「你還可以嗎?」681Please respect copyright.PENANA3F79hmrnD9
681Please respect copyright.PENANAlND6c39dvN
「無法不可以。」681Please respect copyright.PENANAPFXLtyhcDu
681Please respect copyright.PENANAAK3nuF1qjQ
「如需幫忙,來找我吧。」681Please respect copyright.PENANAr9HiyRw99T
681Please respect copyright.PENANAFmorY58B3u
「謝謝你。」681Please respect copyright.PENANA17ddfZltie
681Please respect copyright.PENANAyySEQY53iI
我對隸屬同組的小妹報以虛弱苦笑。與她向來關係不錯,概略知道彼此家庭狀況——同是經濟支柱,一屋老嫩。聽到她主動提出幫忙,我除了感激,更多的是恥感。681Please respect copyright.PENANAbh3j5Jb08v
681Please respect copyright.PENANAZtFviS5lSL
唉!多講無謂,反正既成事實。倒不如動腦筋思考如何向妻子說明狀況。681Please respect copyright.PENANAayNdlWJChy
681Please respect copyright.PENANAA6egSy7MBa
疫情關係,全球經濟不景氣。我和妻子預料這段艱難時期將會維持好一段日子,早已節衣縮食,積穀防饑。但我們慢慢沒有想到老闆會有此一著:工作日數減半意味薪金減半。681Please respect copyright.PENANAD3MCXkElyO
681Please respect copyright.PENANASxuH9YNXZO
供樓開支無法削減,父母醫療開支不能削,孩子教育開支不能減。唯一可以削減的只有我們夫妻倆的花費……681Please respect copyright.PENANA1gdbEKTarU
681Please respect copyright.PENANATIXixQnPuc
飯後,兩老早睡,兒女溫習,妻子洗碗。我怯怯到廚房去。681Please respect copyright.PENANAjoqAMnKNxM
681Please respect copyright.PENANA59OHQQ69x6
「老婆……」681Please respect copyright.PENANAOX8wOPJK6J
681Please respect copyright.PENANAj6KFnDbr0M
「有困難?金錢?」681Please respect copyright.PENANADXovSMhxjQ
681Please respect copyright.PENANAMTtAiqDawa
妻子搶佔發言先機,內心不安的我更覺虛怯。681Please respect copyright.PENANAXm9c3xS4FR
681Please respect copyright.PENANAXLnt8uxip4
「是。明天開始,只需星期二、四上班。」681Please respect copyright.PENANAp0xKhQk1ZI
681Please respect copyright.PENANAwMQDCL8GQt
「嗯。」681Please respect copyright.PENANAg5YwdD2xcg
681Please respect copyright.PENANAiZtwCyX77B
妻子沒再多話,專心洗碗。她的冷靜淡然在我意料之外,卻又在情理當中。無力改變現實,也就只得接受和硬撐,呼天搶地無補於事。681Please respect copyright.PENANAL9PNTLXCoD
681Please respect copyright.PENANAVFwu6VIErW
我回睡房躺在床上發愣。681Please respect copyright.PENANA3779QKHwg8
681Please respect copyright.PENANADKTKZdiztu
無能。無力。無奈。681Please respect copyright.PENANAz41vLxFNDf
681Please respect copyright.PENANAKh7ctl8tDF
千思萬緒化作團團亂線。681Please respect copyright.PENANAtcXbeLhqAQ
681Please respect copyright.PENANA6IBPLOvAwf
剪不斷,理還亂。681Please respect copyright.PENANAgaVbdUtrXV
681Please respect copyright.PENANAHNI6I9v1tM
勿剪,別理。681Please respect copyright.PENANA86nC9Q0gE2
681Please respect copyright.PENANApKfIBM3APU
待時日將其化解。681Please respect copyright.PENANApodKoq133H
681Please respect copyright.PENANA0mHg000hjP
莫操心。681Please respect copyright.PENANAQ70U69qVhd
681Please respect copyright.PENANAaoQNSUk7e3
莫操心?681Please respect copyright.PENANA2HEVcvfuVj
681Please respect copyright.PENANAXqqlM4Yf36
如何莫操心?681Please respect copyright.PENANAC12mbbqtuA
681Please respect copyright.PENANAEM5RbXfsVF
我知道困境必定會過去,但我必須硬撐直到那天到來。681Please respect copyright.PENANAAs7ymgJquq
681Please respect copyright.PENANAQtCDeGl4ma
撐多久?如何撐?681Please respect copyright.PENANAgQ5RhHnTSJ
681Please respect copyright.PENANA9fDywHwhHS
不知道……681Please respect copyright.PENANAQFp7nrWqIC
日出。星期二。上班員工人數銳減,辦公室冷清不少。681Please respect copyright.PENANAb1skK72mEm
681Please respect copyright.PENANA64Mwe6Vy4K
有人若無其事,有人變得寡言,有人大吐苦水。不論個人感受如何,公司繼續營運,世界繼續運轉。681Please respect copyright.PENANAAiVp7IgLAh
681Please respect copyright.PENANA9IlUgcOtPo
啟動電腦。電腦桌面背景是站在浮冰的北極熊。毛色暗啞,骨瘦如柴,神色虛弱。想必多日找不到食物,飢腸轆轆。絕望?誰管你的!天地蒼茫,白皚皚一片。無論北極熊是否存在,北極仍是北極,我仍在地球另端為家庭財政傷透腦筋。681Please respect copyright.PENANArGnLBLNvOP
