Therapy was growing on me.
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As much as I hated to admit it, it was enjoyable and a great outlet for me. I genuinely looked forward to going and sometimes wished the sessions were longer than an hour and fifteen minutes. They passed so fast once we started talking and I felt a little bummed after every session knowing I'd have to wait till the next.
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Summer made it bearable. She didn't pressure me to talk about anything or make me feel dumb for feeling anxious. I know that was her job but a part of me hoped outside of work she actually cared.
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That was the scary part.
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I didn't know if everything she did and said to me was because it was rehearsed or she felt obligated to say things because of her job. Since, that day I found her crying in her car I was unable to escape thoughts of her or stop caring about her. In every place I find myself, everything became a metaphor. Even the simplest things carried a subtle connection to her.
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I can't escape it. It's an inexplicable feeling.
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Every other thought I had was of her. Her laugh, her voice, her smile. Even that ugly pink mug she drank from every session or her thick rimmed glasses that always slid down her nose. I needed to constantly remind myself I was her client and to keep a level of professionalism for her sake but I couldn't help myself from wanting to be her friend so I could understand her more. She was a mystery to me even with the little things she did tell me, they left me more curious than before.
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It's been about a month and the weather's been more unpleasant than usual with temperatures dropping to 50's. I know it was only November but I had a feeling we'd be seeing snow soon. Frankie and I have a weird relationship. She doesn't know I know she's with West so when we all hang out it gets awkward and she freezes up. I've learned to accept them together and try to avoid them as much as possible so they won't think I'm trying to sabotage anything with my self loathing or depressive comments about my mom.
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Today Frankie and I agreed on meeting at the library to study for our midterms. I found it easier to be around her when she was away from West so I told her I'd come if he wasn't there.
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"I can't believe you didn't go to any halloween parties." She opened her book and searched for the chapter we were on.
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"I don't know, partying isn't my thing anymore I guess." I shrugged flipping through pages.
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"Thats so shocking, you used to never miss a college party even the lame ones." She laughed and I joined in.
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"I guess I've changed."
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We studied for a couple hours before it started getting dark.
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"Do you want to get something to eat?" She asked me after we both packed up.
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"Sure, did you have a place in mind?"
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"What about that burger joint you always used to take me? Is it still open?"
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"Of course, they're open 24/7."
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I grab my key and drove us to the restaurant. Their drive through was always broken so we had to go inside and order. The place was packed today and the line reached the back of the store.
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"Maybe we should've called it in." I chuckled looking at the ridiculously long line. I was ready to leave and head to another local restaurant when I spotted a familiar face sitting in a booth alone. Summer was drinking a soda from one of their foam cups holding her receipt up.
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"Let's just go to McDonald's, it'll be faster." Frankie turned towards the exit but I grabbed her arm before she could touch the door.
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"No it's okay let's wait." I said, trying to keep my eyes on Summer in case she decides to get up.
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"The burgers aren't even that good I wonder why everyone's here tonight." She sighed.
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"What do you want? I'll go order for us."
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"A number 4 no onions no mustard." She chimed. Still the same as I remembered. We both hate onions so we had the same order.
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I walk over to the line waiting patiently for it to move and feel a tap on my shoulder.
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"Hi Thomas. I didn't expect to see you here." She flashed a friendly smile at me. She had a tank top and sweatpants on with a thin grey jacket and sneakers. It looked like she just got out of bed but she somehow still looked perfect even with her hair a mess and mismatched clothing. "Hi Miss Summer, I didn't expect to see you here either. You must've really enjoyed the burger from last time to come again."
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"As much as I hate to admit it, it was probably one of the best burgers I've had." She held herself rubbing her arms with her hands and closed her jacket up further.
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"It doesn't look like you're dressed for the weather, you seem cold."
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"I didn't expect to get out of the car but the drive through is under construction ." She continued rubbing her arms. I took off my jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. She looked at me confused but accepted it.
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"You can keep mine." I returned her friendly smile. She grabbed the grey jacket and put her arms through the sleeves. Something about her in my jacket made me feel jittery like a kid getting to eat his desert before his meal. "You look better in it than me." I said and she let a small laugh out.
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"Thank you, Thomas. I will be sure to return this to you on Tuesday."
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"You should keep it. I have an extra one at home."
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"That's very sweet of you but I would rather not." She flipped back over to her professional voice and I took that as a sign I might be stepping over some boundaries. The cashier called out a number sequence and she scanned over her receipt before going up to grab a paper bag full of food. "What did you get?"
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"Number 7 extra onions extra pickles."
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"Extra onions?" I scrunched my face up in fake disgust and she laughed at me. "Onions are the best part of a good burger." she spoke confidently.
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"They taste horrible and ruin the flavor."
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"Sounds like something a child would say." She rolled her eyes playfully. She seemed to be in a good mood and even made a joke. A loud voice sounded in the restaurant indicating I was next in line to order.
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"I should get going it was nice seeing you."
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"It was nice seeing you too."
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I wanted to walk her out but I remembered I came with Frankie so it wouldn't be the smartest idea. Once I placed our order we sat and waited together.
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"Who was that?"
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"Miss Summer, my therapist from the other night."
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"Oh yeah, I vaguely remember her. You guys seem close."
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"I guess." I shrug.
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"How is therapy going anyway?" She asked concerned.
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"It's going well actually. I'm learning how to handle my emotions a little better."
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"I've noticed you've put on some weight, you look a-lot healthier."
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"I started working out again."
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"Well you look great." She scratched her arm nervously as she spoke. Despite her compliment and the way her eyes scanned my body, I didn't feel flattered by her words like I used to. While I'd normally appreciate hearing that I look great, knowing I needed those words at my lowest, it didn't feel like a genuine compliment this time.
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We finally received our food after a short wait and ate. When we finished we headed towards the car so I could drop her off at home. The crisp air hit my skin like knives and goosebumps rose from my skin. I only had a black T shirt on since I gave my jacket away. A hint of regret showered over me but quickly disappeared when I realized she probably needed it more than me.
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"Tommy you're going to get sick where did you put your jacket?" Frankie linked her arm to mine on the walk to the car and she started rubbing me with her fleece coat. We got into the car after a minute before I could answer her.
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"I gave it to Summer." I released a shaky breath, rubbing my hands together searching for warmth. I turned the heated seats of the car on and started driving.
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"You gave your coat to her?" She had showed her irritation in her voice. I didn't give her a verbal response, I nodded and turned my attention back on the road.
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