「你還可以嗎？」701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrwxtecYCV0
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn7JEXHOuii
「無法不可以。」701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIDNf17cFM4
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTYB9HuehQ
「如需幫忙，來找我吧。」701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8tJeXybjR
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBK0kr7FiIw
「謝謝你。」701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiRIMrhsyB1
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJijEnzoRe9
我對隸屬同組的小妹報以虛弱苦笑。與她向來關係不錯，概略知道彼此家庭狀況——同是經濟支柱，一屋老嫩。聽到她主動提出幫忙，我除了感激，更多的是恥感。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQNQDIfRb5x
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzXgon5Wec
唉！多講無謂，反正既成事實。倒不如動腦筋思考如何向妻子說明狀況。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZtJIuwP7XN
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3LDeOmPHq
疫情關係，全球經濟不景氣。我和妻子預料這段艱難時期將會維持好一段日子，早已節衣縮食，積穀防饑。但我們慢慢沒有想到老闆會有此一著：工作日數減半意味薪金減半。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf6FdSiWNs5
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9uBY4uTFKp
供樓開支無法削減，父母醫療開支不能削，孩子教育開支不能減。唯一可以削減的只有我們夫妻倆的花費……701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBnYRSk5HS
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI7oh8fHWBc
飯後，兩老早睡，兒女溫習，妻子洗碗。我怯怯到廚房去。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNbdgdP8AG
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZS35xbsQTU
「老婆……」701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoH4Ho0c0Dc
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxA2D8u537
「有困難？金錢？」701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡix7UypNq7k
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5kDcKq2RrD
妻子搶佔發言先機，內心不安的我更覺虛怯。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEV2TLU6Og
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNRTTgiwFRo
「是。明天開始，只需星期二、四上班。」701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42Q6426twg
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqil7AplvhO
「嗯。」701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzkUAsXPvQo
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgPvYG1J5G
妻子沒再多話，專心洗碗。她的冷靜淡然在我意料之外，卻又在情理當中。無力改變現實，也就只得接受和硬撐，呼天搶地無補於事。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4N2oYZrpm
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1SIPIN2In
我回睡房躺在床上發愣。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsSOhKFkGft
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmZIImuc3h
無能。無力。無奈。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnCvcO3prby
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKFcWYn4Gj
千思萬緒化作團團亂線。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVn948Ddej9
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6GMiEzoD9z
剪不斷，理還亂。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYhDflDKLj
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasqwETSiy0
勿剪，別理。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNEaydkV7Y
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmJqna9564
待時日將其化解。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDewEWm9hp0
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6Jiqyn4xs
莫操心。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqpR64wyr6
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtyHFU5eDB
莫操心？701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmS90azESn
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIwGQLwhJW
如何莫操心？701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIydWEpZb8F
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2NAj7VpTf
我知道困境必定會過去，但我必須硬撐直到那天到來。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2W9b7ZAL8
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGALwd8r2Yk
撐多久？如何撐？701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8VozLZzvf
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9yn4r39hc
不知道……701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYmNoOmdYeR
日出。星期二。上班員工人數銳減，辦公室冷清不少。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFn1Jj3Edt5
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsaGycRMVMF
有人若無其事，有人變得寡言，有人大吐苦水。不論個人感受如何，公司繼續營運，世界繼續運轉。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHR458LROm
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4L9xQaiJR
