形象。這是否疫情過去就可以彌補的傷害？誰知道。703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUVAfVCg21j
703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyrxBVI56d4
***此篇會另外收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》703Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNjdZ82y6b
