（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefekkLzF7L
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5FmswBf2B
「啊，我不小心撞到了。」749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQaMsb5Wvo
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxoKbyV7NLz
戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3EdMOU1z0q
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrIAaPRzWl
我滿意點頭。749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddMgp6dIjB
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbQEGECQ71
很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs4GsyKaS9z
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rXnGHaFb8
一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkmTqpbz4aJ
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVF2HymxhGX
「不知貴不貴？」749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmzlXmB1gDB
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmEjBC9jely
「應該還好。」749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBo1n4Mp2Xk
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3c1Zu3VK5
「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡML2C90cK5D
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPiHp7qBBai
「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfwdeI82HF
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYEioS7Jzj
兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkEHp7Wcx3
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi5rmUGmzej
我震驚了。749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ctDliYI4O
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeCWNljVHwz
不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdQAf9JSUh
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgNudEjKCyZ
話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqCuebi2zmj
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJS3cv7TZOo
「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGdXuwNPRy
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCaClpccXYs
喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4LjjeB2Sot
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jJUs0kgKe
What the hell?749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7myPWMiJKP
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3BN1En3V5S
那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdGjnI4xVu
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fESAcwF4c
幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJVXxIIe3r
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTNMyhY6UIz
嘶——749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9wEFlMcZTl
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2daAewvsj8
我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡniBt5uZqG2
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4niq2u7OAl
陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmzJCFe9MEu
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZIthzqHF6
「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLW3u14dA43
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1kVc2EbIPx
正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCBpJHDnqyW
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZjeWNw69mp
矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb7uyCtDWjv
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNmVU03Vmso
「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzp0C0HxGjC
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqLocn3yES
我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrYJt5gle1
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzsJVYDCjv
但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEGzSk4EgW3
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYMl1oLTfED
然而高個子不為所動！749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTwFEHbwrJ
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAx1XmGMJ3b
我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXSjAkL2nI
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1UTBeAro05
高個子依然面不改色！749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡns1owsZfxH
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1Mcm4pOEP
我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg0NAzz8x1c
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1onDY4VbEN
這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtosLQ9cig2
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtEah8rqcNr
這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjccmaoFym2
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDgp07ekDn0
矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcI9YrIKNRB
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpcLDUuhXdo
高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bwAIL6fSa
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgfFEW7WYWt
馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRoef4rSV0
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡep8Xbl97rj
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4maNndmxd3
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSJVaAGsnz
方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8rkxAsKRi
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWNczg2Uhb
這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhM8IJtvzOB
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7FKlCZ2Me
「為什麼要擺那包零食？」749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHcIBH2TKz
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL02ZtQwk3M
「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzvbGrCUM8
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeyqAV4JwaU
「所以不能吃嗎？」749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWvMiDuHD0l
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAAiGzlxKzY
「不能，吃了就沒用了。」749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4bcRE61SyA
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhG1Uhe3KvC
「但我餓了。」749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6Z7jGIRdP
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ75vSWR91OV
「……」749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6jExqcWdF
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQQ2KBsXXS
此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMs9iYzDJl
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxgZWa5IJ90
哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAp9G7saXu
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymRhmLsYoQ
「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI81Lmt8mTQ
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGkxlmX1uBw
「小語……小語……」749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ70VUF2aUuD
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ORbzvEWHr
Gya——749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhqgyjHEKj
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8wWneYiqab
我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhzn7ps0gCX
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJGZ0jfw2J
They are fucking gay!749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNimANxviJ
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44SHrr4Uia
這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2qAmWJTcrG
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzbNzxlLazu
Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5DsiixQMGG
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWqChQVeWa
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6jhgrR1Xe
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPnTne9q9V
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe50gWCy22B
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1eQrOVuSI8
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJintlS0NzN
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwkD1nNG9z9
秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgkRWIyhwLS
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsamTLhj7J
Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1rdMCYZsr
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlEzbGqhrvu
（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM0tcZJaNqi
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
749Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZzpHi5y5mh