啟動電腦。電腦桌面背景是站在浮冰的北極熊。毛色暗啞，骨瘦如柴，神色虛弱。想必多日找不到食物，飢腸轆轆。絕望？誰管你的！天地蒼茫，白皚皚一片。無論北極熊是否存在，北極仍是北極，我仍在地球另端為家庭財政傷透腦筋。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiKSoIY941h
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKlcSv1w8GW
午餐。翻熱食物。是昨夜飯餸，白飯菜心排骨。白飯黏糯，菜心苦黃，排骨柴乾。想要一支豉油。下班後去買吧！不了，豉油不是必需品，不該浪費金錢買奢侈品。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuJupDWCKmX
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpA1iPdeSw
下班時間，加班。加班同事還不少。沒法子。減少工作日數不代表減少工作量，也不代表工作進度可以放慢。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNXUWZpxehp
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGH5VJKbq3X
每次想及時間、日子，位於電腦屏幕右下方的時鐘就會顯得格外礙眼：它在提醒我妻子的飯菜變涼了、孩子掛念我的心情變淡了、父母與我相處的時間變短了；它在催促我加快手腳完成當前項目，接下來的工作將以排山倒海之勢襲來；它在教導我人生大道理，一寸光陰一吋金，吋金難買寸光陰，更何況加班沒有加班費……701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkPnaOJwbo
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0B1taZZ95j
關機，正式下班。心情太壞，說服不了自己留下來。回首，同事們仍在埋頭苦幹。理解，但無法奉陪到底。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZoj1recAB3
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4d5JA8L9w0
大街上，人影疏落，商店無燈。車站無人，想必有一班次剛剛離站。等。車頭燈或白或黃，在黑夜暗色環境當中尤其刺眼眩目。節慶煙花，演唱會螢光棒，無燈飯廳裡的金魚缸，床頭小燈，被窩裡的手提電話屏幕……腦袋失控，只管想著一堆毫無意義、不著邊際的雜亂畫面。累？是吧。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dSyVCOGmY
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qzHwSyVw3
我笑。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ25UcjIS29a
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTr9cptUjdi
在巴士入站之際決定轉身離開。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3r8pEOkwb
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KZ6mNcvaH
忽爾不想回家。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1p7H8faNN
「飯餸在雪櫃。你自行翻熱吧。」701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNWPub6Yiy5
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXA0nUvmt3G
「好的。」701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5KK3l1mJas
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdguxf06ycA
我敷衍回應妻子幾句後也就洗澡去。熱水沖去臉上油塵，皮膚霎時變得乾淨而乾燥，微癢微痕。或許每個人都是因為這些不著眼的小耗損而老去。無可避免。無可奈何。是否只得順從？是否只得接受？不順從又如何？不接受又如何？701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzCsjsnNQwq
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1rgUoCfks
只會苦了自己。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqcsfkEXfR2
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tUz51Qi9W
努力改變過，極力掙扎過，然後一切依舊——世界依舊不似預期。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHhdNp4jbF
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDxLk2vlNc
通體蝕骨的無能無力無奈。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUfcDlrh57m
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCoU1XqMZr
浴後，睡床上。妻子望著天花發愣。天花燈沒有亮著，光源自窗外滲入，剛巧側照伏在天花的小蟲，以誇張得滑稽的比例拉長小蟲影子，如怪物，如鬼魅。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUcKeUTltX1
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDMFLlitP4Z
「你的同事有沒有跟老闆反映近來遇上的問題？」701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS1fFZvl8uc
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5yPZAs8B5
「沒有。大家都在座位上邊罵邊工作。」701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSw6bVnq4ZE
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfaMLaOrqn
妻子乾笑一聲，側身面窗睡去。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm4t5oVTgiu
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyuzdYWEnfk
我實在笑不出口，呆望天花數蟲子。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJpcKSVeHV
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdY6m8Y7jY5
一、二、三、四、五……701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFn7GSwOgsQ
註：701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfNpiSUV03
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡayZXJXh3eP
***題目其中一句問「不知道大家有沒有因為這場疫情失去了甚麼呢？」701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03BM3oL9Qv
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3sp2ohRgXy
我認為大家除了關於物質上（例如金錢、生活質素）、生理上（例如生命、健康）及心理上（安全感、與親友相聚的快樂）的失去，還有自我認同（例如對掌握自身未來的自信、對於自身的道德批判）的失去。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKoM90P2L7
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCfHY0Qve8
未必關乎大是大非，每次小小的自私自利或是小小的屈辱或是小小的啞忍退讓，足以大大貶低自我形象。這是否疫情過去就可以彌補的傷害？誰知道。701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcEMYKPiDz5
701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkw0Q6CKrVw
***此篇會另外收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》701Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPEo9FA5T1
