（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）
我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVPgj0PyELo
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「啊，我不小心撞到了。」858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzIbRq0aHlv
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戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwsnvOsMpfx
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我滿意點頭。858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0tOoW5SkfQ
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很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUNZnorYkQ
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一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fvoS2Qphj
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「不知貴不貴？」858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBV7lq93jGf
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「應該還好。」858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVFoy2RRqWk
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「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYiMX1i8NUx
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「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfq6J2Ujhn
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兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadOSpbplcd
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我震驚了。858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlyEyhdnG45
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不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ZI5Z39oTN
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話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrMeuf7YsJH
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「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLA3HlrWzCQ
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喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5XjDlyJQwQ
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What the hell?858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdmrM0hvWr
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那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tR1wXDlym
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幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lXcxlEDyP
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嘶——858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDpvZNjnJp3
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我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV49umQEhTS
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陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3LxiAvYmT
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「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NGvAKFixz
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正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjmwtLUTmj
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矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3OiDlXYUm
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「 嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfCpuNpmnL
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我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8u7LvVnmeh
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但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAU1mWyNRBZ
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然而高個子不為所動！858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡioa6nUX0kd
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我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY4osmkl8ar
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高個子依然面不改色！858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvKLjS1gAC
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我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLdoN4IERu
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這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVnV5RsDeme
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這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCgzOV4zOq
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矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWTwNU8zXXl
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高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwAXmXPFyCV
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馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHJVY2TJM5
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRGLdM72moQ
受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMakDBRUsg
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方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBP4KORcLeO
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這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡInpPfOCLBW
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「為什麼要擺那包零食？」858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQQikCxoIL
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「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8EtdhKCVW
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「所以不能吃嗎？」858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmLDsWjmdWT
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「不能，吃了就沒用了。」858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoleFpzCruQ
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「但我餓了。」858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTaxj3YJUJn
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「……」858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHyKHG7ZGDM
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此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGcyjiLwI68
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哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4DdoKMZNp
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「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm687tkq8jB
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「小語……小語……」858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHfTPGb4So
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Gya——858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtVt1YNMDzz
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我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOIvCLbBXa
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They are fucking gay!858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOLJVFD5wX
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這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhknask4jYT
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Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKVtKAWEbQF
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWUbwtRuND4
五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4q1ldIMLcT
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1PkXcXtwW
浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBGJ3JT0zzN
858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIwqHUmDr8t
「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrJnIUdeWt
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秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJEyn38Nun
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Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXS9vghs0Wb
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（P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼，觀念保守，用詞不政確，請見諒（艸）858Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdgVpzt10Jp
後記：
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動，這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍，恰逢萬聖節，就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動，真的是非常有趣的體驗，為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記，結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格，來寫個憂鬱正經風，讓文友猜不到我是誰，但我想來想去，實在想不到切入點，就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外，抽到我的文友是君羊，寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷，喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看！
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
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