「你還可以嗎？」681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3F79hmrnD9
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlND6c39dvN
「無法不可以。」681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPFXLtyhcDu
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAK3nuF1qjQ
「如需幫忙，來找我吧。」681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9HiyRw99T
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFmorY58B3u
「謝謝你。」681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17ddfZltie
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyySEQY53iI
我對隸屬同組的小妹報以虛弱苦笑。與她向來關係不錯，概略知道彼此家庭狀況——同是經濟支柱，一屋老嫩。聽到她主動提出幫忙，我除了感激，更多的是恥感。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbh3j5Jb08v
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZtFviS5lSL
唉！多講無謂，反正既成事實。倒不如動腦筋思考如何向妻子說明狀況。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡayNdlWJChy
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6egSy7MBa
疫情關係，全球經濟不景氣。我和妻子預料這段艱難時期將會維持好一段日子，早已節衣縮食，積穀防饑。但我們慢慢沒有想到老闆會有此一著：工作日數減半意味薪金減半。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD3MCXkElyO
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxuH9YNXZO
供樓開支無法削減，父母醫療開支不能削，孩子教育開支不能減。唯一可以削減的只有我們夫妻倆的花費……681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1gdbEKTarU
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIXixQnPuc
飯後，兩老早睡，兒女溫習，妻子洗碗。我怯怯到廚房去。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjoqAMnKNxM
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59OHQQ69x6
「老婆……」681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOX8wOPJK6J
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6KFnDbr0M
「有困難？金錢？」681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXovSMhxjQ
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMTtAiqDawa
妻子搶佔發言先機，內心不安的我更覺虛怯。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXm9c3xS4FR
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXLnt8uxip4
「是。明天開始，只需星期二、四上班。」681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp0xKhQk1ZI
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMQDCL8GQt
「嗯。」681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg5YwdD2xcg
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZtwCyX77B
妻子沒再多話，專心洗碗。她的冷靜淡然在我意料之外，卻又在情理當中。無力改變現實，也就只得接受和硬撐，呼天搶地無補於事。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9PNTLXCoD
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVFwu6VIErW
我回睡房躺在床上發愣。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3779QKHwg8
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKTKZdiztu
無能。無力。無奈。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz41vLxFNDf
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKh7ctl8tDF
千思萬緒化作團團亂線。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtcXbeLhqAQ
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6IBPLOvAwf
剪不斷，理還亂。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgaVbdUtrXV
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHNI6I9v1tM
勿剪，別理。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ86nC9Q0gE2
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKfIBM3APU
待時日將其化解。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpodKoq133H
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0mHg000hjP
莫操心。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ70U69qVhd
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaoQNSUk7e3
莫操心？681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HEVcvfuVj
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqqlM4Yf36
如何莫操心？681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC12mbbqtuA
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEM5RbXfsVF
我知道困境必定會過去，但我必須硬撐直到那天到來。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAs7ymgJquq
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtCDeGl4ma
撐多久？如何撐？681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQ5RhHnTSJ
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fDywHwhHS
不知道……681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQFp7nrWqIC
日出。星期二。上班員工人數銳減，辦公室冷清不少。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb1skK72mEm
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64Mwe6Vy4K
有人若無其事，有人變得寡言，有人大吐苦水。不論個人感受如何，公司繼續營運，世界繼續運轉。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAiVp7IgLAh
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9IlUgcOtPo
