「你還可以嗎？」717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4VlvQIhyC
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9z2nLBVM3V
「無法不可以。」717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0LufgGzM9
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Ule86zCUP
「如需幫忙，來找我吧。」717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3DQbuva9F
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVv1bnGQwva
「謝謝你。」717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6HkIr3dpa
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8zEfhoDWy9
我對隸屬同組的小妹報以虛弱苦笑。與她向來關係不錯，概略知道彼此家庭狀況——同是經濟支柱，一屋老嫩。聽到她主動提出幫忙，我除了感激，更多的是恥感。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1LpUGUZmwm
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKFBQJ086Ki
唉！多講無謂，反正既成事實。倒不如動腦筋思考如何向妻子說明狀況。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpf4nZVw3hR
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDwmvvutku
疫情關係，全球經濟不景氣。我和妻子預料這段艱難時期將會維持好一段日子，早已節衣縮食，積穀防饑。但我們慢慢沒有想到老闆會有此一著：工作日數減半意味薪金減半。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobJbrgfg6Z
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ89knASCFcY
供樓開支無法削減，父母醫療開支不能削，孩子教育開支不能減。唯一可以削減的只有我們夫妻倆的花費……717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88VvAByVRM
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIyuYqciVTd
飯後，兩老早睡，兒女溫習，妻子洗碗。我怯怯到廚房去。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52LcxnyXnN
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmA3Y4Yxq8a
「老婆……」717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluQoaI0KCH
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQhB9SrtP9Z
「有困難？金錢？」717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdyx7NI8CRC
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVK64edfWj
妻子搶佔發言先機，內心不安的我更覺虛怯。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3njJIyCGYe
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Uv0uyULQk
「是。明天開始，只需星期二、四上班。」717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1e5EvajP1
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyijU0uLw4M
「嗯。」717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkhrqxQvOJ
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgNZtjoNemR
妻子沒再多話，專心洗碗。她的冷靜淡然在我意料之外，卻又在情理當中。無力改變現實，也就只得接受和硬撐，呼天搶地無補於事。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nOey91P0c
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡabzx7yUHnY
我回睡房躺在床上發愣。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9Hq9najRh
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4m0rao50qe
無能。無力。無奈。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGVbNabfsTc
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvYHEzAopg
千思萬緒化作團團亂線。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObZh6dfNN9
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhuNMYs7axG
剪不斷，理還亂。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvEWa4nrS6
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwfBFskY7c3
勿剪，別理。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzifaEMpBj3
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNZTAE968k
待時日將其化解。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4okBk9njj
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTz5n7MxuQ
莫操心。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfhcNMrTsR
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVibSBK3A69
莫操心？717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xnGQZXUcq
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLx2tjodXM
如何莫操心？717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCor3TpF5l
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrItwSmkhrQ
我知道困境必定會過去，但我必須硬撐直到那天到來。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq9r3Y4CAoz
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSRWZyd5zA
撐多久？如何撐？717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbcRPFBFEKa
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCaoH1jtDv
不知道……717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKMFmH5lms
日出。星期二。上班員工人數銳減，辦公室冷清不少。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLg88FhRxzk
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRCXHy11gmN
有人若無其事，有人變得寡言，有人大吐苦水。不論個人感受如何，公司繼續營運，世界繼續運轉。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9DHki2iDMp
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnfMisqFsJ
啟動電腦。電腦桌面背景是站在浮冰的北極熊。毛色暗啞，骨瘦如柴，神色虛弱。想必多日找不到食物，飢腸轆轆。絕望？誰管你的！天地蒼茫，白皚皚一片。無論北極熊是否存在，北極仍是北極，我仍在地球另端為家庭財政傷透腦筋。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy2HIfCEJx4
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjWsjfnaTI
午餐。翻熱食物。是昨夜飯餸，白飯菜心排骨。白飯黏糯，菜心苦黃，排骨柴乾。想要一支豉油。下班後去買吧！不了，豉油不是必需品，不該浪費金錢買奢侈品。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuy5xDJqPE
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUs96hpld3h
下班時間，加班。加班同事還不少。沒法子。減少工作日數不代表減少工作量，也不代表工作進度可以放慢。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGw47rHgMO
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSMeJ0zyVA
每次想及時間、日子，位於電腦屏幕右下方的時鐘就會顯得格外礙眼：它在提醒我妻子的飯菜變涼了、孩子掛念我的心情變淡了、父母與我相處的時間變短了；它在催促我加快手腳完成當前項目，接下來的工作將以排山倒海之勢襲來；它在教導我人生大道理，一寸光陰一吋金，吋金難買寸光陰，更何況加班沒有加班費……717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnR3sqpV4TJ
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtameI7Hmy0
關機，正式下班。心情太壞，說服不了自己留下來。回首，同事們仍在埋頭苦幹。理解，但無法奉陪到底。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZV8Ogqm63
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPP4IBBAlMZ
大街上，人影疏落，商店無燈。車站無人，想必有一班次剛剛離站。等。車頭燈或白或黃，在黑夜暗色環境當中尤其刺眼眩目。節慶煙花，演唱會螢光棒，無燈飯廳裡的金魚缸，床頭小燈，被窩裡的手提電話屏幕……腦袋失控，只管想著一堆毫無意義、不著邊際的雜亂畫面。累？是吧。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkSM5DfSjk
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcP45AVYej
我笑。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzW1nZ0Dn5
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJBFuDdfqbE
在巴士入站之際決定轉身離開。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4IQukAS7E8
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoKYczAPo8p
忽爾不想回家。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5PxKIvwnJ
「飯餸在雪櫃。你自行翻熱吧。」717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJoDpOYN7h
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3bTdJgBNX
「好的。」717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXLFJbtrJPX
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8b3gs6eXpe
我敷衍回應妻子幾句後也就洗澡去。熱水沖去臉上油塵，皮膚霎時變得乾淨而乾燥，微癢微痕。或許每個人都是因為這些不著眼的小耗損而老去。無可避免。無可奈何。是否只得順從？是否只得接受？不順從又如何？不接受又如何？717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQl1q3aYah
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3sZicb1mv2
只會苦了自己。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpeETO4Jwh3
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnFwamcZJlF
努力改變過，極力掙扎過，然後一切依舊——世界依舊不似預期。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSGMD926ug1
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42cIKcdDjo
通體蝕骨的無能無力無奈。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaeTrCJUa4H
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2pGxZR3ZBg
浴後，睡床上。妻子望著天花發愣。天花燈沒有亮著，光源自窗外滲入，剛巧側照伏在天花的小蟲，以誇張得滑稽的比例拉長小蟲影子，如怪物，如鬼魅。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡku55b8ZRHt
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknxcjq6Mpn
「你的同事有沒有跟老闆反映近來遇上的問題？」717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywTae3DITZ
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPlC5NIwyL4
「沒有。大家都在座位上邊罵邊工作。」717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkB90kHWiS
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzIq1U0qEet
妻子乾笑一聲，側身面窗睡去。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjqetC3tVs
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5GAqF8frdC
我實在笑不出口，呆望天花數蟲子。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn7H9ZsNuDx
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypxKmeRVhw
一、二、三、四、五……717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ClpwWZH7M
註：717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkcdcC1XOng
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvIi4gF4OVd
***題目其中一句問「不知道大家有沒有因為這場疫情失去了甚麼呢？」717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhG1yw64Nqh
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEPNMCJTh3r
我認為大家除了關於物質上（例如金錢、生活質素）、生理上（例如生命、健康）及心理上（安全感、與親友相聚的快樂）的失去，還有自我認同（例如對掌握自身未來的自信、對於自身的道德批判）的失去。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5O2vunfuk
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvhvYSFc2P
未必關乎大是大非，每次小小的自私自利或是小小的屈辱或是小小的啞忍退讓，足以大大貶低自我形象。這是否疫情過去就可以彌補的傷害？誰知道。717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4nDydseyl
717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9pPE4V8r7w
***此篇會另外收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》717Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDfPOf7wGd