681Please respect copyright.PENANAcEOML7Rtz1
午餐。翻熱食物。是昨夜飯餸,白飯菜心排骨。白飯黏糯,菜心苦黃,排骨柴乾。想要一支豉油。下班後去買吧!不了,豉油不是必需品,不該浪費金錢買奢侈品。681Please respect copyright.PENANAkElIHIsrYK
681Please respect copyright.PENANAgS8IoVLihK
下班時間,加班。加班同事還不少。沒法子。減少工作日數不代表減少工作量,也不代表工作進度可以放慢。681Please respect copyright.PENANAlU3RpKp3Vs
681Please respect copyright.PENANAxXM5p67FyR
每次想及時間、日子,位於電腦屏幕右下方的時鐘就會顯得格外礙眼:它在提醒我妻子的飯菜變涼了、孩子掛念我的心情變淡了、父母與我相處的時間變短了;它在催促我加快手腳完成當前項目,接下來的工作將以排山倒海之勢襲來;它在教導我人生大道理,一寸光陰一吋金,吋金難買寸光陰,更何況加班沒有加班費……681Please respect copyright.PENANAttXVR4WPNH
681Please respect copyright.PENANA95DZ0Smq7V
關機,正式下班。心情太壞,說服不了自己留下來。回首,同事們仍在埋頭苦幹。理解,但無法奉陪到底。681Please respect copyright.PENANA8pUln93IOG
681Please respect copyright.PENANAs0T0Fm85jC
大街上,人影疏落,商店無燈。車站無人,想必有一班次剛剛離站。等。車頭燈或白或黃,在黑夜暗色環境當中尤其刺眼眩目。節慶煙花,演唱會螢光棒,無燈飯廳裡的金魚缸,床頭小燈,被窩裡的手提電話屏幕……腦袋失控,只管想著一堆毫無意義、不著邊際的雜亂畫面。累?是吧。681Please respect copyright.PENANA60L3ELkZPk
681Please respect copyright.PENANAu3m0HzGARh
我笑。681Please respect copyright.PENANAyBoE9128mM
681Please respect copyright.PENANAIDOPSBX2vt
在巴士入站之際決定轉身離開。681Please respect copyright.PENANAldjqZhitHQ
681Please respect copyright.PENANAQQMDyDyAhS
忽爾不想回家。681Please respect copyright.PENANAN0l95RnyGs
「飯餸在雪櫃。你自行翻熱吧。」681Please respect copyright.PENANAwPGYDk8FSW
681Please respect copyright.PENANAXVFCnVsBJn
「好的。」681Please respect copyright.PENANAe8g76vopw0
681Please respect copyright.PENANA7hVj8cvluZ
我敷衍回應妻子幾句後也就洗澡去。熱水沖去臉上油塵,皮膚霎時變得乾淨而乾燥,微癢微痕。或許每個人都是因為這些不著眼的小耗損而老去。無可避免。無可奈何。是否只得順從?是否只得接受?不順從又如何?不接受又如何?681Please respect copyright.PENANA2XpIkflWlq
681Please respect copyright.PENANAyAfXXOND7j
只會苦了自己。681Please respect copyright.PENANA6EX0Oo1CrC
681Please respect copyright.PENANAQgXUqbWCle
努力改變過,極力掙扎過,然後一切依舊——世界依舊不似預期。681Please respect copyright.PENANAvpxkIcUNqP
681Please respect copyright.PENANANCpSoeu8tE
通體蝕骨的無能無力無奈。681Please respect copyright.PENANAPMO55lhUd5
681Please respect copyright.PENANAEhceVtYJGM
浴後,睡床上。妻子望著天花發愣。天花燈沒有亮著,光源自窗外滲入,剛巧側照伏在天花的小蟲,以誇張得滑稽的比例拉長小蟲影子,如怪物,如鬼魅。681Please respect copyright.PENANAE3YzQLsUmo
681Please respect copyright.PENANAo0apnfxLUC
「你的同事有沒有跟老闆反映近來遇上的問題?」681Please respect copyright.PENANAXUNqNBk35s
681Please respect copyright.PENANALoRk7pKJ6R
「沒有。大家都在座位上邊罵邊工作。」681Please respect copyright.PENANATH6gCVIeoN
681Please respect copyright.PENANAwN54A2VDgZ
妻子乾笑一聲,側身面窗睡去。681Please respect copyright.PENANANUdAUmmlFx
681Please respect copyright.PENANAve5DtIGt31
我實在笑不出口,呆望天花數蟲子。681Please respect copyright.PENANA1eT5K48jNH
681Please respect copyright.PENANAx9Mr35lRJP
一、二、三、四、五……681Please respect copyright.PENANA7xKQ9y4Z2l
註:681Please respect copyright.PENANADwaO8coY8E
681Please respect copyright.PENANAO8KQOUvlQL
***題目其中一句問「不知道大家有沒有因為這場疫情失去了甚麼呢?」681Please respect copyright.PENANAUO9SCTMmob
681Please respect copyright.PENANACvn2ZAM7CV
我認為大家除了關於物質上(例如金錢、生活質素)、生理上(例如生命、健康)及心理上(安全感、與親友相聚的快樂)的失去,還有自我認同(例如對掌握自身未來的自信、對於自身的道德批判)的失去。681Please respect copyright.PENANA9ZEhYDut07
681Please respect copyright.PENANADoNwGzxbpB
未必關乎大是大非,每次小小的自私自利或是小小的屈辱或是小小的啞忍退讓,足以大大貶低自我形象。這是否疫情過去就可以彌補的傷害?誰知道。681Please respect copyright.PENANA9Ek0akaE59
681Please respect copyright.PENANAHnRfIPPEsm
***此篇會另外收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》681Please respect copyright.PENANAcI8ikfbMh6