啟動電腦。電腦桌面背景是站在浮冰的北極熊。毛色暗啞，骨瘦如柴，神色虛弱。想必多日找不到食物，飢腸轆轆。絕望？誰管你的！天地蒼茫，白皚皚一片。無論北極熊是否存在，北極仍是北極，我仍在地球另端為家庭財政傷透腦筋。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGnLBLNvOP
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcEOML7Rtz1
午餐。翻熱食物。是昨夜飯餸，白飯菜心排骨。白飯黏糯，菜心苦黃，排骨柴乾。想要一支豉油。下班後去買吧！不了，豉油不是必需品，不該浪費金錢買奢侈品。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkElIHIsrYK
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgS8IoVLihK
下班時間，加班。加班同事還不少。沒法子。減少工作日數不代表減少工作量，也不代表工作進度可以放慢。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlU3RpKp3Vs
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXM5p67FyR
每次想及時間、日子，位於電腦屏幕右下方的時鐘就會顯得格外礙眼：它在提醒我妻子的飯菜變涼了、孩子掛念我的心情變淡了、父母與我相處的時間變短了；它在催促我加快手腳完成當前項目，接下來的工作將以排山倒海之勢襲來；它在教導我人生大道理，一寸光陰一吋金，吋金難買寸光陰，更何況加班沒有加班費……681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttXVR4WPNH
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95DZ0Smq7V
關機，正式下班。心情太壞，說服不了自己留下來。回首，同事們仍在埋頭苦幹。理解，但無法奉陪到底。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pUln93IOG
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs0T0Fm85jC
大街上，人影疏落，商店無燈。車站無人，想必有一班次剛剛離站。等。車頭燈或白或黃，在黑夜暗色環境當中尤其刺眼眩目。節慶煙花，演唱會螢光棒，無燈飯廳裡的金魚缸，床頭小燈，被窩裡的手提電話屏幕……腦袋失控，只管想著一堆毫無意義、不著邊際的雜亂畫面。累？是吧。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60L3ELkZPk
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3m0HzGARh
我笑。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBoE9128mM
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIDOPSBX2vt
在巴士入站之際決定轉身離開。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡldjqZhitHQ
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQMDyDyAhS
忽爾不想回家。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0l95RnyGs
「飯餸在雪櫃。你自行翻熱吧。」681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPGYDk8FSW
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVFCnVsBJn
「好的。」681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe8g76vopw0
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hVj8cvluZ
我敷衍回應妻子幾句後也就洗澡去。熱水沖去臉上油塵，皮膚霎時變得乾淨而乾燥，微癢微痕。或許每個人都是因為這些不著眼的小耗損而老去。無可避免。無可奈何。是否只得順從？是否只得接受？不順從又如何？不接受又如何？681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2XpIkflWlq
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyAfXXOND7j
只會苦了自己。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6EX0Oo1CrC
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQgXUqbWCle
努力改變過，極力掙扎過，然後一切依舊——世界依舊不似預期。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvpxkIcUNqP
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNCpSoeu8tE
通體蝕骨的無能無力無奈。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMO55lhUd5
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhceVtYJGM
浴後，睡床上。妻子望著天花發愣。天花燈沒有亮著，光源自窗外滲入，剛巧側照伏在天花的小蟲，以誇張得滑稽的比例拉長小蟲影子，如怪物，如鬼魅。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3YzQLsUmo
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0apnfxLUC
「你的同事有沒有跟老闆反映近來遇上的問題？」681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUNqNBk35s
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLoRk7pKJ6R
「沒有。大家都在座位上邊罵邊工作。」681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTH6gCVIeoN
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwN54A2VDgZ
妻子乾笑一聲，側身面窗睡去。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNUdAUmmlFx
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡve5DtIGt31
我實在笑不出口，呆望天花數蟲子。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1eT5K48jNH
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx9Mr35lRJP
一、二、三、四、五……681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xKQ9y4Z2l
註：681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwaO8coY8E
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO8KQOUvlQL
***題目其中一句問「不知道大家有沒有因為這場疫情失去了甚麼呢？」681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUO9SCTMmob
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvn2ZAM7CV
我認為大家除了關於物質上（例如金錢、生活質素）、生理上（例如生命、健康）及心理上（安全感、與親友相聚的快樂）的失去，還有自我認同（例如對掌握自身未來的自信、對於自身的道德批判）的失去。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZEhYDut07
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDoNwGzxbpB
未必關乎大是大非，每次小小的自私自利或是小小的屈辱或是小小的啞忍退讓，足以大大貶低自我形象。這是否疫情過去就可以彌補的傷害？誰知道。681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Ek0akaE59
681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHnRfIPPEsm
***此篇會另外收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》681Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcI8ikfbMh6
